BrookLyn's Journey (23 page)

BrookLyn stretched slowly, arching her back to wake up every sleep-ridden part of her body.
“Today is the dreadful day that I must go back home
.
”

“I know. It stinks that the week is five days and the weekend is only two.
I think we’re
getting cheated somehow
.
”
Gabby rolled over to look at BrookLyn.

As
Gabby
stared
at her
,
she noticed a faint gray circle around
Gabby’s
blue eyes
, BrookLyn’s
heart
fluttered in her chest. She didn’t want to leave.
This was the best she had ever felt. Soon she would have
to go back to the house that
her
father built
, and give up
feeling such
utopia
until
she could
return here
, to
Gabby
.

“You’ll come back
,
BrookLyn. Don’t be upset.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You have a house to yourself and don’t have to
live life
waiting for someone to hurt you like I do
.
”
BrookLyn’s
sadness was turning to anger
,
as it sometimes did.
I
t wasn’t Gabby’s fault
she
was becoming
angry. BrookLyn
didn’t understand why
it happened.
The kind of feelings she experienced on a daily basis sometimes defied comprehension.

“But it will get better.”

“You think you have all the answers, huh? You can talk all you want because it ain’t you.”

“I know that it’s not me
, BrookLyn,
but once you leave for college it’ll be better.”

“Again, that’s quite easy for you to say
.
L
ike it’s going to happen tomorrow. College is a few tomorrow’s away.”
BrookLyn
couldn’t explain
the tone her voice had taken
—she felt possessed by her anger
. Gabby
’s
shimmering eyes
went
dim with confusion. But at that moment
BrookLyn
just
couldn’t stop the mean words from coming out of
her
mouth.

“I don’t know why you’re mad at me, BrookLyn.
I didn’t do anything wrong
.”

“I’m not mad at you!” BrookLyn hadn’t meant to shout. “Look, Gabby, I’m just mad at my life right now. I have pressures that you’re not under. I’m sorry, but you don’t know what I’m going through.”

“
Tell me then. Maybe I can help. You can live here.
”

BrookLyn shook her head. “These past few days were amazing, but who knows if they’ll end. I
f I
le
ft
my parent
s
’ house
and then
you leave me
, where would I be?
I’d be alone in this world
with no place to go until college
.” BrookLyn hated her parents, and they seemed to hate her very existence, but at least she wasn’t alone.

“Is that what you expect me to do? You think I’m doing all this,”
Gabby
gestured widely with both her arms, “just to leave you?”

The look on her face stung worse than the words Shante had said. BrookLyn regretted saying it. “No, but I don’t know what’s real and what’s fantasy.”

Gabby
continued to
look like
BrookLyn had
hit her with a sucker punch
with her
shoulders slouched.

BrookLyn
thought
what she
felt was real
...
but
how could she
know
it was.
“What about Shante?”

Gabby’s
face turned from hurt to angry.
“Really? Shante? Well, I want to thank you for having so much faith in me
—
and my love for you
!
” Gabby
stormed off toward
the bathroom
.
Each hard step she took reflect
ed
her pain straight to BrookLyn’s
ears
.
The door slammed shut.

Have faith in what you’ve shared already. The truth is in her eyes.
There was that disembodied
reminder
again. BrookLyn scanned the room
, but she
was alone
with
her stupidity
.
Th
at
good advice was her own, so why was she ignoring it?
She hit herself in the head. “Dum
my
.”

She sat down on the bed
hard,
regretting she hurt the one person who
promised never to let her be hurt again.
She
gnawed intently at the ragged cuticle on her right thumb
as she pondered the mess she caused.

Before
BrookLyn
could even begin to process what had just happened
,
Gabby
stood near
her
with a warm cloth in her hand.
Her eyes confirmed the anger
she was feeling
.

Why did I hurt the only person who has ever loved me? Was I scared to leave or was I scared to stay?
BrookLyn
wished she knew.

