Change of Heart (16 page)

My phone rang a couple hours later as I was climbing out of the shower.

“Hello?” I answered, out of breath.

“I hear Bram was at your house for
hours
earlier,” Kate sang into the phone, making me curse.

“Jesus, this family is such a bunch of gossip queens,” I griped, trying to dry off my hair as I held the phone with my shoulder.

“Well, he left work at like eight and didn't get back until lunch,” Kate said innocently. “Trev was just wondering if I'd heard anything.”

“You live in San Diego,” I scoffed, awkwardly pulling on my clothes.

“Semantics,” Kate replied. “So what happened?”

“Well.” I drew the word out, imagining the huge smile on her face as she waited for some fairy-tale story to come bursting out of my mouth. “He got here, and I was topless, walking around the living room.” My voice grew quiet. “And then he started stripping.”

Kate was completely silent on the other end of the connection.

“As soon as he was bare chested, he came to me…and took Arielle so I could have a nap while he did the skin-on-skin shit that calms her down.”

“Oh, thank God. I was trying to be a good friend but I was totally skeeved out,” she blurted.

“You're such an ass,” I laughed.

“It sucks being so far away.”

“I thought you loved it down there?” I asked in surprise.

“I do,” she said cheerily. “But I miss you guys and I want to meet Arielle.”

“You should come visit.”

“Yeah, I talked to Shane about it last night. We can't really afford to send all of us up there, so I'm thinking I'll just fly up for the weekend or something.”

“That would be awesome,” I said, checking on Arielle, who was asleep in her little bassinet.

“What's happening with you and Bram?” Kate needled. “You never tell me anything!”

“There's nothing to tell,” I replied, going out to the couch so I wouldn't wake the baby. Or should I try and wake her so she wasn't up all night? None of the baby books I had gave me a straight answer. It was annoying as hell.

“Well, he was at your house—”

“Trev was here yesterday, Ellie the day before that, your mom comes over every day at some point, and I've even seen your dad a few times,” I said flatly.

“But still—”

“But still, nothing,” I said in exasperation. “He made his decision very fucking clear, Katie. Can you just drop it?”

Kate was quiet for a few seconds. “Okay,” she said on a sigh. “For now.”

“Have you always been this annoying?”

“Oh, please,” Kate replied. “You told Mom I was pregnant before I could—you're way worse than me.”

“I was worried!”

“Likely story.”

Two weeks later, Kate came home to Oregon and met Arielle for the first time.

“Oh my God, she's gorgeous!” my foster sister said, stealing Arielle from me the minute she walked through the door. “Iris was a pretty baby, but Gavin and Keller looked like little gremlins.”

I snorted as she passed me, pushing her way into the house.

“Good to see you, too.”

“I'm not here to see you,” she joked back as Trevor carried her suitcase inside.

“Are you staying here?” I asked in surprise.

“Obviously.”

“I bet Liz is really happy about that,” I said flatly as I shut the front door.

“She'll be here in a little bit,” Kate replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “She said she didn't care since I didn't bring the kids with me.”

Trevor and I laughed as we followed her into the living room.

“How you doing?” he asked, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

“I'm good,” I said, giving him a big smile. “Hey, have you heard from Hen? He hasn't called in a few days.”

I'd been talking to Alex, Henry, and Kate almost every day since I'd brought Arielle home. They also made me send photos and videos of Arielle so they could see her. I could tell they were feeling pretty homesick, but they'd all come to visit recently so only Kate was able to come back home to meet her.

“He's doing that training thing he was talking about,” Trev answered, rubbing his knuckles over my head before moving to sit next to Kate on the couch. “He won't be back for another week.”

“Oh, right.” I snapped my fingers, then looked down at my hand in disgust. When had I started picking up mannerisms from Uncle Mike of all people? He was the only person who snapped like that.

“Yep,” Trev said, nodding his head as he snapped his fingers.

“Shut up.”

“I didn't say a word.”

“Children,” Kate scolded, “let's focus on what's important here, me holding my new niece. Take a picture for Arielle's baby book, Ani.”

