Authors: Elizabeth McKenna
“Oh, honey,” she murmured. “You poor thing…”
Hearing Ginger, Oneida nuzzled Jake’s body with her nose. When he didn’t respond, the horse pawed the ground, bobbing her head.
Ginger eased into the stall, staying as far away from the animal as she could. Kneeling, she rolled Jake onto his back and leaned her cheek to his mouth. Feeling his warm breath, she sighed with relief. Patting his face, she said, “Jake, it’s time to wake up now.”
He groaned, turning his face to the side. Considering this a good sign, she slid a hand under his unshaven cheek, straightening his head. She sat back on her heels when his eyes opened.
He stared at her through unfocused eyes. “Aww, Big Red, I can’t handle one of you, let alone two.” Sitting up, he shook his head to clear his vision. “What time is it?”
She slapped his shoulder. “It’s time for me to knock some sense into you! That’s what time it is. Cera told me you were leaving. How could you?”
Jake dropped his chin to his chest wearily, refusing to look at her. “I have my reasons. Cera will be fine without me.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to be ‘fine.’ Maybe she wants to be happy. Did you consider that?” she replied sharply.
“I can’t make her happy.” He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “I’m not good enough for her.”
“That’s just horse manure and you know it! She loves you and you love her. And what about Sadie? You spent all those years trying to find her to give her some peace and now you leave her in danger? You can’t leave—it isn’t right!”
When he looked at her, there was bitterness in his eyes and his voice came out flat. “I paid my debt to Sadie and her father. And if there’s one thing I have learned over the years, it’s that not much in this world is right.” He stood up shakily and patted Oneida.
“Please, don’t do this to her. I’ve never seen her like this before. She’s usually so tough, but the thought of not being with you has messed her up real bad.”
“She’ll find someone else.” Jake pushed past her.
Defeated and out of words, Ginger watched him leave the barn.
*******
Cera lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling. Bits and pieces of her moments with Jake played through her head. No matter how many times she went through it all, she still didn’t understand what happened. As she started from the beginning one more time, there was a soft knock at the door. Ignoring it, she continued her dissection of their relationship, but the knocking persisted.
Exasperated, she called out, “Go away, Ginger.”
Much to her surprise, Sonya walked in, closing the door behind her.
Cera sat up. “I’m sorry. I don’t feel like talking right now.” She hoped her tone was polite but sufficiently dismissive. “I appreciate you checking on me, though.”
“You might not after you hear what I have to say.” Sonya crossed her arms and leaned back against the door.
“Really?” Her voice came out cold now, but she didn’t care. “You plan on saying something I won’t like? Because I’ve heard quite a lot of things today that I didn’t like.”
“Yes, I know you are hurting, but you are strong—or at least I always thought you were.” Sonya’s cocked eyebrow seemed to challenge Cera.
“Now wait a minute,” she interrupted, her temper rising. “If you came here to tell me to get over Jake and move on—that it’s for the best—then stop right now. Save your breath.”
Sonya considered Cera for a long moment, finally shaking her head. “No, that’s not what I was going to say. In fact, I think letting him go is the easy way out. Cowards don’t fight for what they want. Neither you, nor Jake for that matter, is a coward. Yet, that’s how you both are acting.”
“So, I’m supposed to
not
let him go? How do you suggest I change his mind? I have already begged him. I made a fool out of myself while doing it, but I still have a bit of pride left. If he doesn’t want me, then that’s it. I will only beg once.”
“Maybe you should appeal to his sense of duty. He promised to help us with Biggs. He’s our best gun, and we don’t stand a chance without him. For the safety of your friends, ask him to stay until we can put Biggs in jail.”
“And then what? All that does is buy me a week or two of torture, being with him yet knowing that he’s still going to leave. Why would I do that?” Cera hit the bed with her fists in frustration.
