Authors: Janet Sanders
Sarah held the phone out away from her head while she did a dance of victory and joy on the living-room floor. Nothing could ever undo what Dennis had done to her, but at least she had lived long enough to see him get what he deserved. “Oh, Vijay,” she purred at last. “That’s just too perfect.”
“I thought you might enjoy that bit of news. What goes around comes around, and I’m afraid that Dennis has a whole lot of stuff coming around right now.”
“I hope you didn’t lose anything in the process?”
“No, we were under no illusions where Dennis was concerned. Shortly after you left town we divested ourselves of our investment in your company. We sold our shares to a hedge fund and actually made a small profit on the sale, though I don’t feel great about that right now. We sold assets that we knew to be damaged, and that’s not the sort of thing I want to become known for. I’ll have to send them some business to make sure there are no lasting hard feelings. But what was this idea you were talking about?”
So deeply was Sarah enjoying the image of Dennis behind bars that for a moment she didn’t know what Vijay was referring to, then it came back to her in a rush. “I should ask you to sign an NDA,” she began.
“So why not fax me one?”
She sighed. “Partly because I don’t have a fax machine, and partly because I just want to trust you. When I first came out here, I thought the lesson I had learned – the lesson that Dennis had taught me – was that I should trust no one. I should live my life as if everyone is a potential thief, and build walls around myself and everything that’s important to me to keep the bad people out. But now I think the real lesson is something different.”
There was a pause while he waited for her to continue. “And what is that lesson?” he asked somewhat impatiently.
“The real lesson is that there are more important things than succeeding at business. Like family. Like friends. Like the trust I feel in you. So I’m going to tell you my idea, and I’m not going to try to stop you from stealing it, because I like that I feel I can trust you and I don’t want to stop feeling that way. Even if I’m making a mistake, it’s the sort of mistake I want to make.”
Vijay chuckled. “I think I understood that. I’m about 90% sure that I understand. But anyway, yes – you can trust me. You have good ideas, Sarah, but your brilliance is in the details, and if I were to steal your idea I would never see the wonderful things you would build on top of it. So please, keep me in suspense no longer. Tell me of your plan.”
Sarah felt a surge of warmth, born of the affection she felt for her friend and mentor Vijay, of her pleasure at the compliment he had paid her, and at the excitement of finally sharing the idea that had been filling her head with someone else. This was a moment she had been building towards for a very long time, and she intended to savor it.
“You’re familiar, I assume, with the situation of the newspaper industry?” she began.
Vijay snorted. “I’m familiar with the fact that we soon will be speaking of the newspaper industry in the past tense.”
“Yes, exactly so. The industry is on the decline, because the major players poured a ton of money into pointless mergers and acquisitions that built up mountains of debt but brought no value to shareholders, and because the Internet killed classified ad revenues, and because it makes no sense to deliver news printed on paper once a day to people who can read up on breaking stories throughout the world on their computers, tablets, and mobile phones.”
“That sounds about right,” he said. “Though you left out the part about newspaper publishers being arrogant, entitled bastards who fiddled while Rome burned.”
“Yes, true enough. But what occurs to me is that the least important thing about newspapers is the news. The need they fill – and it’s something I see as particularly true for small towns like the one I’ve been staying in– is it helps sustain the community. It contributes to a shared body of knowledge and gives people something to talk about. When everyone is reading blogs or surfing websites or watching Fox News or MSNBC, we live in siloes. If our neighbor happens to watch a different channel, we may have nothing to say to that person.”
“That’s probably true, but what’s your point?”
“My point is, where there’s a need there’s a market. When the traditional newspaper folds, something will come along to take its place – and whoever claims that position will have unparalleled market reach.”
Vijay paused. “And I assume you have a proposal for a product that will claim that position?”
Sarah smiled. “I do. I have a business plan here that I’d love to get your thoughts on. And, if you think it has promise, I’d like to give you first opportunity to invest in it.”
Vijay laughed. “That’s my Sarah! Send me your plan, but I already know that I’m going to like it. We’re going to have so much fun!”
