Breathless (14 page)

“You don’t recognize it? Boys, I’m ashamed of you. You’re home.”

Home… home. I’d had so many homes over the last, well, forever. My apartment home with Gracen. My Willow home with the Sullivan family. A few odds-and-ends houses from time to time. Hell. My family home in Prospect.

My family home in Prospect.

“It was torn down.” I thought it had been, or I heard it had. Maybe I wished it had. “Then how do you explain sitting inside it, genius?” Seth is really getting on my nerves, and that’s saying a lot because my nerves can’t take much more from anybody.

I don’t have an answer, but I’ll sure give him the best smart-ass remark I can muster. Lucien beats me to it, not that his answer is smart-assy in the least. Smart. But yet not smart-assy. Suck up. “It has to be close to two hundred years old, Seth. How is it still standing?”

Seth looks at Lucien.

Then back to me.

Then to Lucien.

Then me.

“You boys seriously want an HGTV tour of your house before you will believe that it’s yours? I don’t know the details.”

We both keep staring at him.

“Okay, fine. I do know the details. It was renovated in the early 60s. It’s been abandoned since the late 90s. I think there was a murder here… or a suicide… or the bank foreclosed. I don’t remember. But it
is
your house.”

Good to know. Memory lane will be so much less painful here where Lucien was my brother instead of anywhere else. Maybe if I can just picture it as a horrible 60s house, and not my childhood home, then maybe I can get through this without having another panic attack… or without killing any of my present company, myself included.

“Why are we here then? Why are we in Prospect and not Crimson Ridge? The light came from that direction.”

Seth places his hands behind his back and starts to pace like he does in his lectures. I hate his lectures. “Because this is where we need to be. Trust me.”

Of all the words he could’ve chosen, those were the worst two. “I’m not trusting you, I’m not working with you, and I’m definitely not telling you where the book is. Can I make myself any clearer?”

One minute Seth’s in the doorway, and the next he’s kneeling eye level in front of me, so close I can smell his breath and see his bright blue eyes with the ring around them start to glow. Even Lucien sits up straighter and calls Seth by name. Seth doesn’t pay him any attention.

“Boy, you don’t have a choice.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Gracen

O
NE MINUTE WE’RE STANDING OUTSIDE WATCHING
my body have a complete breakdown and kill half the state, and the next we’re standing in my bedroom. I’m not sure which is worse.

A person would think that standing and watching herself kill everybody—well the ones she hadn’t already killed—would win in the worst-experience-ever category, and that person would be right.

However, I think I’m numb.

I hate what she’s doing, what I’m doing.

But there isn’t anything I can do to stop it.

I want to. I’d do anything if it meant stopping her and fixing all the mistakes we’ve made. I don’t see how that can happen. I don’t know how to fix it.

So instead of watching the world burn, I’m standing here freaking out because I’m back in my old room with the white walls and my messy comforter. I never took the time to fix my bed after I spent three days in my blood-induced coma. Hart was in such a dang hurry to leave that fixing my bed, a bed I never thought I’d see again, seemed a bit pointless.

I think that’s why being in my room is so hard right now. I never in a million years thought I’d get to see it again. When I walked out to go back to Prospect, I never thought I’d be back. I never expected my life to be normal again, not that this is normal. It isn’t. It’s so far from normal.

Then again, I suppose I’m better off than those other people in the world. They don’t know what’s happening. They’re just going on with their normal lives when, bam, they die. No warning. No nothing. No bang. No whimper. Just the end.

And if they’re anything like me, they’re stuck in the Abyss.

Not singing in Heaven.

Not burning in Hell.

Here… in the Abyss. In the gray nothingness that is nothing like I ever thought I’d be in.

I get why I can’t enter Heaven. The demon blood and all. The fact that I’m the Abomination doesn’t help matters much. But I don’t understand why
they
can’t enter Heaven. Why there are people in the Abyss with me, why Marcy is here. And Colleen.

Colleen.

I turn to face her, and she’s still there. Still standing like she’d been on the street.

Not smiling.

Not frowning.

Just… there.

