Cassy went back to her coffee.
Davey cracked his knuckles and eyed up Donald. “Okay, Donny, let’s try this again.”
“Donny?” Cassy asked.
“Yeah. He’s going to need a cool, guitarist name, right?”
“So he’s going to play guitar?”
Donald slapped his hands on the tray and giggled.
“Maybe he’s a drummer,” Davey joked.
He took the spoon and made a second attempt at feeding Donald. Just like before, Donald took the prunes but as he started to lose some, Davey was there to catch the leftovers and feed it right back to Donald.
“Look at that!” Davey said. He threw his hands up and cheered, causing Donald to laugh so hard, he spit prunes everywhere.
Cassy walked back to Donald and touched his dark hair. “Look at what your Daddy did...”
Davey froze and swallowed, staring at Donald.
Daddy.
He looked at Cassy. “About that...”
“Still don’t believe me?”
“It’s not a question about believing,” Davey said.
“Sure it is. You still think I’m some groupie.”
“No. No, not that.”
“Can you finish feeding...
the baby
” - Cassy said it with the snappy attitude that took Davey back to last night at the restaurant - “while I go get something?”
Davey nodded. As Cassy walked away, he sighed, and went back for more prunes for Donald.
“I don’t know, big guy,” Davey whispered as he fed Donald. “I don’t know what to think.”
Donald had no advice to offer but as he savored the disgusting looking purple prunes, his eyes didn’t leave Davey once. Something about him taking to Davey so quickly and so honestly just felt right. As much as Davey hated thinking it, he wished he could have Donald... leave Cassy... and find Anna.
He caught his own face starting to burn. What a horrible thought. How fair would that be to Cassy? He tried to put himself in her shoes, single and pregnant. Unable to really talk about the baby’s father.
“Here, I found it,” Cassy called from the hallway. She walked back with a black photo album and dropped it on the table. The loud noise made Donald jump. “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“He’s done,” Davey said and showed Cassy the empty container.
“Good boy,” Cassy said. “I’ll clean him up if you want to go look at that.”
Davey touched the leather bound book and shook his head. “I’d rather do it together.”
“Not the first time I’ve heard that,” Cassy said.
Davey smiled, thinking Cassy was making a flirty joke, but when he looked at her, nothing was joking about her dark, cold stare.
“What comes next?” Davey asked and pointed to Donald.
“Clean him up, change him, give him a bottle, and hopefully he’ll take a nap.”
“Okay, let’s do it.”
Davey bit his tongue, knowing how it sounded.
And Cassy gave him the same lethal look.
Donald reached for Davey, taking one of his fingers, squishing disgusting prunes everywhere. He looked at Donald and smiled.
What have I gotten myself into?
**
Anna couldn’t stand the idea of not only lingering in a hotel room, waiting for Davey to come back from seeing his kid, but then to see him, knowing she knew about his other life and he didn’t know she knew. Thinking it confused her, saying it made it worse, and when she finally left the hotel room - and the hotel - she thought she would feel better but she didn’t. She wished she knew where Chris had been staying, but finding herself constantly in a state of awe, knowing who Chris was, she didn’t think to ask. He dropped names in a way that Anna couldn’t believe... talking about Johnnie, Danny, Davey, and Rick like they were just regular guys. And maybe to him that’s what they were.
But to Anna, it was something else. Something much greater. They were Chasing Cross. They were rockstars. And she... well, she was an art and music teacher strapped with debt working part-time as a waitress to keep the seams of her life from letting go completely.
Once home, Anna stood in the living room and took a deep breath. Sometimes she could smell her grandparents, the subtleness of cotton, mothballs, and whatever her grandmother had been cooking that day. The years had taken the smell away and Anna knew if she didn’t keep working as hard as she had been, banks would threaten to take the entire house off her.
It made her shiver thinking about it and as much as she wanted to shift gears and focus on the present, she couldn’t help but wonder if that present included Davey or not. She understood more as to why he talked about his father the night before and it explained his restless desire to touch her and hold her.
Davey needed someone.
Someone outside the situation and someone without opinion. By not telling Anna, she became that person.
Anna’s phone rang and she looked at the screen, expecting to see one of her good friends, the creditors already calling for an early afternoon chat.
It wasn’t a bank, it was her closest friend since college, Ashley. Everyone always called them
the twins
because, they were put in the same dorm room and actually looked a lot alike. The only difference was that Ashley had poker straight hair and Anna’s was full of curls. One year for Halloween, Ashley curled her hair like crazy and Anna straightened hers and then went as the opposite girl. They actually won second prize in a Halloween contest for it, more or less as a joke.
“Hey Ash,” Anna said, taking the call.
“Where have you been?”
“What do you mean?”
“We were supposed to go to Pilates at ten...”
Anna’s mouth fell open. “Oh, damn. Ash...”
“Did you have a one night stand or something?”
Anna’s face burned. “No. I had work last night. I was there late.”
“I came to your house at nine and you weren’t there.”
Shit.
“I was out,” Anna said.
“Yeah and did get your coffee?”
“My coffee?”
“You just walked in the door, didn’t you?” Ashley let out a over zealous gasp of air. “You whore!”
Anna walked to the kitchen and saw a cup of coffee on the counter from the cafe she and Ashley frequented. It had a napkin under it with a note from Ashley.
