Authors: April Smyth
‘Well, we better get started,’ one of witches with a thick German accent says.
Arrow excuses Rose and I insisting that Rose shouldn’t have to use her powers unless necessary since it makes her so uncomfortable and its best that I relax until everything is ready. I probably should want to know what this ‘everything’ is but the more I know the more frightened I will be.
Rose is sighing a lot and looking troubled, a strange sight when it comes to my best friend, until she eventually says, ‘Hey, let’s order a pizza, get a bottle of wine and put on Arrow’s fireplace.’
Arrow is planning to spend the whole night working in the library and Garrett is joining her too so they have sent little Cecilia to stay with their human friends at the other side of the city which means Arrow and I have their apartment to ourselves.
Rose orders a pizza and I am amazed at how true all the things people have said about New York pizza is. It taste incredible. We skip on the wine. After seeing Gabe give it up and thinking about how alcohol had left a big stain in his life made it seem distasteful to relish the stuff that could destroy lives. Plus I was still recovering from the embarrassment from my last meeting with vino. Instead we enjoy the pleasures of delicious pizza, a killer view of New York City, a crackling fire and brilliant company.
Hours pass of non stop laughing as Rose dishes the dirt, in great detail, on her sex life with Channing. It is as juicy and blush-inducing as expected but what is surprising is how much I really enjoy the girly chat with Rose. Back at Oliver’s, spending the days with Rose were ways to kill time until I could see him again. I had never really appreciated what I had which, undeniably, is the story of my life. I find myself confessing my fears to Rose while we tuck into a chocolate cake, ‘I’m scared that once the vampires are gone, this will go too.’
She shoves a mouthful of sponge into her mouth and looks at me with sadness in her eyes, ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean this...’ I gesture at myself and then at her with a chocolate covered spoon, ‘I mean you doing my hair and me groaning as I pretend I hate it. I mean you convincing me to like old movies when I thought I hated them, you making the best of every situation while I make the worst, eating chocolate cake by a fire. I’m gonna miss it and I’m scared we can’t stay friends when we all go back to our own lives.’
As the words tumble out of my mouth I realise the truth in them and I feel warm as I realise that maybe I don’t need to find happiness in being alone. Maybe I can find happiness in being with
all
the people I love instead of just one. Maybe instead of figuring out how not to be miserable on my own I should be working out how to love spending time with my family, with Rose and not just Oliver. I’d focused so much on my relationship with Oliver, before that it had been Gabe, I had forgotten to appreciate the other loves of my life.
Rose frowns then her face relaxes and she smiles at me, ‘Cassie, when I go back to my own life you will very much be a part of it.’
‘Do you mean that? I mean you’ll have Channing and your brother to look after and you’ll need to find a new job...’
Rose starts to laugh, ‘I can’t do all of those things without my best friend.’
I glow to hear that my old life and my new life will somehow meet in the middle to create my life, just how I want it. This is what Oliver wanted for me. He said he wanted me to love myself but the only way I can learn to love myself is by learning to love my life exactly the way it is regardless of its flaws.
‘So are you really sure about this whole idea?’ Rose asks.
Time for another confession, ‘I have to tell you something, Rosie, I didn’t exactly hear what it was that they suggested...’
Rose thrusts the teaspoon in the air emphatically, ‘I knew it! I knew you didn’t know.’
‘Look, Rose, I don’t even want to know! If they can fix it...’
Rose shakes her head, ‘You have no idea how dangerous this is. Haven’t you learned anything from my stories? Magic can kill you and especially what they are planning.’
‘I’ll die either way,’ I say.
‘No, we can keep working on a solution, Cassie, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into and the last thing I want is for you to end up like my brother or like Oliver and I’s parents.’
I shudder and realise the selfishness of my eagerness to welcome in the first idea that walks by. Okay, so I’m still working on this whole learning to love my life idea, I might need to brush up on not taking people for granted but I’ll get better.
‘How can you sit there and not know what they’re going to do to you?’ Rose asks with frustration pursing her lips. It must be serious for Rose to get anxious about it because it takes a lot to make Rose frown; I think she’s scared to get premature wrinkles on her flawless face.
I shrug, ‘Well, it can’t be that bad.’
Rose exhales heavily, ‘My parents died thinking it couldn’t be that bad, Cassie. My brother is in permanent care because of it. He can’t walk or talk or live a normal life because we all thought magic was harmless, that we were untouchable but if this magic is strong enough it could kill you. I know you might think you’re immortal because of your Healer blood but the vampires thought they were immortal too; magic changes things.’
There is nothing to do but sigh. I know she’s right. It’s selfish and stupid of me. It’s like running into a snake pit after running from a lion but my feet are so tired and I’m growing so weary of the lion’s threatening bite snapping at my heels. I would give anything to leave vampires behind in this year. Christmas is a mere couple of weeks away and then this year will be over. I want to start the next one with a fresh, hopeful outlook and not frightened that a vampire will show up at my door and drain me of my blood.
‘I want you to be safe more than anyone but I just think there are better ways to do it,’ she says softly.
I haven’t given much thought into what will occur when the witches rid me of this problem. Will they kill all the vampires or put a powerful forcefield around me so nobody can harm me? So far I’ve tried not to think about anything other than how great my life will be when I don’t have to worry about imminent death and what I’ll do with that freedom.
