Chapter and Verse (28 page)

“
Deke, you humiliated her and fired her.  Haven’t you ever heard that expression about a woman scorned?”

“
I’ve scorned hundreds of women Dorothy and not one of them pulled a stunt like this.  Why would Miranda be the first?”

I let that first part slide for now and addressed his question.

“
She’s been with you longer than any of the others.  She was in love with you Deacon and you made her feel as insignificant as the mouse pad on your desk.”

“
Woman, who’s side are you on?”

I shoved the remaining papers onto the seat beside me and walked around his desk.  I leaned over and kissed him softly before I put my forearms on his shoulders and my forehead against his.

“
Yours.  I’m always on your side.  Don’t forget that.  I’m merely trying to help you understand why Miranda had motivation for taking a parting shot at the man who shot her down.”

He kissed me back and sighed.

“
You really think Miranda did this?”

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I do.  I think it was a cheap shot, but she hit both of us with one swing.  You’ve got to admire her ingenuity.”

“
I don’t have to admire anything.  What should we do?”

“
Unless Hamm jumps in with his two cents, and he won’t, we do nothing.  It’ll either become self evident soon enough or they’ll find someone else to stalk.  I say we leave it alone instead of making it worse.”

“
How do you know that Hamm isn’t the one that gave them the details?”

I leaned back and perched on the edge of his desk facing him, my hands braced on the surface beside me.

“
I know Hamm.  It wouldn’t be...civilized.”

“
Civilized?”

“
He’d never do anything that might tarnish the family name.  I’ve known him a long time.  Trust me.”

He turned back to his computer screen and mumbled.

“
You I’d trust with anything.  He’s a weasel that kissed my woman.”

I giggled and leaned over behind him, resting my face on his shoulder next to his and looked at the pictures of us on his screen.

“
Did you really threaten to become the Hulk last night or was I imagining it?”

“
He pissed me off Dor’.  The guy had it coming and quit laughing at me.”

I couldn’t stop giggling as I kissed his cheek.  He swiveled around and I took a step back.

“
Would you have invited him up to your apartment if I hadn’t interrupted you two?”

Whoa.  Where had that come from?  The conversation was turning serious and I was unprepared.  I thought this part would come later, but there was no time like the present.

I resumed my leaning position against his desk and he watched my face while he waited for my reply.

“
I don’t know is the honest answer.  If I had, it would not have been for the reason your assuming.  I’m not physically attracted to Hamm anymore, Deacon.  If I’d invited him up, it would have been for a drink or coffee and to catch up like old friends.”

“
He doesn’t see you as just an old friend Dor’.  You’re not that naive.”

“
You’re right, I’m not.  But like I said, I know Hamm.  If I’d rebuffed an advance, he wouldn’t have tried another one.  There’s mutual respect between us and he’s not that kind of guy.”

Deacon seemed to understand and accept my answer.  My turn.

“
What about Miranda?”

“
What about Miranda?  She followed me all the way into my bedroom and nothing happened.  You know, you were there.”

“
I was there for the end of it, but what happened before you got home?”

“
I’m not following you.”

I walked around the desk and took a seat in one of the chairs facing him.  I crossed my legs and continued.

“
The gala ended at what, ten?  Eleven?  You didn’t get home until one o’clock.  Where were you two?”

He blushed and looked at his desk.

“
Deacon?”

“
We rode around in the limo drinking champagne.”

“
And?”

“
And what?  It doesn’t matter Dor’.  I was drunk and upset.  I came home and we’re together now.  That’s what matters.”

“
Back it up Chuck.  Something happened, I can tell by the look on your face.  If she’s got a surprise she can slam me with later, I’d rather hear it from you now.  Out with it.”

He tugged on the neck of his t-shirt and I knew that whatever it was, it was bad.  I braced myself and remembered what he’d just said.  We were together now.  Together as in, “Us”.

I waited, my eyes never leaving him.  Finally, he raised his eyes to mine and I saw the truth before he spoke it.  He was already planning damage control.  He cleared his throat and his eyes begged for understanding and forgiveness before he’d spoken a word.

“
I could say she kissed me, but that would be the pussy way out and I won’t go there with you.  From here on out there’s nothing but honesty between the two of us.  Understand?”

“
I understand.  Now tell me the story.”

He leaned forward over his desk, resting on his forearms.

