Caught in the Devil's Sheets (15 page)

Odin is quiet, calmly hiding his rage from Jaime. “You’re welcome,” he says, unable to give Jaime a real piece of his mind.

“If I go to jail, promise me you’ll keep an eye on her. I hate to think I might not be around to protect her.”

“What do you mean?” Odin asks more curious then concerned.

“I just worry about her running. I worry about her getting involved with the wrong people,” Jaime says, finally looking up to meet Odin’s stare.

If you really gave a shit, you’d never let her run in the first place. Especially not with me.
Odin intends to make Jaime regret putting Lila in harm’s way.

“I’ll keep her safe.” Odin carefully chooses his words before he gives them to Jaime as a promise.

“Thank you,” Jaime says, seemingly sincere.

Odin nods his head, still calm and collective before he heads back into the house. “Hey, I’ll see you later, Lila,” he says while her back is turned washing dishes in the sink. He grabs his biker cut off the dining chair.

“You outta here?”

“Yeah, I gotta hit the trail. You ready to meet T-Dawg? Felix wants us to leave next Thursday,” he says, smiling. He walks over to give her a hug before he leaves.

“Of course,” she says, wrapping her arms around him. Odin holds her to him, soothing her back with his hand for a moment before reluctantly letting her go.

“Keep in touch,” he says, heading out the door.

*           *           *

I pick up Odin’s bedding and put it all back into the closet, noticing it smells like him. When I head back into the living room, Jaime is on the phone with James Devine setting up a meeting to go over the trial details. I make myself busy in the kitchen trying to keep an ear on the conversation.

“Can you watch the kids tomorrow so Erica and I can meet with James?” he asks once he hangs up.

“Sure.” I’m relieved that he doesn’t want me to go with them.

The rest of the day I make myself busy with laundry and housework. Jaime invites a few friends over for beer, welcoming himself home from the hospital. I’m happy that Kelli and Cody are free and come to hang out as well. Kelli looks adorable in a short floral dress and red heels. We used to love getting all dressed up just to go out and do nothing. I can’t remember the last time I even put one of my many pairs of heels on. I’ve been so caught up with work.

“We should go sing karaoke with the girls soon!” I suggest to her. It’s something we don’t do nearly as much as we used to and I miss it.

“Yes!” she agrees and we aim to try and go out Sunday night.

Jaime gets drunk with Cody as usual. I’m just glad he seems to be abstaining from snorting coke. Kelli is lucky that Cody got over that phase before they started dating.

Kelli steals me into my room to talk privately. She wants to know if I have thought anymore about leaving Jaime. I tell her all my fears about being alone and without the club, which she understands. She says she worries the same thing, should Cody ever leave her.

“Not like that will ever happen!” I joke, and we laugh because they’ll never break up.

Almost everyone heads home early, and I retire to my room, glad that Jaime comes in too drunk to fuck and passes out next to me.

Jaime is a mess Sunday evening before court. I even notice his star tattoo just below his eye is swollen, and I wonder if he’s been crying. He pulls off his shirt as he gets ready to climb in bed next to me.

I lay facing away from him and he spoons me, nestling his face in my curls. As Jaime falls asleep holding me, I realize this is what I will miss the most. This is what I’m afraid to live without. My sick inner teenager needs someone to hold her, tell her they love her, and make her feel beautiful. I have no real desire to be alone. In fact, since I first dated Billy when I was 13, I haven’t been alone. I have always had somebody. I lay awake for hours debating on whether leaving Jaime is the right thing to do. I’m scared of how he’ll react. The Jaime I know can get very violent when he’s angry. There’s still a chance jail will change him. He is a great man when he’s not high. Maybe the whole Kings dilemma could work itself out. Maybe there is some misunderstanding. I fall asleep wishfully thinking.

