BreakMeIn (20 page)

She was astonished to discover how much she was ready to
tell him. How willing she was to spend the rest of her life proving to him how
much he meant to her. Annoyed because she knew she’d chicken out even she even
attempted such a feat, she tossed her glasses onto her angled desk. Various
pencils scattered as she combed her fingers through her hair. “Didn’t realize I’d
worked this late. Have a seat and I’ll grab some mugs.”

Cups in hand, she returned a few minutes later to find Alex examining
her work. Her stomach performed a messy somersault, causing bile to rise to the
back of her throat. She wasn’t the biggest fan of people looking at some of the
sketches she’d hung on the walls of her office space or the unfinished pieces
scattered around the room.

Mostly because she was so hard on herself until she got it
right. And most of the time she wasn’t satisfied with the finished product,
always sure there was some line out of place or some such bullshit.

“This one is beautiful. They all are really.” He pointed to
a sketchbook clipped to the easel. “But this one especially. You’ve got
something special there.”

The design was one she wanted for herself. Something she’d
been working on even before she’d decided to open this little business venture.
The fact it had inspired her entire company didn’t escape her notice. If she
ever actually finished the design and built the piece it would serve as an
accomplishment of years of hard work and dedication. Not to mention stand as
the core of her entire business.

She forced herself to the corner of her desk and filled the
two mugs. “It needs a lot of work.”

“I figured you’d say as much. But to my untrained eye it’s
stunning.”

She handed Alex a mug. “Yes, well, I still have a long way
to go.”

“Is this for a client?”

“No.” The last thing she wanted to do was share the
knowledge it was something she’d been working on for herself for years. “It’s
not a big deal really.”

His lips curved. “Could have fooled me.”

“Why?”

“You’re drawing it by hand, not on your fancy computer.” He
gestured to the massive custom-built workstation she’d invested in when she’d
first opened her company. Allison had spent a full month helping her work up a
perfect system. The addition of an expensive graphics tablet had kicked the
cost of the overall system into the stratosphere, but the investment had proven
its worth time and time again.

Even with the expensive technology at her fingertips an
assortment of sketchbooks littered her office. “Plenty of designers still draw
by hand.”

“Such as?”

She tapped her knuckles against the desk because she didn’t
have an answer. “Damn.”

Alex reached out and trailed a finger against her jaw,
lightly tapping her chin. “See? Someone takes pride in their work. And I know
from firsthand experience your pride extends to just more than your love of design.”

She bit her tongue, trying not to think about the burn
moving through her body that had originated where he’d tapped her chin. Wanting
distance between them for her sanity, she moved around to the other side of the
desk. “Yes, I take great pride in my work. On several different levels. There’s
no crime in wanting something special.”

“No, there’s not. I, for one, am especially fond of your
attention to detail.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

He came to stand beside her, setting his empty cup beside
hers. “Your attention to detail saturates your life, Elena. In your work, your
hobbies. Even in the way you dress. It’s both maddeningly frustrating and sexy
as hell.” His fingers dragged against the starched collar of her shirt. The
stiff fabric brushed her skin, heating her core to a furnace. Her breasts
swelled at the light touch, her nipples hardening to tight points so quickly
she had to bite back a quiet gasp.

She felt dizzy and overwhelmed by the weight of desire. Her
heart started to beat faster as she swallowed. “Thank you. I think.”

“See? Even when you’re being seduced you’re polite to a
fault.”

She saw where this was going. It wasn’t foreign territory
for her, but it took their relationship to a whole different level. A level
she’d promised herself they’d never reach. What a foolish promise. She thought
she could be in total control with him, but the pull was too great of a force.

“Alex. We can’t do this.”

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the column of her
neck. He nipped at her flesh, drawing a quiet moan from her throat as goose
bumps riddled her arms. Given her state right now it was easy to imagine his
mouth—those teeth—pressing against other, more sensitive, parts of her.

She’d felt them there once, yearned to feel them there
again.

“Is this not allowed? Just plain old boring vanilla sex?”

