Broken Wings (The Broken Series Book 3) (53 page)

“I’d
like to pick out a few things.” I looked down at Michael’s jacket and pulled the
cologne out of the pocket. “Can I keep this? I’d like to have something of
Michael’s to take home with me.”

Rafael’s
eyes softened. “Of course. You can take anything you want.”

I
looked down at the cologne. “This is all I want.”

Rafael
nodded. “Why don’t you go pick out some clothes. I’m going to grab a few things
from my room and track down some suitcases.”

Rafael
and I eventually made our way downstairs. Michael’s staff had gathered in the
foyer to say goodbye. My eyes filled with tears when I saw them all standing
there looking so lost. The cook and her granddaughter reached for my hand as
they kissed me on both cheeks. The gardener offered a soft kiss on the cheek. Jean
gave me a hug. Devry kissed my cheek, followed by the maids, the butler, the
driver, and the entire security team.

Rafael
set the suitcases aside so he could ask the staff to continue in their
positions until he could sort through what to do with the house. Everyone readily
agreed to stay on. The driver loaded the luggage into the car and drove us to
the airport. We boarded Michael’s jet thirty minutes later.

We
arrived in Nice shortly after eight o’clock in the evening. Rafael secured a
rental car and drove the rest of the way to Saint-Tropez.

Sunlight
streamed through the window. I tried to place the room as I turned in Rafael’s
arms. “Where are we?” I asked, suddenly confused.

He
tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “We’re in my bedroom at the property in Saint-Tropez.
You fell asleep during the drive here. I didn’t want to wake you, so I carried
you inside.”

I
sat up and studied the room. I was thankful it was unfamiliar to me. “What are
the staff going to think about me sleeping with you?”

Rafael
sat up and slowly rotated his injured arm. “Most of the staff in Saint-Tropez were
aware of my feelings for you when Michael first brought you here. When I called
to have the house prepared for our arrival, I let them know that we’d be
sleeping together.”

I
shoved the covers aside. I shivered when my toes touched the cool tile. I
smoothed my hands over my wrinkled clothes as I walked to the French doors. The
doors opened out onto the travertine terrace that led to the fire pit and the
infinity pool. I stared out over the Azure water. The brilliant blue sea was
already sprinkled with a number of white boats. “I think we should spread Michael’s
ashes out over the sea. Do you know someone who can sail his boat?”

Rafael
wrapped his arms around me. We had already abandoned the annoying slings. He
rested his chin on my shoulder as he stared out over the water. “Michael taught
me how to sail his boat. We can take it out this afternoon if you think you’re
ready to do this.”

I
nodded as my eyes filled with tears.

Rafael
turned me in his arms. “I think there’s a silver lining in all of this.”

My
eyebrows knit together. I couldn’t think of a single positive thing that had
come from Michael’s death… unless, of course, he was with Genevieve.

Rafael
cupped my cheek in his hand. “Michael has finally found peace. He hasn’t known
peace since he went to work for that investment firm.”

A
single tear stole down my cheek. “I don’t see that as a silver lining, not when
Michael had to die to find peace.”

Rafael
captured the tear with his thumb. “He also died knowing he was loved. He saw
how much you still love him, and he got a chance to tell you he still loves
you.”

I
nodded as three more tears trickled down my cheeks.

He
pulled me in for a hug. “You’ve hardly eaten a thing the past few days. Will
you come sit in the kitchen with me so I can make you breakfast?”

I
pulled back to look at him. “Won’t the cook be offended?”

He
shook his head and smiled. “He’s actually quite tolerant of me taking over his
kitchen.”

We
padded down to the kitchen in our bare feet. Rafael poured a cup of coffee and
handed it to me as I climbed onto a stool at the center island. He poured his
own cup of coffee while bantering with the cook. A couple of the security guards
popped in for coffee. They joined in on the conversation while Rafael and the
cook prepared breakfast. While the staff were subdued, the mood seemed lighter
than it had been in Paris. It was nice seeing some of the tension ease from
Rafael’s face.

Once
Rafael and the cook were done preparing our omelets, we took our plates, coffee,
and juice to the terrace. I was hesitant to sit by the fire pit since that was
where Michael and I had eaten most nights. I chose a stool at the outdoor bar
instead. Rafael claimed the stool next to me. I propped my feet against his
stool and took a sip of coffee as I peered out over the water. I sighed as the
vise in my chest eased a tiny bit. “I love this place.”

Rafael
smiled. “Me too.” He studied me as he cut into his omelet. “What do you want to
do with the property in Paris?”

I
slowly pulled my gaze from the sea. “Me?”

Rafael
nodded. “Michael left that house, and this one, to you.”

I
tried to speak around the lump in my throat. “He left them to me? Why would he
do that?”

Rafael
took a sip of coffee. “Michael purchased that home in Paris as a wedding gift for
you, and he knew how much you love this place.”

I
shook my head in disbelief. “But you’re his brother and his last remaining
relative. Why wouldn’t he just leave everything to you?”

Rafael
shrugged. “He left a substantial amount of money and four other properties to
me, including the house in Boca Raton.”

I
fell silent as I absorbed the news. Tears welled in my eyes as I met Rafael’s
gaze. “I don’t know what to do with the house in Paris. It’s painful for me to
be there. I look around and I see everything I’ve lost… the hopes, the dreams,
the baby, and now Michael. But I still have fond memories of Michael and you in
that house.”

Rafael
nodded. He set his coffee cup on the bar. “What about this place?”

I
looked up at the house, then gazed across the beautiful travertine terrace. I
loved the peace and tranquility that surrounded this place, but I couldn’t
bring myself to lay claim to this house, not when it should have been given to
Rafael. I slowly met his gaze. “I think
you
should keep this place.”

