Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) (19 page)

There were several weeks without entries, and then, four days before Grace was born, the tear stained page revealed more.

My husband has found out. He asked me point-blank today about the affair. I wanted to lie. I wanted to cover up my sins to keep our peace. But I am weary of hiding. It turns out he has had his suspicions all along. Now he knows everything. My soft-hearted, sweet husband yelled at me like he has never done before. He called me names that stung me to the core - but they are true - too true. I begged him for mercy. I begged for forgiveness. He stormed off, not a trace of love or compassion was on his face. He has such a close walk with God. If he can’t forgive me, I know God can’t.

Three days later, there was another entry.

I have started to have contractions. Hunter is safe with his grandmother, though he has been questioning where his father is. What am I supposed to tell him? When he learns the truth, will he hate me like his father? And what of the child in my belly? Will she grow up under the stain of her conception? Will she be able to rise above my foolish sins? I pray that God will have mercy on my children, despite my own stupidity. Please, do not let them pay for what I have done.

Hunter felt the sting of his mother’s prayer for him and Grace. He tried to brush it aside as he read the next entry.

Grace - that is the name my husband chose. He walked in to the room today, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. The warmth of his love was absent - but there was hope in his eyes. He has given me hope, too. When he asked what I had decided to name her, I told him I hadn’t yet. Though I didn’t voice it, he knew choosing a name was something we were supposed to decide together. He asked me if I loved him. The question stung, and my heart hurt from the pain I knew I had inflicted upon him. I told him I never knew what love was until he showed me. What I thought was love with Will was merely a cheap imitation, but what Edward and I had was a valuable treasure, and I promised I wouldn’t take it for granted again. There was no smile in his sapphire eyes, a sadness I had put there strangled his smile. But he laid his hand gently on the baby’s head and said, “Grace - that should be her name.” He cleared his throat, and my heart hurt again at the visible sign of the pain I had caused him. He went on to explain. “I wanted to hate you. I wanted to get Hunter and leave you forever. But God reminded me that His love for me is unconditional. I offer you that same kind of love, too, if you want it.” I wanted to say so much, but I could only nod eagerly. He then told me she would be called Grace because she would teach us how to bridge the gap between the pain of what I had done and the love we felt for each other.

The rest of the entries filled in the gaps in his memories. These were behind the scenes look at the parents he never really knew. His father not only showed her how to love, but showed her Christ’s love. Neither were blind to the looks they received around town, and his mother wanted to leave so Hunter and Grace wouldn’t be affected. It was his father who said he felt like they were supposed to remain to show others what it truly meant to forgive.

Grace had known about her real father since she was sixteen. Again, it was his father who had initiated the discussion.

All this time,
Hunter thought,
and Grace never told me.

The diary was helpful and hurtful at the same time. He saw a different side to his father. He wasn’t the blind man he always thought he was. He had endured all for what he felt God had told him to do. No – he didn’t endure –he embraced God’s will for his life, even though it cost him dearly.

Hunter swiped at the tears he hadn’t realized were coursing down his cheeks. He had spent all these years blaming God for everything.

Later, he wouldn’t remember how long he stayed hunched over his desk, sobbing into the crook of his arm. He cried for the years he had spent being angry at his mother. He cried for the years he had spent resenting his father. He cried for Janessa, knowing he had a part in her decision to cheat on him. He cried for the years in his marriage to Holly that he had wasted being angry about everything. He cried for failing to encourage his wife - instead he had just belittled her.

“I am sorry, God, for putting all that before You and Your word. I knew better, but I shut out Your truth and I just let my anger drag me around, wrecking into everything I touched.” With a sob, he added, “Lead me, Lord. Cleanse my heart and lead me into a deeper walk with you.”

“I
was thinking about...what if I come up with a reason to call -”

Holly’s dad cut her off. “Holly.” Her name was a gentle warning on his lips.

It had been two months since she had last spoken to Hunter. Grace had been by the store after she returned from her honeymoon last week. The pictures of the wedding Grace showed her were beautiful, and she had smiled, but inside she was crying at every one that featured Hunter. Anger was etched into every handsome line on his face. As much as she wanted to call him, she knew he didn’t have any forgiveness to offer her.

Holly put her back into sanding the wood on the desk she and her father were working on. “I miss him.”

“I want you two to get back together. I have been praying for healing to come to both of your hearts - to your marriage.” Her dad hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her eyes toward his. “But coming up with a lie to call him...you are not making decisions based on God’s will.”

Holly sighed, turning away from him again. She knew what he said was true - but her heart just really wanted Hunter’s love again. “I know, I know. It is my emotions calling the shots again.”

Her dad dropped his tool, and turned to her, taking her but the shoulders so she was forced to look at him. “I know you want his forgiveness. I know you want him back.” Gathering her in his arms, he gently said. “But it needs to be on God’s timing, not yours. Otherwise, it won’t work.”

She nodded against his chest. “I just wish....”

“I know, Honey. However, surrendering to God means that - no matter what He calls you to - you are willing to go there.”

“Even if it hurts.”

Her dad kissed her on the top of her head. “Yes, even if it hurts. You can only do it because you value Him, you trust Him, and you love Him above everything and everyone else.”

Holly’s words came out in a soft, weary rush. “...and because I know Him enough to believe that any pain he has asked me to endure means that there is a purpose behind it - even if I never see the purpose this side of Heaven.”

T
he bell over the door chimed as Hunter entered the boutique. He had driven to her store at least ten times over the past month, but he had never been able to get out of the car. Hunter knew it was time to offer her forgiveness, allowing her to move on as she wanted. But every time he opened his car door to go offer her the mercy she needed to be at peace, his own peace shattered.
I don’t want to give her up, God.