“
I was pissed and miserable.  You’d left with the worm and we left shortly after.  My plan was to drop her off at her place and go get plastered somewhere.  She saw disaster written all over that, and suggested that we ride around and drink in the limo.  I agreed.  It worked at first.  I relaxed and had a nice buzz going.  When I crossed the line into drunk, she climbed on my lap and straddled me.”

I never saw that coming.  I wasn’t sure I was ready for the rest of the story, but I couldn’t stop him now.  He was in confession mode and I needed to hear the ugly truth of it.

“
She untied my bow tie and started kissing me.  I grabbed her ass and pulled her closer and that’s all she needed.  She shoved her tongue in my mouth and went for broke.  When the reality hit me, I got pissed and pushed her away.  She must have felt my anger because she hit the intercom button and told the driver to take us back to my place.  You know the rest.”

Now I understood why she was so upset.  He’d given her mixed messages all night.  First he’d asked her to go with him as his date, then he verbally attacked Hamm over me, and finally, he’d kissed her and grabbed her ass in the limo.  I’d have been confused and upset too.

My emotions warred with my intellect.  Yes it was ugly, but it was the truth and he’d told me himself.  Would I be having different feelings if he’d told me they’d had sex in the backseat?  Probably.  Did I cut him some slack because he was drunk?  No way.  I’ve never bought the, “But baby I was drunk” bullshit.  Drunk or not, you’re responsible for your actions and he was taking responsibility for his.  I had to give him credit for that, because he could have lied and I would not have known the difference unless Miranda blind-sided me with the truth.  Only one question remained.  How was I going to respond to his admission?

I loved him and he loved me.  That was no longer a speculation, it was fact.  We were both free agents last night and we’d both hurt one another on purpose.  He put his arm around Miranda and I’d spent the evening on the dance floor with Hamm in response.  Hamm and I had shared a kiss goodnight, the proof was on page three and on the internet for everyone to see.  The only difference I could see, was that Miranda tried to take advantage of Deacon’s lack of sobriety and Hamm was a gentleman.  It changed nothing between Deacon and myself.  He’d obviously not planned to take it further, because he threw her out once he’d gotten home.

After making peace with myself and my decision, I looked into his nervous eyes.

“
Thank you for telling me the truth.”

There was shocked silence while he digested my response.

“
You’re thanking me?”

“
You told me the truth and I appreciate it, so yes.  I’m thanking you.  Tell me something Deke.  What were you expecting me to do?”

“
I don’t know.  Stab me?  Leave me?  Threaten to take our children and never return?”

“
You forgot about Spock.  Do you honestly think I’d leave Spock with you?”

He grinned and came around the desk.  He pulled me to my feet and wrapped me tightly in his arms.

“
This is why I could never love anyone but you Dorothy Lincoln.  You know I’m a fuck up and you love me anyway.”

I pulled back and looked up at him, my arms still wrapped around his waist.

“
Understand something asshat.  You’re getting a pass because last night was a disastrous anomaly.  If we decide to make this thing permanent and you pull another stunt like that, the ending won’t be the same.  I’ve accepted your past and I can forgive last night.  But if you pull this on me once we’re a couple, that lone wolf release clause I mentioned before, will go into effect.  Are we clear?”

“
Crystal clear and I agree.  You don’t know me well enough to know this yet, but once I commit, it’s for good.  I’ll never cheat on you Dorothy.  I may piss you off and make you want to tear your hair out, but I’ll never cheat.”

I believed him.  He had the truth of his convictions in his eyes.  He may be a man, but he was an honorable man.  I kissed him and it evolved into something hot and possessive.  He pulled me in tight and our world settled back on it’s axis.  I mentally put last night into my “Stupid shit I’d like to forget” file.

I stepped back and grinned at him.  He grinned back.  He pushed a lock of hair back behind my ear and touched my cheek.

“
We’re gonna make beautiful babies Dor’.”

I jumped back and blinked.  He kept on smiling.

“
Deacon quit talking about babies, you’re making me nervous.”

He chuckled and I scowled.  He chuckled some more.  I changed tactics.

“
You sit down and call your family.  You need to explain those photos.  I’m gonna go in the kitchen and call mine, then I’ll start dinner.  When you’re done, join me and I’ll put you to work.”

He never moved, but his grin got bigger.

