Authors: Melissa Brown
“
Sorry, I was just thinking about work,
”
I lie.
Kate has no idea that I
’
ve been thinking about proposing. Sure, we talk about our future all the time, and she happily wears the promise ring I gave her. We
’
ve even joked about what our children would be like. But, we
’
ve never talked about actual plans to settle down. But, I know that I want nothing more than to be with her for the rest of my life. In my mind, it
’
s just a matter of when I
’
ll pop the question. But, first I have to break the news I
’
ve been avoiding all day.
“
What
’
s going on at work?
”
Kate inquires. Here I go
. . .
“
Well, I found out they
’
re sending me on my first business trip.
”
“
Oh,
”
Kate sighs. I know she must be disappointed. But, then she seems to wipe the frown from her face and asks,
“
For how long?
”
“
Well, I leave in a few weeks
,
and I
’
ll be gone for about 10 days. I
’
m sure it
’
ll go by quickly
.”
I
’
m waiting for her to get upset, to look defeated, but she doesn
’
t. And it
’
s confusing.
“
Okay. I guess a little break could be good for us,
”
Kate says, taking a sip of her drink, avoiding eye contact.
“
Good for us?
”
Lifting a single brow, I lean in closer.
“
What do you mean?
”
I ask, surprised by her reaction and trying to sound calm, even though I
’
m irritated as hell. After all, she might just be doing her best to be supportive. But, then why does my gut feel like something
’
s off once again?
“
I don
’
t know, I mean, we
’
ve been fighting a lot lately. They say
‘
absence makes the heart grow fonder
’
or something like that, right?
”
Kate says, stirring her drink with her tiny straw.
“
Yeah, I guess they do
.”
I exhale loudly. Just then, our waitress returns and takes our dinner order. Silence takes up space at our dinner party. It
’
s our new companion, making us uncomfortable, stifling our conversation and threatening to ruin our meal.
“
Of course I
’
ll miss you, Ev. I
’
m just trying to be supportive,
”
Kate asserts. The natural glow of Kate
’
s eyes is missing from this conversation. Is she doing her best to hide her sadness? Or has the fire gone out? Desperately, I want to light a flame, to bring back that spark that makes her Kate.
My Kate
.
I don
’
t want to think about the tension lingering in the air or Kate
’
s lack of concern about my trip. Instead, my eyes drift to the shirt that Kate
’
s wearing underneath the sweater I gave her for Christmas. Of course she
’
d call it something else like a tank or a camisole or whatever. But, to me, it
’
s a lacy shirt that barely covers her breasts. It looks silky and I want to touch it. And then I want to touch her. I want to take her hand and lead her to the banquet room upstairs, close the door and press her up against the wall.
“
Ev, what the hell is going on?
”
Kate looks annoyed. This is the second time she
’
s caught me spacing out on her during this meal. Definitely not my finest moment.
“
Sorry,
”
I say defensively, raising my arms up in front of me.
“
I guess I have a lot on my mind. Look, after we eat, let
’
s go back to your place and watch a movie or something. You pick, all right?
” I want to make peace.
I want things to blow over.
“
I actually promised Bree I
’
d stop by Molly
’
s for a little bit.
”
“
Seriously? Don
’
t you see Bree all the time? You work together almost every night.
”
“
She
’
s going through a hard time right now with Jon and needs someone to talk to. You can drop me there and I
’
ll meet you at your place later tonight,
”
Kate suggests as she begins to rummage absentmindedly through her purse. I feel like I
’
m being tuned out.
“
No, that
’
s fine. I
’
ll have a beer or something and watch whatever game Vince has playing. No big deal
.”
I shrug my shoulders.
“
Hey, my mom wanted me to tell you that she loved the gift you sent. You
’
ll be getting a card in the mail, I
’
m sure
.”
I force a smile.
“
I
’
m so glad she liked it.
”
“
She loves it. She loves all of the photos you
’
ve given her. I swear, she
’
s got a shrine to you in her office.
”
“
That warms my heart.
”
“
I
’
m telling you, sweets, you could make a killing with your photos.
”
“
Not this again. Ev, please
—”
“
What? I just want you to be successful and happy. Photography makes you happy. You have no idea how much you glow after you
’
re spent an afternoon outside with your camera. It
’
s amazing.
