Charcoal Tears (26 page)

“I thought she was… I mean, her eyes—”

Quillan cleared his throat again, and Clarin’s confusion doubled. So did mine.

“Reach out to who?” I asked, my voice barely audible.

Nobody answered me.

“So nothing much has changed,” Clarin said, switching back to a casual tone and grinning at Tabby. “How’s the school treating you?”

“Good.” She smiled. “The kids are adorable, as ever.”

As Clarin and Tabby spoke about the primary school that Tabby worked at, I gradually pulled away from Noah. I found a chair by the window, on the opposite side of the room to Tabby and Clarin, and tucked my legs beneath me, fiddling with the hem of my shirt. Noah picked up a pool cue and Cabe sat next to me. I was thankful that he didn’t reach out to touch me, even though I leaned toward him to feel the press of his arm. The scratching feeling was there, but muted, the more insistent need to be close to one of them overpowering it.

I was happy that everyone ignored me—even though I was pretty sure they did it deliberately—and had eased into some semblance of comfort by the time Abe returned and announced that dinner was ready. We followed him out of the stone-floored room and passed into a formal-looking dining room, which had been set up all ready for dinner. Cabe pulled out my chair for me, and sat on one side with Noah on the other. Clarin shot us a few looks, but was much more covert than Tabby. The dinner was amazing; soft, home-baked bread and rich minestrone soup followed by a fancy chicken dish. Dessert was a slice of cheesecake so good that I finished it in five bites.

After dinner was finished, Tabby and Quillan pulled off to the side, talking quietly about the school. I slipped up against the wall, wanting to know more about it since we’d be enrolling there. Quillan noticed me and reached out. His touch was light, barely-there, against my forearm, but it drew me forward none-the-less, and that frightened me. Quillan never drew me. He comforted me, and was kind to me… he never
drew
me.

“The headmaster of this school is one of the Zevghéri,” he told me. “A very influential one, actually. It means that I’ll be able to get a teaching position easily, and you three will be able to get into the school. I’d like us to stick together as much as possible. I doubt anyone would let Silas in as a teacher, he’s a little too… rough, and he’s too old to be considered a student anymore. He’s going to have to stay back.”

“But I can get in on the staff,” Tabby said, smiling. “I taught music at this same school for about ten years.”

“Ohh.” I made a sound of appreciation before I could stop myself, and then blushed and quietened, focussing on Quillan’s shoulder. “Explains Noah,” I whispered.

“Yes.” There was a smile in her voice. “Too bad Cabe didn’t pick up anything.”

“So it’s settled then.” Quillan shifted, and I drew my eyes back up, looking between the two of them. “You’ll go back to the music department and I’ll find a position in the art faculty. I’ll get onto Bill about it tonight and we should all be able to go in tomorrow. No use wasting time.”

“Will you be alright?” Tabby looked at me. “Starting up at a new school?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Good.” She cupped my cheek, and I tried not to flinch away, but I did draw a little closer to Quillan.

She whispered her goodnights, said that she was going upstairs to read a book, and then she turned and disappeared.

“Why does it feel so weird?” I asked, checking to make sure the others had left the room too. “When other people touch me, I mean.”

Quillan looked down, letting me press into his side, before he did that light touch to my arm again and walked me back through the stone-floored room and through another doorway behind it into a media room, where the boys all seemed to have congregated. Cabe, Noah and Clarin were lounging in armchairs and Silas was leaning right next to the door when we entered. Quillan walked through and then turned his body quickly, forcing mine to turn as well. I put my hands up against Silas’s chest, steadying myself as I was pressed between the two of them.

Quillan leaned forward, his body brushing against mine. “The bond,” he whispered so low to Silas that I barely caught it. “It’s straining her.”

Silas nodded, and Quillan backed off immediately, disappearing. My fingers curled into the cotton of Silas’s shirt and he gently extracted the material, keeping my hand in his grasp.

“I’m putting her to bed,” he said.

