Butterfly (10 page)

“You can't.”

“What do you mean, I can't?”

“Bri gotta stand up to them on her own, even if it means fighting back.”

“What is this?” Ms. Tonita asked. “The Wild, Wild West?”

“No, ma'am. It's life as a teenager. I'm tellin' you that's how we live.”

“Oh my God.” Ms. Alicia clutched her chest. “What the hell?”

“But y'all really don't have nothin' to be worried about.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'm going to the same school, Ms. Tonita.”

“And who are you suppose to be?” Auntie Cynthia asked. “The muscle?”

“I'm just sayin'.”

“Well, I don't want you getting in trouble, either, Shante.”

“As long as they don't mess with us, we won't mess with them, Ms. Alicia.”

“If they mess with you, you better tell us.”

“Oh, we will.” I looked at Bri.

“Don't be looking at each other, either,” Ms. Tonita joked. “I see that! If there's any trouble, you better tell us.”

“Is that understood?” Auntie Cynthia asked.

“Yes, ma'am,” Bri said.

“You, too, Shante,” Ms. Alicia said.

“Yes, ma'am, I mean, yes. I will.”

“Y'all better!” Ms. Tonita said. “My husband is the police. And if I have to, I'll have the whole damn school locked up! Including y'all.”

We laughed and switched the subject to Bri's and my new school clothes. Although we did not feel like it, they made us model our new clothes. They were more excited than we were.

T
hat night when I was about to go to bed, Ms. Alicia knocked on my door. I had to hurry and get out of the shower to stop her from walking in, but I was too late. As I was walking out of the shower with a towel wrapped around me, she was entering my room.

“What's going on with you in that bathroom, girl?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Nothing, my butt.” Ms. Alicia smiled. “I kind of wanted to talk to you about what I saw this afternoon.”

“What did you see?”

“You! In the bathroom, doing...you know.”

“Oh, that wasn't what you thought it was.”

“Oh, really?”

“No, ma'am. I mean, no.”

“If you're having that much trouble not calling me ‘ma'am,' then call me whatever makes you comfortable. Like Tonita said, it shows that you're a respectful young lady.” Ms. Alicia folded her arms and paced around my room. “Now, put your clothes on and let's talk, Ms. Shante.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

I put on my sleeping clothes and crawled into the bed. Ms. Alicia sat next to me on the bed and I prepared myself for our “birds and the bees” conversation.

“What you were doing today is perfectly normal for a young woman. You're curious and you're exploring your body.”

“Ms. Alicia?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I had this talk with my dad when I was about ten.”

“You talked about touching yourself with your dad?”

“Oh! No, ma'am! We discussed the birds and the bees.”

“Well, sweetheart, your daddy may have told you about the birds and the bees, but I'm about to tell you about the flowers and the trees.”

“The ‘flowers and the trees'?”

“Yes. Now listen up! Women have different ways of being pleasured; clitoral, vaginal, oral, and then there's anal.”

“Anal? Yuck!”

“There are plenty of options, Shante.”

Ms. Alicia was right. My father may have told me about the birds and the bees, but no one had discussed those damn flowers and the trees she was telling me about.

“Options?”

“Yes, to pleasure yourself.”

“I don't pleasure myself, Ms. Alicia.”

“Oh-kaaaaay, but anyway, women are capable of reaching their orgasms through either one of these methods of sexual intercourse with a partner. But, women are also capable of achieving very pleasurable orgasms all by themselves.”

“I can't believe we're having this conversation, Ms. Alicia.”

“Well, I've been waiting all my life to have this conversation with my daughter, and I'm sorry, but you're not going to deprive me of my moment, young lady! Okay?”

“Okay, Ms. Alicia, as embarrassed as I am, I won't deprive you of your ‘moment.'”

“Back to the subject at hand...”

Before Ms. Alicia could speak, it hit me all of a sudden that she had just said that I was her daughter. I was so overwhelmingly happy to hear her say those words I had to make sure I heard what I thought I heard.

“Excuse me, Ms. Alicia?”

“Yes?”

“You really see me as your daughter?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Oh my God,” I wiped tears from my eyes.

“Oh, baby.” Ms. Alicia said. “What are you crying for?”

“Because my mother never even acknowledged that I was her daughter, and here you are treating me like I'm your very own flesh and blood.”

“That's the past, Shante. Don't focus on the past because it hurts you. Think about how much your father loves you and how Johnny and I love you as our own child.”

“This seems too good to be true. You and Dr. Forrester haven't even known me that long and you love me?”

“We've known you long enough to know that you need to be loved and we need to love you.”

“You have no idea how much that means to me.” I hugged Ms. Alicia. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, baby. I swear you're the only person who cries more than me.”

“Okay, I'm ready for our flowers-and-the-trees talk.”

“All that I wanted to say was...” Ms. Alicia wiped her eyes and paused momentarily to compose herself.

“Are you crying, Ms. Alicia?”

“Oh yeah, girl, but don't worry about me; I cry at the drop of a dime.”

“We're pitiful.”

“No, crying is good.”

“I do feel better.”

“Good,” Ms. Alicia said. “Now, can we get back to the flowers-and-the-trees stuff?”

“Yes, ma'am.” I laughed.

“Your body is a very precious commodity and it should be treated that way. You're going to have sensations and feelings as you mature, and you're going to want to act upon them. So what you were doing today is perfectly normal for a young woman your age.”

“I wasn't doing nothing, though.”

