Broken (14 page)

I soon found
myself looking forward to seeing Garth and even went out of my way
to
‘accidentally’ meet him. I knew that
he spent most of his time at the Blue Tulip snooker saloon playing
snooker and pinball with his three older friends so I occasionally
walked past there during my lunch breaks. As the saloon had large
windows facing onto the street that were covered with a gold
transparent film that allowed those inside to see out into the
street but prevented those outside from seeing into the games hall,
I knew that sooner or later Garth would see me and hopefully come
out to speak to me. The tactic worked well and I regularly met
Garth there during my lunch breaks. Each time this happened there
would be wolf-whistles, suggestive remarks and raucous laughter
from inside the saloon. Eventually Garth took to waiting for me
outside the saloon and walking back to Checkers with me after we’d
had something to eat and drink at a small eatery nearby.

The fact that
I was now sixteen years old, working in a permanent
job
, and paying to stay in my parent’s
house, didn’t change my father’s attitude towards me in the
slightest. He continued to treat me with contempt and demanded that
I continue to obey all his rules, many of which were obviously
vindictive.

“
The fact is
that you’re only sixteen years old.” he told me “And that means
that you’re still a minor and I’m responsible for your well-being.
Once you’re eighteen you’ll be classified as an adult and then you
can do whatever you like. Hopefully you’ll leave my house and I’ll
never see you again. Until then, you’ll do as I say!”

My hatred for
my father festered within me and no matter how hard I tried, I
could not get rid of it. I couldn’t find it in me to forgive him
for the things that he’d done to me in the past. I was still very
scared of him. His quick unreasonable temper and his tendency
towards violence as a solution kept me on tenterhooks whenever I
was in his presence. It was obvious that he was constantly looking
for fault with me and took every opportunity to be vindictive
towards me. I could only imagine that this was because he no longer
was able to sexually abuse me. There were many times when I caught
him looking furtively at my body, and even when he saw that I had
noticed, he didn’t have the decency to look away. The lust in his
eyes was patently obvious.

One day,
while Garth and I were having lunch at a small corner café near the
snooker saloon, he asked me to go to the movies and a meal with him
on the coming Friday evening.

“
We can go to
the early show at the movies and then have something to eat at
McDonald’s afterwards.” he suggested. “Some of our old school
friends will probably be there as well.”

“
Okay.” I
said. “But I’ll have to confirm it with my father first. Even
though I’m working and paying to stay in his house he still treats
me like an infant.”

Garth shook his head in
amazement.

“
You’re
sixteen years old and have a full time job.” he said. “Why don’t
you just tell him to go to hell?”

“
You know
that I can’t do that, Garth.” I said. “I can’t afford to get kicked
out of his house and even if he doesn’t kick me out he’ll make my
life pure hell if I challenge his authority.”

“
Well, my
offer still stands.” Garth said. “Come and live with
me.”

“
Garth.” I
said. “We’ve gone through this before. I can’t just come and live
with you. I’m only sixteen and by law my parents are responsible
for me. Unless I get their permission to leave home I can’t do
anything. And besides, we hardly know each other. We can’t just
start living together. That would be ridiculous.”

“
Okay.” Garth
said. “But will you come out with me on Friday night?”

“Thank you, yes.” I said. “I
can’t believe that my father could object to me going to the movies
with you.”

That evening my father came home
earlier than usual from drinking at his club and, although he was
obviously drunk, I took the opportunity to ask his permission to go
to the movies with Garth on the coming Friday evening.

“
Who’s Garth
Gilmore?” he asked, staring at me with a forkful of food poised
halfway to his mouth.

“
He’s a
friend that I was at school with.” I replied. “He lives in his
aunt’s house in Zinnia Street.”

“
Is he still
at school?” my father asked.

“
No.” I said.
“He left at the same time as I did.”

“
What’s he
doing now?”