He walked out, and I knew that Noah and Cabe would follow. I was confused, and my head started to spin. I stumbled on the stairs and someone set their hand on my hip to steady me from behind. There was no scratchy feeling at all, which confused me even more. I walked a little faster and the hand fell away.

I found myself in my bedroom and someone flicked the light off. The door closed with a soft click, and there was shuffling as my suitcase was moved from my bed.

“What’s happening?” Noah asked.

I gripped Silas’s shirt again, brushing my nose against the material. I felt drugged. The room was spinning and it suddenly seemed overtly important that I have my pairs with me. I wondered where Quillan was, and felt an urgent need to call out to him, but Silas’s scent kept distracting me.

“The bond is straining her,” Silas said. “It’s been gradually happening all night.”

Nobody answered him for a moment, and then Cabe swore in synchronisation with the heavy breath that Noah released, shocking me.

“What the hell do we do?” Cabe’s footfalls sounded behind me, indicating that he was pacing. “Why didn’t we think of this? Of
course
this was going to happen. How did you know it’s been happening all night?”

“I’ve been watching.” Silas sounded unconcerned. He shuffled me forward and extracted his shirt from my fingers again, nudging me toward the bed.

I didn’t want to leave him, and as soon as he stepped away from me a cry rose in my throat. Cabe jumped forward and caught the hand that I had extended, and the despair inside me immediately quietened. No words were spoken, but together him and Noah bundled me into the blankets and then stretched out on either side of me, allowing me to hold their hands. The familiar scents of spring grass and sweet smoke lulled me, but I wanted to snuggle closer, and the blankets that they had wrapped me in were preventing that.

“Don’t make me regret this.” Silas brought my attention back to him, and I flicked my eyes open, finding him standing by the door.

There was a storm brewing in his dark eyes, but I didn’t understand why. It hurt me, but I was unable to properly feel the hurt. It was hidden behind the drugged-up haze that I now existed in, along with the unpleasant scratching that I should have felt, with my fingers securely locking Cabe and Noah to my sides.

Noah grumbled something in reply, and Silas backed out of the room.

“I don’t think he was talking to you,” I said dazedly.

The boys didn’t reply.

15

The Searing Light of Day

“Stop it, Seph,” Cabe sighed, pulling my blanket back up again.

“It’s
hot
,” I complained trying to wiggle out of my blanket prison again. The need was still driving me, and they didn’t understand. I had already figured out that they weren’t feeling what I was feeling. They were normal.
I
was
hurting
.

Cabe gave up and allowed me to escape, but him and Noah tightened their grips on my hands, like they were scared of what I would do. Truthfully, some niggling feeling in the back of mind was trying to voice a similar fear, but I couldn’t quite grasp the notion. Whenever I thought I was forming a coherent thought, it would slip away like smoke, and the driving need to be as close as possible to my pairs would return.

“It’s not enough,” I harrumphed, turning on my side and nudging Cabe’s shoulder with my nose. Whenever I tried to move closer to one of them, the other would use my hand as an anchor, keeping me in place. It wasn’t helping; it was only increasing my pain, my need.

“Noah.” I elongated his name on a plea, turning to the other side. He wouldn’t move closer, so I flopped back and sighed, though it came out as more of a growl. I tossed my legs out, trying to hook theirs.

This made them laugh, so they allowed it, but it was uncomfortable for me, so after a few moments I rolled back to Cabe and tried again.

“Why won’t you touch me?” I whispered.

“We are touching you,” he replied, turning his head to the side. His eyes widened, and I knew that there must have been enough moonlight spilling into the room for him to see the tears threatening my eyes. “Jesus,” he breathed out, turning on his side, “please don’t cry.”

A touch lit upon my shoulder, pulling me flat, and Noah’s face appeared above mine. “No, Seph.” He blinked as a tear finally escaped and tracked its way down the side of my face. “You don’t have to cry, we
are
touching you.” As if to demonstrate, he pulled our joined hands up for my inspection.

