Butterfly (8 page)

“If she cared about me, she wouldn't have left me.”

“It's not that simple, sweetheart.”

“It's not that simple? How hard is it to love your child, Ms. Alicia?”

“Maybe she was going through a difficult period in her life.”

“So?” I snapped.

“So you better watch your mouth!” Ms. Alicia snapped back.

“I'm sorry.”

“When you learn how to control that mouth of yours, you'll stop having to say I'm sorry so much.”

“I know.”

“Now go get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow.”

“Okay, good night.”

I
was so excited about going shopping I could barely sleep that night. I had never gone shopping for school clothes before. You feel me? Never! Most of my school clothes came from some type of donation drive. But don't trip; sometime I got some good stuff.

I tossed and turned until the sun came up. As soon as my eyes closed for some real sleep, Ms. Alicia walked in beating on a frying pan. The noise was so loud I sat straight up, and covered my ears.

“Okay, I'm up!” I said. “Stop it, please!”

“Can you cook?” Ms. Alicia asked.

“Yes, ma'am!” Ma Powell had taught me how to cook everything from boiled water to a four-course gourmet meal.

“Good! You got five minutes to meet me in the kitchen to help cook breakfast.”

“Can I shower first, Ms. Alicia?”

“You don't need to shower. All that you're going to be using is your hands. So just make sure they're clean and you're good to go.”

“It's like boot camp around here.” I chuckled.

“You ain't seen nothin' yet, sister! Wait 'til Mr. Forrester get ahold of you.”

I washed up and went downstairs to help cook breakfast. Ms. Alicia already had pans on the island, eggs in a bowl, waffles on the counter and her hands on her hips.

“You ready for Cooking 101?” she asked.

“What's Cooking 101?”

She explained, “101 is college terminology. It means your very first level of classes in college. They're introductory classes that freshmen take. Understand?”

“I'm not a freshman yet.”

“You're a freshman in this kitchen. What do you know how to cook? Eggs? Bacon? Sausage? What?”

“Waffles!” I laughed and then ran over to the toaster.

“You wish!” Ms. Alicia pulled me backward by my robe. “Get your behind over there to that stove.”

“I might mess up.”

“That's okay; you'll be all right.”

I looked over my shoulder and I saw that Ms. Alicia had turned around to walk out of the kitchen.

“Where are you going, Ms. Alicia?”

“To take a shower.”

“But I thought you said I only needed to wash my hands to cook breakfast?”

“I did.”

“Then why are you leaving me to go take a shower?” I whined.

“You're right. I did say
you
only needed to wash
your
hands, not me.” Ms. Alicia walked out of the kitchen. She yelled back to me as she was going upstairs, “And if that breakfast does not taste good, there will be no shopping. You feel me?”

“Please don't try to act young, Ms. Alicia.”

I did not know if Ms. Alicia was joking or not about shopping, so I made sure I cooked a tasty breakfast. I fixed golden yellow eggs, with dark-brown sausages. I made biscuits from scratch to go along with crisp light-brown bacon. The orange juice was poured in everybody's glasses, including Dr. Forrester's and Brittany's.

They came to breakfast at the same time. Dr. Forrester was holding Brittany in his arms. They were inseparable. She wanted to spend every minute of the day with him. She loved her father a lot, but that little girl had enough love for everybody. She was the apple of all of our eyes. She was a very affection four-year-old who looked up to me as her big sister. I really enjoyed being a big sister.

“Can I have a hug?” Brittany said as she jumped out of Dr. Forrester's arms and ran to me.

“Of course you can!” I picked her up and spun her around.

“Mommy said we're going to the mall today!”

“Yes we are!” I walked over to the breakfast table and extended my arms across the buffet of food. “Breakfast, anyone?”

“Homemade biscuits?” Dr. Forrester shouted. “I thought you didn't know how to make homemade biscuits, baby.”

“I don't,” Ms. Alicia rolled her eyes at me sarcastically, “Ms. Thang over there made them.”

Dr. Forrester took a big bite out of one of my biscuits. “These are delicious. Melts in your mouth.”

“Okay! That's enough! If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were trying to show me up, girl.”

“No! Uh-uhn! I'm not trying to show you up, Ms. Alicia!” I laughed.

“Well, just for that, you have cooking duties every morning until you start school. We'll see who's going to get the last laugh!”

Ms. Alicia threw a napkin at me and we both laughed. I never knew life could be so enjoyable. People always try to explain what a family is, or is not. I do not care if it is biological or not. A family is being around people who love and care for you.

After we ate breakfast, Ms. Alicia asked me to help out with Brittany. It really made me feel like I was one of the family.

“Okay, Rachel Ray, take your little sister upstairs and help her run her bath water.”

“Okay.” I grabbed Brittany's hand.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I got caught up in the family moment thing, Shante. Take Brittany upstairs and help her with her bath.”

“That's okay,” I said. “We already call each other sisters, anyway. We got this under control. But, um, like you told me, Ms. Alicia, when you learn how to control your mouth, you'll stop having to say ‘I'm sorry' so much.”

“No that heffa didn't!” Ms. Alicia laughed and chased after me.

“Come on, let's go, Brittany!”

I ran Brittany's bath water and played with her while she took her bath. After she was finished, I took a shower. I was not used to having my own bedroom and my own privacy. It was wonderful. I cut on the shower to let the water heat up. I liked taking very warm showers. Baths, on the other hand... I loved hot! Steaming hot!

I took off my clothes and I stared at myself in the mirror. My breasts were the size of a full-grown woman. I touched my left breast and then my nipple became hard. I was excited. I do not know if it was the privacy of having my own room turning me on, or the curiosity of my own body, but I was hot and horny.

