Breathless (Meadowlarks) (26 page)

“Of course not, try and sleep, babe,” Addison
said, standing to hug me.

Upstairs, in my old bedroom, I change
d into pajamas and crawled into bed. I turned on my side, and curled my body, hugging myself. For a second, I felt like a teenager again. Like I was in bed, on a school night, wide awake but in desperate need of sleep. My dad would come in, sit on the bed, and offer me some warm milk, or sleepy time tea.

Either worked.

“You know, you’re a lot like me,” he would say. “Your mind never shuts off. It’s a torturous gift. I don’t think I’ve slept a wink in forty years.”

I laughed. “Oh no? So is it mom snoring like a bear in there?”

“Don’t let her hear you say that,” he joked. “Try and get some sleep. You’ll wish you had done it more often when you’re my age.”

I
fell the bed shift when Alex crawled in, trying to be quiet by failing miserably.

I
rolled over and looked into his imperial blue eyes. “I love you.”

He smile
d. “I love you.”

“Make love to me,” I whisper
ed.

“Riley, really? Right now?”

I nodded. “I need you, please. I need to feel you, I miss you.”

Alex pull
ed me into him, and kissed my hair. “I miss you too. I feel such a distance from you lately. Well, not lately…it’s been a while.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You must be getting old. I’m gonna have to trade you in for a newer model.” Alex chuckled.

I pushed back.
“Oh, really! I thought you liked older women?”

He gape
d. “Who told you that?”

“I’m not stupid, Alex. Plus, I can just tell. You’ve been in love with me for as long as I can remember.”

He quietly laughed again. “So, what’s the problem?”

“You’re still talking, and not making love to me. Rectify the situation before I dry up into some old bitty!”

He kissed my mouth with reckless abandon. His hands curled into my hair and kneaded through the tendrils. When he pulled his mouth away, his hot breath ignited my lips and drove me crazy.

This time,
it was all Alex inside of me. No visions of tattooed and controlling men, no shaved heads or emerald eyes.

All Alex.

Every last inch of him.

The man I’m meant to be with, the man I’ve taken for granted, on more than one occasion. The man who fathered my child, and
is raising my other as his own.

He’s the man that he didn’t have to be.

Chapter Eighteen

I called Pine Ridge to let Sara know that I would need a little more time before I could come back to work. She said she had already spoken to the Casey’s, and they completely understood. I tried not to chuckle into the phone—there was no way Weston Casey possessed the emotion to understand the feelings of anyone but himself.

Regardless, I thank
ed Sara and let her know I would call her when I returned to Wyoming.

That
afternoon we were gathering with all of our friends and family, to bury my father. My uncle Wes, who I hadn’t spoken to since his imposter wife stole my son, was giving a eulogy, as well as my Aunt Marielle, and myself.

“What can I say about Clive,” Wes began. “Well, not much to say, really. You all knew him, in one way or another. He was the best brother any man could ask for. My parents, if they were here, would probably tell you he was the child who behaved better, but
Marielle and I could tell you a few things about Clive that would change your mind.”

The
congregation laughed.

“He met Ann, did the whole falling in love thing
…I never got that one right, myself.”

More laughter.

“And then they had their little Riley. Boy, I still remember the day she was born. Clive said, “I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love twice.” But, he did. And those two women right there, are the living proof that it’s possible to love so hard you can see through anything. Clive carried his family, and in turn, they carried him. He knew what he was leaving behind. But, he also knew that they would be okay without him.”

There
wasn’t a dry eye in the entire church.

“Love you, little brother. Until we meet again.”
Uncle Wesley kissed his hand, and lifted it toward the sky.

Aunt Marielle
wasn’t able to speak after listening to her brother’s eulogy. She got up on the podium, smiled while forcing back her tears, and apologized before she stepped back down.

The preacher ask
ed me if I was ready to speak. I nodded.

Getting up on the podium, I stare
d out at everyone, I saw so many loving faces. So many that were related, or worked with, or went to school with, or just knew him from the country club and played golf with my dad. They were all there for him.

