Change of Heart (20 page)

It was a good speech. I understood the meaning behind it, and I loved how hard she was trying, but no one moved after she'd stopped talking and leaned back in her chair.

I glanced at Trevor, who was looking down at the plate in front of him, then at Shane and Kate, who were looking at each other. None of us wanted to make the first move. My gaze moved to Alex, and I braced myself when I saw the look in his eyes.

“I get the meaning behind it, and I fully agree with you, Aunt Ellie. But I'm
not
eating Mrs. Nielsen's upside-down cake,” he said stubbornly, shaking his head with a scowl. “Last time she brought one over, I had the shits for two days.”

Everyone at the table froze.

Mike was the first one to break, and as soon as his raspy guffaw broke the silence, the rest of us began to laugh. We laughed so hard that there were tears streaming down our faces.

After the first few moments, I wasn't even sure if we were laughing at Alex anymore. We were laughing in surprise that we could even laugh in the first place. We were laughing to prove that we still
could
, that maybe we were broken but that we could eventually live and not be so aware of the gaping black holes in our chests. We laughed because Henry would have said something completely inappropriate to Alex's comment, and all of us were hearing his voice in our heads. We laughed because we'd been crying for so long that any other display of emotion was almost a relief.

“I'm not joking!” Alex bitched loudly, making us laugh even harder.

I wiped at my face as Bram's hand squeezed mine, and when I looked back up at Alex, he winked, giving me a small smile.

I smiled back.

“Well, this one goes to the garbage,” Liz murmured with a chuckle, standing up to grab a cake off the middle of the table. “The rest should be safe.”

She walked the cake into the kitchen, and I made a face at Alex, causing his smile to widen. He freaking
knew
I liked Mrs. Nielsen's pineapple upside-down cake, and I knew for a fact that it hadn't given him diarrhea because we'd shared the last one between us and I'd felt fine.

I would have expected the asshole move from Henry, but not…My head jerked up to stare at Alex again as my eyes began to burn.

“Asshole,” I mouthed, giving a watery laugh.

“Pretty girl,” he mouthed back, blowing me a kiss.

“Cake!” Gunner yelled, running into the dining room, then sliding over the hardwood floor in his socks until he came to a stop.

“We're having cake?” Keller asked, flying into the room behind his brother.

“I want some!” Gavin yelled from down the hall.

I looked at the boys, watching as their eyes darted around the room looking for an ally.

I knew who that ally would have been a week and a half ago.

“Good thinking,” I said, hopping out of my chair. “Auntie will get you anything you want. Grab your chairs and belly up to the table.”

“Ani,” Katie warned in a low voice.

I ignored her. My oldest niece and three nephews had already lost their mother. Gunner would never remember Rachel, and I wasn't sure how much Gavin remembered, either—but Keller and Sage had already felt the loss of the most important person in their lives. They had Shane and Kate and a secure and loving extended family, but that didn't change the fact that they'd had the rug pulled out from under them again.

There was little I could do for them beyond loving them. Soon they'd go back to California, and I wouldn't see them for months.

But I could do this one thing. I could give them back that one person who had their back and spoiled them right under the nose of their parents.

My nephews wanted cake, and it was my turn to spoil them rotten.

“We've got white cake, pumpkin pie, some sort of Jell-O with whipped cream, and what looks like brownies,” I said to Keller as he pushed his chair up against the table.

“All of them,” he answered decisively, looking at me with a wide grin.

I glanced at a teary-eyed Kate.

“Good idea,” I said.

I
really hope no one pukes on the flight,” Kate said as we said our good-byes the day after Henry's funeral.

Kate and Shane were headed back to San Diego so Shane could fly back out the next day. My little sister was putting on a brave face, but I knew she was one second from falling apart.

Usually when one of the boys deployed, we didn't let our minds drift to the possibility that something bad could happen. It seemed like bad luck to prepare for the worst, and beyond that, it was just plain stupid. There was no way to survive when you're always waiting for something bad to happen—you had to trust that everything would work out.

But none of us felt that way anymore.

How could we think of anything else? Henry had died on US soil. He shouldn't have even been in any danger.

Now Shane was going back into a war zone. The entire family was on edge.

“Oh, please,” Ani scoffed, hugging Kate.

“Gunner was bouncing off the damn walls until midnight,” Kate bitched, pulling away to hug our mom and dad.

“She'll forget,” Ani mumbled, glancing at me. “Right?”

“Probably not,” Alex said jokingly, throwing his arm around Ani's shoulders as Kate and Shane herded the kids off the porch and into my dad and uncle's trucks. There were too many of them to ride together.

I shook my head at having so many kids that the only thing you could drive was a minivan. Kate and Shane seemed to have a system but I couldn't imagine having more than a couple.

I froze, glancing down at the sleeping baby girl in the crook of my arm.

I was so fucked.

“Bram? Hello?” Alex called, clapping his hands.

“What's up?” I asked distractedly, looking away from Arielle.

“You're gonna need to hand over the baby,” he said slowly. “We said we'd go over to Trev's today.”

Ani's arms started waving frantically as the trucks began turning around in the driveway, and I looked away from my brother as I raised my arm in good-bye.