She looked up into those impenetrable blue eyes, watching as
his tongue slowly drew across his incredibly kissable lips. “I doubt sex with
you would be boring, Alex.”

“When was the last time someone took care of you? Really and
truly?” He cradled her jaw, tilting his forehead against her. He breathed
deeply and then let it out slowly. “When was the last time you made love,
Elena?”

Her eyes fluttered closed as the hot wash of breath swept
over her face. Her need warred with logic as she blew out a frustrated breath.
Common sense told her not to answer.

“I can’t remember.”

Stupid common sense.

“Oh, Elena.” Alex’s mouth brushed against hers, his raspy
breath hitching as he nudged her lips apart. Emotions flooded her, but she didn’t
bother to fight them. She wouldn’t think about how many rules she was breaking.
Right now she just wanted to feel alive right here in Alex’s arms.

Sinking deeper, she parted for him, slowly drawing his tongue
into her mouth. His quiet moan permeated the charged air around them, brushing
over her sensitized skin. His muscles flexed under her hands as he drew her
closer, deepening the kiss.

He barreled over her defenses, shattering any notion she had
about how wrong and misguided this moment was. Years of pent-up lust unleashed
in a violent torrent. She didn’t need to have him on his knees, at the club or
even Sanctuary.

At this moment she just wanted
Alex
.

The broken, depressed man who’d come to her seeking help.

The recovering alcoholic who just wanted to right the wrongs
he’d left in his wake.

As hard as it was to admit, somewhere along the way she’d
allowed herself to fall—hard. And damn if she didn’t want to reject the notion
of strapping on a parachute to stop her descent. The ground could hit her full
force and she wouldn’t care.

Not as long as he held her in his arms, cradling her close.

Alex’s fingers worked at the buttons of her shirt, parting
the fabric slowly as he continued to kiss her. Their tongues danced, sliding
together. Her clit pulsed, begging for some kind of relief.

“I have to taste you, Elena. Please. After all this, after
everything we’ve been through...” His hands bracketed her waist, closing the
distance between them. The heat of his hands pressed against her skin through
the fabric of her shirt. When their gazes collided her heart skipped a beat.
Desire and longing painted his eyes dark, need obviously racing through muscles
that had been returned to their full glory.

Alex was in his prime.

His tongue flicked between his lips, a tempting sweep that
taunted her to lean forward to taste. She couldn’t give in to him again no
matter how much she wanted to. In order to, she needed distance.

Both physically and mentally.

“No. You asked me for something very specific and if I allow
this I’ll be breaking my word to you.”

“Break it, I don’t care. I just want you, Elena.”

She held up a hand against his chest when he tried to lean
toward her. “You want something I’m not sure...”

“Yes. I do want something.” He gathered her close, pressing
a finger to her mouth, silencing her protest. “I want to show you how thankful
I am for all you’ve done for me. Let me give you something in return.”

Her hand was steady as she reached up and tugged his finger
away. “I don’t—”

“I know you don’t. You’ve said as much. But maybe I do.”

Tell him, Elena. Tell him how much you really need him.
How much he means to you. How much he’s always meant to you. Just relax and let
it all go. He deserves to know someone truly loves him. It’s easy to let your
feelings show.
As hard as her conscience was working to try to convince
her, she couldn’t do it. “And you know that’s not part of what you asked me to
show you.”

His hands fell as his expression changed. “This is you
pulling out your safeword, isn’t it?”

“The equivalent of one, yes.”

He tilted his head forward as he backed away. “Message
received loud and clear.”

She stood in the center of her office for a long time after
the door closed, angry because she couldn’t confess something so fucking simple
to Alex. But it wasn’t simple, not for her. Alex had stirred up feelings she
hadn’t been prepared to deal with.

Feelings she didn’t even have a name for because they were
so foreign.

Feelings that scared her to death.

Unhappy with how she’d handled the situation with Alex she
tried to turn her mind toward other things by buckling down at her desk. Work
wasn’t flowing any easier despite an overnight break and she was in a bit of a
lull as she had a message in to Dade. She was anxious to respond to the request
one of her repeat customers had sent last night.