I clear
ed my throat.

“When I went to sleep last night I dreamed of my dad. And when I woke up today, I found this
under my pillow.” I held up a small piece of paper and read it aloud.

There
was sobbing, and laughing, and wailing and then quiet. I stepped down, wiping my face, and sat down beside my mother.

“Thank you, baby,” she whisper
ed, and leaned her head down on my shoulder. I took her hand and squeezed it.

After his casket
was lowered into the ground, every one met back at my parents’ house for a reception. And, just like any other “small gathering”, it was anything but. That was exactly how my dad would have wanted it. He wouldn’t have liked the idea of us sitting around, wearing black veils and sobbing in a room full of crumpled tissue.

He would want this: a backyard full of life, celebrating
his
life. So, we did. We drank wine, and our glasses clinked to his name. We ate, and conversed. Just like he was actually here with us—well, in spirit anyway. I knew he would always be with me.

***

We were going to spend a few more nights in Maine, before leaving to go back home to Wyoming. It didn’t take much to convince my mother to come with us, even if it was just for a short while.

After everyone ha
d left, we all fell asleep. Mom again, on the chaise. Alex snored softly, I watched him for a few moments, but I felt restless. I got out of bed, wrapped a robe around myself and cinched it at my waist.

I
crept outside, and sat on the grass in the front yard. Eventually, laying back and staring up at the stars. Normally, I wouldn’t dare do that…knowing what creepy crawlies were probably under me. But tonight, I couldn’t care less.

I la
id there, connecting the constellations, and smiling while thinking about my dad being so high above the very same stars. I sat up on my elbows when I heard a car door gently close.

Someone walk
ed up the lawn in the darkness, and under the faint moon light, I saw who it is. I fell back down to the grass, exhaled and opened my mouth. “Sit down and stay awhile, why don’t ya.”

“Grass still looks good, after all these years,” Dane
said, sitting down beside me. “And so do you, of course.”

“Not the time, Sullivan.”

“Sorry about your dad, Riley. I actually wanted to talk to you sooner, but I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

“Oh no? Whatever gave you that impression?” I ask
ed, cynically.

He shift
ed down, and started to lay down.

“Don’t lay down,” I whine
d.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

He chuckle
d quietly. “Too late, I’m already down. I’m committed now. Besides this view is way better.”

I elbow
ed him playfully.

“How’s Isaac?”

I exhaled. “He’s good. Well, sad. But, in regards to what happened to him—he’s actually okay. How are you?”

“Ah
fuck, you know me. I’m fine.”

I snort
ed.

“It’s funny, after all these years
, I finally have you laying on the grass. Do you know how many times I wanted to just throw you down and nail you into the sod?”

“You’re such an asshole.”

Dane laughed softly. “That’s why you fell so hard, I know it.”

I blink
ed, not sure of what to say.

Dane clear
ed his throat. “Anyway, I just wanted to give my condolences, and make sure you were okay.”

“What if I wasn’t?”

“Well, I don’t know. I would have to fuck you into feeling better?”

“You’ll never change. But thanks, regardless, for thinking of me.”

“You’re welcome.”

Dane and I la
id there, on the same grass he planted over eleven years ago, talking about mundane things and staring at the night sky. If my dad were looking down on me at this very moment, he’d probably find way to make it rain.

I w
oke to the birds chirping, and the blazing morning sun in my face. I was on the porch, on the outdoor wicker sofa. I lifted my head and pulled out the black make-shift pillow. Dane’s jacket. I laid my head back down, groaned, and hugged it.

I love
d to hate that man.

I was
the first to wake, and I sleepily walked into the house and made some coffee. I’m going to try this no cream or sugar thing one more time. I set a mug of steaming coffee down on the stand beside the chaise my mother was sleeping in.

“Mom,” I sa
id, softly. “I made coffee.”

I sh
ould let her sleep, but if we were going to leave for Wyoming today, she would need time to prepare herself to leave the house and collect some items to bring with her.

“How did you sleep?” I ask
ed her, handing her the mug once she was sitting up.