Chapter 12
Trial

Monday morning, everyone is in a scramble to get to court on time prepared. In some ways it’d be nice if I was out on a run right now and didn’t have to sit through all this. My stomach is twisted in knots and I’m fighting anxiety the whole way to the courthouse. Jaime is wearing a black suit that reminds me of the suit he married me in. Aside from the one star tattoo under his eye, he looks professional. I hope he can play the part James Devine expects of him. I’m mad at Jaime, and I don’t know if I want to stay with him anymore. The drugs have a lot to do with that. But I still love him, and I’m scared for him. Before we walk into the courthouse, I hug him and close my eyes as he hugs me back.

James Devine is waiting for us outside the courtroom. We walk in and the court proceeds. It’s quiet, aside from one lawyer and the officer on stand. It’s one of those rooms you’re afraid to sneeze in and it reminds me of growing up going to church multiple times a week dressed in your best, being quiet and polite. I hate it! It’s no wonder I grew up to be a loud-ass biker’s wife. I prefer to live loud, wild and free. Will I be all those things when I’m not a biker’s wife?

I can still be wild and hook up with Odin once or twice.
Desire has her smart remarks, which Reason scolds immediately.

It seems as though a lot of questions are asked over and over again. I can’t help but let my mind drift into memory. I imagine myself at 20, before Jaime and I got married. I loved him so much then, or at least I thought I did. We were young and restless. Everything we needed could fit in our pickup truck and we flew by night, doing whatever we wanted. Jaime took me to raves and epic house parties. We and our friends had money, took trips to Vegas, and partied it up in downtown LA all the time. Jaime was my black knight, leading me through this life of adventure. I’m realizing it may have been more the lifestyle than him I found appealing.

The same officer is still on the stand and I can only see the back of Jaime’s head from my seat. In the uneventful room I drift back into my memories.

After Jaime and I got engaged I had second thoughts. We did coke together a few times and I didn’t see it as a problem. But one week, he did an excessive amount of partying. He snorted a few times a day, for a few days in a row and hardly slept. After day four or five, he started to get really agitated and aggressive with me. We started fighting about his driving. He was all over the road in his truck and I was yelling at him to pull over and let me drive. He just kept going faster and laughing. He was getting really reckless and I was scared, so I punched him in the face. He swerved off the road and when we came to a stop, he looked at me like he was going to beat the shit out of me. And then he did. He grabbed a fist full of my hair, pulling me closer to him. Then he hit me in my face with a closed fist a few times in a row. I tried swinging back, but he had me in a neck hold faster than I knew what was happening. The next thing I knew I was choking.

The next day he apologized so many times. I should have left, but he’d promise he’d quit. If I stay now, I’m only falling for that act again.

The judge lays down the gavel, declaring a recess, and I’m pulled from my memory. I use the time to go to the bathroom and Jamie and our lawyer have a private meeting. I have two messages from Kelli, but none from Odin. I’m relieved because I don’t want him to pressure me about my decision, but a little let down that he’s not thinking about me.

Erica shows up and sits with me through the rest of the day. Time runs out before she gives her testimony. The rest of the day is as gloomy as the morning started. Multiple people text me to ask how court went and I don’t bother replying. When Jaime and I climb in bed, he puts the moves on me. I feel bad for him. He’s sad, and I know he’s scared. I give into him, closing my eyes and letting him have his way. When he is finished, I fall asleep even more confused than last night.

Tuesday is just as bleak as Monday. We finally get to the Tommy Harrison part of the trial, which is more interesting. I hate Tommy Harrison with a passion. I have half a mind to put an end to him myself and I have a feeling I’d get away with it. He sits on the stand and bursts into tears talking about how hard his recovery has been since Jaime beat him. He says he has been going to assault victim meetings and is living in a life of fear. Afraid Jaime and his club will come after him. He should be afraid! I’d like to throw his ass in a prison fight with a few big dudes and show him a life of fear! I sincerely hope the jury doesn’t buy his bullshit.

“You should tell the jury you’re going to battered women meetings after what Tommy did to you!” I whisper quietly in Erica’s ear and she nods smiling. Maybe she will.

When Erica takes the stand I find myself getting emotional over her testimony. I’m not sure what has been fabricated, but even she cries as she tells the court how Tommy locked her and her kids in the basement after forcing himself on her. It’s hard to blame Jaime for his actions, and I hope the jury feels the same way.