Rafael
ate another bite of omelet. “I think
we
should keep this place. Do you
want to live here, or do you still want to live in Virginia?”

I
cut into my omelet as I considered the question. “I don’t know. I can barely
comprehend how Saint-Tropez has come to be an option. Paul gave me a one month paid
sabbatical, but I’m questioning whether I’m really cut out for that job. I’d
like to finish my master’s degree, but I haven’t really thought about where I
want to live once I finish school. Why? What are you thinking?”

Rafael
eyed me over the top of his orange juice. “I think you should take some time
off from work and focus on your master’s program. There are a lot of different
things you can do with that degree. I like working in DC, and I enjoy living in
Northern Virginia. Why don’t we keep Saint-Tropez as a vacation home? Who
knows? We may want to retire here someday.”

“You
can still see a future with me?” I asked brokenly.

A
concerned look fell over his face. He slowly set his fork on the plate. “Of
course I can. Why wouldn’t I?”

I
looked down at the napkin that lie twisted in my hand. “I… I… just wasn’t sure
how you’d feel about me after everything that happened with Michael.”

Rafael
pulled the napkin from my hand. He tossed the napkin on the bar, then folded
his hands around mine. “Hey… look at me.”

I
glanced up at him through watery eyes.

His
gaze was fierce. “You have to stop blaming yourself for Michael’s death. You
didn’t kill Michael. The people who beat and tortured you killed Michael. Not
you. You shouldn’t blame yourself for the actions of other people, Kristine.
You should have been able to go to Ukraine and work at those universities
without such a horrific thing happening. It was reasonable for you to think
that you could. I don’t blame you for Michael’s death, and I don’t want you
blaming yourself for it either.”

I
knew that would be much easier said than done. Michael would still be alive if
I hadn’t gone to Ukraine. Still, the intensity of Rafael’s gaze brokered no
room for argument. I sighed. “I’ll try not to.”

His
eyes softened. “I love you. I will always love you. And, yes, I still intend to
marry you, Kristine.”

My
heart clenched. I looked down at my hands as I tried to sift through the
confusing array of emotions that were now warring within me.

Rafael
gently tugged me from the stool. He positioned me so that I was standing
between his legs. He remained seated on the stool. His eyes searched mine as he
framed my face with his hands. Ever so slowly, he fit his lips to mine.

*
* * * * *

We
made three attempts to scatter Michael’s ashes into the sea. The first time we
tried, I just stood on the dock and cried with the urn clutched against my
chest. I couldn’t even board the boat.

We
waited a few days before trying again. This time I managed to board the boat.
We set sail and eventually dropped anchor, but the entire afternoon slipped away
while I delayed saying goodbye. I couldn’t bring myself to do it when the sun
was setting.

Rafael
suggested we try again at sunrise.

A
gentle but steady rain delayed us another day. The clouds lifted, and the rain slipped
silently away while we slept. Rafael woke me at three o’clock, so we could set sail
while it was still dark.

It
seemed as if we had the entire sea to ourselves. I sat huddled in a blanket
while Rafael sailed the boat some distance from shore. He lowered the anchor
before joining me at the side of the boat. We kneeled next to each other in the
dark. I held the urn as we waited for the sun to rise.

Rafael
nodded toward the horizon. “I think it’s time.”

“I
can’t let go. I’m not ready to say goodbye,” I responded brokenly.

Rafael
pulled two necklaces from his coat pocket.

I
studied the necklaces. The black leather necklace held a small brushed silver
vial. The silver chain held a beautiful tear shaped pendant. The spun glass
pendant was streaked with shades of blue. The blanket slipped from my shoulders
as I reached for the necklaces. “What are these for?”

Rafael’s
eyes softened. “These are small cremation urns. I thought we could place some
of Michael’s ashes inside these containers. That way, we can always keep a part
of him with us. Then, if you’re ready, we can pour his remaining ashes into the
sea.”

Tears
welled in my eyes. “That’s perfect.”

Rafael
opened the urn. He pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket. He scooped
some ashes into the folded paper and poured them into the vials. He sealed the
vials and the urn before clasping the silver chain around my neck.

My
fingers fell on the tear shaped pendant. “Thank you,” I whispered softly. I reached
for the leather necklace. He bowed his head as I fastened the clasp behind his
neck. I gently kissed his cheek. “I love you.”

The
boat rocked gently as the sun peeked over the horizon. Rafael squeezed my hand.
“Would you like to say a prayer?”

I
nodded as I placed my hands on top of the urn.

His
eyes filled with tears as he laid his hands on top of mine.

I
closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. The waves slapped noisily
against the side of the boat. Slowly, I began. “Most merciful Father, we know
that you love us despite our failures, our successes, our wounds, and our
brokenness. Please accept Michael into your kingdom so that he may finally know
peace. Surround him with your love. Hold him in your hands as we release him to
you and reunite him with his parents and Genevieve. In Jesus name we pray.
Amen.”

Rafael
rested his forehead against mine. “Thank you,” he breathed.

Tears
spilled silently down my cheeks as Rafael opened the urn once more. Our eyes
met as he tipped the urn over the side of the boat. I watched the powder soft ashes
blow gently in the breeze. The waves reached up and pulled them into the sea.

I
placed my hand through the stream of ashes so I could touch Michael one last
time. I closed my eyes and whispered goodbye as he slipped silently through my
fingers.

*
* * * * *

I
dug my toes into the sand as the waves beckoned me into the sea… the same sea
that had claimed Michael’s ashes nine days ago. My chest still hurt when I gazed
out over the brilliant blue water. I couldn’t help but think of what I’d lost
and all the things that could have been. There was a part of me that wanted to follow
Michael into those waves and never come back.