“No,” Anna said. “I slept here last night, but not with him.”
Anna held the door handle tight. Of all the things that could happen, Anna found herself talking about her sex life with the bassist from Chasing Cross.
What next?
she thought.
Chris then walked into the room, suggesting she was about to find out.
“I’m sorry I said anything then,” Chris said.
“Please, tell me what’s happening,” Anna said. “I’m worried about him.”
“Yeah?”
“He drank a lot of whiskey and started talking about his father and how he’d never be like that.”
“Shit,” Chris said. “So he didn’t leave to go talk to Peter?”
Anna shook her head. “He left with directions.”
“To where?”
“I don’t know. I thought maybe his father...”
Chris scoffed. “Davey doesn’t know who his father is. He’ll never know. For the better, if you ask me. But, listen, Anna, right?”
Anna nodded.
“I have to tell you something. I’m not sure if I should, but I just want you to kind of get an idea of what’s happening here.”
“Okay...”
“A woman showed up yesterday,” Chris said.
The woman from the restaurant
, Anna thought.
“And she had a baby with her. She says it’s Davey’s but... you know how that goes, right?”
Anna’s jaw fell open.
Was that why Davey didn’t want to have sex? Because he’s already obligated to another woman.
“I told him to let Peter handle it,” Chris said. “We all did. Hell, I even begged Johnnie to call him.”
“He did,” Anna said. Her heart raced, not just for Davey but because she was officially in the middle of band matter. Somehow, in the span of twelve hours she entered the world of Chasing Cross.
And it certainly wasn’t the rockstar life she saw on television and in movies... this was real stuff. This was life beyond music and concerts.
“And he left after talking to Johnnie?” Chris asked.
“Yeah.”
“I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid,” Chris said.
Anna stared at the two guitars in the living room area, one on each couch. Anna was the one who felt stupid. Not because Davey didn’t tell her truth, or the fact that she may have slept in the same bed with a man who had other commitments. She felt stupid because after all that happened with her ex-boyfriend and all the red flags that were now raised on Davey’s behalf, she still cared.
It was more than just Davey, the rockstar.
It was Davey, the man with the dark eyes, strong arms, and heart that needed some attention. Anna wanted to give attention to Davey’s heart and more...
much, much more
...
(11)
Sitting at a red light, Davey rubbed his eyes. It didn’t take the sting of regret out of his stomach like he had hoped and it made his eyes blurry for a few seconds.
He thought about Anna.
It had to seem weird and rude to just rush out of the hotel like that. But Davey couldn’t lie to her, it just wasn’t in his system. Yet he hadn’t told her everything, and as the light turned green and Davey started to drive, he reminded himself that lack of truth could cause as much pain as a lie.
“Yeah, yeah,” he whispered.
How would Anna handle this? She was a woman he just met, not some old friend or old flame. Sure, he had his rockstar status but Davey didn’t want to use that to find a real relationship. He didn’t want Anna to be with him because he was Davey from Chasing Cross. He wanted to be with him because he was just Davey. A man. A protector. Someone who could care for her, comfort her, hold her, and help her.
But could she handle the situation with Cassy and Donald? Just mentioning it made Davey feel uneasy, at least until he knew the truth. He wanted to hold Donald, to feed him, to change him, to have that moment between father and son that Davey had been dreaming of for a long time. Only he’d be on the father side. And that moment would give him the opportunity to make sure the future wouldn’t fall into the same treacherous steps as his broken past.
The directions took Davey to an apartment complex. He counted six large buildings, all tan with dark brown trimming. By a quick scan of the vehicles parked in the parking lot, it didn’t look like a rundown place. The parking lot was clean, the pool in the back corner was open with a small crowd of kids and parents enjoying the sun, and with the backdrop of green trees and blue sky, it actually looked picturesque. For whatever reason, Davey feared Cassy and Donald would be living in a hollowed out shell of an apartment. The kind of place that belonged burned to the ground, not resided in. Then again, Cassy did say she was struggling to survive.
Davey parked his car and stepped out, understanding why. Which was perfectly fine. Donald deserved to have a good home. A stable home, somewhere where he and Cassy could feel safe and didn’t have to worry. Davey touched his right pocket and sighed. If anyone in the band knew he was here right now, they’d throw a fit. Especially Johnnie. But would they understand? No, they wouldn’t. They all knew how Davey grew up, but to have someone show up with a baby... a baby that has his eyes...
Davey looked for C. Jones and pressed the button to buzz the apartment.
A few seconds later, Cassy’s voice was there. “Yes?”
Davey compared her voice to Anna’s. He closed his eyes and wanted to slap himself for something so stupid. What the hell did it matter? Did it really matter that Anna’s voice was softer, more soothing?
“Hello?” Cassy’s voice called.
“Cassy. It’s Davey.”
“From Chasing Cross?” she yelled.
Davey gritted his teeth. He looked around, making sure nobody heard it or saw him.
“Yes, that’s me.”
“Come up. I’m just feeding your son.”
Davey pulled the door, finding it open.
Your son.
It made every nerve in his body twist for a second. Cassy lived on the second floor. The short walk up the steps was still long enough for Davey to picture Anna in his bed back in the hotel room. He thought of every little feature, right down to the way she bit into her food and then casually had a hand in front of her mouth like she was too afraid to have someone see her chew.
Davey knocked on the door -
24
- and waited.