I can see what Hart and Lucien saw in her. She’s beautiful, with the darkest eyes I’ve ever seen. “I don’t understand. Why are you in the Abyss with me? Why aren’t you in Heaven?”

I don’t ask why she’s not in Hell because that seems rude.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Colleen…”

“What matters is getting focused and fixing the mess Hart made.”

“The mess Hart made? The mess we all made.”

She smiles sadly. “He was mine, Gracen. He and his brother, and I loved them both dearly. What I don’t love is what became of them after I died. What I don’t love is watching my family getting ripped out of Heaven. What I don’t…”

“Wait…” What the… “Ripped out of Heaven?”

Her head tilts to the side. “What did you think destroying everything means? Heaven is a thing. It’ll be destroyed along with everything else. When the Abomination is finished, nothing will be left.”

“Will everything go into the Abyss?” That sounds crowded… and horrible.

She shakes her head. “I have no idea. All I know is that I’ve seen people I haven’t seen in much too long and should’ve never seen again. Things are bad, Gracen. Bad everywhere, and it’s up to you to stop it. That’s why I’m here.”

“To help me stop it?”

She nods. “I’ve been in the Abyss a very long time. I know some of the short cuts. I learned by trial and error. You don’t have the time or the luxury. We have to get you to Seth.”

That one statement is the most surprising thing she’s said this entire time, or at least the thing that gets my attention the most. “Seth? No, not Seth. He tried to kill me.”

“Seth is the only thing, the only angel, who can save you. That can save us all.”

I stare at her, not sure what to say.

You’d think when the world ends, there’d be a lot of screaming. Car alarms at the very least should be blaring. Crying. Whaling. Something. I hear nothing. I think that’s the worst part—although there are so many worst parts—but the worst worst part is that there’s no sound except for Colleen talking, and now I’m not even convinced I’ve heard her at all. Maybe I’ve just been imaging her lips moving. Maybe I just heard her in my head.

But the thought that Seth is the one thing that can save everything is pretty hard to swallow. “Did he tell you that? He has a record of telling people lies and spinning the world on its side.”

“It’s true, though. Seth is a very powerful angel. All he needs is the book, and then he can fix things.”

“He did tell you, didn’t he?” I run my fingers through my hair and instinctively look at the mirror in my room on the dresser. I don’t except to see my blond hair like I used to have. I don’t even expect to see much of anything resembling what I looked like before.

But I do expect to see something, but there’s nothing.

No reflection.

Not a hint of movement.

Nothing.

I’m not anywhere anymore.

“He’s not wrong, Gracen. He can help.” Colleen sounds as brainwashed as Hart did when he thought Seth would help him get his revenge on his brother.

“I’m sure there are more powerful things in the world. Not him. You can’t trust him.”

“If you know any more powerful things we can call off hand, please, let me know. I’d be more than happy to give them a try, but for now, Seth is all we have.” She disappears from in front of me, and when she speaks again, she’s beside the window. The curtains moan on their rods by how hard she pulls them back. Moving things isn’t something I can do yet. I should learn how to do that.

“Look out there, Gracen! Look! See all those souls.”

I don’t have to look to remember all of them out there.

Colleen’s eyes narrow, and she disappears from in front of me. Then I’m pushed from behind toward the window, before she reappears in front of me, holding the curtain back again.

“Look, Gracen! Look what’s going on out there!”

I see it. I wish I didn’t. There are many more souls now. Wandering. Scared. Confused. Husbands and wives. Babies. Children. Marcy. Marcy is sitting with her back to the building across the street. Her knees are pulled up to her chest, and she’s rocking very slowly. Her eyes are trained straight ahead. I think she’s had a mental break. I think we all will soon.

“I can’t help her.”

I try to turn away, but Colleen grabs my wrist in a death grip and pushes me until my face is touching the glass. “Look at them! Look. That’s what you did to them. You, not Seth.”

“Seth made me.” Like she needs reminding. Maybe she didn’t know that. I don’t think she’ll care.

