Broken Wings (The Broken Series Book 3) (19 page)

Kadyn
sighed as he stroked my hair. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

I
shook my head. “You didn’t push. It wasn’t that. It was the way you kissed me… all
of these memories came flooding back.” I sniffed loudly as I caught sight of
his bare feet and mine. I stared in shock at our sopping wet clothes. “God, I’m
a wreck. I don’t understand why you want to be with me, Kadyn. I’m so screwed
up. You deserve someone better… someone who hasn’t been broken so many times that
she can’t be pieced together again.”

Kadyn
gathered my face in his hands. “Don’t say that, Kri. Don’t talk about yourself
like you’re worthless, like you’re not worthy of being loved, because you are.”
He growled as his lips crashed against mine.

There
was no denying the strength and determination behind that kiss. Kadyn demanded
my concession as he sought to prove his point. Somehow, the memories remained
at bay. We clung to each other in the darkened parking lot, lost in a kiss and completely
oblivious to the storm.

*
* * * * *

“God,
Kri, you look like death.”

I
warmed my hands against my coffee cup as I glanced up at Shae. “Seems fitting,
since I feel like death.”

She
narrowed her eyes at me as she dropped into the chair across from my desk. “Are
you sick?”

I
shook my head. “No, just…
wrecked
.”

She
tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair as she waited for an explanation.

I
blew the hair out of my face and leaned back into my chair. I was still
clinging to my coffee. “I accidently fell asleep watching a movie at Kadyn’s place
last night. I didn’t know it at the time, but he carried me to bed. When I woke
up, he started kissing me, and I freaked out.”

Her
eyes softened with concern. “Why?”

I
sighed. “Too many memories came crashing down at once.”

She
looked confused. “Memories of Kadyn?”

I
took a sip of coffee. “Some memories of Kadyn, but memories of Michael too. There
was just so much heartache… so many broken dreams. It hurt so much, I had to
leave. I ended up running out on Kadyn. He found me kneeling in a puddle of
water, crying in the rain.”

Shae
studied me. “Has that ever happened with Rafael?”

My
eyebrows knit together. “What? Being overwhelmed with memories of Michael?”

She
nodded.

I
thought back over the time I’d spent with Rafael. “I started crying the other
night when Rafael cooked me dinner and left a rose on my plate. Michael used to
leave roses on the breakfast tray when he couldn’t join me for breakfast. I was
thinking about Michael when Rafael and I were sitting by the river Sunday night,
but we were talking about Michael, so it didn’t really surprise me or catch me
off guard.”

Shae
looked thoughtful. “But you don’t think about Michael when you’re being
intimate with Rafael?”

I
shook my head. “No.”

“Do
you still have nightmares about Michael?”

I
shook my head again. “Not since Rafael showed up…” I silently did the math, “…
twelve days ago.” I stilled.
Had it really only been twelve days?

Shae
interrupted my thoughts. “Does he look like Michael?”

My
teeth sank into my bottom lip as I pondered the question. “Aside from having
the same skin tone, they look nothing alike.” I paused. “Well, that’s not
entirely true. They both have brown eyes and dark hair. Rafael’s hair is much
longer than Michael’s. He’s taller, younger, and he has a more muscular build.
He doesn’t have the same accent, and his personality is very different from
Michael’s. His cologne is similar, though.”

Cory
popped his head inside my office. “Do you ladies want to join Sammi and me for
lunch? We’re heading over to Cosi in a half hour.”

Shae
and I exchanged glances.

I
shrugged. “Sure.”

Cory
smiled. “Okay. Meet us in the lobby in thirty minutes. Bring your umbrellas.
It’s still pouring out there.”

Shae’s
eyes met mine as he walked away. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

I
nodded. “I want to get to know Cory and Sammi better, especially since we’ll be
teaching together in Ukraine.”

Shae
sighed. “Okay, but I think you should skip school tonight. I’ll tell the
professors you’re sick. I’ll copy my notes for you, so you won’t miss anything.”

I
frowned into my empty coffee cup. “I don’t want to miss school.”

Shae
stood. “Have you missed any classes yet?”

I
shook my head. “No.”

She
chuckled softly. “You’ll be fine. Consider it a mental health day. Besides,
this is our long day at school, and you’re already wrecked. You need to get
some rest. You don’t have to see either of the guys tonight. Head home when we normally
leave for class. Take a long hot bath, eat a bowl of cereal for dinner, and go
to bed.”

I
rubbed my hands over my face. “God, that sounds really good.”

Shae
paused just inside the doorway. “Then do it. You’ve been going a hundred miles
a minute since you returned to DC. No wonder you haven’t healed from Michael.”

*
* * * * *

“
No!
”
I screamed. I bolted from bed and stood panting in the center of my room. I began
crying as I collapsed onto my knees. I clutched my head and attempted to
squeeze the blood soaked images from my mind.

“Kristine?”
Rafael rasped as he burst into the room. He was breathing hard, like he had run
from his house. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

My
eyes frantically sought his. “It’s Michael. Something terrible has happened to
Michael.” I curled in on myself as a fresh wave of tears pulled me under.

Rafael
kneeled next to me on the floor. He pulled me into his arms. “Kristine, it was
just a dream. You had another bad dream.”

I
shook my head as I clutched at his arm. “No. This was different. This wasn’t a
memory. This wasn’t something that already happened. He was dying. There was
blood everywhere. Rafael, I felt him die in my arms.”

Rafael
cradled my face in his hands. “Kristine, look at me. You were sleeping. It was
a nightmare. Michael is fine.”

I
began weeping again. “No. I don’t think he is. Can you call him?
Please?
Just call and make sure he’s okay. I think something’s wrong. I… I don’t know
why, but I can
feel
it.”

