Breathe (16 page)

‘Are you leaving?’

‘Yes, didn’t I mention this? I have to accompany Julia to Florence, and then fly over to Nice to present something at some music-awards. I’ll be gone for two weeks, and Julia three weeks, give and take a day or two.’

I didn’t know how to feel about that. I didn’t like that he left on a trip with his wife,
no matter how insane that feeling was. And I didn’t like the thought of not seeing him in two weeks. Two long weeks.

‘But what is the point of me being there if your not?’ I asked.

‘I like knowing where you are, and it will be easier to be away if I know that I’ll be coming home to you. I would have never considered going if this hadn’t been arranged several weeks ago.’

‘I might as well wait here.’ I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to come with him, or have him stay here.

‘It’s not the same, and you know it.’

We continued argue about the same thing, neither one of us budging. Eventually we gave up, and talked about the painting instead. He gave me pretty much free rein, only asked that I kept it in my usual style and made it large enough to decorate most of the wall above the fireplace. I hadn’t known that he meant the painting to be so large, I had never made such a large piece before. That would mean that I needed to make my own canvas, and I told him so. He insisted on having one made up for me as soon as I decided the measurements. I should have measured the area while I was there today, but I was kind of distracted. He called Anna and had her measure up the space. The whole wall was about 10 feet wide, which meant my painting would have to be about 7 feet. That seemed enormous.  The space above the fireplace was only 5 and a half, so the height didn’t need to be more than 4. Still, I wondered how I would fit this one in my studio. And how I would get it down my stairs. Maybe I could use a space at the University? That would involve less privacy. I had to admit that the most logic thing was to work on it at his place. It would probably just take a week, maybe two, to finish it. I could do the sketching at home. And it wouldn’t be so bad if Julia weren’t there.

It was late when he left, and I had been hoping he would stay the night. We had been snuggling together on the couch after having take-away pizza, and watching a stupid Hollywood movie. He had met some of the actors, and told me a few stories I hoped never hit the media. As I followed him to the hallway, I told him my decision; I could do the painting at his place, but I didn’t know if I would stay there all the time. I could commute if I ever found a bus stop near his place. He told me I could have
Charles chauffeur me around, but I thought that would be a bit grand. He gave me a soft kiss before he left, and my body reacted and I launched myself at him, kissing him fiercely back. I wanted to drag him back into the apartment. I could feel his reaction as well. He sighed as he let go of me, and then kissed me lightly on my forehead before exiting the apartment.

«Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?»
- Marilyn Monroe

I spent Saturday
morning sketching in my studio. I tried to remember the layout of the room, and the atmosphere I wanted to create. I knew I wanted to make something abstract, but I also wanted to make some shapes that symbolized Christopher. Alice called and asked if I wanted to go on a shopping spree.

‘
You have to! Tommy is here, and he brought his girlfriend, and I’m like the third wheel here.’

I knew who Tommy
was; Alice talked about him a lot. He was a second cousin or something, and lived in Brighton, where Alice’ family originated from. They spent a lot of time together growing up, and I knew she enjoyed spending time with him when he visited, but he usually came alone. I met him briefly a couple of months ago.

‘
He brought his girlfriend?’ I asked, I didn’t even know he had one, Alice had never mentioned her.

‘
Yes, that’s why he’s here. She wanted to go shopping. And when Tommy called me, I said yes without knowing he was bringing someone with him. I’m stuck. And she wants to go to Harrods. On a Saturday! In the middle of the tourist season!’

I laughed. It didn’t sound that bad.
‘Have you tried Kiro?’ I knew from the text she had sent me earlier this week that they were really hitting it off.

‘
He is visiting his parents this weekend, and won’t be back until Monday. Besides, he would never agree to go on a shopping spree.’

‘
I’m sorry, Alice. But me neither. Not now, anyway. I’m kind of in the middle of something.’ I looked at my fingers, blackened by charcoal, my favourite sketching tool. 

‘
Please, pretty please. I bet you will really like Sandra. She’s Norwegian, and you two can talk your weird language together while Tommy and I play catch up.’

‘
Really, he has a Norwegian girlfriend? How did that happen?’

‘
Apparently, he met her in Oslo while visiting Alfred. So, can you meet us there in like half an hour?’

‘
I’m sorry, Alice, how tempting as that may be, I think I’m gonna pass.’ I really didn’t want to go shopping now, and not to entertain some stranger while Alice had her Tommy-time.

‘
OK, how about this; after I’ve taken them to Harrods, can we come by your place for a coffee? I can bring lunch.’

I didn’t know how to turn that down without being rude.
‘Sure, why not. If you go by Mango Tree, bring me back some stir-fried rice, will you?’ 

‘
It’s a date,’ she said. ‘I’ll bring it over as soon as I can. But I fear it may take a while. I’ll text you when I see the light in the tunnel.’

‘
You know, you can just dump them and come over by your self.’

‘
Yeah, I know. But I was kind of looking forward to seeing Tommy, I have so much to tell him. You know, he’s never gonna believe that we met actually movie stars. And I haven’t even told him that I took the job.’

‘
Well, hang in there, and I will try to help you when you come over.’

After we had hung up, I continued my sketching. But I only managed to touch the paper once before the phone rang again. This time the caller ID made my stomach flutter.

‘Hey Chris’ I answered, feeling my breathing quickened. Would I ever have a normal reaction towards him?

‘
Hey, how are you? What are you doing?’ 

‘
What I’m always doing, I’m sketching.’

‘
In your studio?’

‘
Yes’

‘
What are your wearing?’

‘
Chris!’ I exclaim. I am not doing this over the phone.

