Authors: Janice Hadden
Everyone
in the room craned their neck up, their eyes fixated and glided along
with him as he passed by—like the most beautiful of paintings,
they all admired as he swiftly moved in perfect posture to the seat a
little bit further away from us.
What
is he trying to do, make every guy here jealous and every girl fall
in love with him!
I
found the comment in my head a little unnerving. It sounded shallow
for anyone to think of him as just a handsome face. There was
something else that attracted them to his presence. But I couldn’t
put a solid reason behind it.
But
as quickly as they all stared, they all retorted back to what they
were doing right after he came in. It was as if he commanded them to
withdraw their curious eyes. And without even meeting his gaze, my
eyes cowardly moved away to stare at my notes. I couldn’t see
his eyes now and was glad that I didn’t need to feel the fear
and uneasiness I felt being in close proximity. A couple of minutes
passed and I barely noticed his presence, wanting so badly to be
immune to it.
I
directed my concentration on the task at hand—listening to my
I-pod, finishing homework and reading Brody’s little funny
notes like we‘re in grade school. Brody was much like the
comedian
Kevin
James
.
It was hard not to be so giddy around
him.
He was my
bearfriend.
We
studied for a solid hour before Sam got up to leave after stuffing
everything in her bag. Another fifteen minutes passed before Brody
had to leave too. He passed me a sad face good-bye note. I decided to
leave with him. I wasn’t sure if Tristan was still here and a
big part of me was really intimidated by him and there was no need
for me to be brave; I decided to reserve that for the other threats
in my life. Brody packed his books, pen and binder in his back pack
in like a nanosecond; another one of his talents I guess. I was glad
we finished the homework assignment for the following week. We didn’t
have lab that week so most of the work were done at our own time. I
was glad he was my partner. He was very disciplined…more
disciplined than me.
I
slowly got up and walked with Brody who is now doing another comedic
imitation.
I
practically had to restrain myself from breaking into a hysterics of
laughter. We both headed to the parking lot. Brody parked on the lot
marked A1 and I parked on A2. I waved to him as he glided to his car
and blew me a kiss goodbye. He really is
sweet
.
As
soon as I passed the Botanical Garden, I caught Tristan’s hair
ahead of me. I immediately felt intimidated. My mind sunk into
temporary amnesia—an automatic response to his presence.
Stupid.
Irrational
.
I momentarily forgot about my plans. I needed to go home. But I
couldn’t. He was walking about four yards ahead. I trailed
behind him unintentionally, as I continually went toward my car.
A
few seconds passed before my curiosity instinctively went into high
gear. A plan was forming in my head. I wasn’t sure why he had
this kind of affect on me. I continually walked toward the parking
lot, lying to myself that I wasn’t glad that I was
coincidentally trailing him a few steps behind. I kept a good enough
unsuspecting distance between us, though I didn’t think I
needed it. That was the direction I was headed and had the legitimate
reason for being there.
As
I reached and got in my car, I could still see Tristan’s
profile from the crowd of people that were scattered in the parking
lot. I waited a while, lingering in my car as I tapped my steering
wheel. I could feel my hands—trembling.
Then.
Something brave…or stupid in me made me decide to follow
him…last minute I wanted to chicken out. I clearly remembered
the accusation he made at the library, as me possibly being a
stalker. The mere thought of getting caught and possibly finding
something that I might not want to know made me want to retreat back
like a coward.
Though,
rational
would
have been a better word. But with him, I could never be rational. The
word didn’t seem to register in my brain when it came to
Tristan, almost non existent. If anything, curiosity seem to dominate
my emotion. Why is he trying so hard to intimidate me? What is he
hiding? I wanted to find out.
No…I
needed to find out.
A
voice of reason suddenly hovered in my head. A quick cloud of
warning. What was I going to do and say if he caught me? I thought
hard. I didn’t come up with any answers, so I decided to block
that possibility in my mind.
He
won’t catch me
.
My mind sounded braver than I felt. I didn’t want to think of
the consequence and give myself an excuse not to go through with the
stupidest thing I have ever done. But then, the rational side of
me—the one that was sane thought of many reasons why this would
be utterly stupid from my part, kept popping in my head.
But
still, my own vigilance had momentarily blocked all logic and my fear
did nothing to change my actions. I delayed making a decision, just
enough until he almost disappeared from my view. With my courage half
intact, I decided I’m too determined now and without
forethought to the consequence any longer, I forced my fingers to
turn the ignition, tapped my foot on the gas pedal and slowly tailed
the black shiny motorcycle.
Who
rides a motorcycle in the snow? Clearly, this guy love the life of
danger. He didn’t seem to sense anything as I continually
trailed him for a few minutes.
I’m
supposed to be on my way home, cramming for a quiz…but
Noooo!…I’m here following someone whom for all I know
could be a psychotic serial killer…damn, my curiosity. I shall
hang it next to my body when they find me in the woods.
Then…his
profile suddenly sprinted in a blazing blur and disappeared from
sight. My heart quickly sunk. Feeling the initial disappointment, I
decided to console myself with relief. Definitely getting caught
would’ve been a worse outcome than losing him. My heartbeat
continually slowed, when suddenly, a loud noise, jerked my thoughts
back into alertness; a vehicle was next to me and had managed to
sprung up out of nowhere possibly trying to pass me from behind. But
oddly, the vehicle continued the same speed. I twisted my gaze on my
left shoulder to see who possibly was stupid enough to stay in my
lane this long.