Kate was riding in the middle of the front seat of my uncle's truck, leaning against her husband as tears ran down her face.
Shit.

I understood that life had to move forward, but I wanted everyone close. I fucking hated that Kate was leaving already, and Alex was headed out the next day. How could I make sure they were okay when they were spread out all over the country?

Kate's only support system while Shane was deployed had been Henry, and now she'd be down in California all alone with five children. The thought turned my stomach.

“Come on, bro,” Alex murmured as Ani took Arielle from my arms. “Trev didn't even show up to say good-bye.”

“Yeah, what the fuck is that about?” I asked, kissing Ani on the head absentmindedly as she passed me on her way back into the house.

“You're so fucked,” Alex said with a small chuckle, echoing my thought from just minutes earlier.

“Yeah, I'm aware,” I said ruefully, wiping a hand down my beard.

“We'll be back in a while, Mom,” I called as my mom and Aunt Ellie followed Ani into the house. “We're gonna head up to Trev's.”

“Good,” Aunt Ellie said, squeezing my arm as she moved past me.

We climbed into my truck and backed out of the driveway. Trev's property actually backed up to our parents' property, and during the summer, we could take four-wheelers through the woods to his place. In the winter though, we usually took the truck. It sucked balls to get stuck in the mud on a four-wheeler when it was pouring down rain.

“What's going on with Trev?” I asked Alex as we pulled out onto the road. I'd been so wrapped up in watching Aunt Ellie to make sure she was okay, and watching Ani and Arielle when I was sure Aunt Ellie wasn't going to lose it, that I'd barely spoken to Trevor.

“I don't know, man. I think he got Hen's paperwork, and something in there freaked him out.”

“They're already sending his benefits and shit?” I asked in surprise, glancing at my twin. I was pretty sure that the military took their time with stuff like that.

“No, his will. I think he had it fixed the last time he was here. I don't know why he didn't use the services on base. It must have been annoying as hell to figure shit out when your attorney lives a thousand miles away.”

“The kid never did things the easy way,” I said with a snicker, turning onto Trevor's long gravel road.

“I wish I knew what the fuck happened,” Alex said quietly, glancing out the window. “But they're not going to tell us anything at this point.”

“Do you think they're trying to cover something up?” I asked.

“Honestly?” Alex asked as we came to a stop.

“Yeah.”

“I think Henry was probably being a dick and was taking chances he shouldn't have been,” Alex said through clenched teeth. He turned toward me, and his eyes were bright. “But don't fucking repeat that.”

“Course not,” I murmured, watching him closely.

“They're careful, brother,” he said. “They plan for everything. So if something happened to Hen, there's a good chance he fucked up.”

Trevor's front door opened, and he stepped outside wearing ratty old sweatpants and a flannel shirt. He looked like he'd been on a bender, and by the way he was swaying, I guessed he was still riding the drunken wave.

“They don't ever need to know,” Alex said quietly, watching Trev.

He climbed out of the truck as I shut it off, and I followed him up onto the porch.

“Want a drink?” Trev said roughly, turning to walk back into the house. “I've got whiskey.”

“Nah, man, I'm good,” Alex said.

“I'm driving,” I answered, following them inside.

The house was mostly dark, but there was a fire going in the fireplace in the living room, and it looked like that's where Trev had been camping out since he'd left Ellie and Mike's the night before. There was a bottle of Jack Daniel's on the table next to a water glass half filled with the brown liquid. Next to it was a pile of papers stuffed haphazardly in a manila folder.

“What's going on, Trev?” I asked as he dropped onto the couch, leaning into a pillow that must have come from his bed.

“Fucking Henry,” he spat, shaking his head. “Such a fucking idiot.”

I met Alex's eyes in surprise and stepped forward as Trev began to cry. He wasn't sobbing or any shit like that, but tears were leaking down his livid face like he didn't know whether to be angry or sad.

“You got his will?” Alex asked, sitting down in a rocking chair next to the couch.

“Man, he fucked up,” Trev said quietly, shaking his head. “Hafta tell my parents, but fuck!”

I sat next to him on the couch and racked my brain for something to say. He was clearly far from sober, and he wasn't making much sense, but something was going on, and by the amount of whiskey he'd gone through in less than twelve hours, it was something big.

“We don't have any clue what you're trying to say,” Alex said kindly.

I almost laughed. Leave it to Alex to just jump right in.

Trevor bent his head and used the bottom of his flannel to wipe off his face, then he lifted it back up again and pointed to the papers on the table.

“I went through Henry's will,” he said clearly. “Most of the shit is not a big deal. He gave his stake in the company to me—I outrank you both now—and he gave his surfboard to Keller. Shit like that.”

“Christ, you're going to be such a pain in the ass to work with,” I complained, causing Trev to give me a small smile.

“I'll go easy on ya,” he promised drily.

“So what's going on?” Alex cut in. “Why are you drowning your sorrows in whiskey? You don't even like the shit.”

“He left all money in his accounts and his death benefits to a woman named Morgan Riley.”

