Broken Wings (The Broken Series Book 3) (52 page)

Rafael
glanced at Shae. “I can have my men pick up some clothes for both of you.
Ethan’s wife can help them. Just write down your sizes and a list of things you
need.” He looked at Kadyn. “Do you think the cameras on our cell phones are
sufficient for documenting the injuries?”

Kadyn
nodded. “Yes. I’m sure the embassy will photograph the injuries tomorrow, but I
think we should have our own copies, and we should text or e-mail them
someplace where they can be stored in case anyone gets ahold of our phones and
tries to destroy the evidence.”

Rafael
glanced at Shae before focusing his attention on me. “I’m sorry, but you
shouldn’t take a shower if you were sexually assaulted. It could destroy the
evidence,” he noted apologetically.

Shae
diverted her eyes to the floor. “I don’t know how much evidence a stun gun
leaves when it’s pressed to your vagina. That’s the only thing we were sexually
assaulted with. They didn’t rape us… at least not with any body parts.”

All
of the air rushed from Kadyn’s lungs as he slid down the wall. He raked his
hand over his head, then squeezed his eyes closed. He didn’t speak.

Rafael’s
eyes hardened, then pooled with tears. “I’m with Kadyn. Someone’s going to pay
for this.”

*
* * * * *

We
spent the entire day at the embassy. Shae and I met with an endless stream of
people who interviewed us over and over again. We were asked to strip down completely
as a female employee from the American Citizen Services Unit documented our
injuries. We both signed medical releases so they could access our CT results
from the hospital.

Kadyn
and Jase took Shae out to dinner so Rafael and I could have some time alone. With
all the time we’d spent at the hospital and the embassy, we hadn’t had much time
to talk. Neither of us were up for going out, so we ordered room service and
picked at a tray of food while sitting in bed. I sat facing Rafael. He was
sitting up against the headboard. “Will you ever be able to forgive me?” I
asked, feigning interest in my sandwich.

Rafael
shoved the tray aside and pulled me onto his lap. “For what?”

I
ran my right hand over his chest until I found his heartbeat. “For everything.
For going to Ukraine when you warned me about the danger… for getting mixed up
with the mafia… for allowing Maxim to kiss me… and… and… for causing Michael’s
death.”

Rafael
sighed. “There is nothing to forgive. You had good intentions when you went to
Ukraine. You chose to do this because you wanted to help others, Kristine. You
got mixed up with the mafia because you had no other choice. I’m not thrilled
about what transpired between you and Maxim, especially after seeing the way he
kissed you, but imagine where we’d be if he hadn’t taken an interest in you. I
don’t know that anyone else would have been able to secure your release from
the SVR, and they seemed hell bent on torturing you.”

I
looked away as my eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry I woke everyone up last
night. I think part of me is still in Ukraine being tortured by the SVR.” I shuddered.

Rafael’s
eyes filled with pity. His thumbs gently swiped the tears from my face. “And I
thought your nightmares were bad before…”

I
leaned my head against his chest as my thoughts returned to Michael. “My heart
hurts.”

Rafael
sifted his fingers through my hair. “Mine too. I can’t believe Michael is being
cremated today.”

I
tried to speak around the lump in my throat as I sat up to look at him. “Have
you thought about what you want to do with… his remains?” I choked on the last
two words.

Rafael
nodded. “I was thinking we could spread his ashes in Saint-Tropez. He loved
that place, and I know he always felt at peace when he was there.”

I
nodded my agreement as I tucked a strand of hair behind Rafael’s ear.

Rafael
reached for my hand. “I need to take care of a few things in Paris first. I was
hoping you would come with me.”

I
sighed. I had been hoping to avoid the house in Paris and all the memories it
was sure to evoke, but I couldn’t bear the thought of Rafael facing that alone.
“I’d like to go with you,” I responded softly.

Rafael
looked thoughtful. “Was Shae able to reach Sammi? Did they make it home okay?”

