Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) (8 page)

Tears filled her eyes, and he felt bad for causing her so much pain. “If you are feeling up to it, I’d like to talk with you.”

When she finally looked at him, he could hardly bear the pain he saw swimming in the depths of her blue eyes. “But if you want to wait until you feel better, we can.”

She sat up, propping the pillows behind her and grabbed for a tissue. “I’m fine.”

“I am sorry I was such a jerk. I want you to know it had nothing to do with your parent’s story - it was more my parents than anything.”

She twirled the tissue around on her finger, still refusing to look at him, so he continued. “I just...” lifting her chin with his finger, he forced her to look at him. “My mom did an awful thing, but that has nothing to do with you. You and Seth were right, I need to let go of this.

She looked away from him, tears coursing down her cheeks.

He cupped her face and tried to turn her head, but she refused to look at him. “I am sorry I hurt you. Holly, I love you and I trust you. I don’t want to cause you any pain.”

A visceral sob tore through her, and his heart broke at the sound. Unable to stand it any longer, he pulled her into his arms and held her. It took some time before her arms wrapped around his neck, but when they did, she didn’t let go. She clung to him for some time, crying violently, while he whispered “I’m sorry” over and over until she finally quieted.

Her eyes were red and puffy when she finally relinquished her hold on his neck. He laid her down on the bed and bent to kiss her, but she shrank from his kiss. His heart shattered at her withdrawal and he whispered a prayer that he hadn’t done irreparable damage to their marriage.

He leaned in again and gave her a short kiss. She responded this time, hesitantly at first, and the she sweetly abandoned herself to the kiss.

Hunter disrobed and slid into bed with her, holding her gently in his arms. She slept for a while, and Hunter looked down at her. Her auburn hair spread out like a blanket over his arm, her cheek resting on his chest.

He ran a finger down her smooth cheek, and his touch startled her awake. She looked up at him and relief flooded her eyes, followed by some other emotion that she swiftly tucked away behind a smile. Later that evening, when Hunter woke to the sounds of her crying, he wondered if he would ever figure out his elusive hummingbird.

T
he day of the summer outreach event dawned. Holly picked at her breakfast, feeling Hunter’s eyes on her across the table.

“You’ve hardly eaten anything these past few days.”

She pushed her eggs to the side and picked up a piece of toast. Shrugging, she said, “I guess my stomach still feels upset.”

“Maybe you should go to the doctor tomorrow.”

She nodded, seizing on a way out of her predicament. “Maybe I should just stay home today.”

“That’s probably a good idea. I will call Seth and let him know we won’t make it.”

Seth! So consumed with her own guilt, she hadn’t thought of what would happen if the two men came face to face. Would he tell Hunter? “I can call him...I mean...since I’m the reason we are ditching him.”

“I don’t mind calling if you want to rest.”

“No, since it is my fault we cannot attend, it should be me that calls him and...” Her voice trailed off as she tried to reign in her hysteria. If she protested too much, would he suspect something was up?

Hunter stood with a shrug. “If you want to, be my guest.” Coming to stand behind her, he placed his hands on her shoulder and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. As he gathered their plates from the table, he added, “But after that, you need to rest.”

Climbing the stairs, she made sure Hunter was in the kitchen when she dialed Seth’s number. It rang several times before he finally picked up.

“Holly, I don’t think...” Hesitation laced his voice, but Holly didn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence.

“I was just calling to let you know we can’t make it to the event this afternoon.”

Silence stretched across the line until he finally said, “Did you tell him?”

“Are you crazy?” She hissed. “I made mistake, and I won’t do it again. I am sorry.”

“Me too.” He was silent before she heard him say. “Look, the fight me and my wife got into the day she died was because she told me she had an affair.”

Holly put her hand over her mouth, but said nothing.

“I wished I hadn’t known. If I could go back - I wish she had never told me the truth.”

His meaning came across the line loud and clear. “I am going to try and make this work. I love my husband and I don’t want to lose him.”

“Good.” Seth hung up, and Holly threw the phone on the bed. Staring at the ceiling, she ran her hand down her neck, as if she could swipe away the guilt that was choking her. It was eating her alive, sitting across from Hunter, letting him hold her and kiss her, while she sat on the truth. But thinking of Seth’s story, she knew there could be nothing good that could come from telling Hunter the truth.

If I confess to Hunter, it isn’t going to help him, it is just going to burden him with pain. It isn’t like I am going to do it again. Hunter is trying to be a new man, so I can be a new wife - a better wife for him. My stupid mistake could turn into something that can strengthen our marriage, if I keep it to myself.
Like the sad notes in a song, each justification rang clear, but brought no relief from the wretched shame that filled her. Nevertheless, she kept up her litany of excuses all day - hoping that eventually her guilt would ebb.

H
olly sat in the waiting room next to Hunter. “You really didn’t have to come with me.”

“I know.” He smiled at her, and her heart crumpled at the sweet love she saw in his eyes. She turned her attention back to the magazine, flipping through it violently. She had felt unworthy before her affair, but now she truly felt contemptible.

