Breathe (18 page)

‘
She is my half sister.’ I opened my eyes and stared at the wall behind him.

‘
From your fathers side?’ He guessed.

‘
Yes’

‘
And you have never met her before?’

‘
No, she doesn’t know about me.’

‘
But your father does?’ he was only being curious. I had stepped into this conversation voluntary, I owed him to follow through and not run away.

‘
He does, but he bought himself free. I found out after my mother died. He had set up a huge trust fund for me, with the condition that we never contacted him.’

‘
But you went to see him anyway.’ It wasn’t a question, more like a statement.

‘
How did you know?’ I asked.

‘
When I asked you about it before, I could see you got upset. I take it it didn’t go too well.’

I scoff
. ‘You could say that.’ He didn’t answer, but waited patiently for me to continue.

‘
I went to see him at his office in Oslo. My mother had been buried three weeks earlier, and I was in kind of a dark place. A part of me had hoped that he would come and get me when I lost my only family. But he sent his lawyer in stead. I hadn’t even turned eighteen. I wanted to meet him, to see what kind of man would abounded his adolescent daughter when she just lost her mother.’

‘
What excuse did he have?’ Christopher asked when I didn’t continue.

‘
He didn’t even come out of his office to meet me. I waited outside for half an hour before Alfred came and got me.’ It was embarrassing to think of the fit I had thrown, and the way the secretary had eyed me, like I was some sort of insane person.

‘
Who is Alfred?’

‘
The lawyer. Actually, Alfred has been good. He took care of me, got me home and later arranged for this apartment and the school.’

‘
And you never got to see your father?’

‘
No, I went back home. I had a boyfriend there who helped me deal with everything.’ Maybe helped was an overstatement. But he did take care of me.

‘
A boyfriend? Should I be jealous?’

I laughed, but it was a forced laughter.
‘No, I left Erik before I got here. He had some…’ I didn’t know if I could share all of this. But I had been holding back for so many years, that when I finally started talking, it all flooded. It felt good to talk to Christopher. It felt safe. ‘Erik had some anger issues.’

I could see Christopher
’s jaw tightened, and I hurried to defuse the subject. ‘He wasn’t that bad. In the beginning he really did helped me. I couldn’t take care of myself, so I let him take control. It was all good at first…’ My voice trailed off. This wasn’t helping.

‘
This Erik-guy, he hit you?’ His voice was tense.

‘
It wasn’t always his fault, I knew how he would react to certain things, so it was my fault too. I had a tendency to agitating him without meaning to.’

‘
There is no excuse to hit someone, no matter what.’ He was angry now.

‘
I know,’ I said, trying to calm him down. ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s a long time ago. Why are you so upset?’

‘
I’m sorry. It’s just that, my sister Cindy was in a relationship like that. She even ended up in hospital, but refused to press charges. We begged her to break it off, we even tried to chase him away, but she always took his side.’

‘
What happened to her?’ I asked, recognizing the story. I knew exactly how she felt.

‘
He ended up in prison for some theft, and she met Harold. She finally managed to break free.’

We lay in silence for a while, both thinking of the past.

‘It always amazes me how women seem to forgive anything when they are in love. Even when the person they love are cruel to them.’

‘
Most of them think they deserve it. Like it’s her own fault. If she tries to be better, behave different, then there will be no reason to be angry. Maybe she didn’t pay enough attention to his needs, maybe she was too selfish. And the guy is always so apologetic afterwards, promising that it would never happen again, that he loves her and will do anything for her, and she starts to believe that she can change him, if she only tries harder to be good. If she can just hold on a little longer, than everything will be alright.’ I didn’t know I was crying until his finger removed something moist from my cheek.

‘
I will kill him,’ he whispered in my ear.

‘
He’s not worth it’ I whispered back. ‘I would rather that you kiss me and make all the bad go away.’    

Christopher stayed until Tuesday morning, making me behind on my sketching. It was decided that Charles would pick me up early on Wednesday, so I spent the day packing when Christopher left. Alice came over later the same day, fishing for information. She got annoyed when I told her that I would probably be too busy to go out the next two weeks.                              

‘
So what did you think about Tommy’s girlfriend,’ she asked me while I debated what dresses to bring.

‘
I don’t know,’ I answered truthfully. ‘She seemed nice enough.’

‘
She asked about you.’ Alice said, positioning her self on my bed.

I turned around.
‘She did? What did she say?’

‘
She asked about how you knew my uncle, and how long you were staying. I think she wants your place.’

I didn’t answer, instead I turned back to my closet.

‘I tell you, you need to be careful. She will have you thrown out of here in no time, I bet she’s a daddys girl.’

‘
I really don’t care,’ I said. ‘This apartment was only mine as long as I went to that school. I have to find a new place anyway.’

‘
So you’re just going to give in. Let her waltz in here like she owns the place?’

‘
She is not that bad. I really don’t care.’ I sat down beside her, giving the clothes a break. It was much easier to pack the paint stuff. ‘That reminds me. After I’m done with this painting, will you come apartment hunting with me?’

Her smile lit up her whole face.
‘So you’re staying in London?’

‘
Yes, I think so. I really like this city with all its fog and rain and asphalt.’