I never cared too much for touching myself. It never really turned me on. Now when dudes touched me, it made me hot as hell. I never let them touch between my legs, though; that was my forbidden fruit.

I sat on the toilet and opened my legs. I could see myself in the full-length mirror that was directly across from me. When I'd first moved in with the Forresters, I'd asked myself why that mirror was there. Come on now, who wanted to see themselves crapping? But seeing myself naked gave me an entirely different perspective of that mirror.

I looked in the mirror and then I opened my legs. I used my finger next to my thumb and I began to touch myself. I touched my clitoris and it felt so good my legs began to tremble. I opened my legs wider and touched myself faster. I had one hand on my breast and one hand between my thighs. I felt the sensations getting stronger and stronger. I leaned my head back and I closed my eyes. I was about to have an orgasm, so I wiggled my finger really fast. I felt like I was about to explode. You know, like a bottle when you shake it up really hard. Just when I was right there, my worst nightmare happened.

“Girl, what are you doing in here?”

Ms. Alicia burst through the door and stood in the doorway of the bathroom with her mouth wide open. I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to say.

“Nothing!” I slammed my legs together and then slammed the door in her face.

“Shante! Open the door!”

“Uh, can I get a minute? Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Dammit!” I jumped in the shower and then jumped back out. I didn't know what to do.

“Put on a towel and open this door!” Ms. Alicia yelled.

“Okay, hold on.” I ran around looking for my towel. “Shit!”

I wrapped a towel around me and cracked the door. I stood behind it and peeked around.

“Uh-huhn?” I asked.

“Uh-huhn, what?” Ms. Alicia asked.

“Did you want something?”

“What's going on in there?”

“Nothing much.”

“Nothing much? Girl, I saw you with your legs all gapped open,” Ms. Alicia said, “what you doin' in here?”

“Nothin'! For real! Nothing.”

“It's nothing to be ashamed of, Shante.”

“I'm not ashamed. I wasn't doing nothing.”

“Okay,” Ms. Alicia said, “Well, hurry up and finish doing nothing so we can go. You holding up the party.”

“Okay,” I said. “Can I finish my shower now?”

“Go 'head. But make it a quickie!” Ms. Alicia joked.

“Very funny, Ms. Alicia.”

“Hurry up and come on. We're waiting for you downstairs.”

I hurried and took a shower. I threw on some short shorts and some open-toed high-heels. I put on a wife beater with no bra and ran downstairs. I stopped dead in my tracks when I got to the last step. Ms. Alicia was waiting for me at the bottom of the staircase with her hand directly in my face.

“Errrrrrr! Where you think you going dressed like that?”

“Uh, to the mall?”

“I don't think so.”

“Huh?”

“Follow me.” Ms. Alicia walked upstairs.

I followed her upstairs, one step at a time. Brittany followed behind me, grabbing my shorts and nearly pulling them down.

“Okay, here we go.” Ms. Alicia slid her closet door to one side. “Pick out something decent so we can go. If we don't hurry up, all the good sales will be over by the time we get there.”

“I can't believe you even buy clothes on sale.”

“Girl, you better get real. I buy on sale! I use coupons! I'll forget my driver's license before I forget my Kroger card.” Ms. Alicia sat on the bed and crossed her legs. “Hurry up, pick out something so we can go!”

“Can I wear this?” I picked out a short summer dress.

“Nope! That's my Vera Wang! Here, wear this.”

Ms. Alicia handed me a short, spaghetti-strapped dress that
was very colorful. I liked it. Not as much as the Vera Wang dress, but it was cute.

“Okay, I'm ready.”

“You sure are. Now go take off those stripper shoes and we're ready to go.”

“What's wrong with my shoes?”

“You're going to the mall, not Magic City.”

“I can tell you old. Magic City done played out. Emerald City is what's happening now!”

“Whatever! Here, put these on.” Ms. Alicia handed me a pair of sandals.

“These are cute!” I held them up and looked at them before putting them on my feet.

•   •   •

We picked up Auntie Cynthia on our way to Discover Mills mall. Auntie Cynthia brought her three kids with her. The two oldest were not her biological children. They had different mothers from Uncle Mike's two previous wives: Ms. Tonita, Bri's mom; and 'Celia, Alexiah's mom. The youngest one was from her current marriage with Uncle Mike. It is a good thing we were in that SUV. It was a bunch of us.

The oldest girl's name was Brimone. Bri was fifteen and becoming a sophomore at Duluth Christian Academy. She was cute. Bri was about five feet two inches with real long, straight black hair. She was not dark and she was not light-skinned. She was kinda like, in between. Her body was thick but she had a nice shape. She looked a lot like her father, Uncle Mike.

The middle child, we called her Alex. She was ten. She was a skinny, little, light-skinned girl. She looked more like Uncle Mike than Bri, but Bri and Alex did not look much alike at all. Alex
was; what's that word they used to call me when I was younger? Rambunctious. There were two words always associated with me when I was growing up:
rambunctious
and
Ritalin!

Then there was the baby. His name was Michael. He was named after Uncle Mike. He was a pretty good baby. He did not cry or whine when we were in the car or in the mall. We made way more noise than him.

We went into almost every store in the mall. I guess they were used to it. I had so many clothes I felt guilty and asked Ms. Alicia not to spend so much money on me. She laughed at me and told me I had better get them while the getting was good.

Brimone and I asked if we could go to the food court. They let us go, but made us take Alex and Brittany with us. We didn't care. We grabbed their hands and got away from the grown-ups as quick as we could.

“Is Chick-fil-A cool?” I asked.

“Yeah, that's cool.”

We got in line and then a group of chicks walked up behind us. They must have known Bri because they kept calling her name. I know she had to hear them because I heard them loud and clear. But for some reason she just kept ignoring them.