Breathless (18 page)

“Lucien?” Hart runs over to Lucien and shakes his shoulders. “Lucien… Lucien wake up.”

“Lucien?” I kneel down beside Hart. It’s horrible to feel powerless, like there’s nothing I can do. And there isn’t. There isn’t one thing I can do for him.

Hart leans his ear to Lucien’s chest. “He’s not breathing. He needs a hospital. Now.”

“Call an ambulance.”

“No!” Hart stalls for just a second. Just one second before he says, “Get inside of him.”

“What? No!”

“Do it Gracen! You were inside me, and we ended up here. It could work with Lucien.”

“I don’t even know how I did that!” He can’t put all his hopes on me. It won’t work. I know it won’t.

Hart’s hands are trembling as he reaches for his brother’s pulse. “You have to. Please. Please at least try. I’ll call 9-1-1, but in the meantime, you get inside him. You think about the hospital, and you get him there.”

Hart gets up and grabs Lucien’s cellphone, which is on the floor under his hand. While Hart’s dialing, he’s giving me instructions. I keep my eyes on Lucien, trying to think of what I could do for him. Will Hart’s crazy plan work? I got him in here, didn’t I? Can I really move Lucien?

“Damn it! Nobody’s answering!” He clutches the phone in his hand and beats it on his forehead.

“Everybody’s probably dead there.” The cold reality hits me. Everyone is dead because of the Abomination. Men, women, boys, girls, doctors, nurses… EMTs.

Hart pauses and looks as me as the horror of what I’ve said hit him. Nobody can be saved because nobody is there to save them. Because she killed them all. Injuries from a car accident, injuries that could’ve been fixable, will kill Lucien because there’s nobody else around who can save him.

“I’m not going to let that happen. I’m not letting my brother die.” He slides down next to me. “I’m counting on you, Gracen. You’re his only hope. Get inside him. Take him over. Do whatever the hell you have to do, and you get him to a hospital in freakin’ China for all I care. Do it. Save him.”

I’m shaking now. I can’t do this. I can’t save anybody.

“I don’t know how.”

Hart gets very close to me. Thunder rumbles overhead. “Figure it out.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Gracen

F
IGURE IT OUT.

That’s easy for him to say.

Figure it out.

Like it’s the instructions on a pack of popcorn or something.

Like I even know how to freakin’ get inside someone, much less how to move them to make them do what I want.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I also know I’m Lucien’s only hope.

There isn’t anyone alive around here for miles. We can’t carry him anywhere, and I don’t know how to take care of him at home. Hart might have learned some basic first aid in the army, but I don’t know if he could do anything for Lucien. I think he’s in shock anyway.

“I’ll try.” I swallow hard and rack my brain, trying to figure out some way to do this. Colleen said I can do anything and move anything as long as I concentrate hard enough.

So I do.

I stand up and sit right on top of Lucien’s body. It feel so strange to be sliding in, all the while watching Hart. He’s counting on me, and I’m not sure I can do it.

If I can’t, Lucien will die.

I know that as plain as I know my name.

He doesn’t have much time.

When I get into position, I shut my eyes and concentrate on Lucien. Or at least some of the very few memories I have of him. I remember when he met me at the cafe one night to tell me he was an angel. He made me feel warm, something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. He made me feel like I had someone in my corner, even though later I found out that he hadn’t been sent there to save me, but to kill me. To keep me from killing others.

What a great job he did there.

“I saved your butt. Give me a little credit.” I can hear Lucien the same way I could Hart, with my mind, not my ears.

Unlike Hart, I don’t see the house. I guess because Lucien’s eyes are closed.

We’re in a forest. Green trees are all around us, birds are chirping; we are standing face to face, and he seems… peaceful. I don’t think I like that he’s peaceful.

“Gracen.” He smiles at me, and I smile back. Just like his brother, his smile is infectious.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m going to get you to a hospital. Just hold on.” I shut my eyes in the dream world, praying for some sort of miracle to actually pull this off.

“Gracen, stop.” He places his hands on my shoulder. It’s nice and solid. And I open my eyes. “Stop. There’s nothing you can do for me.”

