Breathe (14 page)

‘Have you worked for Christopher a long time?’

‘I have been his chauffeur for almost five years, miss.’

‘Do you enjoy it?’ What I really wanted to know was if his job instruction included delivering food and overnight bag
s at his mistresses’ place. But that would be touching the sensitive subject. Besides, it was none of my business. And I wasn’t a mistress, was I?

‘Mr Petrelli is a good employer.’  
                           

This talk was getting us nowhere. I needed a subject that required him to say more than a few words, how else would he distract me.

‘Do you get to go on a lot of trips?’

‘No, I’m only on service when Mr and Mrs Petrelli stays in London. When they both travel, I take commission from a driving service.’

‘Do you know if Mrs Petrelli is home now?’ The words slipped my mouth without me thinking.

‘I believe she is, Miss.’ I could see in his eyes that he smiled when he glanced back at me in the mirror. ‘But don’t worry, Mrs Petrelli is a lovely woman. You have nothing to worry about.’

I didn’t have time to react at his comment, cause the same second the car passed through an enormous steel gate and up a narrow driveway filled with red Maple and Alder trees. At the end of the driveway lay a beautiful white house with two stories and a loft. It was huge, I counted seven windows along the wall on both sides of a large circular balcony, and under the balcony was a magnificent entrance with marble columns framing it on either side. A three-step staircase led up to the wooden double door. I couldn’t imagine why two people would need a house this big. Then I realised that they probably had a lot of guests and assemblies.

The driveway continued around the left side of the house, but Charles stopped the car besides the staircase. He got out and opened my door. I didn’t move. The house was terrifying big and posh, and what was in there scared me
even more. I wanted to stay in the car. I wanted Charles to take me back. I didn’t need to see Christopher, I would be fine without him. Nothing was worth putting me through this. It was ridiculous of course. I had come this far, I might as well go inside. I tried telling myself that this was only a business meeting, he wanted me to make something. It didn’t matter that Christopher had spent two nights in my bed. I could do this. But I couldn’t. I still didn’t move, and Charles stood silent by the open door, waiting for me to exit.

«If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.»
- Sam Levenson

I gritted my teeth and stepped out. When my feet touched the ground, a sound came from the top of the stairs. I looked up and saw Anna coming through an open door.

‘Welcome, Sara. Did you have a pleasant ride?’ She came down the stairs to meet me.

‘Yes. Thank you for sending
the car.’ I said as I walked with her up the steps and into the lions cave. I heard my own voice tremble a bit.

‘If you will please follow me, Mrs Petrelli is waiting in the library.’

Her words almost made me turn around, and I panicked as I heard her close the door behind us. This was not good. I couldn’t face his wife.

‘What about Christopher?’ I asked, feeling the dryness in my mouth.

‘He will join you in a minute. He is just finishing up a phone conversation.’

I wanted to tell her that I could wait outside until he was done. I wanted to go and get Charles and ask him to take me back. I wanted to run like hell. Instead I followed her steady pace through a long hall, past a bright living room space, several closed doors and a small conservatory. When we finally came to the right room, she stopped, and let me enter before her. I took t
wo small steps before I stopped to look around. The room was huge, probably the size of half my apartment. It seemed to be at the east end, with large windows both on the east wall and the wall facing a beautiful garden. The wall behind me was covered in bookcases reaching from the floor to the ceiling, framing the door on both sides. All the walls were dark red, and the furniture auburn wood. A large desk was the centrepiece of the room. The west wall had a fireplace and a large open space above it. That’s where he needed a painting, I thought. In front of the fireplace were two wing chairs in brown leather and a small glass table separating them. My heart stilled as I saw the woman sitting still in one of the chairs, watching me. Her face was stone before she composed herself and put a beautiful smile across it. Then she got up and came towards me with both her arms stretch in front of her. She was wearing a flowy dress in different shades of blue. Her blond hair was curly, framing her perfect face. Her beauty was blinding, and I knew then that I could never measure up to her. How could I ever believe that Christopher wanted me when he was married to this? 

‘Welcome, you must be Sara. May I call you Sara?’ Her arms reached mine and squeezed them for a few seconds. The gesture surprised me, like we were old friends. Her eyes were scrutinizing me, I had never seen so blue eyes before, they reminded me of the winter mountains back home. I couldn’t help but stare back. I struggled to find my voice.

‘Please do. Thank you for having me, you have a wonderful home, Mrs Petrelli.’ Did my accent always come out this obvious? I swallowed hard. She finally let go of my arms.

‘Thank you. We have grown quite fond of this house. And please call me Julia, Mrs sounds
like an old lady. I am surly not that much older than you.’ She turned to Anna now. ‘Can you be a darling and tell Chris that she’s here.’

‘Of course,
ma’am’ she answered, and then left me alone with Julia. I wanted to run after Anna, or out the door for that matter. Julia didn’t seem to notice. She turned back to her chair and gestured for me to sit in the other one.

‘
You know, we actresses have a fear of aging. I dread when the time comes when the only roles I can get involves playing someone’s mother. Can you imaging always living in fear that you some day will be replaced?’ She was smiling when she said this, but it didn’t seem to reach her eyes. I looked down, not knowing how to respond to that.                    

‘
I saw your pictures a couple of weeks ago, at Kiro’s exhibition. Your style is quite expressive.’ She was leaning back now, eying me from top to toe. I regretted the dress I was wearing. I should have gone out shopping. The one she was wearing was probably from some fancy designer.