Anger swelled up all of a sudden, swamping my head and forcing me to yank my hands free. As soon as the contact was broken, the anger was chased aside by a terrible feeling of emptiness, and I choked on a horrified gasp. Noah’s forehead fell to mine, his eyes were closed and tension was lining his forehead.

“Tell us what to do,” he whispered.

I was fighting off another sudden mood swing, and nausea began to bubble unhappily in the pit of my stomach, a rising need to scream unfurling in the back of my throat. My system couldn’t seem to deal with all of the emotion rocking through me. Unbidden, I recalled Quillan first explaining the bond to me.

I can’t explain it completely, but we’re not built to have that much adrenaline running through us all of the time—and the power is downright unnatural. Having a pair gives us the strength to withstand it. The stronger your pair is, the stronger you are, and likewise, the stronger your bond, the more powerful your ability.

“Seph?” Cabe called my attention back to them. Noah was still leaning against me, waiting for a response, and Cabe’s hand was on my chest, his expression alarmed. I could understand why, even I could feel the rapid pounding of my heart against his hand.

“D-does t-this mean my b-bond isn’t strong?” I stuttered, my teeth wanting to grind together instead of speak.

“No,” Noah answered, pulling back so that he could see me properly. “This is just a side effect of prolonging things. Your bonds aren’t fully formed, so there will inevitably be some backlash in your system.”

“N-never happened before.”

“You didn’t have half-formed bonds before. It’s different once you begin a relationship with your pairs and grow accustomed to them. You’ve had a lot of outsiders touching you today: people at the station, on the train, Tabby, Clarin, your brother. You just need to re-establish things, that’s all.”

Outsiders
? Nothing he had said had just made sense, and once again, it struck me as deeply wrong that neither Silas nor Quillan were with us, but I couldn’t hold onto the feeling, because Noah’s nearness was calling to me. He still half-curved over me, and I shuffled toward him now, managing to press myself against the arm that he had been using to prop himself up, until his chest was warm against mine. His breath rushed out on a half-formed expletive, and both him and Cabe grew still. I sighed, pressing my face against his warmth, my turbulent emotions calming, because I knew I had him trapped. He couldn’t roll away without falling off the bed… yet that was exactly what he did. He was suddenly on his feet, dragging his hands through his hair, and Cabe was beside him, pulling him to the door.

They left me.

A horrible chasm opened up inside me, and panic bubbled from its dark depths, spilling over to consume me. I felt like they had wrapped me from all sides in their warmth and then dumped me into an icy pond. I started trembling, and pulled the blankets around myself. It wasn’t enough, tears tumbled over my cheeks, falling over themselves in their rush, and soon it was hard to breathe. I sucked in air, and the blanket was wrenched away from me. The bed dipped, arms wrapped around me, and I curled myself into a ball, trying to make myself as small as possible.

“You shouldn’t have left her like that.” Quillan sounded pissed off, and he sat back in the bed, tugging the blanket up around my shoulders. “She has two powers, two pairs, everything is going to be twice as overwhelming for her, and that includes the strain. What were you thinking?”

Noah’s laugh grated. “I’ll tell you what I was thinking, but you won’t like it.”

“We’ll see how you go,” Cabe added. “Do you need us to sleep on the floor so that you don’t disgrace yourself?”

“Get out,” Quillan muttered. “I’ll be…” He trailed off because my hands had just slipped beneath his shirt, seeking the warmth of skin. “Crap. Get Silas.”

“Yeah.” Cabe laughed, but it was a dark sound. “Good luck.”

They left the room and Quillan grabbed my hands, pulling them gently away. “Not a great idea right now, sweetheart.”

I struggled against him and twisted my hands free in one desperate movement, grabbing his arms and pulling them out, holding them down to the bed. I planted my shaking knees on either side of his hips and hovered over him, a tear dripping from the tip of my nose to land on his shirt.