“
He inherited
his aunt’s house and some money when she died last year.” I said.
“He’s planning to start his own business.”

My father put the forkful of
food into his mouth and stared at me as he chewed. I stared back at
him.

“
We’re
thinking of going to the early show and then having something to
eat at McDonald’s.” I said. “So I won’t be home very late and it’s
Friday night so I don’t have to go to work the next
day.”

“
If you’re
going to the early show then it means that you’ll be out of the
movie house by eight o’clock.” my father said. “Then you’ll be
going to McDonald’s for a hamburger. So, I want you back here by
nine o’clock at the latest.”

“
But it’s
Friday night.” I said. “We’ll probably meet some of our old school
friends at McDonald’s and it would be nice to sit and chat with
them. McDonald’s doesn’t serve alcohol or allow alcohol on their
premises so it’s not as if we’re going to do anything wrong. Can’t
we make it ten o’clock, please?”

“No!” my father said, glaring at
me. “I want you back here by nine o’clock. I don’t trust you or
this Garth fellow. And if you’re late there’ll be hell to pay!”

Garth came to
our house at about five thirty. My father had not yet returned from
work and my mother was busy in the kitchen. I wanted to introduce
Garth to her but she said that she was busy. We left the house and
walked to the movie house. Throughout the movie Garth held my hand
and when the movie finished we walked along the pavement to
McDonald
’s holding hands. It was such a
lovely sensation to feel recognised and wanted.

“
If there’s
nobody at McDonald’s that we know when we get there, let’s buy some
hamburgers and chips and take them back to my house.” Garth said.
“I’ll make some coffee and we can sit in the kitchen and talk. I’d
also like to have a few beers and I can’t do that at
McDonald’s.

“
Okay.” I
said. “That would be nice. But I must be home by nine o’clock. If
I’m late my dad will be furious.”

There wasn’t
anyone that we knew at McDonald’s when we got there so Garth bought
hamburgers and chips and we walked to his house. He unlocked the
front door and leant in to switch on the passage light. We walked
into the house still holding hands.

“
Let’s eat in
the kitchen.” Garth said. “It’s where my aunt and I always had our
meals and it’s quite homely.”

I followed Garth along the
passage to the kitchen. He put the hamburgers and chips on the
table and began filling the kettle with water.

“
The coffee
and the coffee mugs are in the cupboard next to the fridge.” Garth
said.

I set out two mugs on the table
and spooned coffee into them. Garth opened the fridge and took out
a can of beer.

“
Would you
like one?” he asked.

“
No thanks.”
I said. “I’ll have a little of yours.

Garth found a
glass and poured some of the beer into it. As he handed it to me he
leant forward slowly and gently kissed me on the mouth. Although I
was a little frightened, I felt myself respond. I put my free hand
behind his neck and kissed him. I had always wondered what it would
be like to kiss and be kissed by a man and the feeling of
excitement that coursed through my whole body was exquisite. I
pulled back and placed my glass on the kitchen shelf. I put both my
arms around Garth’s neck, closed my eyes, and kissed him hungrily.
I felt his arms go around my waist and he pulled me close to him. I
could feel his hardness. Our mouths opened slowly and our tongues
touched. Garth leant back and looked down at me. My pulse was
racing.

“
Let’s go to
the bedroom.” Garth said, his voice husky. “We can have our food
later.”

I nodded, too overawed with
excitement to say anything.

I had never
in my wildest thoughts imagined that making love to someone of my
own free will could be so fulfilling. And that the person with me
had the same feelings towards me made it even more wonderful. When
my father had molested
me I had been able
to switch myself and my emotions off to what was being done to me,
but with Garth, his touch was something that filled me with love. I
felt myself wanting to live every moment of our bonding. His
gentleness was exquisite and our urgency grew and grew until it
exploded in an avalanche of passion. We both subsided,
exhausted.

We lay in the
darkness, Garth’s fingertips gently sliding over my body. The
feeling of wholeness was overwhelming. Gradually our breathing
returned to normal.