28
By the time Ellie arrived on her doorstep, Sarah had gone three days without changing her clothes. Vijay’s input had been invaluable; where Sarah saw only opportunity, he saw a mix of risk and reward that, while a little disheartening, also made it very clear what Sarah needed to work out before her big idea could become an actual business.
Her mind and body were telling her to take a break. If she had been in San Francisco, she might have followed through on that impulse. She might have walked down the street to the Starbuck’s on the corner, and maybe she would have sipped her latte while flipping through the New York Times. Most likely she would have lost a day or two, not a lot in the grand scheme of things but still not ideal now that little aside from momentum, caffeine, and adrenaline were keeping her moving towards the target. Tall Pines had an unexpected advantage, she realized: now that Brad was no longer a part of her daily life, the small town had very little to distract her. Instead of taking a break, she decided to work even harder.
Somewhere along the way she had forgotten about Ellie and her sister’s plans to visit, even though it was preparation for that visit that had led to her breakup with Brad. Somewhere the memory of the fact that her sister would soon be on her doorstep must have been in Sarah’s mind, but perhaps it was too much for her to deal with on top of everything else. And so it was with some shock that she stumbled to the door in her soft cotton pajama bottoms and a white tee-shirt to find Ellie standing expectantly with a suitcase on the other side.
For a moment they both stared at the other in silent surprise. “Oh!” Sarah said, just as Ellie burst out with, “You forgot about me!”
“I did not,” Sarah offered lamely, fully aware of how transparent her lie was. She hadn’t brushed her hair in days, and there were cracker crumbs cascading down her tee-shirt to collect in the lap of her pajamas.
Ellie shook her head and shouldered past her into the cabin. “You forgot about me, and you look like hell, which means something’s gone wrong.” She wheeled her bag into the living room, and then turned back to Sarah with her hands on her hips. “And you’re going to tell me what happened, right now!”
Sarah looked at her sister in some dismay, then closed the door and followed her inside. She had been deep inside her head while she was working, and it didn’t occur to her to wonder what she must look like. Now she was nearly cringing in embarrassment. “I … we … yeah, a lot of stuff has happened,” she finished at last.
Ellie took off her coat and tossed it on the couch. “Well, I’m here for three days at least, so we have plenty of time. Tell me.”
And tell her Sarah did, at length and in detail, with a number of her statements punctuated with tears. The two of them huddled together on the couch, where Ellie could hug her or hand her a tissue before hugging her again.
“The worst of it is I feel so stupid now.”
“Why would you feel stupid?” Ellie asked. “He’s the lying bastard.”
“But that’s the thing. He didn’t lie to me. He did exactly what he said he was going to do. But I guess that part of me was assuming – or at least hoping – that he wouldn’t go through with it, that he wouldn’t actually leave me. And then he did, and I got all angry and sad, and now I feel like a fool.”
Ellie took her by the shoulders to make sure that Sarah looked deep into her eyes. “You are not a fool. I would think you were stupid if you could go through something like this without feeling sad about it. It’s Brad who’s an idiot. He’s just walking away from this? He’s stupid enough to just walk away from you? You’re lucky, sister. Now you know that he doesn’t deserve you.”
Sarah smiled at the compliment, but her eyes misted up again. “I can’t be angry at him. I don’t want to be angry at him. It just wasn’t meant to be. We want different things.”
Ellie made a frustrated sound. “I hate that saying. ‘We want different things.’ Who says you have to choose between what he wants and what you want?”
Sarah shrugged. “Don’t we? He wants to live in tiny cities in the middle of nowhere. I don’t. He wants to work crazy hours that will leave him with no time for family. I don’t.”
“And that’s it? You’re just going to let that happen?”
“I don’t see that I have much choice. He has a job offer. It’s his dream. What am I going to do, ask him to give that up so that he can follow me around while I pursue my dreams?”
Ellie looked for a time like she might argue the point further, but finally she shrugged. “So what now? Do you want to get drunk?”
Sarah laughed. “First I want to take a shower. I can’t believe how far I’ve let myself go, and now that you’re here I feel sticky and gross and I don’t even want to think about how I must smell right now. After that, yes. Let’s get well and thoroughly drunk.”