After court is adjourned for the day, the three of us go out to Yolanda’s for dinner. We each have a few margaritas. Erica has left the kids with Angela for the night, which is perfect because now I don’t have to sit by that evil bitch in court. All three of us are emotional and tired as we chow down on Mexican cuisine and cheap tequila.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and I pull it out for a glance under the table. {Thinking about you.}- Odin.

My heart sinks into my chest when I get the validation I’ve been wanting for two days. Suddenly I need a minute. I excuse myself from the table and head to the ladies room. Taking a good look in the mirror, I decide to text Odin back. I’m tired, and emotional, and I’m ready to get to the bottom of this. What does he want from me? What does he care if I leave Jaime or not? No more beating around the bush.

{Why are you telling me this?}-Lila.

I’m lucky to get a quick response.{Who else should I tell?}- Odin.

{I don’t know what you want from me Odin. I’m married, and if you’re proposing that I leave my husband so you and I can have sex, I couldn’t be less interested.} -Lila.

I know it’s the tequila mixed with my emotional day that’s got me so brave and straightforward, but I feel like he’s leading me on when I know all he wants is in my pants. In a way, that’s just as hurtful.

I stare into my own brown eyes in the mirror. My big red hair is pulled into a side ponytail and I have a green flower that matches my shirt tucked by my ear. When I smile, I try to see pretty. Instead I see well put together. I learned from my grandmother how to look calm when I feel like chaos on the inside. To be able to smile when I’m sad and appear like I have it together when I’ve already fallen apart. I’ll never be quite as good as her at hiding emotion. My big mouth tends to give me away.

Odin doesn’t respond. That’s what I thought.

I head back out just in time to slurp down the rest of my margarita before we leave. But we don’t stop drinking at Yolanda’s. Jaime drives us all home and cracks open a bottle of Cazadores.

Devil’s Cut

Odin is stunned by Lila’s text. It never occurred to him that Lila might think he was just trying to get sex out of her. Odin has dreamed about Lila as a submissive, but he knows there’s a good chance she would decline his offer. In any case there’s a good chance it would stir some conflict in the club if him and Lila went public with any kind of arrangement, not that it would stop him from dominating her. But the truth is, he’s always wanted a woman like her, a girl who knows how to live like an outlaw. If she can handle all of Jaime’s shit, maybe there’s a chance she wouldn’t run scared if Odin told her the truth about him. It was unlikely, but he’d allowed himself to hope.

He knows exactly what he’d like to propose, but now is not the time. He concentrates on how to respond, but finds himself coming up short of an answer.
Jaime is a pig and Lila… Lila is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met!
The thought of Jaime laying his hands on Delilah when no one is around to stop him makes Odin sick. Odin lays a fist into his table in anger.

Having witnessed true torture, the idea of it is enough to make Odin throw up. Odin tries not to remember his past, but as he sits at the table, the memories come flooding back to him. Girls chained up, screaming and begging for mercy. He’d used to tell himself to just pretend it was all a game. Even now he can’t push the memories out. Odin bursts out of his chair and it hits the floor with a loud bang. Leaving his phone, he goes into his room, pulling a razor from his bedside dresser. Quickly he pulls up his shirt and cuts himself across the top of his arm three times. Blood immediately drips down his arm. It’s been a long time since Odin cut himself. The pain serves as his escape from reality. His self-punishment for the things he allowed himself to take part of. The screams of the girls haunting his mind he cuts himself a fourth time, drowning them out with the burning sensation of the razor. He concentrates on it, trying to shut out everything else. Sometimes it works, though it’s not a habit he’s particularly proud of. Odin uses a t-shirt to soak up his blood.

He closes his eyes tight, trying hard not to see what comes. A familiar face, chained to a wall by metal shackles. She’s crying and begging, tears draining from her cheeks. It’s Katelyn. “Please Odin! Please save me!” she cries.

