BreakMeIn (8 page)

Alex stood a few feet away. “You looked as though you could
use a friend.”

“But what about dinner?” She glanced around the corner to
find the sidewalk empty. Patrick had vanished.

“Some things are more important than food. Fixing my
friendship with you is one of those things.”

“Alex.”

He leaned against her car, crossing his ankles and
displaying a level of confidence he hadn’t possessed a year ago. “Elena, we
didn’t leave things between us on good footing. I need people in my life right
now I know I can trust. Since you’re at the top of my list it’s something I
really need to do. I can’t promise it will be pretty or easy or even fixed in
the course of one conversation, but I have to start somewhere.
We
have
to start somewhere.”

Her choices were to delay the inevitable or grab the bull by
the horns. Good thing she’d always been the red-cape-waving type. “All right.
Hop in. I think Waffle House is still open.”

“Isn’t it always?” he asked with a confident smile.

Alex was silent for the twenty-minute drive, which was just
fine with Elena. It gave her a chance to process the fact he’d returned. That
he looked healthy and normal and…good.

The weight that had once rested on Alex’s shoulders had been
lifted. Now what was presented before her was a muscular body. Killer blue
eyes. And some kind of aura that sparked every nerve ending she had and turned
everything to molten liquid.

Alex was
hot
.

How was it even possible for him to look even better than
before? Her interest stood as proof all those feelings she had for him had
never gone away in the first place. It was a though she could still feel his
lips pressed against hers in a soul-branding kiss.

Lucky her.

Even luckier still she’d forced her hand to get him into
rehab.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a faint smile
turning up the corners of his mouth, which caused a dimple to appear on his
left cheek. He sat there quietly, managing to pull off cool, casual and
sophisticated even while being boyishly charming. She saw flashes of the
teenager she’d once known.

The one who loved all life had to offer.

The one she’d fallen in love with.

She’d been the moody, gothic nerd who’d been happier with
her nose buried in a math book than trying to be sociable. When they’d known
each other at Westerburg High she’d always wondered why he spent so much time
with her. Especially because she’d always done her level best to stay as far
away from people as she could. She’d never been much of a socialite in her
youth. Later she would come to learn Alex was around so much in an effort to
stay out of the house and away from his father.

Couldn’t get hurt if you weren’t in range of his fists.

She’d missed this spirited version of Alex.

Was he truly back or was everything merely a facade? Did he
only want to give the illusion he was well? Or did she only want him to be the
man who made her giddy because, deep down in her gut, she wanted him to be?

Once they arrived at the diner the bored-looking server
smacked her gum as she waited for them to decide what they wanted to order.
Thanks to the fact she’d skipped both breakfast and lunch Elena was hungry
enough to consume a small cow. “I’ll have the special, double meat and a cup of
decaf.”

“I’ll have the same, but egg whites only.” The waitress
grunted as she turned and yelled out their order to the cook.

“Turned into a health nut?”

“Hardly. Genevieve gave me one of her tarts earlier. Couldn’t
give those up if I tried. Think they’ve only gotten better. Or I’ve just been
away too long. The clinic certainly didn’t have anything as tasty as one of her
concoctions. They had us on strict diets while they had us exercising and
building muscle. Said it was part of the healthy mind, body and soul mumbo
jumbo they forced on us. Most of it tasted like sawdust to be honest.”

“Well it’s certainly working for you.” There was the hint of
a blush again. He really needed to stop. The healthy glow did nothing to
detract from those good looks she’d always admired from afar.

“How’s life been treating you?”

“Fine.” She tried to remember what had been going on with
her life when he’d left. “I finished the Fisher job.”

“Wonderful. I know the last time we talked they’d just
signed all the contracts. I also remember you being very worried about it being
a career-changing job for you.”

“Worked my ass off and beat the contract date by six days. And
it did turn out to be career-changing. I quit the firm as soon as the job was
delivered.”

“Well done.” Alex sipped his coffee, adding another packet
of sweetener. “Venture out on your own?”