I
pulled the toothpick out of my sandwich and removed the bread so I could pick
at the bacon. “Shae called Sammi when you were next door with Ethan and Brady. Apparently,
they went to the embassy in Kiev when Maxim’s men told them we were missing.
They stayed in Kiev until Maxim confirmed you had gotten us out of Sevastopol.
Then they flew back to DC. I feel bad that they didn’t get to teach at that
second university, but everyone agreed it was too dangerous for them to stay.”

He
nodded. “I heard from Maxim earlier. He wanted to make sure we arrived okay. He
had a message for Shae.”

I
glanced up in surprise. “Oh?”

Rafael
smiled. “He wanted me to let Shae know that Konstantin is okay. He finally regained
consciousness and was asking for her. He left me a phone number so Shae can
call him.”

My
eyes widened. “Konstantin survived too?”

Rafael
nodded. “His legs were broken, just like Ethan and Brady’s, and he took a nasty
hit to the head, but he’s going to be okay.”

I
breathed a small sigh of relief. “Thank God.”

Rafael
lifted my hand. He studied the ring Maxim had given me. “Do I have to worry
about Maxim coming for you?”

I
glanced at the ring before looking into Rafael’s eyes. “No. I don’t think so.
He admitted he has feelings for me. He wanted me to take the job with the ministry
of foreign affairs and move to Ukraine, but that was before the SVR kidnapped
me. When he said goodbye at the airport, he said he didn’t want me coming back
to Ukraine. He said I didn’t belong there.”

Rafael
looked relieved. “I didn’t realize how much he cared for you until he told
Michael he understood why he let you go.”

I
glanced back down at the ring. “He didn’t think our relationship would work out
because of everything that happened between Michael and me. I was worried
Michael would talk you out of it, that you wouldn’t want to be with me after
you talked to him.”

Rafael
gently lifted my chin. “Michael wasn’t happy with my decision to become
involved with you. We found out you were missing when we were in the middle of
that conversation. I think Michael realized then that you were no safer apart
than you were with him. I think he came to Sevastopol hoping to make amends. I
think Michael wanted to work things out with you. He told me he wanted to take
you back to Paris when you were released.”

My
eyes filled with tears. “I still love him. I can feel this gaping hole in my
heart where Michael used to be. I don’t know that I will ever get that back. I
think he will always have that piece of me.” I tucked my head under Rafael’s
chin as I began to cry.

Rafael
rubbed my back until my tears subsided. “I know you still love him. I will
always love him too.”

 I
pushed off of Rafael’s chest so I could look into his eyes. “I love you too,
Rafael. Just because I love Michael doesn’t mean I can’t love you too.”

Rafael
set the tray of uneaten food on the nightstand. He pulled the covers down so we
could slip into bed. He burrowed into my neck as he curled around me. “I love
you too, baby.”

*
* * * * *

Rafael’s
security team flew back to DC with Kadyn and Shae. I didn’t envy Ethan and
Brady that long flight, especially given the casts on their legs. Thankfully,
they were able to secure seats in first class. I had a difficult time saying
goodbye to Kadyn and Shae, but I knew my place was with Rafael. There was no
way I was going to let him bury his brother alone. Michael’s pilot flew us to
Paris shortly after the flight to DC departed.

Rafael
and I were standing outside Michael’s house two hours later. The house
shimmered through my tears. I clutched Michael’s urn to my chest. “How do we do
this?” I whispered brokenly.

Rafael
wrapped his arm around my back. “One step at a time.”

I
placed my foot on the first step and was transported back in time… to the very
first time I had walked these stairs… when the butler hung suspended between
the house and the car, anxious to assist but too uncertain to proceed. A time
when Michael had been so determined to make me fall in love with him… this
life… this house. We trudged up a couple more stairs, and I saw Michael
whisking me away… to the Musée Rodin… the Champs-Élysées… the Tuileries Garden…
Giverny… our favorite café… and the Palais Garnier. A few more stairs and
memories of embassy staff and trips to the hospital tore at my heart.

