Carae's Touch (Long Line of Love, #4) (7 page)

"She's made her choice. Leave her alone."

"I won't put any undue pressure on her."

"Croft—"

"I promise, Hoss."

"I'll expect you to keep that promise."

"Will you?"

Even as he nodded, he struggled with a desire to see her that he knew would plague him and make his life uncomfortable for some time before he was finally able to banish thoughts of her. Of course he would then sink back into the dark pit of regret he'd inhabited since Rissa's murder. But that was preferable to hurting Carae for the sake of his own selfish longing.

Ah, Carae. If only she were older and just a little jaded, he'd pursue her to satisfy his base desires within her arms. The fact that she had fled from him the moment she got even a hint of the depths of his despair convinced him that he had to protect her from himself.

"Do you feel like a ride?" Bancroft asked.

He shook his head. "No. Go out and enjoy what's left of the weekend. I'm not fine, but I'm all right for now, Croft."

"You're sure?"

"I promise," he said. "Go delight some lucky woman...or two."

"If you need me..."

He nodded. "I know."

When he was alone, he took a seltzer water out onto the balcony while he listened to one of his favorite country songs called
Some Memories Just Won't Die
, thought of Rissa, and felt like crying. Only nothing had changed and he couldn't cry for her.

Then he listened to
When I Touch You
and thought of Carae. When he touched her, he experienced the first sense of peace and contentment he'd known since Rissa's murder. The only time he didn't think of Rissa and feel as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders was when he was with Carae. And now that she'd rightly turned away from him he envisioned himself once again alone in a romantic dungeon of despair.

* * *

T
wo weeks after she'd last seen Brandon, Carae returned from her Sunday morning run to find Bancroft sitting in an SUV in front of her apartment building.

"Bancroft."

He smiled. "Hi."

She'd talked to Lelia the night before so she knew she was all right. That left..."Is he all right?"

He shrugged. "Relatively speaking? Yes. Can I buy you breakfast?"

"Sure, but I'm going to need about forty minutes to get ready."

"Shall I wait down here?"

"Of course not. Come upstairs and meet Jim."

"And he is?"

"We share the apartment."

"Is that all you share?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"I'm very glad to hear it," he said and slipped his arm around her shoulders.

Although she'd thought of little else, during the elevator ride, she resisted the urge to ask about Brandon in more detail. Inside the apartment, she was annoyed to find Jim sitting in the living room eating breakfast while surfing the web and wearing nothing more than a pair of revealing briefs.

"Yours is on the stove," he said, keeping his gaze on his laptop screen.

"We have company, Jim," she said.

He looked up, saw Bancroft standing behind her, and rose with a frown on his face. "So, you couldn't stay away after all."

Carae compressed her lips. Why had she told him about Brandon? "This is Bancroft Grayhawk, Jim. Bancroft, this is Jim Jordan."

"Bancroft? Oh, the twin," he said.

Bancroft shook the hand he'd extended. "Yes, the twin," he said. "And you're the roommate."

"A little more than just a roommate."

"I think you're flattering yourself a little too much." Bancroft turned to look at Carae. "Shall I make myself comfortable while you get ready?"

Unnerved by the unexpected tension between the two men, she hesitated.

Bancroft leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I promise I'll play nice."

She looked at Jim, only to find him staring at Bancroft with a cool look in his eyes. "If you want to dress, Jim—"

"Not right now, thanks," he said and resumed his seat. "I'm sure my being comfortable at home doesn't bother your guest."

"Not in the least," Bancroft said and sat opposite him with a slight smile on his face.

"I'll be quick," she said, not certain how long she dared leave them alone together or even why they seemed to have taken an instant dislike to each other.

"Don't rush on our account," Jim said.

She left them alone and hurried to her bedroom. When she turned to close the door, she was surprised but a little relieved to find Jim following her inside.

He stepped in and closed the door. "What's he doing here?"

"I don't know," she said.

"Probably trying to run interference for his love sick brother."

"There's no need to be so unkind about someone who's lost the love of his life, Jim and I doubt he's here on Brandon's behalf."

Jim frowned. "What? You think he's here for himself?"

She shook her head. "No. He's not interested in me himself."

"Then what does he want?"

"I'll find out when we have breakfast."

"You're going out with him? You think that's a good idea?"

"How else am I going to find out what he wants?"

"You could try asking him."

"I will. For all I know he might want to ask me something to do with Lelia. Now will you please go back into the living room—after you put on some clothes."

"I'm not putting myself out for him."

"Jim! Please. I don't want him to think..."

He narrowed his gaze. "You don't want him to think what?"

That she'd lied to Brandon about the nature of their current relationship. "At least put on a pair of shorts. For me. Please?"

"Fine. For you." He left.

She undressed and took a quick shower. Returning to the living room twenty minutes later, she was relieved to find Jim fully dressed and he in Bancroft watching each other in silence.

"How long are you going to be?" Jim asked.

Although she didn't expect to be more than an hour or so, the question annoyed her. "I have no idea," she said and left with Bancroft.

They walked to one of her favorite cafes just two blocks away to have breakfast.

"How have you been?" he asked after they'd both received their food.

"Okay. And that delectable brother of yours?"

He looked relieved. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Before I ask you to help him, let me tell you something about what we believe about love."

She shook her head. "I already know he loved her very much and that he feels as if he'll never love again."

"That doesn't mean he's right."

She sighed. "Maybe not, but he made it fairly clear that he not only doesn't want a serious relationship but doesn't think he deserves one."

"I know. I was hoping you'd help change his mind."

"He doesn't want his mind changed."

"That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try and can't do it."

"I don't think I can."

"Do you want to?"

"If you're asking am I still attracted to him? Yes." She'd thought of him several times each day since they'd met. "Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to risk getting hurt in what would probably be a vain effort to change his mind."