I looked at her in horror. “What the fuck is a baby book?”

“It's a little book that you put all their milestones in, like when their favorite aunt held them for the first time,” Kate said slowly, like I was an idiot.

“What?” I was so confused.

Trevor started laughing hard, his deep voice filling the room until both Kate and I were laughing, too. I wasn't even sure what was so funny, but his laughter was ridiculously contagious.

“We'll go to the store and buy you one tomorrow,” Kate assured me, wiping tears off her face.

“Where's my favorite sister?” a voice called from the front door, making me freeze.

I'd barely seen Bram since he left my house two weeks earlier. He monopolized Arielle when we went to family dinners, but he barely said a word to me. I knew I'd been a bitch to him, but I couldn't make myself apologize. If he was going to be butt-hurt over one comment I'd made, that was fine. It wasn't like he hadn't said much worse things to me over the years.

“Abraham,” Kate sang, coming to her feet.

“Hey,” he said, stepping into the living room with a sweet smile. He walked toward Katie and hugged her with Arielle between them, leaning down to give my daughter a quick kiss on her forehead. “Where's Mom?”

“What?” Kate asked, pulling away.

“Mom said we were doing dinner here. I've got groceries in the back of the truck,” Bram said in confusion, his eyes meeting mine.

“That's news to me,” I said drily.

“Shit,” he mumbled, reaching up to run his hand through his beard.

“It's fine. Trev, get off your ass and help him unload,” I ordered.

“When did you get bossy?” Trevor bitched with a smile, pushing himself to his feet.

“When I became a mother,” I replied snottily, raising one eyebrow.

Trevor and Katie both laughed at that, but when I glanced at Bram, he was giving me a soft look, his lips tipped up in a small smile.

That night, my house was filled with noise. Ellie, Mike, Liz, and Dan showed up about a half an hour after Bram, and the women immediately got to work making dinner. They passed around the baby and refused to give her back until I'd finished my meal, then finally let me cuddle her as they ate their own. Everyone stayed late, laughing and joking as Ellie and Liz cleaned the house despite my protests. They even gave Arielle a bath in the kitchen sink, taking a thousand pictures of her disgruntled face.

After everyone had gone, Katie and I curled up on my bed with Arielle between us.

“How's everything going?” Kate asked seriously, playing with Arielle's little hands.

“It's good,” I said with a little nod. “I'm tired pretty much all the time, and I usually smell like ass because I haven't showered—but I wouldn't change it.”

“I know how that goes,” Kate replied, rolling her eyes. “Shane will come up behind me all ‘let's get it on' and I'm like, ‘Dude, this is day three of not showering. You don't want anywhere near my downstairs.'”

I snickered, my giggles shaking the bed and making Arielle startle with her hands and feet straight up in the air. “Well, I don't have to deal with that, at least.”

“Still nothing with Bram?” Kate asked quietly.

“Why do you keep harping on this?” I asked.

“Because I watched him watching you all damn night,” she replied. “And when he wasn't watching you, he was watching whoever was holding Arielle like he was going to tear their head off if they made any wrong move.”

“You're delusional.”

Kate sighed. “I'll drop it.”

“Thank you.”

“But—”

“Oh fantastic, you have more to say,” I said drily, lying down flat on my back.

“Just…don't give up on him yet.”

“Kate”—I shook my head—“it's been over a month. That horse is dead, yet you continue to beat it.”

“That saying is ridiculous. Why would anyone beat a dead horse?” Kate said in disgust.

“Exactly.”

The next morning, Ellie and Liz showed up bright and early, their hands full of donuts and coffee. Then they shooed Kate and me out of the house with gift certificates to a movie theater and a salon. They kept Arielle all day so Kate and I could get out for a while.

I didn't want to go at first, but as we sat in the salon chairs with footbaths massaging our feet, I realized how badly I'd needed the break. It was hard leaving Arielle for any length of time, but it also felt good to leave the house for a little while and gossip with my best friend. I didn't know how Kate took care of five kids; just one was making me feel like I was losing my mind. I forgot everything, from appointments to the last time I'd brushed my hair.