“Of a sort. Decided to put my second degree to good use and
opened up my own business.” Rummaging through her purse, she pulled an elegant
silver case from the depths and pushed a business card toward him. “Been open
about four months now and already have a backlog.”

He grunted into his mug as he read the name. “Top to Bottom.
Let me guess. Knowing you, high-quality kink pieces for geeks?”

Grinning, she pulled up the photo gallery on her phone and
displayed the screen to him. “Custom-order lightsaber flogger I worked on with
Ryan. He used his carpenter’s magic on the handle, helped me with the leather
strips. I did all the painting.”

“Wow. Damn good job you two did.”

“Thanks. Got in another order just a few days ago from a
customer who wants a suspension frame built to resemble the TARDIS from
Doctor
Who
. And I even got Dade involved by hooking him up with a customer who
wanted the Starfleet insignia embedded inside a glass dildo. Allison even
commissioned me to make something special for her and Patrick, but you really don’t
want to hear all the sordid details about your brother and his wife.” She
giggled at his bewildered expression. “What? Geeks have to get their freak on
too, you know.”

He laughed softly. “Sounds as though you’re doing well for
yourself.”

“I am. As much as I loved designing buildings I needed
something…else. Something a little more fulfilling.”

“So now you design sex furniture and toys.”

“They always say do what you love. So, yes, I put my design
skills to another, more unconventional use. I saw a need so I went for it.” And
what a lucrative venture it had turned out to be too.

“Congratulations.” They fell silent, pushing around the food
on their plate. The raging appetite she’d had just minutes ago seemed to have
diminished. “Go on. Ask. It’ll be easier if we get everything out in the open.”

“Am I so transparent?”

“Like a pane of glass.”

“I’m usually better at this.” She was usually better at a
lot of things that didn’t involve Alex. She tried not to think about how he
seemed to be the only man who could well and truly fluster her. As much as she
hated the fact he had that kind of power over her she also loved it.

“It’s all right. We have a lot of history. So it’s easy to
get a read on you. A lot of painful history between us, especially the last
time we saw each other. Frankly I’d be worried if you weren’t affected.” He set
down his empty mug. “Especially because I suspect you want to know all about
the care your money bought. Though you probably already know because you asked
them to supply you with status updates.”

She winced even though he continued to smile at her. “I was
wondering if you knew.”

“I didn’t until you just confirmed it. Patrick wouldn’t tell
me shit.”

She pulled in a breath, sipping her coffee. “You needed help
and you obviously weren’t going to get it on your own. I had to do something to
get your attention.”

“Think I got my own attention when I woke up in the
hospital.”

“You had us all very concerned for your health and safety.”

“Us, huh?” He continued to stare at her while he sipped
again. “Funny since Patrick said he didn’t even realize I had a problem. In
fact it seems as though you were the only one who knew.”

Fuck. He was throwing her off-kilter, making her feel as
though her tongue was covered in cotton. “I meant at the hospital.”

“It’s all right to admit, Elena. It doesn’t make me any less
grateful to you. It fact it just makes me more grateful. You had every right to
be as concerned as you were and I was wrong to blatantly ignore how you felt
about what was I was doing to myself. Thank you for caring enough to force your
hand. Not many people would have done that. Not for me. I’ll repay you once I
get back on my feet again. It may take some time though. I have a lot of
rebuilding to do.”

Telling him she didn’t expect him to reimburse her would
just make him uncomfortable. He obviously had a strong sense of how he wanted
to live his life now and she wasn’t about to derail those plans.

“How was the center?”

“Hard. Exhilarating. Painful. Angering. Joyous.” He shoveled
a forkful of eggs into his mouth. “And utter madness.”

“Quite a few adjectives there.”

“I went through a lot there. I spent so much time hating it,
when I finally left, I actually ended up missing it. The structure of the
routine mostly. Someone was always around to tell me take this medication, go
to this therapy class.”