“Who the fuck is Morgan Riley?” I blurted, glancing at Alex.

“The mother of his kid, apparently,” Trev growled, picking up the glass full of whiskey and downing half of it.

“Henry had a kid?” Alex shouted, his face screwed up in confusion.

“What the ever-loving fuck?” I muttered, my mind racing.

I couldn't remember Henry ever talking about a woman sticking around longer than a night, much less one he'd gotten pregnant. He'd never said a word, never hinted or given any kind of clue.

“Yeah, no shit,” Trevor said, setting the whiskey back down. “He planned all his shit out—made sure that
I
got the paperwork so
I
could tell our mom that her youngest was a piece of shit who abandoned his daughter. He even left me a fucking letter.”

I inhaled sharply.

The thought of Henry's daughter never knowing her dad made me want to break down and weep. She'd never learn his sense of humor or get picked up in the middle of the school day because he felt like going for ice cream. He'd never teach her how to ride a bike or surf. He'd walked away from all that, and now there was no way for him to change his mind. What the fuck had been going on in his head?

I'd never do that to Arielle
.

The thought made my breath catch in my throat.
Jesus.
I wanted to drive back to my parents' house that second so I could hold her. I couldn't imagine never seeing her grow up. Never hearing Ani read her bedtime stories or pull her hair back in little pigtails.

“I need to tell my parents,” Trevor said, running his hands over his face. “I should probably go over today while Aunt Liz and Uncle Mike are there.”

“You want us there?” Alex asked, rubbing his hands over his thighs like he didn't know what to do with them.

“Nah, it's probably better if you're not,” Trev said tiredly. “Bram, can you go take Ani home? Let her know what's going on?”

“Sure,” I said, getting to my feet.

“I'll drive you over and then make myself scarce,” Alex said to Trevor. “But first you need to shower and shave that shit off your face.”

“Uncle Mike and Dad won't be home for at least another half an hour,” I reminded my brother.

“Yeah, that works.” Alex sighed and got to his feet. “Come on, man, you can't go to your parents' house looking like shit.”

I left the two of them shuffling toward Trevor's bedroom and climbed back in my truck, dropping my head to the steering wheel.

I understood Trev's devastation. We were all mourning Henry. I'd give anything to have him back, to hear his voice or see his face.

But now I was so furious at the idiot that I wanted to hit something.

“Is there a reason you shuffled me out of the house like it was on fire?” Ani asked in annoyance as we drove away from my aunt and uncle's place.

“Yes,” I grumbled, my hands fisting on the steering wheel.

Trevor had given me the green light to tell Ani about Henry's daughter, but I had no idea how to even open the conversation. Hey, did you know Henry had a kid that he had nothing to do with? Yeah, that would go over well.

“Well? What's going on?” Ani asked impatiently, setting her purse on the seat between us.

“Trev got Henry's will from the lawyer,” I began, only to have Ani cut me off.

“Wait, why? Why didn't it go to Ellie and Mike?”

“Because he wanted it to go to Trevor,” I answered.

“Okay, and?”

“He had a kid, Ani,” I said quietly, glancing over at her.

“What? No he didn't,” she scoffed.

“He left Trevor a letter, and he left the girl's mom all of his death benefits and the money in his accounts.”

The truck was silent for a long moment.

“What?” Ani finally said, turning her head to stare at me. “What the fuck?”

“I don't know. That's all Trevor told me.”

“How old is the girl?”

“He didn't say.”

“Well, where is she?”

“Trev didn't tell me that either.”

“Well, is there anything you
do
fucking know?” she sniped at me.

I inhaled long and deep through my nose, trying not to snap back at her. I'd felt blindsided, too—I knew she was reeling.

“The mom's name is Morgan. Henry didn't have anything to do with Morgan or the girl as far as I know. That's all Trevor told me,” I finally said, my voice as calm as I could make it.

“Well, maybe he tried,” Ani murmured as we pulled into her driveway. “I mean, we don't know what happened. Maybe she—”

“He abandoned his kid, Ani,” I shot back incredulously.

“You don't know that!” She hopped out of the truck as soon as I'd shut it off, and climbed into the backseat to get Arielle. “Maybe he was trying—”

“No,” I cut her off, taking Arielle's heavy car seat from her hands. “He left them.”

“You don't know what you're talking about,” she hissed, stomping toward the house. “You have no idea if he tried to see her or not.”

I followed her into the house and sat Arielle's car seat on the floor in the living room, checking to make sure she was still sleeping before I followed Ani into the kitchen.

“He never once mentioned a kid to any of us,” I said as I reached her. “Why would he never say anything if he was planning on being Father of the Year?”

“Well, he's not here to defend himself so I don't fucking know!” she yelled, her hands fisted at her sides.

“He left his kid!” I yelled back, throwing up my hands. “He never planned on telling us shit!”

“How the fuck would you know?”

“Because if he hadn't died, he'd still be a fucking dead-beat dad, and we wouldn't know anything about her,” I ground out.

Ani's hand flew up, and I barely had time to grasp her wrist before she slapped me across the face.

“How exactly do you have any place to judge Hen?” she asked, her words coming out hoarse.