Bright Side (32 page)

(Kate)

Me:
Dinner. Cafeteria. 7:00. I won’t take no for an answer.

Clayton:
That was not a proper invitation Katherine.

Me:
Fine. Pleeeeeeeease. I miss you.

Clayton:
I miss you too. See you at 7:00.

Clay’s waiting for me at our table when I get to the cafeteria. It’s 7:07.

I set my tray on the table and hug him before I sit down. “God, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.” I eye him up and down. “You’re looking good, my friend, dapper as ever.” He does. His bright pink sweater and green dress pants are adorable and he looks so much happier than the last time I saw him.

His cheeks blush and he bats his eyelashes. “Thank you, Katherine.” And then he looks concerned. He’s staring at me. “Katherine, is everything okay? You look a little pale. And you look like you’ve lost weight. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still absolutely stunning, but something seems off.”

I’m not here to discuss me, that’s for sure, so I sweep it under the rug, “I’m fine. I was a little sick last week. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

He doesn’t look convinced.

I change the subject, “So, how’s everything in Minneapolis? How’s Morris?” He’s been staying at Morris’s every night and commuting to Grant only for classes. This has been going on since I found out about
The Asshole,
Ben Thompson. I try not to think badly of people, but
fuck
that guy.

It’s like watching a cartoon character come to life in front of me; there are hearts in his eyes. “Morris is wonderful. I never thought I’d find love, Katherine, but I
love
him. Everything about him.” He looks around conspiratorially and leans in to whisper, “I’m moving to Los Angeles with him after New Year’s. His uncle’s opening up a club there and wants him to manage it since he’s done so well with the one here.”

“Holy shit, Clay! L
.A.? That’s a big decision.” I’m shocked.

He smiles and it’s the smile of an excited child. “I know. Isn’t it exciting?”

I nod, because, yeah, it
is
exciting. “Good for you, dude.” I mean it, so I say it again, “Good for you.”

He knows I mean it. “Thank you, Katherine.”

“I don’t want to sound like an overbearing bitch, because I’m not judging either way, but I have to ask. You’re leaving because it’s the right choice for you and the direction you want your life to take, right? You’re not running away from the bad stuff here, are you? Because it would make me sad to know that your friends here lose you because of some douche-y asshole.”

He laughs. “No. I think I need to get out of the pool and go swim in the ocean. I’ve never lived in a big city before.”

I get it, so I repeat, “Good for you.” And then the nagging side of me kicks in. “Just promise me you won’t quit school. Get your degree, dude. The world could do with a well-dressed accountant.” I don’t know why, but the thought of Clay sitting in an office doing something as mundane as accounting has always struck me as funny. His character is too grand to be contained behind a desk.

He rolls his eyes and raises his right hand as if to show there’s sworn honesty in his response, “Yes
Mother
, I promise not to drop out of school. Besides, who else is going to do your taxes and retirement planning?”

Ouch. That hurt. Right in my heart that hurt. I don’t want Clayton to know I probably won’t ever need to do taxes again. I force a smile instead.

He rubs his hands together and smiles deviously. “I heard a delicious rumor from Pete,” he says, pointing at me, eyes twinkling, “that you and Keller are officially dating.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Any truth to it?” He smiles again. “And don’t leave out any of the naughty bits.”

I’m stone-faced. “Pete’s feeding the rumor mill? I’m
gonna have to talk to him.”

Clay’s eyes are wide, expectant. “Well Katherine?
” He extends his arms over his head and points down at himself dramatically. “I’m dying over here.”

I laugh and nod. “There may be a bit of truth to that rumor.”

He claps the quick hummingbird wing clap that he always does when he’s excited. “Oh my God, Katherine. I’m so happy for you.” Then his hands still and he’s whispering again. “Katherine, I know you’re not the superficial type and neither am I, okay who am I kidding maybe I am, c’est la vie. But that boy is hotter than a tamale.”

Clayton cracks me up, but I agree wholeheartedly. “Yes … yes he is.”

He squeals. “Not that I’m trying to rush things between you, because I know you both need to finish school first and maybe do some traveling. I
really
think you should see Europe someday, at least France … oh and the Greek Isles,” he rambles, “but I desperately hope things work out between the two of you because …
Oh. My. God.
You two would have the loveliest children ever genetically created.” He’s beaming.