‘Thank you
.’ I chose to take her words as a compliment. ‘But it wasn’t Kiro’s exhibition.’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘The exhibition, it was a graduation showing, for several students.’ I knew I sounded defensive, but I was beyond caring. She intimidated me.

‘Of course it was. But you must admit, most of the spectators cam
e because of Kiro. All though, I’m sure you all are very talented in your own way,’ she added courteously.

‘
You’re probably right,’ I admitted. ‘Kiro has a special way at looking at things.’

‘He is special, there is no doubt about that. But according to my husband, so are you.’

If there had been a hole in the floor, I would have jumped in it voluntarily. I was sure my face was firing red.
God, she knows!
I looked at the door, wondering if I should make a run for it.
Why the hell did I come here?
The air didn’t reach my lunges, I forgot to inhale.
How could I think that coming here would ever be a good idea?
Then I heard the door reopened, and I saw my reason. 

‘Sara, finally. I’m sorry I’m late, the producer never stopped talking.’ He walked towards us, and I got up to meet him. Maybe to hide behind him, or
to get protection from his wife. The atmosphere in the room changed immediately, and my heart raced for a completely different reason. I had missed him. He was the reason I was here. I didn’t care about the other woman sitting there watching me. And apparently neither did he. As he came towards me, he didn’t stop and shake my hand or great me in a normal way. He took my hands and pushed me against him, and then he kissed me. On the mouth! It was a light kiss, but still! I felt my whole body became rigid.
What the hell?
To top it off, he leaned to my ear and whispered ‘You look amazing.’ To me! In front of his wife. The whole thing was surreal. I didn’t dare to look over at Julia, but I could see in my peripheral vision that she was still there. Christopher let go of me, and looked over at Julia like nothing had happened.

‘So, what did I miss? Have you discussed the painting?’
             

‘Not yet, Christopher. She arrived only moments ago. But I just remembered, I was supposed to call Laura about the Florence trip. But you can handle this, can’t you? After all, it’s your project.’ She stood up and placed a hand at his elbow. Then she walked over to me, and offered me her hand.

‘It was very nice to meet you, Sara. If I don’t return before you leave, I hope you have a safe trip home.’                   

As she reached the door, she turned back to us. ‘Christopher, don’t make it tacky. The picture, I mean.’ Then she was out the door.

Oh my god!
My feet were trembling, and I got back to my chair to support myself so I wouldn’t fall down. I looked at Christopher, and he was still looking at the door, with a frown on his face.

‘Oh my god’ I repeated, out loud this time. ‘She knows. How the hell does she know? Did you tell her?’

He reached for me, but I stepped away, one hand still on the back of the chair. I was feeling nauseous. ‘Does she know?’ I asked again.

‘Of course she knows. I told her the same day.’

‘What?’

‘She’s my wife. I tell her everything’, he said casually, like this was no big deal.

‘Seriously. Just like that?’

‘She’s my best friend. We share everything with each other. Our marriage couldn’t work if we didn’t.’

‘And what sort of marriage is that?’

‘It’s complicated. Look, I was going to tell you…’

‘And what am I? Did you invite me over to parade me in front of her like a trophy? Am I some random girl you have sex with and show off to your wife?’ I was getting angry now.

‘Of course not! I invited you here so you could see the room. I want you to stay here and paint a wonderful centrepiece. And yes, I wanted her to meet you, but that is because I wanted her to see how amazing you are. And you are certainly not some random girl. You have been on my mind since the first day we met. You are like a drug I can’t have enough of. I need you.’

‘You need me? You are married, Christopher.’

‘Yes, I’m married, but that didn’t stop you from inviting me home and have sex with me.’

He might as well have slapped me in the face. He was right. I did invite him home. I could blame the alcohol, but I knew that wasn’t the reason. I had wanted him. No matter what. That didn’t make it right.

‘You are right. I’m the bitch here. But you could have warned me! Do you have any idea how I felt meeting your wife, how humiliating that was?’

‘Why? What did she say?’

I sat down and hid my face in my hands. The nausea was still very present, I wanted to throw up. His hand stroked my back, but it didn’t sooth me. It wasn’t what she had said, but how she said it. She really made me feel cheap, and the worst part is; I knew I deserved that. 

‘Look, I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you. I was about to when you kicked me out. It’s not like we can talk about this over the phone. And don’t worry about Julia, she’s harmless. She may bark, but she doesn’t bite. She can be a bit defensive about me.’

‘Really? Your wife protects you against your mistresses?’

‘You say it like its’ plural. It’s not. It’s only you.’

‘And your wife.’

‘I told you. It’s complicated.’              

‘You know what, I don’t care. I need to go.’ I got up and walked to door. He was in front of me before I was half way there.

‘If you would just stay, I will try to explain.’

‘Explain what?’

‘My marriage.’

‘It’s none of my business.’

‘But it is. You have no idea how I have been since I met you. That first night, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. And following you into that small room, being alone with you, I wanted to fuck you right there. I have never been drawn to a person like that before. And then you ran out on me. I admit buying those paintings was an excuse to see you again. Don’t take it wrong, I love your paintings, but my main reason was to see you, to talk to you again and get to know you. I crashed Kiro’s party because of you, hoping you would take me home with you. Those two nights were amazing. But then you didn’t call me back or answer my messages. You have no idea how frustrating that was. I was going crazy, and Anna was starting to hate me. I couldn’t focus in my meetings, and cancelled half of them. I was desperate to see you again.’

‘Stop it, Chris.’ I couldn’t take this anymore.
This isn’t happening!
If I started to believe him, I would end up being hurt. I couldn’t handle having my heart broken.