“Just so you know, despite what you think
,
I
do
love you
and
I want to be with you forever. I hate that you doubt me. I wouldn’t be wasting your time if this wasn’t what I wanted. And Shante? Wow
.
”
Gabby
turned and
strode
out of the bedroom
,
her head shaking from side to side.

T
his was
all
new to
BrookLyn
.
She had
never had anyone show
her
love
,
let alone shower
her
with it. It was
just
too much
—t
he
battle between
her
heart and
her
head.
Her
parents, friends
,
and family would
all
be against this.
BrookLyn wished that she could
spend time with
Gabby
openly
,
without
having to sneak around
,
keeping it a secret
.
How can
I
have
the best of both worlds
,
when
those
two worlds
are
entirely different
?

The
smell
of
food flow
ed
up from downstairs. Gabby
must have
decided to cook some brunch.
What ha
ve
I done? All she was trying to do was love me.
BrookLyn
dragged
her
body from the bed and hopped quickly into the shower. When the steam covered the glass shower doors
she
saw words that warmed
her
heart
. Gabby had used her finger to write in the steam.
I love you more than life itself
,
BrookLyn
.

BrookLyn rushed the rest of her shower so she could run
downstairs and let Gabby know that
she
loved her
too, even though
this was going to be anything but easy
.
She threw her
clothes on
and
bounced down the st
airs
to go and apologize to Gabby.
The
soothing smell
of the food beckoned her
to the kitchen
.

“I’ll wash the dishes,”
BrookLyn
said
,
creeping ever so lightly into the kitchen.

“I’m almost finished
.
”
Gabby
never turn
ed
around from the sink
.
She
clearly
wasn’t ready to let her anger go yet
.
The damage had been done.

“You didn’t have to cook
and
clean up.”

“I usually cook and clean as I go along. It’s easier.”
Gabby’s words felt as cold as the temperature in the kitchen.

BrookLyn
stood staring at
Gabby’s
back knowing
she
had hurt her a lot. “Gabby, I don’t know how to love without getting hurt. There was a time that I loved my family
,
and that hurt
,
so I let that go.”

Gabby
didn’t say anything as she dried the sink with a paper towel.

BrookLyn persisted. She wasn’t going to give up that easy.
“I don’t know how to love people. I never had anyone truly love me before.”

“And that’s my fault?”
Gabby
turn
ed
only
slightly
toward
her.
“I love you and shouldn’t be treated bad
just
because other people haven’t done right by you.”
She dried her hands off with the dish
rag
,
then
folded
it and
hung it over the side of the sink. She glanced briefly toward BrookLyn
but then her eyes
went straight to
the tiled floor.

“It goes so much deeper than that. You’ll never understand
.
”
BrookLyn
said
,
getting angry again.
Her mind was swimming with such confusion.

“You’re right, maybe I won’t
,
but you need to give me a chance to understand before you push me away.”

“Maybe this is all too much for me
, huh?
”

“Maybe it is, BrookLyn. I can’t make your decisions for you. Only you can
,
and you have to do what’s best for you.”
Gabby
strode
quickly toward
the table,
looking beyond where
BrookLyn
stood.
“There’s your plate
.
”

“You’re not eating?”

“Not hungry
.
”
S
he
walk
ed
away briskly
,
toward
the living room
, with her head hung low.

BrookLyn’s
heart sank a little further into the pit of
her
stomach as
she
pulled the kitchen stool out to sit and eat
her
eggs, bacon, and toast
.
She
took a sip of
her
soda
,
holding the frosted glass to
her
fore
head trying to cool
her
thoughts.
No one understands what I’m going through. I live in a house with parents who don’t want me
,
but don’t want me to be away from them either.
What would they do if they found out about
her
little excursion? Fear rushed over
her
as
she
thought of the pain
her
father would inflict
.

Then
she
heard footsteps walking lightly but painfully
toward
her
.
She
kept
her
eyes on the eggs, twirling
her
fork afraid to look into
Gabby’s
eyes.