His adorable smile softens the blow that comes with the words. I’ll never have that. Never. And that sucks.

When we finish up dinner we promise to stay in touch better than we have these past few weeks. I love Clayton and I want to make sure he’s okay until he leaves and moves on to the next chapter of his life ...  and I move on to mine.

I hug him at his car and it’s so fucking hard to let him go.

I try not to think about dying, but I can’t help it lately. And that makes me sad. I don’t want to be sad, because in reality … I have a pretty awesome life.

Today
, my life is awesome.

I don’t want to think about tomorrow.

Or the day after that.

So I repeat to myself:
Today, my life is awesome
.

(Kate)

Shelly was here at Keller’s place bright and early this morning, groceries in hand: a turkey, a tofurkey for me, and all the fixings. I didn’t realize it before, but she loves to cook.

After the turkey’s in the oven and everything else is prepped, Shelly, Duncan, and I head to Grounds for some coffee. It’s closed today, so we have it all to ourselves. Perks of knowing the staff. We all crowd around the fire and talk about how Keller is going to deal with the weekend ahead. He’s at the airport picking up Stella. Melanie is headed to Seattle to spend the holidays with her family and arranged it so that she had connecting flights in Minneapolis going out and returning so she could fly with Stella both ways. This is such a big step for Keller; Stella’s never visited him here before.

Shelly is still in shock about Stella. Duncan told her last night at Keller’s urging. I tried to ease the shock. “I never would’ve believed it, either,” I told her. “It’s really something you have to see to believe.” Stella is like a world unto herself. A world where I’d like to live forever.

Keller texts us twice to tell us there are delays with the flight and that he’s running late. Then at 10:30 the door to the apartment swings open, and there she is: sweet,
little Stella whose giggles fill the air. Shelly and I are making a pumpkin pie in the kitchen. Stella makes a beeline for Duncan on the loveseat. “Uncle Duncan!” she squeals in delight.

He pulls her into his lap and wraps his arms around her. “How’s my favorite Stella?” He tickles her.

Her giggles escalate. “No tickles, Uncle Duncan.”

He kisses her cheek and loosens his grip.

“Where’s Kate?” she asks. “Daddy said Kate’s here.”

Duncan indicates my whereabouts with a thumb over his shoulder. “I see how I rate, kid,” he good-naturedly mutters.

Stella squeals again when she spots me.

I wave. “Hi sweetie.”

She races toward me, hands raised over her head. I scoop her up and hug her tightly against me. I bury me face in her wild ringlets. She smells clean and pure like the air after a rainstorm. She pulls back so she can look at me. “We have a surprise for you.”

“You do?”

Keller’s carrying in bags from his Suburban. He sets them down just inside the door and scratches his head. “Yeah, it’s the funniest thing, but we ran into somebody at the airport … ”

Just then, Gus walks through the door.

Stella claps. “Surprise!”

“Holy
sh—” realizing I’m holding Stella I switch gears. “Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

He’s wearing his lazy grin and shrugs. “Would you believe that I was just passing through?”

I set Stella down and run to him. He wraps me up in one of his big Gus hugs that I’ve missed so much. “No.”

He kisses the top of my head and reaches over and playfully nudges Keller’s shoulder. “It was his idea.”

“You planned this?” I’m still in shock.

The look on Keller’s face is bright and loving. He shrugs.

I look back up at Gus. “How?”

He smiles. “Your boy here called me last week from your phone. You were sleeping.” He winks at Keller. “We’ve been talking a lot this past week. I’d be worried if I were you, we’ve got quite a
bromance brewing. And did you know the dude has beanbags in the back of his Suburban?
Beanbags
. That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. I may be in love with him myself, Bright Side.”

Stella is wrapped around Keller’s leg. “What’s a
bromance, Daddy?”

Gus starts laughing, releases me, and offers his big hand to Stella. She takes it without hesitation. Kids have always loved Gus. “Tell me some more about this turtle of yours, Stella. I’m curious, what does Miss Higgins eat?” The two of them walk toward the loveseat to finish a conversation they no doubt started on the ride here. I know Gus; he’s giving me time to talk to Keller.

