Breaking Down Sydney (Sydney West #2) (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

I found Jason sitting outside Dixie Hall by the fountain. He was talking to a guy with a Mohawk. I waved at him. He signaled for me to sit by his side.

Silently I waited for the guy to leave my Jason. He kept going on and on about the project they were working on. I found myself staring at his gauged ears. They were huge. I probably could fit my fist in his earlobe. That was creepy and gross. How did he expect to get a respectable job?

“Okay, man. I’ll work on it tonight and send over the PowerPoint to you when I’m done,” Jason said.

“Cool. Catch you later.” They fist bumped. The guy nodded farewell to me and disappeared into the sea of people.

“Hey,” I said, giving him a hug.

His face lit with alarm, as if I’d burned him with a match. “Whoa, what’s up with you?”

I frowned. “Nothing.”

“You never randomly hug.” He placed the back of his hand to my forehead, checking for a fever.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not sick. Can’t I be happy to see you? I had a bad day.”

He draped an arm around me. “Spill, maybe I can help.”

“While I was studying in the library—”

“Hey, Syd,” Amelia said, taking a seat next to me.

I turned to her, flashing a smile. “Hey.” I looked behind her, not seeing a soul. “Where’s Hunter?”

Amelia dropped her messenger bag to the ground between her feet. “We’re fighting right now,” she said crisply. She straightened her silver heart necklace, moving the clasp behind her hair.

My eyebrows shot up. “Wait, what? You two are perfect. What happened?”

Jason leaned forward. A concerned look came over his face. “Yeah, what’s goin’ on?”

She let out a dramatic sigh and flipped her hair over a shoulder. “Last night he didn’t put the toilet seat down…”

It hurt not to smile. I think I knew where she was going with that. “So you fell in?”

She hung her head, as if ashamed. “Yes! I fell in and it was totally gross, Syd!”

Jason laughed and coughed to cover it up. “Sorry, but why didn’t—”

I elbowed him in the ribs. “Because a girl shouldn’t have to worry. A man should be a gentleman and put the fucking seat down.”

He shrank under my glare. “Right, okay,” he muttered.

“You two aren’t talking?” I asked, touching Amelia’s arm in a gesture of friendship.

She shook her head. “After…that incident, I left. Haven’t seen him all day.” Her face was a little pale, like all her light was taken away.

Was this going to happen to me? Would I be a shell of myself due to a silly fight with Jason?

“Let’s stop talking about me.” She motioned toward Jason and me. “What’s going on with Sydson?”

Jason took my hand in his. “Syd was about to tell me what’s troubling her.”

She hit my leg and said, “Don’t let me interfere, just came over here to see if you wanted to get some lunch.”

I looked straight at the fountain in front of me and licked my lips. “I ran into an old high school friend today…” I trailed off, not sure how to explain.

They both gave me a look, like I’d lost my mind.

To avoid their eyes I stared down at the pink nail polish I spilled on my jeans a while ago. “He’s an ex-friend. We used to make out sophomore year. He probably thought we were together. I didn’t see it that way.”

Amelia cleared her throat. “O-kay,” she drawled. “What did he want?”

“Well,” I said, picking at the nail polish on my thigh. The paint came up in tiny flakes. “I thought he wanted to catch up, like old friends, but I was wrong.”

“What
did
he want, Syd?” Jason asked in a stern voice, grabbing my hand to make me stop fidgeting.

I stared down at our joined hands, wishing Jason would never let me go. “He wanted to have sex.” The words came out barely louder than a whisper.

“Did you tell him about me?” Jason’s voice grew deeper, angrier.

My eyes met his stainless steel gaze. “Yeah. I said I had a boyfriend when he asked if I was single.”

“And?” Jason pressed.

“He didn’t care. The dick basically called me a whore, saying I don’t have boyfriends and I’d regret turning him down.”

“When did this happen?” Amelia asked. Her hazel eyes were wild as if she wanted to pounce on him herself and teach him a lesson.

I looked over in the direction of the Student Union. “Like ten minutes ago.”

Amelia squeezed my shoulder, falling back into her comforting role. “I’m sorry he was such an ass to you.”

Jason stood up and paced before Amelia and me. I wasn’t sure if he was mad at me for talking to Angelo or for what Angelo wanted to do with me.

“Calm down, Jason. He’s gone now. There’s no need to get so worked up,” I said, hoping we’d all forget it and move on with our lives.

