Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) (17 page)

H
olly could feel the tension in the air the second she sat down in Hunter’s car. He gripped the steering wheel and she could see the muscle in his jaw working.

“What’s wrong?” She didn’t know if she wanted to know.

“Nothing.” He bit out.

“We don’t have to go to my dad’s house if you don’t...”

“No, that’s fine.” He said, his cold eyes flashing her way. “But I’m not sure why you want to associate yourself with him. He’s an adulterer and you...” He raked his hand through his hair and started the car. “I just don’t think it is good for you to be surrounded by people who are going to lead you astray.”

“He made a mistake and so did I.” His words stung, but she tried to push the pain away.
He had a right
, she thought.

“If this is going to work out, you can’t make any more mistakes.”

His sarcastic emphasis on the last word left her little doubt to how he really felt about her. “Hunter, how many times do I have to tell you how sorry I am...?”

“Until you make it go away!” His shout reverberated throughout the car.

He pulled over to a parking lot. “I am trying to forgive you. I am trying to get past all of this.”

He looked out the window, his jaw working again. Finally he spoke, his voice calm, but his anger was as vibrant as the fall foliage that surrounded them. “I want to, but it is always there.”

Holly looked down at her hands in her lap. Stifling the tears, she whispered, “My father has been teaching me a lot about surrendering my life to God.”

“You’ve been learning about God from him?”

She jerked her head toward him, and she could tell he was sorry for what he said, but the words stung just the same.

“Yes, he has been showing me that what I focus on is what I will be a slave to. When we were married, I was focused on my past, my emotions, your jealousy and rigid view of everyone, especially your mom.”

“You’re not going to blame...”

“Just listen, Hunter.” She interrupted his angry tirade. “I was focused on all of that, but I never took any of it to God. I never said, ‘Hey, God, I am feeling so unworthy and unloved. I am tired of Hunter accusing me and when he goes off on his mother, I feel like he is going off on me. I feel the stain of her sin just as much as I feel the stain of my parents’ sin. I need You, God, to help me sort this out. Right my wrong thinking.’”

She took a steadying breath before she continued. “I understand you have a right to be angry about what happened with Seth.”

“Anger is not a strong enough word.”

She tried to touch him, but he jerked back. Holly sighed and continued, “My father told me that whatever you obey, you become a slave to it. I obeyed my emotions, and they led me around. You are obeying your anger. It is leading you around and you cannot forget what your mom did, and you won’t be able to forget what I did until you let God work in your heart.”

“So you are all fixed and healed, ready to move on.” Sarcasm dripped from his words.

“I want your love and I want your forgiveness. Hunter, you will always be in my heart, and I want you in my life.”

“Holly, I really want to move on.” His jaw set, he bit out the next words between clenched teeth. “But I can’t even kiss you without seeing...” His unspoken words hung between them.

“My dad taught me that we look at the surface of people and we see their sins – but underneath the sin is what God works with. When he comes to eradicate our sin, he just doesn’t take care of the surface, He shines His light into the depths of our heart. He doesn’t just say don’t commit adultery, He changes us - He takes our past, our emotions, and all of our twisted thinking - and He changes us through His word and through His love.”

Tears stung her eyes as she thought of the dining room table her dad and she had been working on when he was talking with her about this. With a soft smile she said, “Like a beat up piece of furniture someone has thrown away as unusable, God comes in and peels back the layers to get to the beauty that is hidden underneath all the filth and junk that has been placed on top of it.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It isn’t. I have been working through my own forgiveness with my mom and what my dad did. But I know I really can’t be reconciled with God if I hold all this judgment and condemnation in my heart.” She placed her hand on his arm and said, “And we can’t be reconciled until there is forgiveness.”

He was silent for a moment, and said, “I am sorry. I want to work past this, but...”

“Hunter, I will honor our marriage, even if I didn’t while we were still married. If you want me...if you can forgive me, I will be here waiting for you. But until then, I think it would be best if I just stayed away. I can see how much I am hurting you.”

He brushed a strand of hair from her face, and she felt the tenderness of his touch, but saw the pain in his eyes.

“I love you, but I can’t hurt you any more than I already have. My presence in your life these past few weeks has robbed you of all your peace.”

“Peace.” He scoffed. “I don’t think I’ve had that since you’ve walked out the door.” He cupped her face, and she thought he might kiss her; his mouth came so close she could feel his breath as he whispered. “I am miserable without you.”

Pulling back, he let his hands fall ineptly to his side. She finished his sentence. “But you are miserable with me.”

He didn’t answer, but Holly didn’t need it. “It’s okay, just take me home.”

“Y
ou are such a blind, pig-headed fool!” Grace stood before Hunter, her hands on her hips.

“By all means, don’t hold back your opinion of me.” He drawled, taking a sip of the brandy he had bought just yesterday.

“Don’t be cavalier!” Grace snatched the glass from his hands and the bottle from his desk and threw them into the nearby trashcan.

“Do you think getting drunk is going to help any more than pushing her away did?”

“I didn’t push her away.” He corrected. “She went to someone else.”

“She is sorry for that. She has gone to God, repented, and found peace.”

“Good for her.” He ran his hand across his face, vaguely recognizing that he needed to shave.

“She won’t even come to the wedding.” Grace’s anger was tinged with sadness.

His sarcasm abated. “I didn’t tell her she couldn’t come.”

“Maybe not in so many words. But she loves you, Hunter. She is broken by what she did and she won’t bring you anymore pain.”

“I tried, Grace. I couldn’t get past...” Hunter shook his head, whispering, “I can’t be blind like our father and just forget...”