“Because you’re a gambling woman,” Sonya replied matter-of-factly. “The longer he’s by your side, the better the odds are that he won’t be able to leave when the time comes. Have some faith in yourself. You are worthy of love.”
Cera squeezed her eyes closed to contain her tears. She didn’t care what she was worthy of. Love was ripping her insides apart and she couldn’t stand it. After a moment, she said, “Thank you, Sonya. I’ll consider your words.”
Sonya shrugged. “Anyway, supper is being served. Madame Tessa is waiting for you to join us.”
With a resigned nod, Cera went to the dresser and picked up a brush. “Sonya?”
“Yes?”
“Is he…is he at the supper table?” Her face flushed with the shame of asking such a question. She felt so out of control. She hated that a man’s actions ruled her emotions, but she didn’t know how to stop caring for him.
Sonya gave her an understanding smile. “No, he isn’t. After he left you earlier, he went to the barn and had another spell. Ginger found him passed out in a stall. I believe he is still resting in his room.”
“Oh,” was all she could manage to say. Looking in the mirror over the dresser, she frowned at the woman with dark circles and sunken cheeks staring back. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
*******
The servants served supper on the same table as lunch, with a few dozen white candles of varying heights replacing the vases of wildflowers. On any other night, the effect would have been romantic, taking Cera’s breath away instead of adding to her misery.
Despite Tessa and Mary Beth’s best efforts, the conversation lagged. Ginger cast angry glares at Isaac whenever the opportunity came about, while Cera ignored the food on her plate. As if by some silent agreement, everyone finished the meal quickly and went their separate ways.
Intending to burrow under the bedcovers, Cera returned to her room, but soon restlessness had her heading for the night air. She stood outside the patio door, inhaling the sweet scent of jasmine. Not content with stargazing, she eyed the stone path leading away from her bedroom. The full moon in the sky and the lit torches that lined the perimeter of the house offered plenty of light, so she set out alone.
She let her mind wander, while the chirping music from the night creatures soothed her nerves. Rounding a corner, she gasped at the unexpected glow from a cigarette. Her empty stomach clenched, realizing too late that the figure leaning against a pillar was Jake. His body straightened, as his hand grabbed for his gun. Recognizing her, he dropped it back to his side and cleared his throat. For several long seconds, they stared at each other from opposite sides of the patio.
Still raw with humiliation from their last meeting, she considered turning around without speaking, but Sonya’s words nagged at her. Cursing under her breath, she squared her shoulders and walked over to him. Unfortunately, her mind blanked as soon as she looked into his eyes. The best she could come up with was, “We missed you at supper. Are you feeling better?”
Dropping his gaze to the ground, Jake replied, “Yes, thanks.”
“If you don’t mind me saying, it seems like your headaches are coming on more frequently and getting worse.”
He shrugged in response. Taking a long drag from the cigarette, he blew the smoke out of the side of his mouth.
“Have you ever seen a doctor about them? Maybe there is something that can be done—”
“There’s nothing that can be done,” he replied, cutting her off. “I just have to live with it.”
“And what? Avoid all human contact? Is that really the way you want to live your life, Jake? Alone?” She wanted to reach out and shake him, but forced her fingers to lace together instead.
“My mind’s made up. I’m sorry, but it’s better this way.”
She shook her head. “I disagree, but Sonya wants me to discuss something else with you—the safety of my friends. Without your help, we don’t have a chance against Biggs. She wants me to appeal to your sense of duty and ask that you stay long enough to put Biggs in jail, and then you can leave.”
He gave her a wry, half smile. “My sense of duty, huh?”
“But,” she continued, ignoring his interruption, “I’m not going to do that. From the very beginning, I told you this was my problem and I didn’t want your help. I still stand by that. So, if Ginger or Sonya or anyone else asks you to stay, please say no.”