He yanked on his hair. Anger screwed his face into a mean expression. “No need? No need? That fucker tried to get into bed with you because of your reputation.”

My stomach sank. Jason was disappointed in me. Maybe he couldn’t deal with all my scars and was going to leave me. A moan escaped my lips as my heart pinged. Amelia hugged me, as if knowing I felt pained. I placed my head on her shoulder. For a moment I debated crying on her, letting out the rage and hurt. It wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t going to give any man the joy of making me cry.

“Jason, calm down. Can’t you see Syd is upset enough?” Amelia said. There was some venom in her words.

He stopped pacing and dropped his arms to his sides. “That dick is unbelievable.” His eyes moved from Amelia to me. “Sydney, I’m sorry,” he said, sitting down next to me. He took my hands in his big, warm ones. “I love you and thinking of another guy wanting to—”

“I know,” I murmured, giving him a weak smile.

Amelia rubbed her forehead and said, “Didn’t you say he was from high school? What made him think he could come on to you like that as if you’d jump his bones because he asked?”

“Don’t know.”

Jason wet his lips. His eyes felt like ice digging into me. “Did you ever sleep with someone here and—”

I captured his face between my hands. “No, Jason. I never did that here. A quickie at a party maybe, but once every few months, if that.”

“Maybe someone from Malibu who goes here also told him. Who knows where people get their info? They love gossip and rumors like fire loves oxygen,” Amelia said.

“It doesn’t matter, the damage has been done,” Jason mumbled, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands.

I bowed my head. “I know.” My voice came out weak.

Jason scooped me up, enveloping me in his embrace. “I didn’t mean to make you feel shitty. I love you no matter what. It’s just that guy,” he paused, laying his cheek on the crown of my head. “I want to beat the hell out of him.”

I kissed Jason hard on the lips. “He’s not worth another moment of our lives.”

Jason nodded, but his eyes still said he wanted Angelo to bleed.

“How about some lunch?” Amelia proposed.

A smile cracked my lips. “I’d love some. Didn’t get to eat my tacos due to that asshole.”

“I’ll treat you,” Jason said, kissing me again.

***

We walked into Sapphire’s Friday; it was the best sports bar in Tempe. They were known for their badass chicken wings and fruity drinks. With the way my day was going, I needed a good Grateful Dead to pick me up.

The place was dim, and there were TVs all around the bar. Pop music played over the sound system. All the posters on the walls were of movies, some classics like
Seven Year Itch
with Marilyn Monroe to action movies like
Lethal Weapon
. My favorite poster was the
Titanic
one hanging between the men’s and women’s restroom.

It being one in the afternoon on a Wednesday the place seemed dead. We had the west side to ourselves. After some wings and burgers, we took turns playing pool.

“Come on, Syd. You’re not even trying,” Jason said, leaning against his pool stick.

I bent down and picked up the cue ball from under a chair. It was the second time it flew off the table. Most of the time, I scratched.

“Pool isn’t my game,” I said, handing my stick to Amelia. “How about you two play and I’ll watch.”

Amelia accepted, grabbing the small cube of blue chalk and rubbing it on the tip of the pool stick. “I’m going to wipe the floor with you,” she told Jason.

Jason’s eyebrows shot up, puzzled by Amelia’s mean spirit.

I held my drink close, laughing. “She gets crazy when it comes to games. Once we got into a fight playing Monopoly.”

She narrowed her eyes and said, “I owned both Park Place and the Boardwalk and you kept landing on them. Not my fault.”

“Whatever,” I shot back, stirring the ice in my drink with the straw.

Jason looked from me to Amelia, appearing a little pale.

“Good luck,” I said to him, smiling.

Amelia placed the balls into the triangle, setting up for a new game. “You’re going to need it,” she muttered.

“Fuck,” Jason said, rubbing chalk on the tip of his stick a little too roughly.

I sipped my second Grateful Dead and watched the drama unfold.

“You break,” Amelia said, placing the cue ball on the other side of the table.

“Okay, watch and learn.” Jason bent his knees and lined up his shot.

She leaned against the wall, shaking her head. “Your line-up sucks.”

He glared at her and then focused on the white ball. His lips parted slightly and his tongue peeked out as he concentrated. Damn, Jason was fine. I wanted to take him on that table. Instead I took a gulp of my drink and closed my legs, hoping the pounding between my thighs would stop.

Jason hit the cue ball and it broke the perfect triangle, sending balls all over the green velvet. A blue stripe went into the corner pocket. “Stripes,” he said proudly, puffing his chest out like Superman.