I cried when Kate left on Sunday, but I knew she was anxious to get back to the kiddos. Shane had already left on his deployment, and while her neighbor was rad about keeping so many kids, Kate was ready to be home. She didn't like being without them, and for the first time, I completely understood it.

Sometimes I wonder if that weekend was God's way of preparing me for what happened after that. A reprieve of sorts so that, when the time came, I would be rested and strong.

I
was in love. Flat-out do-anything-say-anything-kill-for-and-die-for love. And the object of my affection was a little girl that weighed less than ten pounds.

I'm not sure how it happened, but from the moment I'd held her in the hospital, it was like something clicked. I loved Katie and Shane's kids. I'd loved them since the minute they were born, and I'd do anything for them, but Arielle was different.

What I felt for her was stronger than all that. It made me change. I waited for any mention of her, made sure I ran into whoever had visited her and Ani that day just so I could hear whatever story they wanted to tell. I had a hard time falling asleep at night, wondering if Ani had gotten her to sleep all right or if she was pulling an all-nighter that I was missing. And anytime I was in the same room with her, I couldn't stop my gaze from landing on her over and over again no matter who was holding her, just to make sure she was okay.

I had a thousand pictures of her on my phone already.

I hadn't wanted any of this. I'd fought it right from the beginning.

When I'd left the hospital that day, I drove around for hours trying to get my head on straight—but nothing seemed to help. She'd worked her way under my skin just by being alive, and that scared the shit out of me.

I didn't want kids. The thought of being a parent made my skin crawl as I remembered my biological mother. She was, well, beautiful. In every single way.

A lot of kids I'd met in the system had really shitty parents, parents even worse than Ani's, but my mom had never been anything but perfect. She was single when Alex and I were born, but she'd worked her ass off at job after job to make sure we had what we needed. When we were really little, she'd had a job at a daycare center so she could take us with her, and once we went to school, she'd joined a cleaning company.

But then shit had started happening, things I didn't fully understand at five years old, and by the time Alex and I hit our seventh birthday, she was dead.

And I'd known that I never wanted to have kids of my own.

I clenched my hands around the steering wheel of my truck and pulled into the garage of my town house. There was no reason to relive all that shit. It was what it was. I still didn't want to have kids, but that decision didn't change my feelings on Arielle in the slightest.

Those two truths were a contradiction I would never understand.

I climbed out of my truck and closed the garage door behind me, taking my boots off at the door to my kitchen. I was filthy.

I'd spent the day overseeing some cutting we were doing, and I was covered in mud and leaves. I'd even found some little branches in my hair on the drive home. I needed a shower before I did anything else.

Twenty minutes later, I was leisurely drying off when my phone started ringing where I'd thrown it on the bed.

“Hello?” I answered in surprise.

“Hey, bud. I need you to come on up to the house.” My dad's voice was raspy.

“What's going on?” I asked, practically diving for my dresser where I had a shit ton of clothes folded on top. Something bad had happened, I knew it by his tone, the pauses between the words, even the way he was breathing.

“We'll talk about it when you get here,” he said firmly. “I want you to go pick up the girls first, then come straight here.”

“Does Ani—”

“I'll call and let her know you're coming, but I don't want her worried and driving up by herself,” Dad cut in quietly. “Drive safe, but hurry, all right?”

“Okay,” I said, pulling on a pair of jeans, not bothering with boxers.

“Love you. See you soon.” He hung up before I could reply.

Less than three minutes later, I was in my truck and on my way to Ani's.

“Do you know what's going on?” she asked frantically as she met me at the door.

Her hair was soaking wet like she'd just hopped out of the shower.

“No idea,” I murmured back, setting my hand in the middle of her torso to push her backward into the house. “Go dry your hair.”

“It's fine,” she argued, pulling on a sweatshirt that was hanging over the couch. “Dan said to hurry.”

She moved toward the family room where I could see Arielle sleeping in the baby swing, but I hooked her with an arm around her waist to stop her momentum.

“Go run a towel over your hair, baby,” I ordered, leaning down to talk directly into her ear. “I'll get Arie in her seat, and then we'll go.”