“But you’re here. Has to mean something. You made it.”

“I wouldn’t say I made it. I’m still working on things.
Every day is a challenge now. But it is something. And I
am
here. It
took me a while to see how stupid I was being. How I was blaming everyone else
for my failures. I didn’t want to accept the fact it requires two people to
ruin a relationship. Maybe I wasn’t as much to do with the problem as Vivian
was, but I contributed. I certainly didn’t do anything to stop her.”

He paused, obviously thinking about something. “The first
few nights after I checked in I blamed everyone else but myself. I wish I could
say it was the alcohol deprivation talking, but I knew it wasn’t.”

“But you accepted it. Or else you wouldn’t be here.”

A strip of hair fell over his brow as he nodded. “A year ago
I wouldn’t have agreed with you. It took a lot of pain and heartache to see I
had a problem, but yes. I screamed at everyone a lot there. Threw things.
Trashed my room a few times and earned myself a few stints in a very nicely padded
room. I thought I’d already hit bottom. Boy was I wrong. Turns out the descent
into hell is bottomless.”

“But you obviously turned the corner.” As hard as it was to
hear this all she also found it fascinating. To learn what he’d gone through in
order to be sitting in front of her right now.

“The last stint I had in the padded room had a lot to do
with my recovery. Which was about eight months ago. I knew my life was just
going to be one long stay in that room if I didn’t do something to change. I
wasn’t living. I was simply existing. The words someone close to me had the
courage to say also helped.” His gaze stayed focused on her, letting her know
just how much of an influence she’d had on his recovery. And it went far beyond
her stroking a check every month.

Stunned, she didn’t know what to say. She’d been furious
with him for months and months after she’d walked out of his hospital room and
he’d been using something she’d said in a fit of rage to refocus his life.

Talk about power.

“When they came to get me I took my medicine without
orderlies having to shove it down my throat. I listened to my counselor. I
participated in activities with the other patients. I still have a long way to
go, but there wasn’t anything more they could help me with. I needed to get
back to my life. To my family and friends. I was going to stay a little longer,
but then I realized I was just using the clinic as a hideout.”

She cleared her throat, knowing the ball was now in her
court even though he hadn’t said anything. He didn’t have to. She knew he
wasn’t someone who could let something go so easily. “You still have questions.”

“I do. Fewer questions than I once had. Lots of down time to
educate myself. But books and such can only provide so much instruction. I
still…”

“Don’t know?” She’d been there once and knew exactly how he’d
felt. No one strutted into the lifestyle fully educated. Sure, they could think
so, but they’d soon find out how wrong they truly were. There were always,
always questions. “Some people spend their whole lives trying to discover the
answer and never do.”

“I know. I’m just glad I didn’t take anyone down with me. I’m
lucky nothing worse happened than pissing off everyone I know. Pissed friends
and family I can fix. Anything worse and…I’d rather not think about it. I
decided to take my time coming back to town. I bought a cheap car out West,
drove back to Virginia to give myself a change to readjust to life outside
again. Just needed some time to be…me.”

“And?”

He appeared to want to answer her right away, but instead he
lifted the mug the waitress had just refilled and drank. His Adam’s apple moved
with each long swallow, focusing her attention on the hollow of his throat. How
did he smell there, in the spot where she wanted to bury her nose and sniff
hard as those muscular arms surrounded her with a solid wall of flesh?

Whoa, girl. Guy has just gotten out of a rehabilitation
facility you put him in. Sex should be the last thing on his mind.

“Turns out I have more questions than I have answers.”

“Always seems to be the case, doesn’t it?”

“Are you…involved with anyone?”

“No. Not at the moment.”

“What about at the club?”

She averted her gaze. “I haven’t been there.”

His eyes widened. “Surely—Elena, tell me you’ve been back
since then. You have, right?”

The caustic tone of his voice annoyed her. “I’m not
particularly fond of crawling on my knees so I don’t plan to anytime soon. If
you think you’re truly well enough…”