I wrap my arms around Keller’s neck and whisper in his ear, “Thank you, baby.”

“I love it when you call me that.” He kisses my neck. “You’re welcome. He needs time with you, too.”

I look around the room. “This is so perfect.” It’s then that I notice Shelly is standing in the kitchen and looks like she’s going to have a stroke. Her eyes are wide. Shock has taken over every feature on her face. I think our visitors have just become too much for her.

I clear my throat and call out, “Hey Gus?”

He looks up from his conversation with Stella. She’s sitting on the loveseat between him and Duncan. I wish I had a camera handy. “Yeah, Bright Side, what is it? I’m learning some seriously important sh—” he smiles when he catches himself about to curse. “Stuff about turtles right now.”

Stella giggles at him.

I point to the kitchen. “You remember my friend, Shelly?”

He looks back over his shoulder. “What’s up, Shelly? Good to see you again.”

Her face is bright red. I’ve never seen her embarrassed like this. She raises her hand and sheepishly waves. “Hey Gus. Good to see you again, too.”

He’s fully turned in his seat to face her now. “I must say that I’ve never seen anyone
toss a sidewalk pizza with such commitment and precision as you did the last time I saw you. I never got to commend you.”

Her face is buried in her hands. “O
f course you would remember that.” She’s still embarrassed about throwing up in front of everyone.

Gus isn’t mean-spirited. He’s actually being complimentary. He grins. “No, I’m serious. You go for distance. It was impressive. Ride the lightning, my friend.” He reaches over and slaps Duncan on the back. “You’re a lucky dude.”

Shelly mumbles, “Oh my God, I want to die.”

I join her in the kitchen and put my arm around her waist. “He wouldn’t tease you if he didn’t like you. And as gross as it may sound, he was impressed.
He’s a boy.”

Since Grounds is closed we go back in and gather around the fireplace while the food is cooking. Gus and Keller are on either side of me on the loveseat. Stella is on Keller’s lap and Shelly is sitting on Duncan’s lap in a chair next to us.

Gus, as always, is curious about everyone. He asks lots of questions. Of course everyone else is curious about him too, so he fields almost as many questions as he asks.

“So, why do you call Kate
‘Bright Side’?” Shelly asks.

He looks at me and then back to her. Then back to me. And back to her. He points at me. “Have you
met
the girl?”

Everyone looks at me and their smiles are endearing. It makes me feel good.

Gus continues. “She’s the poster child for positivity. She’s a freaking ray of sunshine. She doesn’t just
look
on the bright side … she
lives
there.”

“Huh, I always thought I lived in the world of sunshine and rainbows?” I tease.

He shrugs. “Same difference. Sunshine and rainbows is a horrible nickname though.”

Everyone laughs.

“Bright Side does have a dark side, though,” Gus warns. “Don’t get her started on stick figure family stickers on cars, because she’s loathes them. She gets irate—”

I interrupt because I really do hate them. “That’s because they’re stupid. I don’t need a pointless representation of your family staring at me while I’m sitting at a stoplight behind you. And I can’t help but wonder how truly imperfect your family is if you feel the need to perpetuate it on your window for the world to see. I always suspect they’re hiding dysfunction behind the façade. Hypocrites.”

Gus laughs like he’s just proven his point. “See. And she despises Facebook.”

“Facebook is the decline of civilization as we know it. It’s creating a distorted view of reality. What happened to preferring the company of flesh and blood? People don’t realize how important face-to-face human contact is anymore. It’s all about numbers and ‘likes’ and too much information. Do I care that you had a Diet Coke and a bag of Sun Chips while you watched a rerun of CSI last night? No, I don’t
fu— I don’t care. Give me some substance. The entire sphere of your all-encompassing ‘friends’ family doesn’t need to be privy simultaneously to the mundane details of your life … your sad, internet-centered life. I want to have a conversation with you tailored specifically to us. I don’t want it streamed, real time, for the world to share in. Facebook is stifling social development. It’s suffocating social skills—”

Gus butts in, laughing, “
Okay
, okay Bright Side.” But he’s also nodding. It says
True that
, or maybe it’s,
Amen
. It’s agreement. He hates social media just as much as I do.