Right about the time Alex had buried his tongue in her
mouth.

“That’s one hell of a memory you’re reliving.”

So much for her resolve to forget about Alex the moment he’d
walked out of her workshop. Clearing her throat, she dipped her head to hide
the flush that had heated her face. “You’re out and about early, Dade. Didn’t
expect to hear from you for another few hours.”

“Got your message you needed to see me. Thought I’d come
over to check up on you.”

Confident she’d mastered her thoughts and feelings about
Alex enough to not embarrass herself she lifted her head to find Dade hovering
near her office door. There were dark shadows under his eyes and a crease down
the side of one cheek. Though it appeared as though he’d tried to sleep,
something had obviously kept him awake.

Thoughts of work immediately vanished. “I’m worried about
you.”

“Don’t be. No reason to.” He came to sit on the spare stool
next to her drawing board, leaning forward on his elbows. “I’m sure you have
enough things to worry about without unnecessarily adding whatever problems you
think I have into the mix.”

Could the man be any more frustrating? “Dade.”

“Seriously Elena. I’m a grown man. I’ve got it handled.”

“So you think.”

“What exactly do you think is wrong or going on that you
need to pull this mother-hen act with me? Which is damn trying, to be perfectly
honest with you.” Dade snorted. “Has been for the past several
years
.”

She laid her hand on his arm. “You’re lonely.”

“So is half the world.” His scowled deepened as he tried to
shake off her hand.

“Yes, but I don’t care about the rest of the world. I only
care about whatever—”

“Whatever you think my issues are,” he finished. “I don’t
care to repeat myself so let’s not have an instant replay of this very tiring
conversation. Again. Let it go, Ms. Red. How are things with Alex?”

She blinked twice before recovering. “How did you know?”

“Saw him leave last night. You never let anyone come out here
who isn’t a client. Even then it’s murky territory. I’m pretty sure you’re not
even fond of me being here and it’s my land. Besides, I’ve known for years. Why
do you think he got drunk at Brogans?”

She wanted to laugh. Given the fact Dade had been there
right beside Alex for each and every drink the reason seemed obvious enough.
“Because he had a drinking problem.”

“Partly, yeah. But he wanted out of the warehouse. Nearly as
much as he wanted in. He wanted to be there with you and not be surrounded by a
crowd of people he couldn’t care less about. I saw how he looked at you then.
That look hasn’t changed since he’s been gone—except it’s gotten stronger.” He
paused, flashing a grin. “So, again, I ask…how are things with Alex?”

“You suck. Hard.”

“Never had any complaints.” Dade lifted an eyebrow. “You’re
still avoiding my question.”

Dade’s persistence was legendary, but she wasn’t sure she
was ready to divulge the depth of her involvement with Alex yet. Sharing with
her girlfriends was one thing. Sharing with Dade was another matter entirely.
“You’re an asshole.”

“Doesn’t sound like the Elena I know and love.” He sat
quietly, obviously ready to wait however long for her answer. They’d played
this game before, with Dade often called the winner by default. No one had ever
tried her patience as much as Dade. “Mind if I take a stab at it?”

“Because I can stop you?”

“Not many can. You’ve awakened something inside him you
didn’t expect. You’re drawn to it. Compelled to poke so it flourishes more and
more. You’ve discovered there isn’t much vanilla in him after all and now that
you’ve brought all this hidden, kinky knowledge to the surface you don’t want
to let him go.”

She wanted to laugh even as the thought started to heat her
blood. Dade has this uncanny knack of knowing what she was thinking even though
her thoughts were a jumbled mess on the subject. “I don’t have a choice, I have
to.”

“Sometimes it’s for the best. But to be honest I don’t think
he wants to let go either.” Startled, she dropped her pencil. “Maybe if you
talked to him you’d save yourself a whole lot of heartbreak. A whole lot of
head trips. You’re the one who always told me to stop thinking with my dick all
the time. You may not have the same equipment, but the principle still applies.
Pussies can be just as stupid as cocks when sex is involved.”