“Ha. That was child’s play,” Amelia said, flipping back her hair.

“Red stripe corner pocket,” Jason stated, pointing to the left corner opposite him. He hit the cue ball and the red stripe bounced off the side, not going in.

“Let me show you how it’s done.” Amelia leaned down and paused, figuring out her move. She hit the white ball and it hit the black eight, hitting two solid balls. The solids went in and the black eight and cue ball remained on the table. “See, I should go pro,” Amelia said, holding her hand to her chest as if she’d won some kind of award.

“I was warming up,” Jason spat, leaning on his pool stick like it was a cane.

“If you say so. Purple middle pocket.” Amelia shot again and got another solid into a pocket.

They were consumed by the game. I sat back, watching them continue to trash talk each other as the balls piled up in the pockets. I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do in that moment than sit back watching my best friend and boyfriend while sipping a delicious drink.

The game ended twenty minutes later. Amelia was doing a victory run around the table. Jason joined me at the table, giving Amelia a dirty look as she raced by. “Is she like this with every game?”

“If she’s playing a game with strangers, she’s less intense. But if she knows you then watch out because she’s out for blood. Doesn’t matter the game. She’s a ruthless winner.” I draped my arm around his shoulders. “It’s okay, it’s better to lose to her. I won once and couldn’t sleep. I thought she was going to put a pillow over my face.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

I laughed, waving my hand in the air. “I’m kidding. But she’s a sore loser. My advice is never play against her.”

“You tossed her at me! I would’ve won with you,” he said, kissing my cheek.

“Anyone could win against me. I’m lucky to keep the damn cue ball on the table.” I shook my head. It was one thing to suck at pool when drunk, but sucking when sober or only having one drink was pathetic.

Lady Gaga’s song “Just Dance” came onto the sound system. Amelia grabbed me, saying, “We have to dance to this!”

We moved into the next room. There was a wooden dance floor surrounded by empty booths. We twirled each other around and grinded our hips. Our carefree laughter mixed with the music. Jason smiled, nodding along.

“Come join us,” I demanded, grabbing his arm.

Without a choice, he moved his hips and wrapped his arms around me. Amelia spun around us, singing the song loud and proud.

Sometimes in life it was best to dance out your problems with those you loved the most.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I sat on my bed and watched Jason slide on his white Emilie Autumn tee. It had a huge picture of her face with the name of the tour above her head. I had on the same shirt. My lips molded to his. His hands were at my back, pressing me into him. Slowly, he moved his fingers, running them over my first and only tattoo on my right upper arm.

He said, quoting my tattoo:

“Sometimes she'll speak in third person to forget that she is me.”

It was a line from my favorite song by Emilie Autumn.

“I still love my ink. No regret here.” I brushed his lip ring with my finger, remembering how badass he was when he got it done.

He kissed my shoulder. “I’m glad, though I still wish you’d have told me it was your first tat.” His eyes bore into my skin.

I wrapped my arms around him, digging my nails into his shoulder blades. “It was nothing. Plus, I thought you liked taking all my firsts…” I trailed off, kissing his throat.

I felt him twitch, probably trying to suppress a smile. “It would be nice to know when it’s happening, though.”

“Touché. I’ll be sure to inform you each and every time,” I purred into his ear.

Jason sat next to me on the bed, pulling me toward him. I rested my head on his shoulder. “What did you think of me when we first met?” Jason asked as he lightly brushed my hair with his fingers.

“Honestly?” I lifted my head to study his face. He was masking his emotion.

“Mmm-hmm.” His silver eyes pored into my blue ones, creating a kind of electricity.

“When I first saw you, it was at the beach and Amelia had that whole ‘act like we need to learn surfing tips’ bit…” I stopped, laughing at the memory.
Oh Amelia, who knew your moronic plan could find us both such spectacular men?

“I knew that was a lie. Two beautiful women don’t come out of the ocean and ask for help.” Jason gave me a twisted grin.

I sat up, giving him a friendly push. “Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?”

“Sorry, go on.” He pretended to zip his lips and throw the key away.

“If you didn’t know Amelia was already smitten with Hunter, it was like love at first sight, if you ask her. As for me, I’m not that romantic.” My heart pounded in my ears. I was entering grounds I wasn’t comfortable walking on.

Jason shifted his weight. His eyes bore into me, wishing me to continue.