Two hours later they were seated together at a booth in the back of the bar, and Sarah was working on her third mojito. She hadn’t had a lot to eat the last few days, and the alcohol was going straight to her head. Some small part of her knew that if she didn’t slow down she’d regret it later, but it felt too good to let go. Consequences be damned, she thought, and took another sweet, sour, and minty sip.
“So Jackson. You still haven’t told me what happened,” she said, nudging Ellie with her shoulder. “Spill.”
Ellie groaned. “I was hoping you’d forgotten about that.”
“Nope. My mind is like a steel trap. Tell me what happened.”
Ellie paused and swirled the ice in her drink while she gathered her words. “Fine. Things were great. Better than great, actually. We were even talking about moving in together.”
“Wow! Really?” Ellie kept her life strictly partitioned. If she was talking about moving in with a man, that meant some small part of her must be thinking about marrying him. This relationship was far more serious than Sarah had guessed.
“Yes, really. But then he said something stupid that screwed everything up.”
“What did he say?”
Ellie was clearly reluctant to say what the problem was, but having come this far she couldn’t turn back. “He said he wanted a threesome.”
“What? He told you that?”
“Yes! Well, no. Not in so many words.”
Sarah was confused. “So how did he say it?”
“We were talking about our fantasies. You know, maybe to bring some of it into the bedroom. Like I can pretend to be a schoolgirl and he can…”
“I know what a fantasy is, Ellie.”
“OK, fine, I wasn’t sure. It’s not like I’ve ever heard you talk about that sort of thing, maybe fantasies just aren’t your thing.”
“How is this about me all of a sudden?”
“Anyway, we were talking about our fantasies, and I shared one with him, and I asked him to share one with me, and he said that it was his fantasy to be with two women at the same time. And that sometimes he fantasizes that he and I will invite another woman into our bed.”
“Oh,” Sarah said. “And that made you mad.”
“Fuck yes, it made me mad! I’m not enough for him? He has to have another woman there to get interested?”
“Well, to be fair, that’s not exactly what he said.”
“How do you know exactly what he said? Were you there?”
“No,” Sarah allowed. “I wasn’t. So was that exactly what he said?”
Ellie rolled her eyes. “No, it wasn’t that exactly. Which is what he said to me, afterwards. He said it was just a fantasy, and that I shouldn’t have asked him about his fantasies if I was going to get pissed off at him as soon as I heard what they were.”
“Which is what you did.”
“Which is what I did, and thank you very much, bitch, for pointing that out and not taking my side! This is the last time I share anything with you!”
Sarah laughed. “I am on your side, Ellie! I am 100% on your side. If you tell me Jackson’s an asshole, he’s an asshole and that’s the end of it.”
Ellie took a morose final sip of her drink, then waved to Mac to bring them another round. On her way into the bar, she and Mac had greeted each other as if they were old friends. Somehow Sarah ended up feeling as if she was the only one who didn’t think of Mac as a close and longtime companion.
“I know I flew off the handle a bit, but still it was a shitty thing to say to me! It made me feel like I’m not enough for him. Now, whenever we’re together, I’m wondering if he’s thinking about some other woman he’d rather be with.”
Sarah gave her sister a long, appraising look. “You really love him, don’t you?”
Ellie’s eyes misted over. “I do. Damn me to hell, I love him.”
“Does he know?”
“He should. If he doesn’t, he’s a bigger dumbass than I thought.”
“Have you told him?”
“Yes. Well, not in so many words, but…”
“Tell him! Tell him that you love him, and that you’re angry with him, and that now you’re not sure whether he wants you as much as you want him. Tell him, and if he loves you half as much as you deserve to be loved, he’ll tell you how much you mean to him, and you won’t need to worry anymore.”
Ellie was about to reply when caught of something over Sarah’s shoulder, toward the front of the bar. Her eyes widened momentarily, then she grabbed for her purse. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to smoke a cigarette,” Ellie called over her shoulder as she hurried toward the door. “Stay there and keep drinking! We’re not half as wasted as we need to be tonight! I’ll be back in a minute.”