She lifted her chin. “It’s a damn good thing I love you, you
know.”

Dade nodded. “I do know. I also know it means you won’t open
any lines of communication with him beyond what is already in place. You won’t
tell him how you’re feeling even as you demand he give you more. Because you
think you’re supposed to push and push and push on him. But not you.”

“I know what I’m
supposed
to do and I don’t need you
telling me.” She had already decided how the scene would the play out with Alex
tonight at the warehouse and it didn’t involve talking. “What I’m supposed to
do is get him back in the room at Sanctuary and reinforce my role. The use of
ropes comes to mind. A flogger or two. Maybe even a spreader bar or a blindfold.
Hell, maybe even a ball gag so he doesn’t try to blind me with pretty words
again.”

“Stubborn, hardheaded, one way…” Dade continued his tirade
as he pushed away from the desk, crossed to the coffeemaker and filled two mugs
to the brim. He returned, handed her one and leaned over her workspace.

“Done?”

“Just getting warmed up. But I know it won’t matter with you
so I’m just wasting my breath. Someday your iciness is going to come back and
bite you so hard on the ass—”

“I thought you said you were done?”

Dade closed his eyes, hauled in a breath and let it out
slowly before opening his eyes again. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“New order came in. Regular customer wants a quote.” Dade
scanned the description of the custom piece. “He ordered the sensory
deprivation tank a few months ago.”

“I remember. Fun project too.” He tapped the list of
materials she’d already worked up. “This is definitely doable. Tricky, but
nothing is impossible when we put our heads together. Have to commend him. He
has excellent taste. Admirable.”

“Do I detect a note of jealousy?”

Dade snorted. “Hardly. Glass may be my medium, but I want to
hold it in my hand and be an active participant. Not sit back and watch my
submissive fuck whatever I’ve designed. No offense.”

“None taken.”

Dade rifled through her paperwork. “What do you have so
far?”

She handed up a rough mock-up scribbled onto a piece of
paper towel. “I sketched out the basics already.”

“More like demented scribbling. Normally your penmanship is
impeccable, but this is nothing but a bunch of jumbled lines and angles.” It
was an odd conglomeration of the regeneration tube from
The Fifth Element
and the high-tech stim-chairs from
Surrogates
—just as the customer
requested. “As much as I love your manic little mind can you explain the
technical crap those of us with normal brains can’t figure out?”

“It’s all pretty basic when you get right down to it. Like
some kind of advanced fucking machine. In this area he wants something to allow
for varying sizes by using a steel-threaded insert in the base for
interchangeability. He also needs for it to lock into position using some kind
of screw actuation or a slide-and-lock system.”

“I know you’re speaking English, but damn if I can
understand a word you’re saying.”

Elena rolled her eyes in frustration. “Basically it boils
down to the fact this dude is seriously caught up in his roleplaying.”

“I really do love your mind.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll
get started.”

* * * * *

Alex pushed a rag over the metal counter, wiping away a few
crumbs. He wondered how he was going to face each day without Elena in his life
once he walked away. They’d changed things, altered the course of their
knowledge of each other. He’d shared the most intimate of things he’d ever
shared with another human being. She was such an ingrained part of his life
now.

After everything she’d shown him how could he ever go back
to the way things were? He knew too much. Knew there was an entire world out
there just waiting for him to explore. Problem was he wanted Elena on the
journey with him and given her behavior recently, she clearly didn’t want the
same thing in return. Not after the way she’d stopped him at her office.

She hadn’t spoken to him when he’d arrived at the warehouse
last night. Instead she’d bound, blindfolded and gagged him, working him
ruthlessly until he’d collapsed onto the floor spent and exhausted. She’d been
gone when he’d woken up this morning, a clear sign she was determined to keep
everything as emotionless as possible.

At least on her end.

He couldn’t help the way he felt and he wasn’t going to
apologize for it. He’d just have to work harder to drive his point home. The
door chimed and he brushed away his thoughts as Patrick strode into the
coffeehouse. Alex tucked the rag into his back pocket, brushing his hands
against his jeans to dry them as his brother moved behind the counter.