“
You’re sexy when you’re bossy.  Have you ever worn leather?”

I blushed as I grew flustered and started wringing my hands.  His laughter followed me out the door.

I could feel my father smiling over the phone as if he’d won the lottery.  The photos didn’t bother him in the least.

“
I knew he was the one when you introduced us.  Deacon Sloan.  I couldn’t have chosen better for you myself Dorothy.”

“
Daddy, what’s that supposed to mean?”

I hadn’t called him that since I was ten years old.  I pulled it out when I needed to knock him off guard and make him all warm and fuzzy.  It’s hard to make Brian Lincoln warm and fuzzy.  He rivaled Deacon in the business world, and he wore his power like a well tailored suit.

“
It means that you’ve met your match.  Your sister would have let him walk all over her because of his good looks and his money.  You’ll stand your ground because of who you are.  This is a match made in heaven.”

I began pulling ingredients from the fridge, the phone balanced between my shoulder and my ear.

“
Yeah well that’s all good in theory, but don’t send out the invitations yet.  We’re staying here in his apartment until we work out the ground rules and figure this thing out.  Think of it as a cage match with no winner.  I’m hoping we both walk out alive, but it’s not a given.”

He started laughing and I smiled.  My father’s laughter was rare, and to know that I caused it made my insides glow.

“
I’ll let you get back to the wolf.  Dorothy?”

“
Yeah dad?”

“
I have faith in you two.  You’re good people.  Remember that you love one another and everything else will fall into line.”

My eyes teared up and I sniffled.

“
Thanks Daddy.  I needed to hear that.  Kiss Mom for me and I’ll call you two next week.”

“
I’ll hold you to that baby.  Don’t take any shit Dorothy.  You’re a Lincoln.”

Now THAT sounded like my father.  I laughed and gave him my word.  We both hung up in good spirits and I started making meatballs.

I looked at the notebook he’d given me and the things I’d written down so far.  It was actually going better than I’d expected.  Deacon had raved over my culinary skills and we both overate.  Now we were settled on the sofa, a bottle of wine on the coffee table, and we were getting down to the nitty gritty.

So far, we’d revealed the hard limits for both of us (as far as relationships went) and there weren’t as many as I thought there would be.  I knew that some would pop up unexpectedly as we encountered situations, but I think the major ones were laid out on paper.  The best part was, we were listening to one another.  Neither of us was passing judgement or belittling the other, we were taking hold and internalizing one another’s feelings.

I took a deep breath and stretched and he reached for his glass.

“
I’d like to discuss something that we both have in common.”

He took a sip and dipped his head, urging me to continue.

“
We’re both jealous to the point of self-destruction.”

“
Nice phrasing, what about it?”

I put the notebook and pencil down and turned my body into the corner of the sofa so that I could ogle him.  It was rapidly becoming one of my favorite things to do.

“
Last night was a prime example.  I went with Hamm because I had to.  You retaliated by bringing the one woman you knew would piss me off.”

He sighed and turned his grey eyes on high beam.

“
I’ll tell you like I told her.  I tried other women but they were all busy.  Miranda was my last choice.”

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Deacon, knowing how I felt about her, she should not have been an option.”

“
Hindsight is twenty-twenty.  And anyway, what was I supposed to do, go alone?”

“
Why did you have to go at all?  Why didn’t you send Anton?  Or Pierce?  Why didn’t you text or call and ask me to come by after the party?  There were so many other ways to handle it Deke, and you picked the one that would hurt me the most.  Do you see how this is true?”

He thought about it a minute and I saw his shoulders sag.

“
Subconsciously maybe, but I’d never intentionally hurt you Dor’.”

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I beg to differ.”

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What?  How can you say that?”

“
You didn’t have to put your arm around her.  If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have fawned over Hamm like I did.  Plus, you misled her, causing her to jump you in the car.”

“
Oh, so this is all my fault?”

“
Yes.  It is.  You knew on Monday that I’d been set up to go with Hamm.  After last weekend, you also knew that I had no feelings for him.  You knew how I felt about you.  You knew Deacon, so don’t play dumb.  Everything you did afterwards is on you.  Not me.  I showed up and the night went to hell.”

He stood and began to pace the room.

“
Hearing that you’re going with him and seeing you actually with him, are two different things.  It made me nuts Dorothy.  He was flirting and acting like there was something between you.”