“
Are you
disappointed that I’m not a virgin?” I whispered.

“
No.” Garth
replied. “I’m not a virgin either. But, ever since I first saw you
I’ve had this strange feeling of camaraderie towards you. I’ve
never been able to actually define it but it’s as if we have
something in common. Would I be wrong if I guessed that whatever
sexual experience you’ve had, it wasn’t consensual?”

I lay in the darkness,
dumbstruck by what Garth had just said.

“
That’s
exactly what I’ve been feeling towards you, ever since I first saw
you.” I whispered. “Were you also abused as a child?”

“
Yes.” Garth
said quietly. “By my father.”

I felt an incredible closeness
to Garth fill my body. Were abused people really able to recognise
each other? From what Garth had just said and my own attraction to
him, I knew that this was true. The wounded recognise the
wounded.

Suddenly I sat up.

“
What’s the
time?” I asked.

Garth switched on the bedside
lamp and looked at his watch.

“
It’s quarter
to nine.” he said.

“
Oh, my God!”
I said. “I’ve got to be home by nine!”

Garth rolled off the bed and
stood up. I stood next to him and began picking up my clothes from
the floor. We dressed quickly.

“
We won’t
have time to eat now.” I said. “Perhaps we can have the food
tomorrow for lunch.”

“
Okay.” Garth
said. “Let’s go!”

We hurried
out of the house and walked quickly along the pavement towards my
parent’s house. Fortunately it was less than two blocks
away.

“
Relax.”
Garth said as we approached the house. “You’re going to be home in
time. It’s two minutes to nine.”

We walked up
the short pathway from the front gate to the veranda of the house.
I could see my father peeping through a tiny gap in the lounge
curtains. At the door I turned and kissed Garth gently. “Thank you,
Garth.” I said quietly. “You’ve made me so happy. I love
you.”

“
I love you
too, Cindy.” Garth replied.

I turned and opened the door. I
hurried into the house. My father stood in the lounge glaring at
me.

“You cut it very fine, you
little bitch.” he said, tapping his watch. “It’s a pity. I was
hoping that you would be late so that I could give you a good
thrashing.”

***

“
Your
Honour.” my attorney, James Foster said as I stopped to take a sip
of water. “I would like to interrupt my client’s testimony at this
stage. As I said earlier, Cindy Bedford’s and Garth Gilmore’s
testimony are closely linked and my learned colleague and I would
like to keep their testimonies parallel. We would therefore like to
ask Miss Bedford to stand down from the witness stand and give
Garth Gilmore time to tell more of his story.

Judge Warren Bester nodded.

CHAPTER 6

I stepped onto the witness stand
and sat down. Paul Greave stood up from the defence table and
walked around to face me.

“Garth.” he said. “I want you to
tell the court what happened after you received your inheritance
and began your relationship with Cindy Bedford.

***

The Child
Welfare Department
’s representative,
Misses Phillips, ‘phoned me and made an appointment to meet with me
to discuss my inheritance. She arrived at the house the following
day and we sat in the lounge.

“
As you’re
still under the age of eighteen you aren’t allowed to conduct any
transactions regarding the inheritance.” Misses Phillips said. “So
the Department will be acting on your behalf.”

Misses Phillips handed me a
letter on a Child Welfare Department letterhead advising me that
the Juvenile Court had appointed the Department of Child Welfare as
my legal guardian and that they would have Power of Attorney to
administer my inheritance from my aunt until I reached the age of
eighteen.

“
The
Department feels that you are old enough and mature enough to have
a credit card but we’re going to put a daily limit on it of one
hundred and fifty Rand.” Misses Phillips said. “This will eliminate
the need for us to be giving you cash for your daily living
expenses. At the end of each month the outstanding balance on your
credit account will automatically be paid from your sixty thousand
Rand investment account. Do you understand?”