He listened to the sounds of someone walking and then a baby letting out a screech. Cassy answered the door wearing next to nothing. Her pitch black hair was pulled back and thrown up quickly, looking messy... but a good messy. She wore a white tank top with a white lacy bra underneath. The tank top just covered all her stomach where a pair of black panties started. She looked tired and flustered and had held a blue and orange spoon with some purple looking goo on it.
“Want some?” she teased as waved the spoon at Davey.
“I think I’ll pass,” he said.
“I would too. This stuff is gross.”
Donald let out another wail and slapped his highchair tray. Davey looked at the infant, feeling his heart wring, and smiled.
“He doesn’t seem to mind it.”
“He doesn’t know good food yet,” Cassy said.
Davey stepped into the apartment knowing that with each step he took from there on out would be another step towards becoming Donald’s father. But after taking only three steps, he heard the door shut and then felt Cassy’s hand touch his. He turned his head just as Cassy moved in for a kiss. She probably meant to kiss his cheek but she ended up with a quick peck on Davey’s lips,.
“Whoa,” Cassy said, “not in front of the baby.”
She winked and then took her hand away from his and walked to a small round dining room table to finish feeding Donald.
Davey licked his lips and watched Cassy, wondering if she was the same woman who showed up at the hotel. The same woman from the restaurant.
“Are you okay?” Cassy asked a minute or so later.
“Just... observing,” Davey said.
“A lot to take in, right?”
“I’m not sure,” Davey replied. “Can... can I feed him?”
Cassy put the food, spoon, and white towel with small fire trucks on it on the table and stood up.
“I’m going to pour a coffee and watch this,” Cassy said.
Davey caught himself watching Cassy walk into the kitchen. He shook his head, feeling the confusion really starting to settle in. This was probably why Peter wanted to get involved, as did the band. Davey looked around the apartment for a second, looking at the pictures on the walls. The comfortable looking living room. The ambiance of a home.
As Davey took a seat at the table, he rubbed his face, trying to convince himself to just focus on Donald. This entire thing revolved around Donald. He needed to make the right decisions for Donald. Not for himself, not to cover the scars of his own past.
“Hey big guy,” Davey said, staring at the infant.
Donald had a healthy collection of purple goo around his lips. The once white tray looked like it had been the victim of finger painting. Donald put his fingers into his mouth and started making noise.
“You like this stuff?” Davey asked.
Donald’s eyes were wide and he smiled, rolling his gibberish voice. Davey smiled. The innocence was almost too much to bear.
Davey scooped the purple goo onto the spoon and smelled it.
“Taste it,” Cassy said.
Davey looked up and saw Cassy leaning against the counter with one leg crossed over the other. She had her right hand across her stomach while her left hand held a mug of coffee close to her lips. As she stood like that, her shirt pulled up, showing skin Davey hated himself for looking and thinking anything that ran through his head.
“What is it?” he asked, nodding to the baby food on the spoon.
“Prunes,” Cassy said. “It’s baby food. It’s not poison.”
“Doesn’t look very good at all,” Davey said.
Donald slapped the tray, sending a few drops of prunes onto Davey’s face.
“Okay, okay,” Davey said.
He offered the spoon to Donald and he took it. As his lips came together, some of the prunes shot out of his mouth, pooling down his bubbled chin.
“You have to catch that stuff,” Cassy said.
“Run the spoon against his chin?”
Cassy nodded. “It’s a baby spoon, it won’t hurt him. Here... let me show you...”
Cassy put her coffee down and came to Davey’s aid. He looked at Donald and shrugged his shoulders as if to say,
it’s my first day on the job
...
even though it shouldn’t have been. Donald spent nine months in Cassy’s womb and another thirteen months living in this world, all without Davey’s presence.
As Cassy sat next to Davey, she took the spoon from his hand. She scooped more prunes and gave it to Donald. His small mouth closed on the spoon and just like with Davey, some of the prunes came back out. Cassy put the spoon to the bottom of Donald’s chin and slid it up, collecting all the extra prunes. Donald opened his mouth again and just like that, he ate all of it.
Davey smiled, appreciating such a small thing that Cassy had to figure out and do every day to care for Donald. He looked at Cassy, from the side, seeing her half smiling. She really loved the baby, that was for sure. As his eyes moved down, unable to control themselves, he looked at her cleavage. He felt guilty and swallowed hard. His emotions were winning, which wasn’t good because his emotions had no idea what they hell they wanted.
“There,” Cassy said. “Easy, right?”
“You make it look easy,” Davey said.
“You’ll get the hang of it,” Cassy said. “If you stay...”
She put the spoon on the table and turned to face Davey. They were both well aware that the position put Davey’s face way too close to Cassy’s chest. She stared down at him as he stared up. If it were Anna, Davey knew his hands would be everywhere. But he had to control himself with Cassy.
“We could get a bigger place,” Cassy said. “One that fits all of us. So you could have your guitars and I could have more room for me and Donald.”
Davey wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He wasn’t just
some
guitarist with a little hobby. Music contained his life in every way shape and form, not to mention it provided him with the means to have a care free life. Sure, he could buy ten houses for Cassy, easy. He could build her a dream house, not a problem. But it wouldn’t be the house that Davey already owned. Nestled away in Colorado, a place that was all him. It was peaceful. A place where people didn’t bother him about the band of music. A place where he could walk into a bar as a regular guy and nothing else.
And all of that was suddenly on the table, all ready to be changed.
“Am I pushing you?” Cassy asked.
“No, no,” Davey said. It seemed so easy to lie to Cassy, compared to Anna. “Let me feed Donald, or at least try again.”