“You aren’t dying. Hart won’t be able to handle it if you do.” I feel the panic taking over. It’s one thing to try to save someone. It’s entirely another when that person doesn’t want to be saved.

“I don’t want to die, sweetheart. Believe me. I want to help you guys fight the Abomination. I just… I’m tired. I’m old. And I want to go home.”

“You are home.” My voice cracks.

“Not my childhood home, though it was good to be back. My Heavenly home. I want to go home. Let me go home.”

He sounds so sad, so eager, so… I don’t know what… convincing, I suppose. He almost wants me to go home too. “You can’t. The demon blood…”

He shrugs. “None of that happened to this body. It was the angel Lucien, not me… not really.”

“Your soul. It was your soul.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know how it all works, but I know one thing. I need this to happen. And so do you. And so does Hart. So does the world.”

He’s not making any sense. I knew he was hurt, but I didn’t know he was hurt this badly. I feel his body start to shake and convulse. This isn’t right. It’s not right.

I shut my eyes and think of any place that might have a hospital. I won’t let him die. Gah! I can’t move him! When I was in Hart, all I had to do was think. With Lucien, it won’t work. Why won’t it work?

“Tell Hart it’ll be okay, that I’ll be okay. That it’ll all work out in the end. This is the last ingredient. The last piece of the puzzle. Tell him that we fought the good fight together. Tell him I forgive him, and tell him that…” Lucien starts to disappear. “Tell him that I love him.”

“Lucien! No!” I scream just as I’m ejected from his body and fall onto the floor. Hart reaches down to help me up before he realizes that he can’t touch me.

“Why are you still here? Why didn’t you zap him somewhere?”

If I could save him this heartache, I would. “I couldn’t. I tried, and I couldn’t.”

Hart’s fingers tremble as he reaches for Lucien’s neck. He touches where Lucien’s artery is. And waits all of two seconds. He moves his fingers down and pushes. “Come on… come on.”

He moves his fingers again, up and closer to Lucien’s chin.

He waits.

I wait.

I hold the breath I don’t even need.

“Damn it, Lucien! Breathe! Do something. Don’t do this to me!”

He won’t give up. Even when it’s obvious, Hart won’t stop trying to find a heartbeat.

He feels Lucien’s neck again, his wrists, back to his neck. “Please… please,” he whispers over and over. “Please.”

It’s too late.

“Lucien.” Hart sobs and pulls his brother into his arms. He buries his face in the nook of Lucien’s neck. He sits there holding Lucien for what feels like an eternity. There are sounds no one should ever hear—the sound of a grieving brother is one of them.

I just sit there. Useless while I stare at Lucien’s paling body.

I couldn’t save him.

Something catches my eye under the couch that I didn’t see before. I scoot over and try to grab for it, like an idiot. When I can’t on the first try, Hart comes over and scoops it up for me. “What is it?”

“Prescription medicine?” He opens the lid and shakes the container. “There’s nothing in it. Gracen… it’s empty. Why would there be…”

There are times when things become clear. Times when you think you know things, but you have no idea. This is one of those times.

“Who was the last person on his caller ID?”

“What does it matter?” Hart hasn’t put two and two together yet. No wonder. He’s mourning his brother.

“Check.”

He wipes his red eyes and checks his phone. “Last call was from Seth Mitchell. What the hell?”

I stand because I can’t take looking at Lucien like this anymore. I turn my back and walk toward the front door. I feel like I’m going to throw up. If I could, I would have by now.

“What’s going on? Gracen? What did Lucien do? Surely, he didn’t take all of these pills. No way would he have killed himself. He wouldn’t do it.”

“Unless Seth told him to.” I have no emotion in my voice. I should feel sad, scared, mad. I should feel so many things. Instead, I feel nothing. That’s not true. I do feel something. I feel regret. And so much anger.

“Why would Seth tell my brother to kill himself? Why would my brother even listen to him if he did?”

I swallow hard and try to get myself together before I turn toward Hart. I’ve never been able to watch men crying in movies or on TV shows. Not that I don’t think men should cry. Quite the contrary. I think everyone should cry if they have the need. It’s hard for me to watch because it makes me hurt for them. When I see how scared Hart is, how upset, how his world has literally turned upside down, and not just from the wreck and injuries from the wreck, but from what appears to be a suicide. I can’t… I don’t know how I can tell him.