The
butler opened the door just as we reached the top stair. His eyes were rimmed
in red. He reached for Rafael’s hand, then pulled him in for a hug. His eyes filled
with tears as he reached for me. He gave me a hug before offering to take the
urn.

I
smiled shakily, but I shook my head. I tightened my hold on the urn as we walked
inside the house.

Rafael
turned to face me just outside the office. “I need to talk to Devry and take
care of a few things in here. Where would you prefer to wait?”

I
stared at the beautiful foyer, the gleaming floors, and the grand piano. Everything
looked the same. “I would like to walk around for a bit, if that’s okay.”

Rafael
gently kissed my cheek. “Text me if you need me. I’ll come find you as soon as
I’m done.”

I
nodded numbly as I walked toward the beautiful wrought iron staircase. I tucked
the urn under my sling so I could trail my right hand along the railing, the same
way I had the first time I’d walked these stairs. I blinked back tears as an
image of Michael carrying me up the stairs floated across my mind. I looked
down at the urn and wondered how we had gotten to this place in time, when I
was carrying him up those very same stairs.

I
walked down the hallway to my old room. I crossed the threshold and felt…
Michael
.
Memories beckoned me from the bed. I thought about the first time I’d slept in his
bed and the first night we made love. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared
down at the floor. Michael’s adoring eyes met mine. I could feel his elation
over the baby. Tears streamed silently down my face. Still, I held the urn.

As
my tears subsided, I walked to each window and committed each view to memory. I
stood in the bathroom, then sat on the couch in front of the fireplace. That
ended up being the place I felt him most. I stared into the cold, empty hearth.

I
blinked in surprise when I found myself standing in the center of the closet.
My heart clenched when I discovered that my clothes and shoes were still there,
as if Michael had simply been waiting for me to come back home. I ran my hand
over Michael’s clothes, then inhaled deeply as I searched for his cologne. My
eyes fell closed when I smelled the citrus, cedar, and cloves on one of his
suit jackets. I took my sling off, pulled the jacket on, and walked back into
the bathroom. I dug through the drawers until I found his bottle of cologne. I tucked
the bottle into the coat pocket and forced myself to walk to the next room.

I
took a deep breath and prayed for strength as I opened the door. My knees
nearly buckled when I saw the room. The nursery was still half assembled. Not a
single thing had been removed. The day bed where Michael had slept after the miscarriage
was still tucked against the far wall. I sighed sadly. Then I quietly pulled the
door closed.

I
soaked in the memories and said a silent goodbye as I wandered through each
room. Rafael found me sitting next to the Koi in the garden terrace. I had fallen
to my knees in front of the waterfall. I sat curled around the urn as I wept.

Rafael
gently tugged the urn from my hands as he pulled me into his arms. I buried my
face in his shirt. “
God, it hurts. I miss Michael. I miss him so much.
”

Rafael
smoothed his hand over my hair as tears spilled from his eyes. He rocked me in
his arms until our tears ran dry. We just sat there, clinging to each other,
for the longest time.

I
lifted my head from Rafael’s chest and stared at cascading roses, orchids, and
hibiscus that spilled from every shelf and crevice in the sun drenched room.
“Do you think he’s with Genevieve?” I whispered hesitantly.

Rafael’s
arms tightened around me. “Yes. I do. I think Michael is holding her in his
arms right now.” He took a deep breath and slowly released it. “We don’t have
to stay here tonight. We can go to a hotel or fly to Saint-Tropez.”

I
ran my hand over the prickly grass growing alongside the smooth stepping stones
we were kneeling on. “I think we should go to Saint-Tropez,” I replied on a
sigh. I reached for the urn.

Rafael
stood and gently pulled me to my feet. “Would you like to pack some clothes?
You don’t have much to wear since your luggage was left in Ukraine.”

“Sammi
took my clothes back to DC,” I responded numbly.

He
nudged me toward the stone trail that wound through the gardens. “Should I ask
the maid to pack a few things for Saint-Tropez, or would you like to pick the clothes
out yourself?”