God knew I was lying. I knew I was lying. And Ms. Alicia knew I was lying, but for some reason, I could not stop myself from doing it.

“Girl, stop lying!” Ms. Alicia snapped. “It's a natural thing. You just have to appreciate your body and understand that it's not just created for pleasure. It's the essence of your womanhood. And never sacrifice your womanhood for attention, compliments, or anything other than mutual love. I'm not trying to be dramatic. but your body is the creation of life, and should be treated just as precious as a newborn child, because if you do not respect your body, and protect your body, there could be drastic consequences such as pregnancy, STDs, and some could be deadly. But right now, we don't have to deal with that, do we?”

“No, ma'am.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, ma'am. I'm not focused on boys right now. All of my focus is on getting through my senior year.”

“Good! Well, you get some sleep and if you have any questions, just ask. We have an open-door policy around here, and you can come to Johnny and me about anything, okay?”

“Okay.” I smiled.

“Good night.”

“Good night, Ms. Alicia.”

•   •   •

A couple of days later I started my first day of school at Duluth Christian Academy. I was kind of nervous when I went to my first class. I did not know anyone at the school but Bri, and she was not in any of my classes. I felt like everybody was looking at me strangely. I was the new girl, but the stares I was getting made me feel like a sideshow freak.

I sat in the back of the class trying to take some of the attention off of me. There was a boy to my left and a boy to my right. They were both staring at me. I looked straight ahead and ignored them. I wanted the teacher to speak so badly, say something, anything, to get those boys' attention off of me. God must have heard my prayers because Mr. Thompson, my drama teacher, began to speak.

Mr. Thompson was about six feet tall. He was black, with light skin, a shaven bald head and was pretty cool. He used to be in the military, and as I would find out later, not shy about using his military training to keep us in line.

“Hey, hey, people! Listen up!” Mr. Thompson immediately demanded our attention. “Some of you know me, some of you do not. I am your drama teacher. By the end of this school year, you will know everything it takes to perform a stage production. That will include everything from building a set, selecting your cast and crew, the performance and lastly, post-production. If by the end of this school year, you do not know how to build a set, select a cast and crew, perform your play, and successfully complete your post-production, you will not pass my class. Do you understand me?”

“Yes!” the class answered in unison.

“In this class, you will be graded as a team. There will be two grades, an ‘A' for pass, and an ‘F' for failure. No ‘B', ‘C' or ‘D'! No curves or midterms! It's either ‘A' or ‘F.' One way or the other, everybody will receive the same grade. We will either pass or fail as a team. Is this understood?”

I thought to myself,
dude is deep
. Although I knew he was trying to get us to understand the importance of teamwork, I did not want to fail due to someone else's laziness.

I was not the only one thinking that way because somebody had the courage to speak up, someone sitting in the front row. I looked at the kids sitting in my aisle to see who was speaking, and I could not believe my eyes. It was that girl, Asia, from the mall. Out of all the girls in the world, I had to end up in a class with that chick.

“I don't understand, Mr. Thompson,” Asia said. “Why do we have to share a grade? What if somebody is lazy or dumb? Why do all of us have to suffer because of them?”

“Well, Ms. Asia,” Mr. Thompson said, “if you think that one of your classmates is dumb, you'll have to be twice as smart. And if you think one of your classmates is lazy, then you'll have to work twice as hard.”

“My girl Asia is right, though,” Valencia said. “Why everybody gotta get the same grade?”

Damn! Not only was Asia in my class, but her friend Valencia was, too. I scanned the room for the third girl, Jheri. And there she was, in the last seat in the second row. As soon as I saw them, I knew they were going to be trouble. I tried to keep my attention on Mr. Thompson and not the mean girls.

“How many times do I have to say this, people?” Mr. Thompson said. “Production is a team effort! You will be a team! You will succeed together, or you will fail together!”

“That's not fair, Mr. Thompson!” Valencia said.

“Life is not fair, Valencia. I'm preparing you for life.”

At lunch, I was walking into the café and I saw Bri sitting at a table all by herself, even though the cafeteria was filled with kids. I walked over to her and sat next to her.

“What are you doing over here all by yourself?”

“Just having lunch.”

“Where are your friends?”

“I don't have any friends.”

“What do you mean you don't have any friends?”

“I just don't have a lot of friends.”

“You're a sophomore. You have to have some friends, Bri.”

“I know people, but I wouldn't call them
friends
.”

“What's up with that, Bri?”

“What's up with what?”

“Why don't you have any friends?”

“Because I don't want any friends!”

“Everybody wants friends.”

“Well, I don't!” Bri shouted.

“Look, we're like cousins, Bri. If something's wrong you can just...”

“Nothing's wrong! Just leave me alone!”

Bri jumped up from the table and walked away. She was very upset and it looked like she was crying. I didn't get it. Bri was cute, rich, and smart. I could not figure out why she didn't have one single friend.

•   •   •

The following Saturday, Dr. Forrester and I visited my father in prison. We sat down and I picked up the phone.

“Hey, Daddy,” I said.

“How's my Butterfly?” Dad said.

“I'm good. When is your parole?” I asked anxiously.

“It's not too far off,” Dad said. “What's up, Doc?”

“What's up, Stone?” Dr. Forrester and my Dad shared a fist pound through the window. “How's it going in here?”

“Same old, same old,” Dad said. “Just trying to get up outta here.”

“You're going to get out, Daddy.”

“That's enough about me, Butterfly. How are things out there with you?”