Authors: Sara Brookes
“But I do.” He stopped to tap his temple. “Up here.”
“And exactly the reason why we’re going to have this
conversation now. Are there any questions you need me to answer?”
“Why did you—last night, afterward. You climbed into bed
with me but didn’t—”
“Get off?” He licked his lips before taking a long swallow
of his coffee. A curious action, considering the liquid had to be scalding hot.
“This may be a hard concept for you to understand, but I don’t have to have
physical release to find enjoyment in a scene. Sometimes simply watching a sub
find pleasure from what I’ve done for them is its own reward.”
His eyebrows rose. “You’re right. I don’t understand.”
“Let me ask you this. When was the last time you slept with
someone?’ He started to answer, but she held up a finger to silence him. “I’m
talking about truly slept with another person and given them the intimate piece
of yourself, which comes from trusting someone enough to sleep beside them. To
wake up next to them and have their face been the first thing you see. That you
want
to see. That you can’t
wait
to see.”
“I can’t remember,” he answered without hesitation. “I’m not
even sure I have.”
Just as she’d suspected. He might be looking for answers to
fill the empty space in his sex life, but he needed more. So much more. “You
need companionship. A deep, lasting relationship where you can fully trust
someone to fall into such a deep sleep, the rest of your troubles are minute.
You need someone who loves and cherishes you in such a manner.”
“You gave me those things.”
How I wish I could.
“In a manner of speaking. But yes.
You need those things.”
“And these?” He held up his wrists.
“You asked for the full package. They are part of it.”
“Can I take them off?”
“Of course. They’re something that would only be worn while
you’re here in this room. When you submit sexually.”
His hands lowered to rest against the top of his thighs. “This
isn’t—”
“What you expected?” He nodded. “What did you anticipate?
More of the same kind of thing you saw at the club? The intense bondage?
Unforgiving hits that steal your sanity? Gags and whips?”
“Yes.”
A fair assumption most people new to lifestyle made. “I
assure you—things such as you thought are entirely possible, but on my terms.
You want to learn and I’m the teacher.” Elena stood, picked up their mugs and
crossed to the small kitchenette to rinse them out. “We moved at the pace I
decided.”
As she placed the cups on the drain she felt odd. Energized
and exhausted at the same time. One night, one scene and Alex was already
unraveling her tightly woven cocoon.
She already craved more of him.
A dangerous thought since she knew she needed to keep her
distance. Knew this overwhelming desire she had to pin him to the bed and fuck
each other’s brains out couldn’t be allowed to evolve past an intense fantasy.
Masturbation fodder for when she was alone.
No two ways about it, she would have to shut down in order
to educate him. Just like Ryan had said. She’d done it before with great
success. And for Elena failure wasn’t an option.
She paused by the door as she swung her bag over her
shoulder. Glancing back, she found his gaze. Those damn baby-blue eyes of his
were going to get her in trouble someday if she wasn’t careful.
“You may remove your cuffs and leave them on the table by
the door. The alarm system will lock up everything when you leave. And Alex.” She
paused, waiting for him to look to her again. “Clear your schedule. We’re going
to be spending a lot of time here.”
As Alex refilled the pastry case with the last of the order
Genevieve had dropped off he couldn’t help thinking about how bare his wrists
felt. Thinking this way couldn’t be normal, right? He shouldn’t want to have
the leather circles wrapped around his skin. He shouldn’t feel so damn
exhilarated by what he’d done last night.
But hell if he didn’t.
The smile that had been plastered on his face since he’d
walked out of Sanctuary hadn’t faded any. In fact he was fairly certain it had
only gotten wider. His confusion about the situation as a whole was at an
all-time high, but he couldn’t ignore the fact, the reality had been a thousand
times better than anything he could have imagined.
For once he’d enjoyed sex.
Enough to want to do it again.
Shoving the glass partition closed, he wiped his hands on
the towel he habitually kept in his back pocket. A thrill raced through his
system when his thumb brushed against skin where leather had lightly abraded
his flesh just hours ago. He missed the unforgiving texture already.