I licked my lips and glanced down. “It was still near the beginning of summer. I was prepared to
entertain
boys and leave them.” I looked up from my hands to meet Jason’s eyes. “I’m not someone who’s ashamed of sex, but, looking back now, I wish I never met some of the men.”

Like Angelo. Thank God I never did anything more than kissing with that idiot.

He nodded. His face was blank.

“I was surprised you were more into teaching me the tricks than flirting with me. Guess I thought any guy I gave my time to should feel important that I provided them with the luxury of my attention. I call that the bitch in me,” I said bitterly.

“You’re not a bitch.” Jason’s voice was gentle as he took my hand in his.

I gave him a shy smile. “Not all the time, but I have my moments.”

He just looked at me. He knew I was right. Jason was too gentleman-like to admit it.

“So…my ego got the better of me and I tried to write you off. Only it seemed like you were everywhere. Amelia’s love for Hunter seemed to tie us together.” I took my hand back, using it to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“He was over the moon for her. I’m kind of surprised they’re not engaged yet.” He laughed halfheartedly, shaking his head.

“Agreed! I hope I don’t have to wear a stupid maid of honor dress.” I cringed at the thought. I didn’t look good in anything puffy.

Jason raised an eyebrow. “You’re worried about a dress to an event that’s not even scheduled yet?”

I shrugged. “Stating a fact, is all. Seen too many of those crazy ugly dresses in movies.”

“So when did you start liking me?” His eyes were curious.

“What’s with all these questions? It’s your turn. You tell me first.” I gave him the floor.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “When did I start thinking of you as more of a woman I could be with than an annoying chick who should buzz off?” He wiggled his eyebrows, teasing me.

I narrowed my eyes. “I’d be careful if I were you.”

He put his hands up in defeat. “Don’t want any problems. Let me think for a second.” Jason tapped his finger on his chin, either to help him process his thoughts or because he thought I’d think it was cute. Instead it made me nervous. I never did understand what made him come around to like me, let alone for him to fall in love with me so much he transferred colleges to be with me.

Who knew someone could love a cold hearted girl?

“I first found you attractive that night you came to pick up Amelia because she was wasted and not totally there in the head anymore,” he stated, as if he was telling me a fact from history.

That night was fuzzy, but I remembered it. Amelia was gone, and Hunter called me. When I came to the party, Hunter and Jason helped Amelia into my car. I grilled their asses for letting her smoke weed and drink too much. She never partied before. Jason and I got into an argument, but he did end up following me home to make sure I got Amelia inside all right. I frowned at the memory. “Why then? I was cruel to you.”

“I don’t know. There was something in that moment. Felt like you’d always be in my life somehow.” He gave me a wolfish grin. It was like he was a high school boy with a crush.

“It’s funny how a relationship can start out as perfect strangers and then become such sweet lovers.” I hugged myself, recalling last night’s sexcapades.

“Especially when one of us was cold and kind of vindictive,” he said sarcastically, stretching his muscular arms over his head.

A gasp came from my lips. “I was never vindictive. I had no patience and didn’t like wasting time.”

“You keep saying that to yourself,” he said dryly, rubbing his hands on his jeans.

I stood up to put some distance between us, swallowing the anger rising within. The old me would lash out and pick a fight. The new me had to be more calm. “Why did you fall for me then? I sound like an awful person.”

“Because I knew it was a front. Something told me there was a better person inside waiting to come out.” He got to his feet and took me in his arms, giving me a well-needed hug. “Syd, I don’t like to talk about my past with my father, but when he left I was in a bad place. When I met you, I saw my old self and felt like I could help you. I didn’t have anyone who understood what I was going through and I wish I did, so I wanted to become that person for you.”

My arms hung at my sides for a moment before I placed them around his waist. We stood there, holding each other, swaying a bit.

“It’s strange to know one of my summer boys got through to me…” The words poured out of my mouth.

“Excuse me?” Jason pulled away, holding me at arm’s length.

“Nothing, just forget it.” I shrugged him off and went to sit on Amelia’s bed. Fear ate away at my soul. Everything was working out so well, and I had to open my big mouth.

Of course this had to pour out of me after that spat with Angelo. Sometimes it really did seem like the universe had it out for me.

His silver eyes turned into black holes. “No, how many
summer boys
do you have anyway? You did this kind of thing for how many years, six?” He folded his arms over his impressive chest, saying “summer boys” like it tasted like vinegar.

I licked my lips, avoiding the question.

“How many?” His voice was firm like a police officer’s after pulling someone over. His eyes pierced my skin.