Like a hero, as always, Oliver calls and saves me from the discomfort of Rose and I’s conversation. I haven’t spoken to him since last night but it feels like days since I’ve had the pleasure of his warm, rough voice washing over me. Keeping him away from my thoughts hasn’t been easy and seeing his name flash on Rose’s phone just makes my heart beat rapidly. She hands it to me and smiles, ‘I’m guessing this is for you.’
‘Hello?’ I answer giddily and excuse myself to the privacy of the guest bedroom.
‘Hey,’ his voice is like a hot bath on a cold day. It laps over me, soothes my trembling body and brings heat to my pale cheeks. ‘I’ve jut got home. I’ve missed you.’
I grin. For someone who insists I have to learn to be alone, Oliver certainly isn’t doing a great job of surviving without me. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. I take a moment just to take in the low, subtly gruff tones of his voice which, like everything about him, manages to combine soft and rough in one.
I want to tell him that I miss him too but I’m unsure if that’s what he wants to hear. I’m playing by new rules now where I feel like he doesn’t want me to smother him with love and admiration. Ultimately, I don’t care whether a strong, independent woman is supposed to miss him and I give in, ‘I miss you so much, Oliver.’
‘Good, you haven’t run off with any past lovers?’ he makes a playful jibe. He’s in a good mood. I can gather that much even with hundreds of miles separating us. His envy over Gabe has subsided and hopefully his strange, unnecessarily pensive mood has gone with it.
‘Nope,’ I am finding it difficult to curb my grin. His voice just makes me so happy. I wish he would let me enjoy all the other parts of him that make me happy but instead he has put an ocean between us. ‘There’s only one guy for me.’
Truthfully, I haven’t thought about Gabe much today. He and Claire haven’t been spotted since the incident with the vampires last night. I hope Claire doesn’t hate me too much. I have this strange longing for her approval; it’s hard not to admire her after all she’s accomplished with Gabe. I wonder what Gabe thinks of me. Does he worry that I’m still hung up over him? It certainly came across that way when I drew blood for him.
‘How are things in the States then?’ he asks. I imagine him lying back on his bed, relaxing, stretching an arm above his head in that way which makes his shirt pull up at the bottom and shows off the hairy flesh above his jeans. He might move that arm and scratch his beard thoughtfully with his big, veiny hands. He might chew on his cracked lips or run a hand up and down his brawny arm and I feel a pang of longing to be by his side so I could be the one tracing the curves of his muscles with my fingertips.
‘They had a meeting,’ I say and I explain in brief what happened. I shouldn’t worry him by telling him that I don’t exactly know what it is the witches plan to do but I hate lying to him. ‘But the thing is I kind of didn’t hear what it was they want to do...’
I expect him to hit the roof with panic. Oliver’s main priority is looking after me. He may want me to be able to fend for myself but that will never stop him worrying about me. In the same way, I want to protect him even though I’m so feeble and helpless compared to him. If you love someone, the thought of them hurting puts you in a state of excruciating pain.
However, Oliver stays calm. There is a silence which leaves only the sound of his heavy breathing. ‘Why didn’t you ask them?’
‘I don’t know, Oliver,’ I realise how stupid I sound. Rose made me feel bad enough with her wary expression and lectures about the danger of spells but Oliver’s disapproval is emanating in his cool voice. I think I would rather he blew up over this but, even though I can tell he is irked with my irrationality, he is still my Oliver and he is still the person I can talk to about anything with ease. ‘I guess it scares me. I’d rather not know. I just want this all to be over. I want to be at home for Christmas without worrying about vampires hurting me or my family and I want to be able to kiss you when the bells ring out for New Year without having the fear of being kidnapped lurking at the back of my mind. I don’t care how.’
‘Yes, you do,’ Oliver says. His disapproval has lessened as he hears how frantic my voice is but Oliver isn’t one to shy away from the problem. He won’t say what comforts me just to avoid making me feel worse. ‘You’re being incredibly...’
‘Incredibly what?’ I ask. I want him to say it out loud because maybe if he tells me that I’m being stupid or self-absorbed and I hear it coming out of his mouth, instead of living inside my head, then I can take it seriously.
‘Incredibly you,’ I can almost hear him roll his eyes and it makes me laugh. He chuckles lowly for a minute before he says, ‘Stop laughing, Cassie, this is serious. I know you hate that I don’t talk to you about why I hate being a werewolf and about my parents but I know you know what happened to them. The world of supernaturals is so dangerous and one blind move could cost you your life.’
‘I know,’ I reply meekly. I’m ashamed of myself.
‘I trust Arrow and Rose to keep you safe but sometimes magic has a way of getting out of hand,’ he says. ‘I want you to know what you’re getting into at least so you can make a sensible decision.’
‘I’m trying,’ I sigh.
The problem is that I have spent my whole life living by other people’s rules. Before this year, my father wrapped me up in cotton wool and made all my choices for me. He was terrified of vampires getting a hold of me so he didn’t let me have any freedom and then Maurice took me away. He made me feel free for a while. I felt special being carted around Paris with Gabe at my side but ultimately I had no more freedom than I had had at home because then it was just Maurice calling the shots. My whole life has been dictated by what other people want for me and when somebody finally gives me the power to make or break my life I have no idea what to do.
‘I wish I was there with you,’ he says.