Can’t be normal.
“Addictive, isn’t it?”
Surprised, he looked up to find Beth Flynn standing on the
other side of the counter. “How—”
“Much as our Doms can tell, so can we. You’ll figure it out
in time.” She shrugged, smoothing one hand over her swollen belly while she
tapped the intricate rope collar knotted around her throat. “I know what you’re
feeling because I’ve been through it myself. It’s hard to put into terms, to
articulate the words. You simply know you feel something and you like—and
miss—it.”
“Yeah. Exactly.” He blew out a defeated breath. At least he
wasn’t alone in this insanity. “Can I get you something?”
“A tea with some milk and a conversation.” Her wispy bangs
shifted at she tilted her head. “You look as though you could use a friend.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Tea and conversation. Coming right up.”
After he set a pot of milk to steam he flipped over a mug and poured
blistering-hot water into it. Beth hadn’t indicated which tea she preferred,
but he selected one of the higher-end brands and set it to steep. He waited on
another customer, returning the smile one of the regulars gave him.
His fear about the residents of the town shunning him
because of his past transgressions had been misplaced. Everyone had been
nothing but welcoming since he’d returned. Now he just had another worry to
take its place. A new secret he couldn’t talk about. Funny how he’d been much
more open about his alcoholism than this new aspect of his sexuality.
Carrying two mugs of piping-hot liquid, he approached the
cozy arrangement of several chairs and a loveseat Beth had selected. She
accepted the stack of napkins he handed her, placing them on the low coffee
table nestled amid the furniture.
Settling onto the loveseat, he took a moment to note the
subtle pink flush high on her cheeks. She’d pulled her long brown hair up into
a messy bun at the base of her neck. He’d always thought of her as attractive
even though he’d been drunk most of the time since she’d moved to town. But now
she was positively glowing. Her belly wasn’t so large she couldn’t stretch one
of her signature pop culture t-shirts over the bundle. Given his deep, lifelong
affair with movies, the ultrasound image of an
Alien
baby on the shirt
caused him to smile.
Nothing was sexier than a woman with a sense of humor.
“How are you doing?”
“Great now. Morning sickness has finally eased some. Maybe I
can actually enjoy this pregnancy. Still have a lot to do to since Ryan
insisted on building a whole new house instead of adding on to the one we have
now. But I doubt you want to hear all about this.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Oh please. As excited as Ryan is at the prospect of being a
father again he tunes out when I talk about certain things. I know the
glazed-over ‘I’m just humoring you’ expression when I see it.” Beth lifted her
mug to her lips, blew across the steam rising from the surface and carefully
sipped. “Fantastic as always. You’ll have to let me know which brand this is so
I can pick some up before I leave. So why don’t we talk about what you really
want to discuss? You obviously have something new going on in your life.”
A bright spot of heat flared at the base of his spine at the
reminder. “You could say that.”
“I take it this is a recent development based on the way
you’re a bit hesitant. If I had to guess I’d say it’s not so much you’re ashamed
about whatever it was you agreed to, but you’re afraid people will see you
differently. Treat you differently in some way if they find out.”
He glanced over his shoulder, taking stock of how close the
rest of the customers were. Satisfied they were engrossed in their own
conversations or surfing the coffee shop’s WiFi, he faced Beth again. “I’ve
already burned enough bridges in this town. Not as though I want to run
screaming down Main Street with this new development, however much I enjoy it.”
“Well, the smartest thing to remember is how much
information you choose to share with the world is entirely up to you. What you
do behind closed doors is only your business. Only you and the person—or
persons in some cases—has any right to know.”
“You’re very open about your choices.” He gestured to the
intricate collar circling her throat. A single silver metal ring anchored the
piece while a network of knots trailed over her skin. He didn’t know much about
ropes and such, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out Ryan had spent a few
hours handcrafting the piece for her.
A loving gesture from a Dom to a submissive.
It reminded him of the care Elena had taken with him at
Sanctuary. How she’d helped him stand after he’d scrubbed the floor. How she’d
worn soft silk that had felt so decadent against his sensitized skin as she’d
laid in bed beside him. He didn’t fully understand the complicated relationship
between a Domme and her sub, but he was beginning to.