Don’t be late for class! Or you better have a good story!
Well... Anna wasn’t just late for class, it completely slipped her mind. And as far as having a good story...
“Who’s the guy?” Ashley asked.
“It was a strange night,” Anna said.
“I want every detail. You know I’m mostly a good girl and I care about you and all, but damn, you needed a night out. Just to... feel a guy. Anybody but
him
.”
Him
being Eddie.
“How sweet,” Anna said, “coming from the engaged mother who looks after me.”
“Like I said, I’m not a fan of that stuff... but once in a while...”
“Wasn’t Nick a one night stand?” Anna teased.
“Technically, yes, but I’ll tell my kids it was love at first sight.”
Love at first sight.
Anna could handle that.
“So tell me,” Ashley said. “You owe me. I had to come home and Nick casually found an excuse to leave. So now I’m stuck home.”
“I’m sorry,” Anna said. “And if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
Anna considered it for a second but her phone vibrated. “Hey, Ash, my boss is calling me. Hold on.” Anna switched over and Bill sounded out of breath. “Hey Bill.”
“Anna? Please tell me you’re home.”
“I’m... home, what’s wrong?”
“I hate to do this. On such short notice.”
“What time do you need me?” Anna asked.
“An hour ago. I had two girls call off and it’s going to be packed. Word is out that Chasing Cross is still in town... and that the guitarist was here last night. People are flocking, hoping to see if one of them comes in.”
“Let me get changed,” Anna said. “I’ll be right in.”
“Anna, I cannot thank you enough.”
“Just remember that,” she said. “I want the busy sections.”
“Trust me, the entire restaurant is busy.”
Anna switched back to Ashley and told her she needed to hang up.
“So I get nothing?” Ashley asked.
“Like I told you, you wouldn’t believe me,” Anna said. “When are you free again?”
“To get out of the house? Saturday. Morning. I have meetings the rest of the week and Nick is flying out tomorrow for two days. I did have this morning free...”
“I’m so sorry,” Anna said. “I swear to you, I am.”
“I’ll be at your house Saturday then. With coffee. And, Anna, you better make it worth my while.”
“Trust me, when I tell you everything, it’ll be worth it.”
Anna hung up and thought about it.
Yeah, last night was totally worth it.
(12)
Davey washed his hands for the third time and smelled them. There remained a faint scent of powder and baby lotion. He survived his first diaper change, barely, and after trying to put it on upside down, Cassy guided him through it. Again, it was one of those moments where he watched Cassy move with patience and ease, a task Donald would never understand his mother did for him but yet it was so important.
When Cassy handed Donald to Davey, he took the baby into his strong arms and held him. For the first time. The first time holding his son.
His son.
My son
, Davey thought.
It took Donald a few minutes to fall asleep and when he did, Davey stood with a confused face until Cassy helped him put the baby down into the crib. Davey managed it without waking Donald and then left the bedroom to wash his hands. Or at least that’s what he told Cassy. The truth was that being in the small bedroom, filled with everything blue and baby, just hit Davey hard. He made it down the hallway, looking for a bathroom, remembering it wasn’t his place. He didn’t feel right to just open and close doors, not to mention the potential of waking Donald.
That’s when he ended up in the kitchen and quickly turned the water on, washing his hands. He stopped, dried his hands, and took a breath. But the emotions came again. A lethal mix of anger, regret, pain, hope, thoughts of Anna, thoughts of Cassy, Chasing Cross, new music, wondering when they would tour again. It literally felt like everything. All at once.
It forced Davey to wash his hands two more times, thinking something would click in his mind and change. It was an intense moment, the closest he had come to crying in years. He felt himself slipping over a dangerous edge, one that put him in the driver’s seat of little Donald’s life. He wanted to be his father no matter what. The baby deserved it, no matter what.
Davey touched his pocket again and sighed. He slid his hand into it and took out a sealed envelope. It looked small but the contents were anything but. Davey thought about writing a check to Cassy but decided he did not want to give her his address and banking information.
As he held the envelope, Cassy appeared at the entrance to the kitchen, calm and happy. When Davey looked at her, the emotions tried to come back again. He looked at Cassy differently now. Yesterday, she had been some woman. Today, she was a mother. A single mother at that. A single mother with a heavy choice to either pursue Davey or let him make the right decision.
“What’s that?” Cassy asked and pointed to the envelope.
“Something for you and Donald,” Davey said.
Cassy dove at the envelope so fast that it made him jump back. She attacked the envelope like she had never seen money before. Or maybe she was just a few days away from having the electric turned off, or didn’t have enough to cover the rent.
“I hope it’s at least something,” Davey said.
“I’ll find out,” Cassy said.
Her tone changed and she slid her finger along the envelope. Davey didn’t really mean for her to open it in front of him.
Cassy took out the cash and counted the hundred dollar bills. When she got to the last one, she frowned for a second and then tossed the money and envelope to the counter.
“Let me show you what’s in that black book,” Cassy said.
Davey looked at the money on the counter, just there like it was a pile of change. Sure, for him it wasn’t a lot of money but back in the day a thousand dollars would have made him feel rich. A thousand dollars should cover plenty of food and clothes for Davey. It should cover a portion if not all the rent. And that’s all Davey wanted right now, to help until he could sort the details out.