He’s to me in two steps and towers over me. “Gracen, he told you something, didn’t he? When you were inside him. What did he tell you?”

“He said…” I have to clear my throat. “He said to tell you that it’ll work out in the end. That you fought the good fight. That this was the last ingredient, and that everything would be all right.”

“The last ingredient?” Hart backs up but keeps his eyes locked on me. “The last ingredient.” Understanding washes over him. “Damn him.” He whispers as he stumbles over to his brother’s side. Helpless, I stand there and watch as Hart takes Lucien’s hand in his. “Damn you.”

I don’t know if he’s talking to me or his brother. Maybe both.

Lucien’s gone.

He died to save us.

I don’t know if Hart will ever forgive him for it.

I don’t know if Hart will ever forgive me for it.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Hart

O
LDER BROTHERS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO DIE
, especially when they’re already dead.

I can’t say that I fully understand what happened, but I know enough to know that’s Seth’s fault.

It’s probably mine too.

It was bad enough when I thought it was injuries from the car crash that killed him, but to know that it was by his own hand…

Why?

Gracen seems to have a theory.

I don’t care about any theories or why.

I just care that my brother had a second chance, and then he took it away from himself.

I pull him into my lap, rocking him back and forth. I can’t process this. Not really. It’s like a bad dream, a nightmare that someone put in my head to make me go crazy.

I just got him back, and now he’s gone. No goodbyes. No making up.

I never got to truly tell him I’m sorry for shooting him.

Funny how I didn’t mourn him the first time he died. I was happy I did it.

This time… there is no happiness.

Even if Lucien had a good reason for doing what he did, I can’t handle it.

I hear my sobs.

They don’t even feel like they’re coming from me. They sound like something out of a horror movie. I can’t stop it. I can’t stop them. I feel like I can’t stop anything, and there’s nothing I can do.

I can’t go on without my brother.

I don’t want to go on without my brother.

I know we’ve had a lot of differences. Hell, I fought with him for over a hundred years, but I’d just gotten him back. Neither of us were supernatural beings. We were both humans. Humans who could reconnect, and I thought that was what we’d do.

I guess we’re reconnecting.

I’m reconnecting over a corpse.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t think.

I can’t let my brother go.

I rock him like our mother used to do when we were little. If I could think of that song she used to sing, I’d sing that too.

I wouldn’t care who was listening.

He’s dead.

I have to get him back, somehow. I don’t have any idea how or even if I can, but I’m not okay and I won’t be okay until this ends.

I’ve lost my mother.

I’ve lost Gracen.

I’ve lost my brother.

How is it okay for them to be gone when I’m still alive? It makes no sense. It’s crazy, and I won’t let it go down like this.

Something smacks me on the shoulder, and I turn around, ready for battle. If it’s Gracen, I’ll back off. I’d never hurt her. Not now. Not ever again.

If it’s someone else, I’ll beat the living shit out of them.

It’s Seth.

I’ll beat the living shit out of him.

I lay Lucien down gently and stand face to face with the monster that I know had something to do with my brother’s death. I ball up my fist and swing it through the air, hitting nothing.

I turn and find Seth standing with his back against the doorframe and the book hugged in his arms. “Are you finished yet?”

“I’ve not started.” I run toward him and swing again. Again I get nothing but air, and Seth is standing next to the kitchen. “Damn it, Angel. Stand in one spot so I can kick your ass. What were you doing, telling Lucien to off himself? What possible bit of good could that do? Did Heaven need another angel? Is that it?”

“No, he’s not going to be an angel. I had to work some magic to sneak him in, demon blood and all that, so he’s going to have to lay low.”

“Wait.” It’s Gracen’s turn to speak up. “He said the demon blood didn’t count because he was in his human form now or something.”

Was he really dumb enough to believe that? “I had to tell him that and make him believe it so he’d go through with it. I know that going back to Heaven was priority one for Lucien, next to stopping the Abomination. I gave him exactly what he wanted, save for the wings. You should be thanking me.”