I’m right. “And he was wrong to do so. What you are is a thing that should never exist. But you do, and now we all, everything that has died and will die, everything in Heaven and in Hell, the Devil… God… we all have to deal with it. We all have to stop it. And I’m telling you, Miss Sullivan, that in order to do that, we need you to quickly learn how to maneuver in the Abyss. We need the book to get any kind of answers. And we need Seth to work his powers. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes.” I can’t fight her off because I have no idea how to make things move now. I need her to help me learn, but I don’t need her to tell me that working with Seth is a good idea. It isn’t. And I won’t. She doesn’t need to know that, though.

“Good.” She moves back, and I do too. I would say it was nice to breathe again, except I can’t breathe. I haven’t since I left my body. “Lesson the first, we need to teach you how to move objects and, truth be told, how to move from place to place. What did you do before?”

I shrug. “No idea. I got scared because these people were coming after me, and I closed my eyes and pictured my apartment. Boom. I was there.”

“Well, you have part of it down. The closing your eyes and picturing where you want to be, but we need to work on accuracy. You need to get to the exact place you want at the exact time you want. It took me years to perfect it. You have five minutes.”

Story of my life.

“Okay, first things first. Pay close attention. When you want to hold or move something, it isn’t as simple as just holding it. You have to mentally tell your hand what to do. For example think, ‘There is a cup. I will grab it. It will have weight. I will wrap my hand around it. I will pick it up. I will not let it fall.’“

That sounds incredibly… stupid.

“It works. Trust me.”

She trusts Seth. I can’t say she’s someone I really want to trust. I don’t see as I have any other choice.

“We don’t have time to try it out. Just remember those steps. In the real world, things are solid. There’s no question about it. Here, in the Abyss, you have to tell yourself that they’re solid. You have to remind your body that you are whole, that you can move things, and that there’s no way you’re going to let the things defeat you.”

I nod, terrified that I won’t be able to move things when the time comes. I don’t know what time that will be, but in my experience, time always comes. Whether you’re ready for it or not.

“Lesson the second, where do you want to be, Gracen?”

I clear my throat and have every intention of telling her I want to be wherever the Abomination is so I can stop her. I want to tell Colleen that I’m ready to fight no matter what, and if I have to stuff my soul back into our body through the Abomination’s mouth with a crowbar, I’ll do it…

Instead, I say, “I want to be with Hart.”

A soft smile pulls on her lips, and her face looks warm again. Not the scary, determined you-will-do-this expression she’s worn for the past few minutes. “Don’t we all.”

“I don’t mean…”

She takes my hands in hers. I can feel the heaviness of it. It’s strange. This entire time, I’ve felt light. My hands have felt light, and I keep just passing through things. This time, I feel solid, and I have no idea if it’s Colleen causing it or me. I’m guessing Colleen since I have no idea what I’m doing.

“Close your eyes and focus on Hart. Don’t focus on where you think he is, but focus on him. On his soul. On his spirit. Relax your mind. Get all of the other clutter out of there. Release all your fear. All your anger. All your insecurities… all your guilt. Only focus on Hart. Focus on your feelings for him. Focus on his feelings for you.”

It’s incredibly difficult to push past all the fear and anger. Especially the guilt. I have so much guilt. All of those souls out there are lost because of me.

“Focus.” Her voice is nice and calming. She’s rubbing her fingers over my knuckles. “Focus on Hart’s smiling face.”

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Hart’s smiling face…

Yes, I have. At the motel. He smiled at me. That was Sam, though. Hart in Sam’s body. He’s smiled at me at the farmhouse… in my dreams.

He would stand me up while the wind flew through my hair, pull me toward him. I’d have to lean back to look at him because he’s so tall. He’d look down at me like I meant the world to him.

He means the world to me.

My mind feels empty except for that dream. I focus on Hart’s smile, on the gentle wind, on the sweet smell of spring flowers. I focus everything I have there.

My hands fall to my side. The hands that were holding them are gone. My eyes fly open, and I notice that I’m not in Kansas anymore.

I’m not in my apartment or anywhere I’ve ever seen.

Colleen is gone.

Replaced by three strapping men. Well, two strapping men and an old fogie.

I made it.

I made it to Hart.

He’s not dead! He looks okay. Well, semi-okay. He’s here. I don’t know how he’s here, but he is. He looks different—like himself. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter. I made it to him!