”
“
But, you don
’
t get it. If I try to sell my work, then the joy is stripped of it. I
’
m not going to feel satisfied after an afternoon like that. Instead, I
’
ll feel stressed and worried because my
client
might not be impressed.
”
“
Excuses are like assholes, Kate. Seriously,
”
I say, tilting my head to the side, looking smug. I can really be a dick sometimes.
“
Nice, Ev
.”
Kate says
,
shaking her head in disbelief. She know
s I can be an ass
; it
’
s something she
’
s accepted about me. Neither of us is perfect.
“
Look, I
’
ve tried the nice route. I
’
ve tried explaining just how incredibly talented you are. I
’
ve tried showing you how much others love your work. But, nothing sinks in. You just keep telling yourself that you
’
re not good enough. But, guess what:
you are
. Forgive me for wanting you to see that,
”
I say, slamming my fork down on the table. Kate won
’
t look at me and I feel like a total prick.
One hour later, after an hour of awkward conversation, we arrive at Molly
’
s Tavern. The place is starting to feel foreign to me.
I don
’
t feel as comfortable as I once did inside these walls. I suddenly feel old compared to the other college aged patrons
,
and I notice little things like the smell of stale beer hovering in the air, or the slight stickiness of the floor from spilled drinks. All in all, it no longer feels like home. And I wonder if Kate can sense this in me. She doesn
’
t get it. No matter how foreign this place might feel, she
’
ll always be my home.
I sit at my favorite spot at the bar, hoping I
’
ll start
to feel more comfortable here.
Kate heads to the back room to look for Bree.
Vince is behind the counter and seems happy to see me. I was a good employee and I know he was sad to see me leave. He was always complaining about how hard it is to find trustworthy college kids to work here. He nods as he walks to my end of the bar, sliding a bowl of peanuts my way and pouring me a glass of my favorite draft.
“
Thanks, man.
”
“
Good seeing you, buddy. How
’
s the exciting world of marketing?
”
Vince asks, wiping down the counter.
“
It
’
s different, that
’
s for sure,
”
I concede.
“
I
’
m working really long hours, but I enjoy it. I
really
enjoy it.
”
“
Well, they
’
re lucky to have you,
”
Vince asserts.
“
You were one of the best kids I ever had working here. If it weren
’
t for your girlfriend and her crazy-ass best friend, I
’
d be in trouble. The rest of my employees are worthless. Can
’
t depend on any of them.
”
“
I
’
m glad Kate is still helping you out,
”
I lie. I want her to leave Molly
’
s and focus on her passion. But, her feet are firmly planted within the confines of these walls.
“
She
’
s a gem, for chrissake. But, lately she seems distracted, like she can
’
t wait to get outta here and it makes me nervous. She
’
s not planning to quit, is she?
”
Vince has always been a really direct guy. Thank God I don
’
t have any bad news for him.
“
Not that I know of, Vince
.”
I say reassuringly.
“
Phew,
”
he says, wiping his brow.
“
Thanks, buddy. I was getting nervous
.”
“
Not a problem,
”
I reply. Glancing away from Vince, I see that Kate has returned from the back room. But, she
’
s not alone. She
’
s talking to a tall guy, whose back is to me, so I can
’
t see his face. But, I see hers and she
’
s not happy. The jealous part of me wants to storm over there and confront the asshole. And I
’
m about two seconds away from giving that side of me permission. But, I decide to hold back and observe for a moment. Kate hasn
’
t noticed that I
’
m watching and I want to study her as much as possible while she
’
s oblivious to my prying eyes.
Her cheeks are growing red and I can tell whoever this guy is, he
’
s pissing her off. But, why? Is he hitting on her? Does she want him to leave her the hell alone?
Or has my worst nightmare come true? Maybe she
’
s seeing this guy on the side. Maybe that
’
s why she wanted to come back here.
Not to see Bree, but to see
him
.
And maybe that
’
s why she suggested that I
drop her here. My
thoughts are spiraling as every single one of my suspicions spins into another. I
’
m out of control and I really need to see this guy
’
s face before I smash it in.