Oh
crap
!
My heart jumped and accelerated to the degree of uncontrollable
panic, as I recognized the driver of a black
motorcycle—smiling—looking amused for a reason unknown to
me. My face felt pale before turning hot. My heart accelerated faster
than I ever thought possible as the thought of getting caught finally
dawned on me.
“
Why
are you following me?” he questioned.
Double
crap…how am I explaining this again?
His
muffled voice sounded genuinely curious, maybe even a little worried.
Then, I saw a face that I knew too well even from afar, but that grin
was something new and a voice that should have been furious sounded
like he enjoyed the plastered expression he found on my face.
“
I
wasn’t following you.” I yelled back. I answered too
quickly before realizing it. A lie had slipped out
automatically—sounding a little indignant. I wasn’t
completely off on my snappy attitude. I was a little ticked off at
allowing myself to get caught.
Feeling
like I want to disappear in that instant, I automatically stepped on
the pedal; the fleeing instinct had taken over. My mind and feet
incoherently scrambled for an escape. The heat of fear that crept in
me lingered, my heart accelerated uncontrollably. I looked at my rear
view mirror, hoping that he didn’t follow me, for fear that If
he did, I wouldn’t know how I could brush off his million
questions and give any explanation for my really strange behavior—let
alone confirming his previous accusation. I looked from behind as I
continually felt the anxiety growing stronger—It was clear.
I
lost him.
I
was about to sigh with relief, when my eyes popped. Out of nowhere,
the black vehicle was keeping pace again. The driver gestured his
hand and ordered me to pull over. The heat of anxiety intensified in
my heart, tightening in my chest, about to explode at any given
moment. I clutched the steering wheel tight before deciding quickly
to obey for no good reason that I could comprehend. My will for an
escape seemed to have evaporated rather quickly, and I couldn’t
read much into my logic to the obedience. I pulled my vehicle slowly
to the curb as my heart began to pound violently—wanting to
come out of my chest. I felt like I was about to go into shock—a
part of me really hoped for that.
As
I killed the engine, I looked quickly in my rear view mirror to
assess his mood. His expression didn’t change. A grin was still
plastered on his face. He came closer to my side window, and as his
glorious face breathed next to me on the driver’s side, a brush
of cool air blew in my ear and the strange scent that made me
incoherent before, whipped in front of my nose, making me dizzy.
While
I was in the mercy of his intoxicating scent and at the same time,
feeling like a criminal, all my normal functions had ceased. Feeling
the full weight of my actions, my hands automatically clutched my
knees as I waited for the wrath of anger that I probably deserved.
I
suddenly felt like a small child, about to receive her punishment. I
flapped my lids to cautiously meet his eyes. He really is
intimidating and so…good looking. My heart sped into a sprint.
He sucked in a long deep breath and held it there a little longer, as
if he was weighing on his own reaction. But before he could respond,
I automatically said a line, I contemplated as the only thing I could
pull out of my hat as my explanation.
“
Look,
it’s not what it looks like,” I blurted, feeling dumb as
they slipped out of my lips, trying to infuse my words with humor.
Definitely
it wasn’t an explanation. My nerves now, felt like it had been
shred to
pieces,
after realizing that it sounded more like an admission.
“
It’s…
not?” His eye brows furrowed, calling my weak denial, while his
mouth contemplated on a solid reaction—It was undecided between
a smile and a laugh which was an unusual response...which I thought
was a good sign at least. At least he’s not a serial killer.
Well…I
still can’t really be sure.
My
breathing started evening, though still fast. “Well, I really
don’t have an excuse…I’m sorry.” I looked
down to hide my eyes that would have given more of my guilt away. I
was firm that I wasn’t going to give him any other
explanation—since I didn’t have any.
After
a moment, I found the courage to look back up, though my stare was
shaky.
Those
eyes
.
They were a beaming, brilliant gray. My stomach clenched tight, my
heart was doing some crazy moves in my chest. He rubbed his chin.
That’s
so distracting;
my
mind and logic completely wandered outside my body. I suddenly felt
the
need
to touch his hair,
his chin, his lips and
…
.Stop
that!…are you crazy! This is beyond low
.
He
glared at me with eager curiosity. I jerked, a bead of guilt ripped
through me…
Oh
god…my face was too obvious
…
is
it?
I
was beet red. He seemed lost in thought as he continued to stare at
me. I forced an awkward smile. My heart, a fast drumbeat.
“
Hmm…”
he exhaled deep and wagged his head in what seemed like disapproval,
but smiled in amusement. His face now in a full stretched grin. He
looked like he was laughing at me or he was extremely amused at the
situation or he knew what I was thinking…
Oh
no!—
I
wasn’t about to ask.
I
slumped low in my seat as I continued to wait on his hammer of
judgment, feeling utterly small at my wayward thoughts and actions.
After a brief second, his expression looked warm. His lips went back
into a fine line. “Well, you should really be very careful on
who you should follow,” his voice sounded concerned under a
thin layer of what seemed like a real warning.
As
I was about to look intently in his direction to read more into his
expression, I was surprised to see him already in his motorcycle. It
took a mere second before he had completely vanished from my view.