She clapped her hands and vowed to start looking in the papers the first thing tomorrow. Then she helped me pick out the rest of my clothes. We ended the night with a couple of glasses of red vine, talking about vacation, Kiro and her new job.
I was relieved that she seemed to give up the questioning about my mystery man.

«Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.»
-Bob Marle
y
             

I had stayed at
the mansion about eight days when Christopher returned. I had been painting almost every waking moment, mainly because I found it difficult to be in the rest of the house. The study and my bedroom were the only rooms I stayed in more than a few minutes. And occasionally the kitchen, though Anna served me food in the study at regular intervals, probably because I forgot to get something myself the first day. I tended to get distracted when I was working on something new, and I had an old habit of blocking out hunger.

It felt weird staying in someone else’s home, but only the first night. Anna had given me the tour of the house and then showed me one of the guest rooms closes
t to the stairs on the second floor. The room was larger than my living room, and had a private bathroom attached. The outer wall was covered in floor to ceiling windows facing the back yard, where I had a good view of the beautiful garden. In additional to a large maple bed and the matching dresser, there was a khaki chaise longue by the window and a small table beside it. The wall was covered in light yellow wallpaper with shades of golden butterflies. The floor had a tick white carpet that felt wonderful when I walked barefoot. I loved the room. When I was so tired in my arms that I couldn’t hold a brush anymore, I went straight back to my room and sat by the windows and stared at the garden. I didn’t watch TV, because that meant I had to stay downstairs. I rarely used my laptop. I talked to Alice a couple of times, and got a few texts from Una and a couple of other classmates. Only a few from Christopher, and no calls. I tried not to be bothered with it, but I couldn’t help it. The painting distracted me, though. After countless hours it was beginning to feel ready. I had already added the text I wanted, something I usually saved to the very end.  

I was putting on some finishing touches when Christopher came. I hadn’t heard him arrived, my focus was only on the canvas in front of me. First, I thought it was Anna who came with lunch,
because it had been hours since I had my breakfast. I turned around to thank her, only to see him standing in the doorframe. As my eyes met his a warm heat fluttered through my body. I wanted to run to him and jump him like the last time, but I held back. Instead I savoured the sight of him. He looked tired. There were dark shadows under his eyes. That didn’t make him less beautiful, though. I on the other hand, was a mess. I hadn’t expected him back so soon. My hair was strapped in a messy bun, and my white tunic and my ash-grey capris were stained with all kinds of colour. Both my hands were covered in paint, and I was sure I had some in my face to. I wished I could sneak out of there and clean myself up. Or I wished Anna had told me he was coming, so I could have appear a bit more presentable. It was to late now. He was standing in the doorway appraising me. It made me even more conscious of my appearance. 

‘
You’re back,’ I said carefully. He looked so serious.

My word
s seemed to wake him out of his trance. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said as he walked towards me. He put his arms around me, and placed his lips on my forehand. I felt him inhaling, and his lips caressed my skin. I closed my eyes, amazed of how much I had missed him. I didn’t care that he hadn’t called, he was here now.

‘
I’ve missed you so much.’ His words were echoing my thoughts. ‘How are you? How is the painting going?’ He started to walk behind me, but I stopped him.

‘
Wait! You shouldn’t see it before it is done.’ I pulled a white sheet over the canvas. It was tucked above the canvas, and I used to cover the painting every night before I left the room.

‘
You know I already saw it when I came in,’ he said, smiling at my gesture.

‘
I know,’ I smiled back. ‘Please pretend that you didn’t.’

‘
Well, actually I didn’t, I was only looking at you. How have you been?’

‘
Comfortable. Anna really spoiled me.’ I was cleaning my fingers with a cloth, and started to put the brushes away. ‘How was your trip?’

‘
I’m sorry I didn’t call. It was never the right time, and I was rarely alone’ 

‘That’s ok. I have been busy. I didn’t expect you back so soon.’ I didn’t mention how I had missed hearing his voice.

‘
There were some complications in Florence, I had to make sure Julia got home safely.’

‘
What kind of complications?’ I asked, trying to mask my displeasure about the fact that Julia was back too.

‘
I can’t really tell you. Maybe later,’ he said evasively.

I didn’t want to seem
demanding and needy, but I was disappointed that he didn’t seem to trust me. I let it go. ‘I thought you were going to Nice, to the award show.’

‘
I was. I am. Actually, I have to leave again in a few hours. But I’ll be back to morrow morning.’

He is leaving again.
Why did he bother coming home if he only had a couple of hours? There was something that bothered me more: ‘Is Julia staying?’

‘
No, she is flying to New York tonight. She decided this on the way over, and didn’t even bother to go home, she had Anna pack her some new things and meet her at the airport.’

‘
Anna is leaving too?’ I was glad Julia wasn’t coming home, but Christopher was leaving and if Anna left too then I would be alone. It’s funny how depended I had gotten in the last week, after a life of loneliness.

‘
No, Anna isn’t leaving,’ Christopher laughed. ‘Haven’t she told you? She is terrified of flying. She never travels with me overseas.’

‘
Oh!’ was all I could respond.

‘
Can you take a break from your work? I would love for you to have lunch with me.’

‘
I can do that,’ I smiled. ‘Just give me ten minutes to freshen myself up.’             

‘
Of course. I’ll have the chef make us something and serve it in the garden. It is a beautiful day outside, but you probably haven’t noticed.’