Grace growled in frustration. “But you are blind. You can’t see past your own righteous anger to see where you have a part in all of this.”

“Now you sound like her, making this all my fault.” He slammed his hand down on the desk. “I didn’t tell her to jump into Seth’s arms.”

“No, what she did was wrong.” She came around to his side of the desk and spun the office chair around, kneeling at his feet. “It takes two people to make a marriage strong, and two people can weaken it as well.”

Hunter remembered Holly’s accusation that he was so rigid in his judgment of her.

Grace continued. “Our parent’s sins were their sins, but you brought them into your own marriage and you ruined it. You are trying so hard not to be 'blind' like Daddy, when what you didn't see was Daddy's love. Yes, mom cheated, but Daddy offered her mercy and love. He bridged the gap her sin had caused in their marriage because he loved her. She changed that day. His love changed her. His
forgiveness
changed her.”

She got up and stormed out of the room. Hunter rested his throbbing head in his hands, but he jerked his head up when a book slammed on the desk moments later.

“I found it with mom’s things when I was looking for something old for the wedding.” He picked up the worn leather diary, and opened it up to see the familiar handwriting of his mother scrawled across the pages.

“Read it.” Grace said, her voice was no longer filled with anger, just pity. “Maybe her words will cause your blind eyes to be opened.”

He stared at the empty doorway long after Grace had left. Opening the diary, he read his mom’s words.

I have fallen, despite my best efforts otherwise. Edward, my sweet Edward, is gentle and kind. He doesn’t deserve a wretch like me. He cherishes me, and I can feel that. But I want more - no, I need more than he can give me. I remember when I agreed to marry Edward. I thought that his love would be enough. But then I met Will. His smile made my stomach flutter, and when he brushed past me the other day, his eyes twinkled a promise that ignited something within me. I thought that just one kiss would be enough to squelch that fire - slake the thirst that had begun to grow in me. But it just left me wanting more. Our night was filled with passion - yes, passion! That is what I have been missing with Edward. My sweet Edward that warms my heart with his kind love, but I want more than just sweet love. Tonight, as I slithered out of Will’s bed like the snake that I am, I was feeling anything but satisfied. If anything, I feel more emptiness. I am trying hard not to go back to Will, but this emptiness gnaws at me, seeking to be filled at whatever cost.

Hunter slammed the book, unable to read another word. He didn’t know what Grace had hoped to accomplish, but he certainly wasn’t feeling any more lenient toward his mother. If anything, it was worse.

He ran a hand down his stubbly jaw. Shower, shave, and then right a wrong.

Two hours later, he walked into Holly’s store.

“She’s in the back office, dear.” Katie told him. “Just head back that way.”

As he neared, he heard her speaking with someone, and the joy in her voice brought back memories of when he had taken her on a ski trip to Seven Springs where he proposed to her. She had been less distant, warmer, and he had been captivated by it.

“My dad will love you, Mark. Don’t worry.” Hunter slid to a halt in the doorway at her words. She had her hand over the handsome young man’s arm. The smile in her eyes as she looked up at him made him want to punch the guy in the face for even looking at his wife that way.

The couple turned as they became aware of him. Mark, seeing the anger flashing in Hunter’s sapphire eyes, murmured a low, “Thanks, Holly.” The man brushed past Hunter.

“Hunter, what are you doing here?”

He wanted to deny the path his thoughts were trotting down, but the words of his mother echoed in his head. ...
this emptiness gnaws at me, seeking to be filled at whatever cost.
Was that how Holly felt? Unworthy, that is what Holly said he made her feel like. His thoughts solidified his erroneous judgment of the situation – Mark was just another attempt at her filling her emotional needs.

“You know you have all these people coming to your defense. Seth, my sister...do they even know what a little liar you are?” He hadn’t meant to lash out, but his anger wouldn’t let his mind filter his words

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play innocent. I saw the way you looked at him....”

Holly laughed, and it was like hammering nails into his heart. How dare she laugh in the face of his pain?

“Mark?” She shook her head, her fiery hair tumbling around her shoulders. “He’s dating my sister. I was just reassuring him...”

He cut off her explanation. “You expect me to believe that?”

The smile vanished from her face. She crossed her arms over her chest but remained silent. Finally she spoke. “I guess not.” Turning from him, she added, “but it is the truth.”

Truth
, he scoffed.
Like she even knew the definition word.

She handed him her cell phone. “What is this?” He asked.

“Look at the calls. Search the pictures.” There was no anger, no indignation - just submission.

There was a tiny part of him that said she was innocent and to just drop it. That part was drowned out by the anger that was demanding proof. Skimming through the pictures, he saw she still had photos of them, and his anger slowly abated with each one they passed until he came to one of Mark with another girl. They were obviously in a loving embrace. A small twang of guilt strummed through him, but the next picture sang a song of shame. Holly had a copy of the sonogram. He stared down at the black and white picture of Heather.

Clearing his throat of the lump that had suddenly formed, he put the phone down on her desk. He wanted to apologize, but instead he said, “I came to tell you should come to the wedding. Grace really wants you there.”

“And you?”

Say it.
His eyes fell on the picture staring at him from the desk - their baby demanding he forgive her. “Please, just come.”

Her eyes fell to the phone. She lifted her chin, but he could see the pain in her eyes. He wanted to erase that pain, but his feet remained planted in the floor.

“Hunter, I want to move on, but I need your forgiveness.”

His heart stung at her words. “I can’t give it to you.”

S
he thinks it is so easy to wash her hands and walk away.
Hunter straightened the bow tie on his tuxedo and stared at his reflection in the mirror. The man that looked back at him was a mess, haunted and damaged by the sins of others.