He held up his hand when I started to speak.

“
No, let me finish.  I know in my heart that you’re into me.  Okay?  I know that.  But my mind goes all kinds of crazy when I see you looking like you did last night in another man’s arms.  It didn’t have to be Hamm, it could have been anyone.  You were supposed to be in MY arms.  Mine.  No one else’s.”

I felt for him.  He was obviously in anguish.  If he’d spent the night spinning Miranda around the dance floor, I might’ve gone off the deep end as well.  The thing was, it was bound to happen again sometime.  We were both in social circles that demanded our presence and participation.  I’d be expected to dance with other men and he’d dance with other women.  Then I thought about something else.

“
Deacon, what’s going to happen the next time I take on another book about a man?  Possibly an actor or a musician?  What if he’s drop dead gorgeous and I have to travel to interview him?  Then what?”

He stopped pacing and turned his face to me.  His posture was stiff and his fists were clenched.  His eyes grew darker and I felt the change come over him.  I’d presented him with a probability he hadn’t considered.

“
What if the next P.A. I hire is a beautiful woman and WE have to travel on business together, Dorothy?  Then what?”

He was presenting a similar situation, but somehow it felt and sounded like a threat.  He was reverting to type, exactly as he had last night.  He was doing it without even realizing it.  This would be a major stumbling block if we couldn’t get past it.  This could be what broke us.

I was angry and I’d had just enough to drink, that if I spoke, it might be something I couldn’t take back.  I needed to think about this.

I stood and started for the door, my feet felt like lead weights.  His voice stopped me before I walked out into the hall.

“
Where are you going?  We’re in the middle of something here.”

“
No we’re not.  We were in the middle of something until you threatened me.”

“
Threatened you?  I never threatened you.”

“
No?  Think about this then.  I brought up a scenario.  A very real scenario.  I’m a biographer Deacon, I write about people.  Fifty percent of those people are probably going to be men.  I can tell you right now, that I have never slept with anyone I’ve written about.  Not even you.  I interview them and follow them around for a bit to get a feel for their life.  Then I thank them, come home, and write a book.  I asked you if that would be a problem.  I assumed that being a businessman, you might understand the concept of conducting business.  You turned it into a personal threat, by talking about going away with a nonexistent P.A.”

He had the same look on his face that he had when he turned against me at his parent’s house after our first kiss.  He was closed off and that was it.  He would no longer hear anything I had to say, but that didn’t stop him from speaking.  He’d had just enough to drink that maybe he should’ve kept his mouth closed.

“
You’re delusional Dorothy.  Miranda and I used to travel together all the time.  I always take my P.A. with me when I travel on business.  She takes care of the details so that I can focus on what I’m doing.  It’s how I operate.”

“
We all know how you operate Deacon.  Just ask Miranda.”

And on that cheap shot, I left him in his own company.  Probably not the classiest move I’d ever made, and maybe it wasn’t the wisest.  But I got my point across.  Did I feel any better?  No I didn’t.  If anything, I think I felt worse.  I reverted to type myself, and used his past and what he’d told me about their time together against him.  In my eyes, that made me just as bad as him.  Once again, we both lost.

I scrubbed my face in our bathroom and took my hair down from it’s ponytail.  I brushed it out and applied a layer of moisturizer to my face before I brushed my teeth.

I decided to sleep in a long sleep shirt.  The bed would be warm with him in it, and I didn’t see the sense in sleeping uncomfortably.  I turned off the lights and crawled into my side of the bed.  I curled into a ball and closed my eyes, willing the last two hours away on a moonbeam.  Love or no love, if we couldn’t even get through the first day, then we were fooling ourselves if we thought that this relationship could last.

After what seemed like forever but was probably more like twenty minutes, I started to drift into that elusive thing called sleep.

Deacon continued to pace, scanning the room for something he could throw.  They’d done it again!  How did they manage to keep taking opportunities and turning them into monumental clusterfucks?  The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he became.  The thing was, in every single case, it came down to insecurity.

Either he was insecure regarding his feelings about her (like his reaction to their first kiss), or he was insecure with his position in her life (the jealousy that had made him lash out earlier).  He knew less than nothing when it came to relationships and what it would take to make one last.  He could talk to Anton about it, but Anton knew even less than he did.  If Deacon had spent his life avoiding commitment, Anton had spent his flat out running from it.  Pierce had been, and still was, too shy to even approach one.  What a bunch of losers.  No, this he would have to wade through on his own, and hope that she had the patience to put up with him.