Ani went still under my hand, sighed heavily, then nodded her head and pulled away from me to walk back down the hallway.

As soon as she was gone, I went to the swing and picked Arielle up. She was getting heavier, and my lips twitched as I had to readjust my hands under her little body.

“Time to go to Nana and Papa's,” I said, carrying her over to the pink car seat I'd bought her when she was in the hospital. I found it at a random store I'd stopped in for a phone charger, and I'd known she needed to have it. After I bought it, I'd told my mom to give it to Ani because the impulse buy had embarrassed me. “Mama'll bring you a blanket so you're nice and cozy,” I told Arielle as I buckled her in and tightened the straps the way I'd seen done on the local fire station's YouTube channel.

“Here,” Ani called, tossing me a light purple blanket. “You get her bundled up, and I'll grab her formula and some diapers.”

A few minutes later, we were out of the house, and I was driving Ani's SUV up to my parents' place while Ani fidgeted in the seat next to me.

“Hey,” I called, reaching out to grab her knee, “calm down.”

“What the hell could be wrong? It must be something huge if Dan made you come get me,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I would have come to get you anyway,” I mumbled, letting go of her knee so I could turn my windshield wipers up. It was raining like hell, and when you added that to the dark sky, it made the road almost impossible to see. “The roads are shit right now.”

“I can drive in the rain,” she muttered back.

I didn't argue. The last thing I wanted to do with Ani was argue at that moment. I wanted to pull over to the side of the road and pull her into my lap so I could feel her. I wanted her to run her hands through my hair while I stuffed my face into that spot between her neck and her shoulder that always smelled so fucking good.

I was scared out of my mind, and the longer it took to get to my parents, the greater the fear became. I didn't let myself speculate. I didn't want to make a list of all the bad things that could have happened to make my dad order us up to the house in that horrible voice.

“I'll get Arie. You go on inside,” I said as we came to a stop in the muddy gravel driveway in front of my parents' house. The rain was still pouring down, and I'd rather I got caught in it getting the baby out of the seat than Ani.

Ani's hand instantly gripped mine, and I turned to face her in surprise.

“I don't want to go in without you,” she ground out, her eyes wide with panic.

My throat tightened, and I used my free hand to unbuckle my seat belt so I could lean toward her.

“Okay, baby,” I said gently, as her nails dug into my skin. “You scoot over here, and as soon as I have Arielle, you can hop out, okay?”

She nodded jerkily, scooting toward me, but she didn't let go of my hand.

I pried her fingers away and jumped out of the truck, my coat instantly getting soaked as I threw open the back door. It only took a second to get Arielle's car seat unlatched from the base, but by then my entire lower back was soaking wet and I could feel rain dripping down the inside of my jeans. I threw the little car seat cover thing over her and pulled her out of the car, snagging her diaper bag as I went.

Then we all raced for the house.

“Hey, guys,” Dad said, opening the front door as we reached the porch.

“What's going on?” Ani asked frantically as I pushed her into the house.

“Let's all go into the living room,” Dad replied, his words barely leaving his mouth before Ani was looking at me and then leaving us in the entryway.

“Gimme that baby,” Dad teased, a tired, halfhearted smile on his face.

“No way in hell, old man. I just got her.” I set Arielle's seat on the ground and pulled her out of it.

I followed him into the living room and stopped dead when I saw my mom's pale, tear-streaked face. She was holding it together—but barely.

“Alex?” I ground out, swinging my head toward my dad.

“Alex is fine,” he assured me, squeezing my shoulder.

But then he took Arielle carefully from my arms, and I
knew
we'd lost someone.

“Aunt Ellie and Uncle Mike—” my mom choked out. “They got a visit from the Marines today.”

“Shane?” Ani asked, her eyes panicked.

“Henry,” my dad corrected in a strangled voice.

It took me a second. I couldn't wrap my mind around what they were saying. I'm not sure if it was shock or if the human brain just takes a minute to process big news, but in the moment that it took for me to understand what they'd just told us, Ani started to go down.