Jake stared off into the darkness, as if mulling over her request. Shifting his eyes, he watched the cigarette burn down until the glowing tip reached his fingers. He carefully crushed it out on the stone patio with the heel of his boot. “You know, that’s my first cigarette in four years. I had such an itch tonight that I had to ask one of the workers for one.” His hand reached out, sweeping down the side of her cheek and over her lips. “Take care of yourself, sweet Cera.”
As he walked away into the night, she crossed her arms and held on tight, forcing herself to remain silent.
Chapter 14
The following morning, Cera woke up exhausted, having slept only a few hours during the night. As she dressed for breakfast, it felt like a fifty-pound chain circled her heart. She met Ginger in the hall outside their bedrooms. Unable to ask the question, she looked down the hall toward Jake’s room.
Understanding, Ginger answered, “He set out before daybreak.”
Cera nodded, and the chain snaked into her throat. She took a deep breath, but silently vowed not to shed any more tears. She was done acting like a lovesick ninny.
The women walked arm in arm to the veranda to join the others for breakfast. Once again, the cook had out done herself. Eggs, muffins, and breakfast meats lined the table. Cera’s hand flew to her mouth to stop the wave of nausea.
“Today, you have to eat something,” Ginger ordered, pushing her into a chair. “I want your plate clean.”
“I’ll try.” She looked at the solemn faces of her friends. Giving them a smile she hoped was reassuring, she said to Isaac, “Let’s talk after breakfast. We need to decide what to do next.”
“Of course,” Isaac replied, “and, if you don’t mind, Tessa would like to join us.”
She frowned at the request. “No, I think I have put enough people in danger. Biggs doesn’t need any more targets to aim at.”
“I think Tessa can help us,” Isaac argued. “She has some interesting thoughts on how San Francisco’s city officials might be persuaded to join our cause.”
“What can she possibly know about the problems of the city living out here?”
Isaac patted her hand. “She knows more than you think. Please give her a chance.”
Not wanting to appear ungrateful for Tessa’s hospitality, Cera finally nodded her consent. She glanced at the opposite end of the table where the older woman sat. When their hostess met her gaze, Cera cringed, realizing Tessa had overheard her conversation with Isaac.
After the breakfast dishes were cleared, Tessa stood. “Isaac, if you don’t mind, I would like to show Cera some of the grounds before we talk.”
Surprised, and a bit annoyed, Cera tried graciously to turn down the invitation. “I’ve already walked a large part of your garden, Madame Tessa. It is beautiful, but with all due respect, we’re not here to enjoy the scenery. We have urgent matters to discuss.”
“Of course you do, but maybe you will indulge an old woman.” Though her smile was pleasant, Tessa’s tone was commanding. “I so seldom get to show off my accomplishments. I won’t keep you long, I promise.”
Having no choice but to obey, she stood up stiffly and with a nod toward Isaac said, “We’ll meet you in the great room in a short while.”
*******
The women headed through the garden and into the vineyard, walking in silence until Cera lost her patience. “Madame Tessa, if you have something to say, please don’t hesitate any longer.”
Tessa gave a short laugh. “It is a beautiful morning, Cera. My grapes are doing well and my body is not aching. Isn’t it nice to enjoy life for a moment, before we tackle the serious business you’re involved in?”
Biting back the harsh retort that sprang to mind, she instead replied, “You have a very good life here, Madame. We should all be so lucky to find what you have.”
“You don’t feel fortunate also?” The older woman bent down and plucked a yellow wild rose growing next to the path. She held it to her nose, sniffing delicately.
“Exactly how am I? A murderer burned down my livelihood and my lover left me. There’s a house full of people back there relying on me to figure out how they are going to go on living. Sure, we’re all alive when we could be dead, but unless I figure out how to stop Biggs, all I’ve done is delayed the inevitable.”
Tessa nodded. “Yes, your life does look bleak at the moment, but do you know what I see? I see another opportunity for greatness. Not everybody gets so many chances to change people’s lives for the better.”
Cera shook her head in confusion. “I’m not following you, Madame.”