He turned off the lights and made sure the elevator was locked off.  Once his home was secured for the night, he started down the hall.  He assumed she was asleep in the guest room.  She’d seemed angry enough and he wouldn’t have blamed her if she had.  Still, their one night together had hit him possibly harder than it had hit her and he wanted her next to him.  He’d spent his entire life sleeping alone and now he’d lost the taste for it.

He walked directly into his bathroom and closed the door.  He undressed and took care of business before turning off the light and heading for bed.  He crawled in and felt the warmth.  She was there.  In his bed.  Scratch that.  In THEIR bed.  He wondered for a flash second if she’d even considered sleeping in the guestroom, or if she now considered this their bed as well.  He supposed it didn’t matter, the end result was the same anyway.  He still hoped though because his supply of hope had been dwindling in the last couple of hours.

He cuddled up behind her, pulling her close and curling around her body.  There.  That was how it was supposed to be.  Sighing in contentment, he started to settle down for sleep when he felt her wiggle against him.  He started to smile when something hit him.  She had nothing on underneath the shirt she wore.  Then another thought snaked it’s way through his woman-deprived brain.  He was naked too.

Deacon was not nearly drunk enough to believe he could pull this off.  If he ran through every possible outcome he could imagine, very few came up smelling like roses.  He wondered if he started something, could he stop if she pushed him away?  Probably.  He’d never take advantage of her, he simply wasn’t that kind of guy.  No meant no, and there were some lines he’d never cross.  Ever.  No matter how badly he wanted her.

Shit.  Thinking about wanting her woke up little Deke.  Now he had a dilemma on his hands.  At least he thought he did until about two minutes ago.  That’s when she wiggled again, only this time, she wiggled herself right into an interesting position.  Her lady parts were backing little Deke into a corner and he was ready to fight his way out.

There a few different ways he could handle this.  He could roll away slowly and give her some space, perhaps even handle little Deke himself (although that idea held very little appeal).  He could pull a sneak attack and just make his move right here exactly like they were, claiming that she started it (because THAT always worked...yeah.  Right).  Or he could do what he really wanted to do.  No tricks, no excuses, no running away.  He wanted to make love to his woman.  Once he admitted it, his course was set.  He was done waiting and he wanted to take their relationship into something more.  Something deeper.  Sure he’d slept with other women, but none like this one.  No one had ever meant more to him than this one.

He began kissing her neck and nuzzling behind her ear.  She liked that and rolled toward him in response.  Even in her sleep, she sought him out.  He moved as she did, until she was flat on her back.  Then he leaned over her and kissed her softly.

When he felt her stirring into some form of wakefulness, he deepened the kiss until she put her fingers in his hair and pulled him closer.

He felt her smile against his lips and he smiled in return.  Damn he loved this woman.  Her soft sleepy voice made him twitch and move in closer.

“
You came to bed.”

He slowly moved and settled in between her legs, resting against her without giving her all of his weight.  She moved her hands to his waist and he rested his forearms on each side of her shoulders.

“
I did come to bed Dor’, and guess what I found?”

She smiled through sleepy eyes and played along.

“
No telling Goldilocks.  What did you find sleeping in YOUR bed?”

“
A hot naked chick.  Pretty lucky on my part, wouldn’t you say?”

“
That all depends.  Is hot naked chick warm for your form?”

“
I’m pretty sure, but let me check to be certain.”

He moved his hips against hers, rubbing against her in all the right ways.  He felt her push up against him and her grip on him tightened.

“
Yep.  She seems interested alright.  I’m thinking I should seal our deal.”

Seal our deal.  I knew what he was talking about.  Even though I may have looked sleepy, my body was revved up and ready to mambo.  It had taken me a moment to catch up, but I was there now and like always, I was overthinking it.  What if we didn’t work out?  The devil on one shoulder was smacking the shit out of the angel holding me back.  “Big deal” he was saying, “She’s slept with other assholes that didn’t work out”.  Gee.  Thanks.  Deacon was no asshole and I think that’s what decided it.  If you’re gonna go, go large, I say.