“I am open, but I always have been. My outlook is if someone
doesn’t like the choices I’ve made in my life the problem is theirs, not mine.
I’m happy, my partner is happy and in the long run, that’s what counts. But I
think I understand your issue now. Maybe it’s not so much you’re afraid people
will find out about what you choose to do behind closed doors. You’re afraid
they’ll learn you’re—”
“Submissive,” he finished with a whisper, unsurprised to
discover Beth knew. Saying it out loud felt natural. Far more natural than he
expected, given the fact he was new to the lifestyle. He’d had enough time to
become accustomed to the idea in the years he’d spent researching, but he’d
expected the word to sound foreign to him.
Beth licked her lips, smoothing her shirt over her stomach
again. “Well, Alex. Let me ask you this. Are those people in the room with you?
Are they in your bed? Better yet are they sucking your dick?”
He choked on the mouthful of coffee he’d taken. Such blunt
language coming from a woman wasn’t something he was used to except when it
came to Elena. Here he’d spent a large chunk of his life with a woman who could
barely say
heck
without cringing and now he was surrounded by an
assortment of women who weren’t afraid to speak exactly what was on their
minds—regardless of the language.
Allison was the same way and it amused him to no end to hear
his sister-in-law stand her ground with Patrick about something she believed
in. In a way being surrounded by such openness was freeing. He felt as though
he could relax and simply be himself without worrying about the consequence of
what he said to the women in his life now.
“No, of course they aren’t.”
“Then why are you giving them such power over something you
enjoy?”
“I’m not.”
One of her eyebrows lifted. “You’re afraid people will stop
frequenting your business if they find out you enjoy being bound. Flogged.
Gagged. Made to kneel before someone who holds your pleasure in the palm of
their hand. Whatever it was that happened wherever you were, it doesn’t matter.
How are you not giving them the power?”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “Damn it. You’re right.”
“You’re too close to the problem to see and there’s nothing
wrong with such a reaction.” She reached out and slipped her hand around his
wrist, running her thumb over a small patch of chafed skin. “My advice? Relax.
Enjoy. Have some fun. I think you’ve more than earned the right.”
“Conners relax? I didn’t know those two words fit together.”
Dade plopped down in the chair across from Alex, stretching his long legs out
in front of him and crossing his ankles as he placed his feet on the coffee
table.
Beth stuck her tongue out at Dade. “You aren’t helping
matters.”
Dade reached out and tucked a piece of her hair behind her
ear. “Do I ever?”
“No.” She laughed and pushed up out of the chair. “You
always, always try to make them worse. Troublemaker. Thank you for the lovely
cup of tea, Alex, but I really need to get going. I have a doctor’s appointment
in an hour.”
Alex turned to Dade. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m good right now. Just came by to see how you were
doing since the last time I saw you—”
“I was rip-roaring drunk.” Alex snorted as he remembered
Elena’s account of the night.
“That’s putting it bluntly.”
Blunt seemed to be the way he was going about this new
aspect of his life. “Thanks for your help. I’m sure the last thing you wanted
to do then was to play babysitter to a grown man who was falling-down drunk.”
Dade waved away his regret. “Don’t apologize for letting a
tough situation get the best of you, man. It happens to all of us when we’re
down. It’s what any friend would have done.”
“I’m just lucky I have friends in the first place. What I
did was enough to make everyone shut me out forever.”
He swept away the empty mugs and circled behind the counter
to dump them into the sink. When he turned Dade was standing at the counter.
“Look. You’re not alone in this. You never were. I’m not even the exception as
I’ve had a few binge nights like that myself. Some of us just know when to
quit. You may have been a little more hard-headed than the rest of us, but it
seems to be typical for the Conners family. Or do I need to start pointing all
the times you had your heads so far up your asses you couldn’t see daylight?
The point is you recognized what you were doing to yourself and took corrective
action to stop it. Some people never even reach such a place.”