She looked at me as her face went gray, and I barely caught her before she hit the ground.

“What?” she rasped out as I lowered her to the floor, settling her between my knees. “No. I just talked to him two weeks ago. He's
training
.”

“Something went wrong,” my mom said, her voice warbling. She raised her hands palm up, like she didn't understand what was happening, either.

“What?” Ani cried out again. “He was
training
!”

Mom dropped her face into her hands and began to cry, and everything inside me seized up. It was hard to breathe. Hard to think.

“He was training, Bram. That's all,” Ani whimpered. Her eyes begged me to make it better.

“Where's Aunt Ellie and Uncle Mike? Trev?” I asked my dad as he sat down next to Mom and started rubbing her back.

“Mike got Ellie a sedative from her doctor. She's out for the night,” he said between his teeth. “Trev took off. Not sure where.”

I nodded, tightening my arms around Ani as she began to cry softly.

“Have you—” I cleared my throat, closing my eyes for just a second. Just to get myself under control. “Have you called Alex and Katie?”

“Your aunt and uncle called Katie so they could get a Red Cross message to Shane,” Dad said with a nod. “I was waiting for you to get here before I called Alex.”

Shit. Katie must be going crazy down in San Diego by herself. She and Shane worked like a well-oiled machine at this point, but no one could plan for something like this. It was the worst possible time for Shane to be deployed. I just hoped that the Red Cross did their thing and got him sent home quickly.

Ani's shoulders hitched as she took a shuddering breath, then she pulled away, climbing to her feet. “You should go call Alex,” she said roughly, wiping at her face. She reached for Arielle, but my mom stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm.

“You mind if I hold her for a little bit?” she asked.

“Sure,” Ani said with a small smile, her cheek puckered where I knew she was chewing on the inside of it.

Dad and I left the room and stopped at the kitchen counter.

“Come here, bud,” he ordered gently, pulling me against his chest.

I'd been taller than him since I was fourteen years old, bigger too, but when he wrapped his arms around my back, I felt like the scared nine-year-old I'd been the first time I'd walked into his house. He was the only dad I'd ever known. And as I'd gotten older, the hugs had become squeezes on my shoulder or quick, backslapping embraces.

It had been years since he'd given me a hug like this one.

“It's all right, boy,” he murmured as I shuddered. “It's gonna be all right.”

Henry had been with Ellie and Mike for as long as I'd lived with Dan and Liz. We'd joined the family in the same year, and even though he was five years younger and had been a total pain in the ass when we were kids, I'd always loved him. He'd seemed so fragile at first, a four-year-old with blue eyes that looked too big for his face and white-blond hair that was always sticking straight up in the front.

Trevor, Katie, Alex, and I had watched out for the little joker. Taking the fall for him more often than not when he'd do stupid shit and get hurt, and we'd be blamed for not watching him. He was our little mascot. Our motion-sick-prone little tagalong.

I couldn't imagine a world that he wasn't in.

“We should call Alex,” I said finally, wiping a hand down my beard as I stepped away from my dad. “Do you want to or should I?”

“That's up to you, Abraham,” Dad said. “Your mom and I would never put that burden on you, but we—hell—we thought you might
want
to do it.”

I nodded, understanding exactly what he was saying. He didn't want me to have to tell Alex the news, but I knew that it should come from me. We were two halves of the same whole, and even though we were close to our parents, there wasn't a relationship on earth that was closer than ours.

“Hey, bro!” Alex answered after his phone rang a couple times. “It's late here, you know? Time difference and all that.” He laughed, and I had to brace myself against the countertop.

“Alex,” I ground out.

My brother went completely silent. I couldn't even hear him breathing.

“Who?” he asked simply as I was trying to get my shit together.

“Henry.”

“Aw, fuck,” he hissed.

I heard something crash, but stayed silent as he cursed.

“Motherfuck!” he yelled, followed by more loud crashing coming through the connection.

I stayed with him, letting him get it out of his system. I hated listening to him lose his shit. It killed me that he was so far away. All alone. So I just waited. I would've sat on the phone all night.