“Actually,” she
said, stretching. “Good. For the first time, in a long time. I know I should be sobbing, but I feel peaceful, Riley. It probably sounds silly, but I know we’ll be okay. Dad and I talked so much about what would happen after he was…gone. He said I would feel this way. I said he was crazy.”

I smile
d, and leaned in to her embrace. “Are you ready?”

“I am, let’s pack.”

***

It was Saturday, and I let Sara know that I was able to return to work on Monday. She asked if I was sure, I said yes. I wasn’t sure if I really
am
sure, but I can’t just sit around the house all day, or I’ll go stir-crazy.

Sunday
was Chase and Blaine’s dual birthday party. I told Addison that I wanted to make the cake, and she happily accepted my offer since she has some much on her plate already. My mom and I whipped up the batter, baked two tiers, and were sitting at the kitchen table in my house, icing our masterpiece.

“I like it here,” she
said. “It’s so quiet, and peaceful.”

I smile
d. “Yeah, it’s different than what we’re used to, that’s for sure.”

“I could stay, you know.”

I blinked at my mother. “Really?”

“Well, I don’t want to intrude, so I would probably get my own place in town.”

“Mom, no. You don’t have to do that. You can stay here for as long as you want!”

“I’m not sure if I want to sell the house, though. It has so many memories. Maybe we could just keep it…for a vacation spot
.”

Around ten
the next morning, we packed up the truck and headed over to Addison and Blaine’s house. Balloons were tied with ribbon to the posts at the end of their driveway, and other than a few more random balloons strung around, it wasn’t overkill. Maria and Kelsey would be pouting when they saw it, I bet.

“Looks good, love.” I hugged
Addison when I walked into her kitchen and set down the cake.

“No, THAT looks good! It’s beautiful, you guys!” Addison gushe
d over the birthday cake. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you. Now, where’s is the little birthday boy?”

“Blaine took the boys to the grocery store to pick up a few last minute things. He should be back soon.”

“Awe, that’s so sweet.”

“Chase started walking last night,” Addison said, her eyes welling with tears. “It was amazing, we both cried.”

“I would have, too.”

Blaine’s truck pulled into the driveway, and Alex went outside to help him bring in the boys and whatever else he had. Blaine stepped through the door and had Chase in his arms, Alex carried Seth and a few grocery bags.

“I think I got it all,” Blaine
said, kissing Addison’s cheek. “Alex, there’s beer in the back of the truck.”

Alex hand
ed me Seth and went back outside.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart!” I sa
id to Chase, kissing his little hand. “Happy Birthday, Blaine.”

“Thanks, Ry,” Blaine
said, looking at Chase. “Well, are you ready to party, buddy?”

Chase start
ed to clap his hands together, bouncing in Blaine’s arms he began to jabber about something.

My mom walk
ed over to see the boys. “Well, aren’t you just a handsome little guy!” She said to Chase.

He lean
ed into Blaine’s chest, hiding his face from my mom, but peeking back at her through his long dark lashes and smiling.

Oh, he’s gonna be a heart-breaker for sure. Both he and Seth are. Look out, ladies of Sheridan: Blaine and Jeremiah version 2.0.

We sang happy birthday, cut and ate the cake, and sat back while Blaine sat with Chase on his lap and let him tear open his presents. Addison gave Seth the wrapping paper, so he didn’t feel left out. Which was fine by him, he crumpled and threw balls of giftwrap at Alex playfully. Alex, tossed them right back.

That
was exactly what I needed after such an emotionally draining week. Sitting there with my family, laughing and smiling, playing and just having a good day. Celebrating the birth of Chase, and seeing how much he was treasured.

Back at home, I help
ed my mother finish settling into a bedroom. That made four out of the six that were currently occupied. I just couldn’t bring myself to change Jeremiah’s bedroom. His bed was still partially un-made, from where he had slept and then pushed the blanket back when he woke up on his last day of life. There were still work clothes hung over the top of the closet door, and a few pair of clean socks balled into the other on top of the dresser.