‘
I’m kidding’ He laughs. ‘I only wanted to picture you sitting in your studio. I could picture you naked if you want.’

‘
Stop it!’ I blushed.

‘I called to ask if I could come by later.’

‘
I would love that.’ I really would. ‘But I’m having someone over in a couple of hours. I don’t know how long they’ll stay. How if I text you when they leave?’

‘
OK.’ He sounded disappointed. Did he expect me to sit a round and wait for him?

‘
You know, I have a life.’ I said.

‘
Yes, of course. I was just looking forward to seeing you. I’m leaving on Tuesday.’

I wasn’t prepared for the pain that stung my body, he was leaving in less than four days. And then I wouldn’t see him for two weeks.

‘I could call them and cancel’, I said, desperate to spend as much time as possible with him.

‘
No, its fine. I’ll come by later. After.’

We said goodbye to each other, and I could get back to my sketching. His voice had inspired me, and I knew now what I wanted to create. 

Around half past two
Frank buzzed up and told me Alice and her friends were here. I was still working in my studio, and was whipping off charcoal on my fingers as I opened the door. Alice came first, and she hugged me as she walked past to hang her jacket. Tommy came next, carrying several shopping bags Harrods.  The hallway got crowded, so I asked them to follow me into the living room.

Alice introduced me.

‘Sara, you remember Tommy, don’t you?’

I nodded, and shook his hand gently. He was tall and handsome, with dark brown hair reaching his shoulders. His face features were masculine, and he had huge poppy dog eyes that could melt your heart. His sm
ile reminded me of Alice, and I felt completely relaxed by his present.

‘
Nice to meet you again, Tommy.’ I smiled back, before looking past him to his girlfriend, who was standing looking around at my apartment. It was something familiar about her. She too was tall, and she had long blond hair with soft curls at the edges. She was wearing a fitted navy jumpsuit in knee length, with a vulgar low v-cut in the front. She had sunglasses in her hair, and big silver earrings. Her appearance made me think of the label high-class bimbo. At first, I thought maybe it was someone I went to school with a long time ago, but I quickly discarded that opinion. This was clearly someone with money, and not someone who grew up in my old small town.

‘
And this is Sandra,’ Alice continued, and the blond shifted her attention over to me. I was frozen. As soon as she turned around, I knew why she looked so familiar. I knew her. No, I didn’t know her, but I knew of her. She was in the picture my mother left me
.
             

‘Hey, Sara, is it?’ She reached for my hand, but hesitated when I didn’t give her mine. I got a grip of myself, and shook her hand briefly before letting go. My mind was twirling, jumping from one thought to another. Did she know we were half sisters? Did she even know about me? She has the same nose that I do. And the same face shape. I wondered what her real hair colour was. I’ve only seen her as a blond, but up close I could see the colour weren’t real. Why was she here? Was it a coincident, or did she have an alternate motive? Did her father, our father, know where she was? I doubted that. I knew he didn’t want me to have anything to do with his family. She was so beautiful. Why didn’t I get that gene? She was waiting for me to answer something, but I didn’t remember what.

She broke the silence first.
‘I’m Sofie Alexandra, but everybody calls me Sandra. It’s nice to meet you.’ Her accent was auditable, and her voice soft. ‘I’m sorry if I seemed curious at your apartment. You see, I’ve been here before, the last time a couple of years ago. We used to stay here when we visited London. Isn’t that a funny coincident?’

‘
Not really’ Alice intervened. ‘Alfred got her this place, it belongs to Bradford and Benner.’

‘
Really? You know Alfred Garden?’ She asked, watching me with curious eyes.

‘
He’s her lawyer. You can talk about that later’ Alice said, and took some bags to the table. ‘I’m starving. Can you grab some plates and forks, Sara?’

I was glad for an excuse to get out of there, and scrambled to the kitchen.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I call Alfred? Since the incident in Oslo, he had warned me to keep my distance. But this wasn’t my fault. Should I tell her? Should I ask them to leave? Why did I invite them here? If I had only gone and met them somewhere, it would be easier to bail. Now I was trapped. A part of me had wondered what they were like, my siblings, ever since I found out about them. Now I had the chance to know. I could ask her anything. I shouldn’t, though. I should act like normal, like I didn’t know her or know of her. She was just a girl visiting with her boyfriend. Did Tommy know? Of course not, not even Alice knew.

Eventually, I needed to come out from the kitchen. I grabbed four plates and some forks. But my feet didn’t move. I stood motionless in the middle of the floor when Alice came in after me.

‘What’s taking you so long. Didn’t you hear; I’m starving.’ She grabbed the plates from my hand and leaned in continuing in a whisper ‘I’m exhausted, she talks non-stop. She is worse than me!’

‘
Is that even possible?’ I whispered back, and laughed when she tried to punch me with her free hand.

‘
Did you buy any beverages?’ I asked and opened my fridge.

‘
No, I didn’t think about that. Do you have some wine?’ she said, and whispered ‘Please, pour me some wine.’

‘
I think I have some red left.’ I turned and reached for four wine glasses in the top cabinet.

‘
So you and your mystery man didn’t drink it all?’ She laughed whilst taking two of the glasses. ‘Hey, you never did tell me who it was.’

‘
I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I said, and grabbed a random bottle from the wine shelf in the corner. Then I ran back into the living room, before she could say anything else on the subject. Sandra and Tommy sat on the couch, their heads together whispering. They both looked up as we entered, seating ourselves in the recliners on the other side of the table. Then Alice started to unpack the food, and we ate whilst they all talked about their shopping adventures. I felt Sandra’s eyes on me several times, but I didn’t look up to meet them. I was picking my food with no appetite. Alice seemed to notice my silence, and tried to drag me into the conversation.