She kept trying to justify her actions, rationalize her sin, and lower the ramification of her coupling with Seth. However, there was nothing she came up with that stopped this gnawing guilt. It chewed away at her smile, it nibbled on her patience, and it devoured any peace and happiness she ever had.

She was sure the doctor was going to run a test today and say, “Mrs. Harrington, you don’t have a stomach bug, you have a toxic level of guilt brought on by your wanton behavior. It has made you sick, and now your husband is going to leave you. I hope you got what you wanted.”

She tossed the magazine back down on the table and crossed her legs. She wouldn’t have even come today, but Hunter insisted when she threw up again this morning. “I really should be with Anya,” Holly reiterated her earlier complaints. “We have a bride coming in later today for a meeting.”

“I am sure the doctor isn’t going to take all morning.” He brushed back her hair with his fingertip, running it down the side of her cheek. He smiled and his dimples showed through his stubble. On impulse, she reached up and touched his face. He was so handsome and he was such a blessing. She closed her eyes and turned from him, letting her hand fall to the armrest between them.
What were you thinking!

“Holly,” the nurse called from the open doorway. She stood, and to her chagrin, Hunter followed her.

After the nurse took her vitals, she sat perched on the edge of the examination table. Hunter parked himself in the empty chair by her side, holding her purse in his lap. She shifted uncomfortably as he sat there staring at her; the paper underneath her crackled with her movements.

“What?” She asked when he didn’t relent.

“I was just thinking, for a woman who has been throwing up for four days straight, you look pretty amazing.”

She wanted to take joy in those words, but instead they were like someone was raking her heart against a cheese grater. Unbidden, an image of the devil gleefully sprinkling shredded pieces of her heart over his meal came to mind.

I must be going insane.
Despite her evaluation of her mental status, she was mindful enough to know that she had played right into the devil’s hands.
Just like my mother.

The doctor came in, and after she told him her symptoms, he asked. “Have you been feeling moody lately?”

Hunter coughed back a barely restrained chuckle, which caused the doctor to smile. “I’ll take that as a yes. When was your last cycle?”

“Two weeks ago. It was very light.”

The doctor just looked at her over his glasses, and she added. “I have been under a lot of stress.” Clearing her throat she added, “Stress always causes me to be a little late or have a light period.”

“How light?”

She stammered, “Just spotting, really.”

“Any chance you could be pregnant?” The doctor asked.

She blushed and looked at Hunter, searching his face to see if he was questioning her fidelity.
Can you blame him?
Her inner tormentor asked.

Holly vehemently shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

While the doctor examined her, he spoke. “Still, I’d like to run some blood work. However, you don’t appear to be dehydrated and it is probably just a little stomach virus. In the meantime, keep drinking plenty of fluids, get some rest, and try not to worry too much.”

On the way to have her blood drawn, Hunter smiled down at her. “Pregnant?”

“No!” She cut him off, fairly screaming her denial. Lowering her voice, she added, “Besides, we take precautions, so, I don’t think...”

“Still,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they walked down the hall to the lab, “it would be nice.”

Nice?
Her mind screamed in denial.
Anything that comes from me cannot be nice!

But from the smirk on his face, she could see the idea thrilled him. She had never wanted to be a mom - not because she didn’t love kids, but because she didn’t love herself. How was she going to be able to love a little baby and teach that child how to love?

As the laboratory tech drew her blood, she couldn’t miss the gleam in Hunter’s eye. “All done here,” the lab tech informed them as she stood. “Someone from the doctor’s office will call you with the results.”

They rode the elevator down in silence. Hunter was still staring at her with a speculative gleam. She, on the other hand, just wanted to get out from under his persistent stare and the oppressive hand of guilt that felt like it was smothering her.

“I’ll see you tonight.” She said as they stood next to their cars. She would have just slid in, but he wrapped his hands around the small of her back and kissed the tip of her nose. “No stressing, just in case.” The right side of his lips went up in a grin, and she touched his cheek here his dimple appeared

“Hunter, I really don’t think I am pregnant. Besides, do you think we would make great parents...do you think I would be a good mom?”

She asked it, but once she said it, she wasn’t sure she really wanted the answer.

“Of course you will.” He brushed her hair back with his fingertip, trailing it down her cheek, and tipping her lips up for a kiss. “You are beautiful, inside and out. Our kids will be blessed to have a mother such as you.”

Her heart crushed with his words.
If only you knew...

“W
ow!” Anya said, “You look a mess!”

“Thank you for that warm greeting.” Holly tried to smile at her friend, but she couldn’t.

“You tell me now what is going on.” Anya’s thick accent made her sound brusque.

With a weary sigh, she sank down into the maroon armchair in the dressing room area, and unburdened herself. The story was reluctant at first, with Holly only admitting small things, but the more she spoke, the more freedom she felt.

“That was a doozy of a secret.” Anya finally said when Holly was done.

“And now he is all excited because he thinks I am pregnant.” With a growl of frustration she rose from the seat and began helping pick out the dresses for tonight’s event. “I could have strangled that doctor for suggesting that could be the cause...”

“But it is for sure not this Seth guy’s...”

Holly cut Anya off. “No! I mean...technically it could be. But you don’t get sick that fast, right?