“Busy night?”

“Been steady. No more so than usually, really. Weeknights
always tend to be the slowest, but you already know how it is.”

“Thanks, but the update wasn’t what I meant.” Patrick
reached out and tapped a finger against Alex’s wrist. “I was referring to
these, dear older brother.”

Looking down, he found Elena’s cuffs still circling his
wrists. Their weight wasn’t so foreign to him now and apparently he’d gotten so
comfortable wearing them he’d forgotten to take them off when he’d left the
warehouse. “Shit.” A customer approached the counter and he helped Patrick fill
the order before speaking again. “Newbie mistake I guess.”

“I’m not complaining.” Patrick set a hand on his shoulder,
squeezing tightly. “Since you’re wearing jeans and a tee, most people will just
assume you put them on when you got dressed this morning. Have to say they’re
definitively not subtle.”

The statement caused Alex to smile. “Not as though Elena is.”

“Good point. Look, I need to talk to you about something.”

Alex noticed the concern lining Patrick’s face. Alarm bells
started going off in his head. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah. Just…” Patrick trailed off, tugging on Alex’s arm to
pull him to the back corner of the service area. “I’m going to need your help.
Maybe you could pick up a few more shifts than usual. Cover for me.”

“Of course. What’s going on? Looking into the expansion
we’ve been talking about?”

“Of a sort.” One corner of Patrick’s mouth lifted in a sly
smile. “Allison’s pregnant.”

Alex blinked a few times when Patrick simply continued to
stare. “Holy shit. You’re going to be a dad? Why didn’t you say something
sooner?”

“Shh. We don’t want it announced yet. The doctor confirmed
our suspicions today. Allison’s been feeling a little under the weather, just
run-down and generally tired all the time. We didn’t want to get everyone’s
hopes up.”

Alex grabbed his brother, pulling him into a tight hug.

“I see the famous Conners’ hospitality is in full effect
tonight.” They both turned as Genevieve stepped behind the counter carrying
several trays in her arms. “Thought I’d help you guys by bringing the rest of
the stock out.” She slipped the long trays into the case, sliding the glass
closed. Her eyes gleamed as she turned to face the two men. “Well, well. Looks
as if Alex has gone and found himself a fancy new life with a new woman. Or is
the owner of those a man?”

“Wear a set of cuffs and the whole world goes mad.” Alex
slapped a towel against the counter with a quiet snort. “Christ.”

Genevieve slipped closer, tapping Alex’s chin before
trailing the side of her finger against his neck. “Hrm, nice. Someone had you
fully decked in leather last night, didn’t they? I can see the abraded skin
here just above your collarbone.”

Alex jerked away and stared at her dumbfounded. “What is it
with you people?”

“You people?” The corner of her mouth curved up. “You do
realize
you’re
one of those people now, right?”

Patrick hid a smile behind his hand. “I never got a chance
to ask how the honeymoon was, Genevieve.”

“Beautiful once we finally got there. Flying overseas is an
adventure I’m not sure I want to repeat. But meeting Tony’s family for the
first time was totally worth it. Very warm and friendly. His grandmother’s
house was on top of a hill overlooking some of the greenest fields I’ve ever
seen. How about you and Allison? Seems as though we haven’t had a chance to
catch our breath and just shoot the hay in forever.”

Patrick flashed a million-dollar grin. “Barely left the
cabana.”

“As it should be. We didn’t have such luxuries over in
Ireland, but I loved everything about the trip. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
Still haven’t quite settled into married life, but it’s only been six months
and we’re both so busy. Not as though it’s difficult being married to such a
passionate man, but he gets caught up in the store so easily sometimes.” Her
focus returned to Alex and the cuffs. “She suits you.”

He watched the enigmatic woman stroll casually through the
swinging door that separated the service area from the back. “I can never get a
good read on her.”

Patrick topped off a to-go cup for a customer with the last
of a pot. He started prepping another batch, setting a fresh carafe under the
dispenser. “What do you mean?”