She looks Odin in the eye, and then suddenly she becomes Lila. Lila is chained to the wall and crying. Jaime is standing where Odin’s father stood. Jaime takes the first swing, a hard blow to Lila’s beautiful, tear-soaked face. Blood and teeth spatter across the room. Odin quickly opens his eyes.

Fuck! Hold it together!
Hold it together
. His own voice of reason encourages.

But the demons inside him far out way the voice of reason. Deep down, he has always carried the blame in his heart. Maybe saving Lila from Jaime would make him feel better about the past. Maybe taking care of her would make him feel better for all the things he couldn’t do for Katelyn.

*           *           *

Jaime passes out drunk on the couch, and I’m relieved that court will not convene again until Thursday. I put a blanket over Jaime, and leave him lie, then head into our room. There is still no text from Odin as I crawl into bed. As I lie there, I can’t help but think of what a serious relationship with Odin would be like. Assuming I left Jaime, assuming Odin wanted to be my boyfriend and not just tie me up and fuck me, assuming all our friends didn’t disassociate us, which is a lot of assuming, but a girl can dream. And dream, I do.

In the morning, I find myself immediately checking my phone. There are still no messages. At some point during the night, Jaime made his way into our room and is now passed out next to me. I take a shower and get dressed, then go out and make coffee. Erica is gone and Jaime is still sleeping. I decide to call Kelli who has been texting me for two days now.

We meet up at her house and I tell her about the trial, but she’s more interested in how things are going with Odin.

“I think he might be into me a little,” I tell her in confidence.

“You think everyone is into you.”

“I do not!” I exclaim, although I will admit I have told her this about several men. “Don’t tell anyone, but he made a pass at me the last time we were out.”

“What did he say?” Kelli is eating this up like daytime TV, her guilty pleasure.

“He tried to kiss me.” I have been dying to tell someone and I trust Kelli.

“Oh my God! Did you?” It seems like she thinks I did. Or at least that she hopes I did.

“No!” I say, shocked that she would even think that of me.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe he did that!” Her mouth hangs open.

It’s not often I see a speechless Kelli. I don’t tell her anything about the conversation Odin and I had about Jaime, and I certainly don’t tell her about the text I sent him, which I still haven’t gotten an answer to. It’s nice to be able to share my drama with someone and that’s what best friends are for. When I leave Kelli’s house to get in my car, there is a note on my driver’s seat. My heart drops as I immediately think Sergio. But when I unfold it, a dried rose falls into my lap.

Lila,

I wanted to tell you this last night, but there is just too much to text. I hope you don’t think I’m only trying to help you because I want to have sex with you. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to think one day I might be lucky enough. The reason I’m offering you my help is because you’re smart and strong willed and I hate seeing you with someone who takes you for granted. Jaime takes advantage of your loyalty. You deserve someone who is as devoted as you are. Unlike Jaime, I care about your feelings. It may be hard for you to believe, but it’s the truth. If you don’t want to leave Jaime, then don’t. I’m not trying to pressure you or blackmail you. Deep down, I think we both know you want to leave. You’ve been telling me since I met you. I just want you to be happy. I want you to be free. I want you to have the life you deserve with someone who deserves to have you.

Between you and me, I like to entertain the idea of having you in my bed. I’d love to have the opportunity to gain your trust and call you my own. Even just to tie you to the bedpost and fuck you multiple times for a night or two would bring me great pleasure.

However, I understand the position you’re in. I respect your devotion to your husband, even if he is the world’s biggest piece of shit! I realize us hooking up would look bad on both of us as far as social standings in the club. I’m not the least bit surprised that you’re not interested in what I’m proposing. But please, don’t think for a second that I’m doing this to try and use you. All I want is to help you. This is me reaching out. It’s up to you whether or not you want to take my handout. I sincerely hope you do.

-Odin

I read this over again and then a third time just to be sure I have read it correctly. I never told him I wanted to leave Jaime. I have never said that to anyone. What does he mean I deserve someone who is as devoted as me? Does he know something about Jaime that I don’t? I know that I could never become his plaything, although the idea of being tied to Odin’s bedpost for a night makes me blush. I ponder what he must look like in the bedroom. I wonder how big his—