And for good measure he says, “And don’t ever play cards with her. She cheats.”

I gasp at the accusation. “I do not,” but I’m giggling by the end of my pathetic defense and everyone knows it’s an admission of guilt.

Gus nods, grinning. “She does. Trust me.”

After dinner I go outside with Gus so he can smoke a cigarette and we can watch the sunset. Gus takes my hand in his and smiles. “It’s showtime.”

It’s what Gracie always said. I smile and whisper, “It’s
showtime.”

The sunset is bright orange. Brighter than I’ve seen it in a long time, almost like it’s trying to show off for us. To prove to us that sunsets can be pretty in Minnesota, too.

When we return back inside, we all retreat to Grounds again.

Shelly asks, “Why don’t you and Gus sing something for us. I saw his guitar case.”

Gus never goes anywhere without his guitar. He’s had it for years and it’s seen hundreds of hours of attention and play. It’s always by his side.

Gus looks at me. “What do you say, Bright Side?”

Stella claps her hands. “I want to hear Kate sing again.”

Keller joins her. “Me too.” It makes me smile.

Gus returns with his guitar case in one hand and something else I haven’t seen in months in the other.

Shelly looks at the cases and asks him, “You play violin, too?”

He shakes his head and sets them down on the table behind us. “Nope.” He looks pointedly at me.

I sigh. “Gus.”

“I had Ma ship it to me this week so I could bring it to you. It should be here with you. You should
play
it.” It’s a dare.

Everyone’s eyes are on me.

“You play the violin?” Keller asks.

Gus shakes his head. “Oh no, she doesn’t
play
. She
slays
that instrument. I’ve never seen anyone as talented as Bright Side. Seriously. She kills it.” There’s pride in his eyes.

Shelly narrows her eyes at me. “What else are you hiding from us?” And the light bulb goes off. “Oh my God, it’s you!” she shrieks.

Keller and Duncan look confused. “It’s her, what?” Duncan asks.

She’s pointing her finger at me and waving her other hand in the air like some crazed fan. “It’s you! It’s you playing violin on ‘
Missing You.’”

Gus smiles. “The one and only.”

Keller and Duncan are still confused. “What’s ‘Missing You’?” Keller asks.

“It’s only the most amazing song on the radio right now. It’s the acoustic song Gus played at the concert.” She answers haughtily, as if they should just know this. The song has gotten a lot of airtime on the college station this past week. It was released as the second single off Rook’s album. “You have to play it,” she begs.

“What do you say? Just once for old time’s sake?” Gus asks, raising his eyebrows.

Stella claps again. “Play, Kate, play!” she cheers.

I can’t say no to that.

The violin feels cold in my hands. It’s been months since I’ve played, but when I tuck it under my chin it becomes part of me, like I haven’t missed a day. It’s comfortable and grounds me. After I rosin the bow, I pull it softly across the strings. It brings me to life. I nod at Gus. “I’m ready.”

There’s concern etched across his face. “You sure?”

“Yup. Maybe Grace is listening?” Everyone’s letting us have this private moment.

He smiles. “I’m sure she is.” He looks up. “Gracie, this one’s for you.”

I stand and lean back against the arm of the loveseat. Gus takes a seat directly in front of me on the edge of the coffee table. Everyone else stays where they were. You could hear a pin drop it’s so quiet. Even Stella hasn’t let out a peep. She’s leaning back against Keller’s chest, his arms wrapped around her.

There’s an unspoken language when Gus and I play together. It’s always been that way. We hear and feel music the same way. Communication flows back and forth through the music, one reacting to and feeding off the other. Words are spoken with eyes and subtle nods.

He strums his guitar twice letting me know he’s ready. I nod and slowly drop into the melancholy intro. I close my eyes and let it flow through me, the violin a natural extension of me and my emotions.

Gus joins in, his guitar soft and his voice gentle. His voice is reassuring. It always has been. You almost believe that nothing bad could ever happen when you listen to Gus sing. It takes me away. I’ve always loved that.