It felt like acid was being poured into my belly. “There is no list, Jason. I went to clubs and saw a hot guy, then we’d screw and I’d go home. The amount varied summer to summer.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. Why can’t a bolt of lightning just kill me already?

His eyes dug deeper, burning my soul. “Give me a ballpark.”

I swallowed my heart. “Maybe fifteen a summer? I don’t know…” I trailed off, not wanting to talk about my past with my boyfriend. We needed to look to the future, not the past.

He shook his head as he paced the room. His arms were crossed behind him. I tried to figure out why he was getting himself worked up. I gave up that lifestyle when I came back home to Arizona. I was only a “whore” for the summer. Plus, Jason changed me. Nothing would bring me to have empty sex with strangers again after being with him.

“What about this past summer?”

I dug my nails into my palms. “This one, when I met you?” I asked stupidly.

“Yeah,” he replied, still pacing.

“Do you want to know?” Everything in me felt sick, as if I’d die at any moment.

His face twisted in dismay. “Just say it.”

“Fine…” I thought back to the summer. There was the guy in the club and two rock stars…some guys looked at me, but we didn’t fuck. And a girl kissed me. A headache broke my train of thought. “Including you, about four that I can think of. Being with you made me not want to fuck around that much,” I said quietly, looking over at the window.

“Four? I guess it’s better than fifteen. That’s more than a…” he trailed off, shaking his head while pinching the bridge of his nose. The look he gave me wasn’t out of love anymore. For a brief moment he appeared generally sickened.

My heart pounded against its boney cage. “More than a what? A hooker?” The word tasted like bleach.

“I didn’t mean…how did we get on this topic?” He ran his hands through his hair nervously.

“How many girls have you been with?” I challenged. It made no sense guys could sleep around with a lot of girls and be deemed a “player” and if a girl slept with a lot of guys that marked her as a “slut.”

He kicked at the carpet. “In my lifetime? Three.”

I clenched my jaw. Three? He was only with three fucking women?

He sighed, rubbing his temples with two fingertips. “I know that look…”

My insides trembled. I had no idea I was giving him a look, but it was probably out of shock. I didn’t know Jason was so…good.

“Syd, I told you. I don’t do one-night stands. I like relationships. I’ve been on many dates and had a few girlfriends, but only had sex with three women. My high school sweetheart, my ex who cheated on me, and you.”

I sat back on Amelia’s bed, pulling my legs to my chest. “Jason, I…I don’t know how to process this. You make me feel like some kind of…” I looked down at my feet, not wanting to say.

“That’s not what I wanted you to feel like. I’m sorry for bringing it up.” He took a step toward me. “Let’s forget about it, okay?”

I shook my head, blinking back tears. “You can’t forget that. I know you’re going to think of me differently, even if you don’t mean to. Hell, you’re probably wondering if I have some disease or had a pregnancy scare.”

He got down on his knees before the bed, resting his arms on the edge by my legs. “That’s not what I’m thinking at all, Syd. I’m glad you picked me. I’m glad I’m the one you fell in love with.”

His words were sweet, but they weren’t helping. “Jason, I think you should go.” I picked at a small scab on my thigh to avoid looking at him.

“But…I love you and—”

I put my fingers to his lips. “I love you, Jason. And I know you love me, but this makes me feel dirty. I just want to be alone, okay?”

A clap of thunder shook the room. Without taking a look outside, it was easy to know a storm had hit us. The monsoon season was over, but that didn’t mean the storms were finished yet. Rain pelted the windows like a million tiny stones. My heartache seemed to be in sync with the flashing lightning.

Maybe my wish will come true and I’ll be killed by a stray bolt. Then this ill feeling will forever leave me. How could Jason want to be with me? Angelo won’t be the first to be an asshat and hit on me due to my past.

Jason stood up and looked out the window. “All right, Sydney. If you want space then I’ll give that to you. I want you to be happy, whatever that means. You need to learn what you want. I want you, flaws and all, but I can’t deal with you being in and out when I’m all in. Let me know when you decide.”

“I’m sorry. My brain and heart are confused. I don’t know anything anymore.” Thunder shook the room again. “You can wait the storm out. I don’t want you to—”

He grabbed the doorknob, flashing me a weak smile. “I’m cool with some rain. See you around.” The door closing behind him felt like a lead door, sealing us forever apart.

What a fucking fool I am! Did I just kill the one thing I have going for me?

I dragged my body back to my bed and buried my face in my pillows, screaming until I couldn’t anymore.