The sound of Katie’s laughter interrupted his thoughts. They must not have heard the bell announcing his entrance. Making his way back to the dressing area, he heard Katie insist. “Holly, you have to try it on. You will look so gorgeous in it.”

Hunter walked in to see Katie holding the wedding gown in front of Holly. Her auburn hair fell in a fiery waterfall around her shoulders, a stark contrast to the ivory color of the gown. Her blue eyes flickered with emotions, some beautiful, some painful.

“It is a gorgeous gown.” Hunter heard her wistful tone.
Is she waiting to marry someone else?

God was still sorting out all the pain from his past, and Hunter was being selfish withholding his forgiveness. Why should she suffer any more at his hands?

Hunter watched as she placed a hand over her belly - where their baby had once lived.
No more
, he thought.

Holly shook her head, staring at Katie in the mirror. “It is gorgeous but you know I can't.

“You should try it on. You will make a beautiful bride.” Both women turned at his words.

A blush stained her cheeks, and Katie smiled a silent hello and gathered up the boxes filled with gowns, leaving them in the dressing room alone.

He knew the answer, but he asked anyway. “Why won’t you try it on?”

Holly averted her gaze, the gown forgotten in her hands. “I have a lot to do and I don’t have time to be indulging in whimsical fantasies....”

He gently gripped her arm and turned her to face him. “You won’t try it on because you don’t think you are worthy of wearing it, right?”

She opened her mouth to respond, but he stopped her. “You will make a beautiful bride.” Each word felt like a spiked ball being forced from his lips.

Her auburn brow lifted at his words. “I was already a bride.”

“Please, try it on for me.” Her hesitancy drifted away slowly as his eyes and his tone breached her defenses. She capitulated to his desires and stepped into the dressing room with the gown.

She came out moments later, turning her back so that he could fasten the row of satin covered buttons along her back. Silence stretched between him, each brush of his hands across her soft skin felt like an agonizing death.

When she turned toward him, his breath caught in his throat. She was truly beautiful, maybe even more so than on the day of their wedding.

“Holly, I am sorry for not offering you forgiveness. I am sorry I caused so much pain. I want to move on - but I am not sure I am ready.” Hooking a finger in a strand of her hair, he brushed it aside and traced his finger down her cheek. His heart broke with the words that tumbled from his lips. “I know you want to move on, and if you want to marry someone else - I release you.”

He expected relief, tears, something other than the anger that he saw flash in her eyes.

“Marry someone else?” She slapped his hand away from her cheek. Crossing her arms over her chest, she said, “I don’t want to marry anyone else.”

“But you said you wanted to move on....”

“I meant move on with you.” She interrupted. “You are and will always be my husband.”

“Then why wouldn’t you try on the dress?”

She uncrossed her arms, and pain slashed across her face. “It hurts too much.”

Her confession tore at his heart.

“Hunter, I stumbled and fell because I let my past, my emotions, and my fears control me. That mistake has had a ripple effect of consequences, from the dissolution of our marriage, your anger and hatred, and the unbelievable guilt that haunts me day and night. Maybe that mistake is something we will never be able to come out from under. But I chose to marry you, and I choose to continue to honor that marriage now, whether we are legally together or not.”

Cupping her face in his hands, he breathed in her words like they were a fragrance. Closing his eyes, he whispered, “My anger has kept both of us bound up for so long, and I don't want to cause either of us to fall under that anymore.” Brushing his thumbs across her cheeks, he admitted, “but I can't guarantee....”

Holly reached up between their bodies and laid her hand gently along his cheek. "What? You can't guarantee that you won't look at me and see my sin? You can't guarantee that you won't bring it up every time we fight? I don't need those guarantees right now.”

“I do forgive you.” His voice was rough with emotion. “I never stopped loving you.”

“Me either.”

“But I don’t want to hurt you. What if I do or say something...? I can’t guarantee that I won’t hurt you again.”

“I only need one guarantee from you.”

His eyes searched hers, fearful that it would be something that he couldn’t promise.

“I just need the guarantee that you will allow God to work in our marriage and in our hearts so that we can be healed and reconciled.”

He nodded. “Holly, He has already been working in me. I came here preparing to let you go, though that is the last thing I want is to let you go.”

“Then don’t let me go. I need you to promise that you will love me and not turn your back on me, no matter what. I promise to do the same. I will never allow my emotions to lead me astray again. I will promise to turn to God and to you before I turn to anything else.”

He brushed his lips briefly against hers before whispering, “I am sorry that I held the sins of others over your head. I know that I drove you into Seth’s arms -”

Holly interrupted his confession. “But I should have never gone there. It was selfish and -”

It was Hunter’s turn to interrupt. “So was letting years of a happy marriage slip out of my hands because I was too wrapped up in my anger.”

He dropped his hands from her face and let them trail down her arms, until he was holding both her hands in his. He looked down at the space between them before finally meeting her gaze again.

“Do you really think we can do this?”

Holly shook her head no. “We can’t do it on our own. But if we surrender ourselves and our marriage to God, His grace can rescue us from this place of pain into a place of redemption.”

H
olly scanned the wedding resort brochure as Hunter spoke. “Kyle just started working there as the chaplain.” Pointing to a gorgeous pavilion dripping with flowers and overlooking a crystal blue lake, Hunter explained. “This is their Heavenly Wedding package. It includes a private pavilion with adjacent guest rooms, catering...”