"I know what I'm asking is probably way out of line, but please hear me out before you make a decision."

Recalling the level of despair she'd felt in Brandon, she knew common sense dictated that she say no. However, that wouldn't change the strength of the attraction they'd shared from the moment they met.

"Did he ask you to...does he know you're here?"

"Does he know I'm here right now? Probably not. He's an honorable guy so he certainly didn't ask me to come. In fact, he asked me not to come."

"Then what brings you here?"

"My belief that you can help him."

She shook her head. "I wish I shared that belief."

"But you don't?"

"No. As much as I wish it wasn't true, I think he's beyond my ability to help."

"I'm not saying it will be easy, but I know you can help him."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"Some of my brothers and I have what our mother called ancient gifts. Brandon often knows things he shouldn't when he touches people. My brother Declan has a healing touch. In another time, he might have been a medicine man. I sometimes know when certain people are a match for each other. I know he needs you and I know you can help him. What I don't know is if you're willing to put yourself at risk to do it. If you are, I promise you'll find him worth the effort. He's a good man who won't stray and one who will leave you in no doubt about how he feels. He's more than financially secure and able to give you a very comfortable lifestyle. And if you're looking for a man who won't want anyone else once he gives you his heart, he's your man."

"You almost make it sound as if you're trying to arrange a marriage between us."

He shook his head. "I can't guarantee that's how things will work out for you, but I can tell you I know you're a good fit for each other. What you two choose to do about that is beyond my control. Will you hear me out?"

The thought of seeing Brandon again held definite appeal. She nodded. "Yes. I will."

Looking relieved, he reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "Great. Now here's what I can tell you to help—"

"Tell me about my competition."

"He's not seeing anyone so you have no competition."

She thought of the anguish he'd projected when he'd refused to talk to her about his lost love. "Oh, yes I do. I want to know about her."

"Her?" He released her hand and sat back in his seat. "You mean Rissa?"

"Was that her name?"

"Yes."

"What can you tell me about her?"

"What has he told you?"

"Enough to make me think hoping for any relationship with him is a waste of both of our times and emotions."

He shook his head. "As a twin yourself, you'll understand that I can't and won't overstep certain boundaries."

"And of course, discussing her is included within such boundaries?"

"Yes, but please believe that if I didn't know you could be good for each other that I wouldn't ask you to risk getting hurt."

"So you're admitting I might get hurt?"

"There's always that possibility, but I promise you that he'll bend over backwards not to hurt you."

She sighed. "I actually believe that."

"Good. Then you're onboard?"

"As you must know, he has a very invasive touch and—"

"I can teach you some techniques to temper that somewhat."

"Only somewhat? I'm not sure I like the idea of knowing he can touch me and know things about me I don't want him to know."

"He has very powerful abilities. That's one of the reasons he's so successful. He only has to shake someone's hands to know if they're honest. Blocking him all together is going to be beyond my ability to teach you, but I can teach you enough to make him realize he's doing something he shouldn't with you."

"So you're telling me he's going to know I've been out enjoying myself instead of waiting for him to call?"

"Only if he makes a conscious effort to. His touch isn't always invasive. Sometimes it's just a touch. Please tell me you'll give him another chance."

"I'll consider it, but only after I spend a few weeks deciding if I want to risk my heart."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning I'm going to spend the next few weeks exploring my romantic options and hopefully having a ball. If I'm still interested in him after that, I'll let you know."

"I see. Well, just so you know, I don't give up easily. If I don't hear from you in a few weeks, you'll find me sitting outside your building pressing the case for giving him another chance."

She smiled. "Understood."

I
n an effort to suppress the urge to seek out Carae, Brandon remained in New York for weeks. During that time he had several dates, but went home alone to end each night thinking of Rissa and Carae.

He resisted his brothers' attempts to get him to come home because he suspected they were plotting to throw him and Carae together and he didn't trust himself not to succumb to his desire for her.

One morning after he'd spent two straight weekends in New York, he woke to find Bancroft sitting on the bed beside him staring at the picture of Rissa that hung opposite his bed. "Damn, but she was beautiful."

Yes she was. So why was she haunting his nightmares while Carae starred in his increasingly erotic fantasies? Recalling the graphic dream where he'd undressed Carae, spanked her ass until it felt almost hot to the touch and sucked and nibbled her breasts while thrusting his cock greedily and alternately into her pussy and ass without the benefit of protection of a condom, a wave of guilt washed over him.

How could he be so driven by lust for a woman who deserved far more than he could ever give her because he could never love her or any other woman?

He closed his eyes and rolled onto his stomach so he wouldn't have to look at Rissa's picture. As he did, the ring on the chain he wore bit uncomfortably into his neck.

He felt Bancroft's hand on his shoulder, offering silent sympathy and comfort. Although they had very different personalities and spiritual gifts and at times he'd felt more in tune with Layton, the bond between him and Bancroft was strong. He knew Bancroft was devoted to him and hurt when he hurt, which had been every day since Rissa's murder.

"Tell me what you're feeling so I can share your burden, Hoss."

"First Rissa and now Carae. When did I turn into a dirty old man lusting for women far too young and innocent to be with me?"

"No one can help who they fall in love with. Both of them were adults who shared and share the attraction. You have nothing of which to be ashamed." 

"Then why do I feel selfish, jealous, and petty?" he asked. And greedy for a purely physical relationship with Carae that he didn't deserve.

"You're none of those things," Bancroft said. "You've had part of your soul torn away from you and your spirit almost injured beyond repair. If you were truly selfish and petty, you would have spent the night actually making love to Carae instead of in bed alone, tossing and turning and dreaming of her in such sensual detail I felt your need two bedrooms away."