Rafael’s
jaw clenched. He silently studied me, then sighed as he conceded. “I’ll call
him. Do you want to wait here while I retrieve my cell phone or do you want to
come with me, over to my place?”

I
shivered as I inventoried the shadows in my room. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Rafael
stood and offered me his hand. “Why don’t you grab some clothes and anything
else you might need to get ready for work? It’s still early, just after three
a.m. We should go back to bed. You can get ready for work at my place after we
get a little more sleep.”

I
reached for Rafael’s hand. He pulled me into a hug before helping me gather my
things. He took my duffle bag and reclaimed my hand as we walked over to his
house.

Rafael
went into the kitchen to get me a glass of ice water before following me up to
his room. He retrieved the cell phone from his dresser, then kissed me on the
forehead before going back downstairs.

I
felt for the warmest part of his bed, the spot where he had been sleeping. I crawled
into bed, settled into that spot, and pulled the covers over my head. I began to
relax as I breathed in the spicy scent of his cologne. Rafael’s voice echoed
through the house. I couldn’t make out any words, but he suddenly sounded
angry.

Rafael
joined me in bed a few minutes later. He pulled my back against his chest as he
settled in next to me. “Michael is fine. He did the math on the time difference
between us and wanted to know what I was doing with you at three o’clock in the
morning. He got upset and was demanding answers. I told him I would explain
later.”

I
sighed. “Thank God he’s okay. I’m sorry, Rafael. The dream felt so real. I
couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible had happened to him.” I
turned in Rafael’s arms so I could face him. “Why did you tell him that I was
the one who was worried? Why didn’t you just tell him that
you
wanted to
check on him?”

His
eyebrows furrowed. “I haven’t spoken to Michael for a few months now. We didn’t
exactly end the last conversation on good terms.”

I
tucked Rafael’s hair behind his ear. “What happened?”

His
eyes burned briefly, then softened. “I chewed him out for hurting you, for
pushing you away. I demanded he apologize and work things out with you. He
refused. I warned him that if he wouldn’t fight for you, then I would. He
screamed at me to stay away from you. I told him to go to hell… that he had lost
all rights to you when he left you broken on that office floor.”

My
heart clenched as memories of that day ripped through my battered brain. “Now
he knows we’re together,” I whispered.

Rafael
nodded. “I know I owe him an explanation, but I need to sort through how best
to approach this. I don’t know that this conversation is appropriate for the
phone. I may fly to Paris so we can discuss this in person.” He ran his hand
down my arm and sighed. “I’m afraid this will be the wake-up call he’s needed
all along. I’m scared he’ll fight for you… that I’ll lose you to him.”

I
shook my head. “I don’t want you two fighting over me. You’re his brother, and
he’s the only family you have left. If Michael had any desire to be with me, he
would have approached me by now. Besides, there’s no going back for me. I can’t
trust him to be there for me. I can’t bear to be hurt like that again.”

My
eyes grew heavy as Rafael ran his hand up and down my back. “I think Michael knows
that on some level, but he still loves you. He pushed you away
because
he loves you and doesn’t want you hurt.”

Rafael’s
hand stilled. “I think he expected you to get back together with Kadyn… and
that for you, at least, things would simply go back to the way they were before
he forced you to Paris. He knew I had feelings for you, but I don’t think he
believed for one minute that I would pursue a relationship with you.”

My
voice grew thick as I fought to stay awake. “Do you regret that you did?”

Rafael
tightened his arms around me. “No. My only regret is that I didn’t act on my
feelings sooner. I’m sure that makes me a terrible brother, but I’m deeply in
love with you, Kristine. I don’t want to lose you… to Michael… to Kadyn… or anyone
else.”

I
sought to reassure him as I drifted off to sleep. My words were whispered, but
they wove a new dream. “I love you, Rafael.”

*
* * * * *

I
was driving home from class, relieved that my first week of work was officially
behind me. I was feeling overwhelmed about the trip to Ukraine. There was so
much to do between developing the training materials, practicing lectures and
simulations, and the Russian immersion course. I had no clue how we were going
to pull it all together in less than a month.

Work
wasn’t the only thing stressing me out. My new dating schedule was wreaking
havoc on my ability to study, and things were only going to get worse with
final papers coming due. I needed to carve out more time for my studies, and
the only way I could do that was to cut back on my date nights with Kadyn and
Rafael. I was actually considering inviting everyone back over for Scrabble, so
we could renegotiate the terms of our agreement.

A
smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I merged onto the King Street exit. I
was pretty pumped about how my self-defense lesson with Rafael had gone this
morning. I made it to the end of the hall before he caught me. Now he was
challenging me to get to the bottom of the stairs without killing myself in the
process.
Good luck with that
, I thought to myself.

Rafael
had called earlier to see if he could take me to dinner in Georgetown and to a Stomp
concert this evening. I had to look up Stomp on the Internet to figure out what
it was. I was totally enthralled with the idea that people could make music by
pounding on garbage cans with wet socks. I was completely exhausted, but there
was no way I was going to miss seeing that.

Rafael’s
garage door was open when I pulled inside my garage. I parked my jeep, then
wandered next door.

“Hey,
babe,” he called from inside his car.

I
was too busy admiring his backside to speak.

He
popped his head out of the car. “What are you looking at?” he teased.

Heat
flooded my cheeks. “Nothing.”

He
grinned as he leaned against the car. “You were checking me out.”

I
rolled my eyes. “Well, duh. What woman wouldn’t be checking you out?”

His
eyes heated. “Come here.”

I
smiled and shook my head as I slowly backed away. “No.”

He
raised an eyebrow. “No?”