“As normal as a bun in the oven looks at three months along, which isn’t much to see to the naked eye. I’d say your due date is sometime around the middle of August.”
“You mean two months,” I frowned, doing a quick bit of math in my head. I’d slept with Adam in mid-December and it was only mid-February.
“No, I mean three. See this measurement here?” He pointed to the hashmarks on the screen indicating it was about two inches long. “Unless you’ve got a giant baby in there, you’re three months along. That lines up with your last menses too, doesn’t it?” He picked up the clipboard to consult his notes.
“Um, yeah, I guess so…” I’d been a little off my calculations, but I thought stress had something to do with it at the time. “But…that’s not possible.”
“Science begs to differ,” he shrugged. “Try not to worry about it. That means your baby won’t have to start school late when it gets to kindergarten, LOL.”
“
No te preocupas
,” Luz patted my shoulder. “It will be fine. The important thing is the
bebe
is healthy, no?”
“No… I mean, yes,” I murmured, unable to let that one thing go. Adam had been trapped in Midian at the time, hadn’t he? Whose baby was I carrying?
Dr. Hathaway went on about supplements and setting up regular monthly visits, things to avoid, punctuated with his weird text speak… I admit, I was only half listening, but Luz nodded like she absorbed it all. All too soon, he shook my hand and herded us out of there, with a hearty goodbye.
I let her guide me back to the car, in somewhat of a daze until we reached the parking lot. “This can’t be good.”
“So, you’re farther along than you thought,” she shrugged, taking the keys from my nerveless fingers. “All the better to be done with it sooner.”
“No, you don’t get it. There’s absolutely no way I could be three months pregnant. Adam wasn’t even around and I didn’t sleep with anyone else. What if this is something else in there masquerading as a regular baby?” I lowered my voice, knowing it sounded insane.
“
Calmate
, the doctor said everything is a-okay. You have to stop freaking yourself out or you’ll make yourself sick. Do you want me to take you home instead of back to work?”
“He said everything
looked
fine, that doesn’t mean it’s fine on the inside,” I insisted stubbornly. “What if this is some kind of an immaculate conception, but of the evil variety?” I asked, thinking about Lucifer’s interest in the baby.
“No, there isn’t any evil inside you,” she declared confidently and I wondered how she could know something like that.
“Well then, what if this is one of those babies that grows twice as fast as a normal kid? What if I wake up in a week and I’m swollen out to here?” I put my hand a foot away from my belly.
“I think you’re going to make yourself crazy with all the what ifs. All you can do is worry about today. So… put your seat belt on.” She spoke as if I was one of her kids. “That’s a good girl. Now, where would you like me to take you? Back to work, or home.”
“Back to work. Parker will kill me if I miss another shift.”
“I doubt that,” she murmured, pulling out of the parking lot with practiced ease.
I was a little subdued on the drive there, but Luz filled the empty space by going over the doctor’s instructions again. She had her own two cents to put in on the best kind of prenatal vitamins, what books were helpful and which ones were crap. By the time we got there, I was able to join in the conversation as my natural curiosity kicked in.
“I’d better not go inside.” Luz handed over my keys, digging in her purse for her own set.
“Why not? Did you and Parker have a fight or something?” They seemed pretty chummy at the wedding.
“No, not a fight. But… I have a date with Remy tonight.”
Interesting. I wondered if he’d take her to Adam’s swanky pad. “Oh, and you’d rather he not know about it?”
“I’d rather not have it come up at all.”
“I read you loud and clear.” It didn’t mean I’d lie for her, but if her name never came up in conversation with Parker, I’d never bring it up. “Listen, thanks again for coming with me today, it meant a lot to me.”
“You’re welcome. Call me any time you have questions or you just want to talk, okay?”
“I will.”
“And remember, don’t worry!” she called out with a laugh.
Yeah, easy for her to say…
Walter, the bouncer at Eden, gave me a bashful smile as I entered the club. Still early, I wondered why he was there already, but didn’t stop to chat on my way to the bar.
Parker’s smile stretched wide as soon as he caught sight of me. “So, how did the check up go? Is it a girl or a boy?”
“It’s way too early to tell, I don’t think they can see that for a couple of months.”
“Oh.” He seemed somewhat disappointed by that. “I still say the name Parker works if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“Keep dreaming, I told you I’d name my next cat after you, not my firstborn.”
“What are you going to name it then?”
I let out a long breath, leaning against the counter beside him. “I have no idea. I guess I’ll have to sit down and come up with a list. Nothing too weird, you know?”
“Yeah, but you don’t want to go with anything boring either. You need to pick a name with style.”
“Trust me, as someone named Mercy, you get a lot of flak as a kid with a different name. So no Angel or Moonbeam or anything celestial just because it’s… you know.”
“Seriously, did everything go alright at the doctor?” He lowered his voice confidentially, and I wondered how he picked up on it? Jilly stood by the booth talking to Chris the DJ across the room, and there was little chance of being overheard, but he leaned closer.
“Everything’s normal, as far as he could tell. It’s just… the dates are all wrong,” I whispered, my fingers worrying at the knot I’d made a mess of on my apron strings.
“What do you mean wrong?”
“He said I’m about three months along, but I wasn’t with anyone three months ago. It’s kinda freaking me out.”
“Maybe his machine is on the blink?” Parker shrugged. “They get that shit wrong all the time, don’t worry about it.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I let out a long breath and he reached out to tilt my head up by the chin.
“Hey, you’re really upset about this, aren’t you?” His brows drew together with concern.
“Yeah, I know it’s stupid, but I really am. I can’t help thinking… what if this isn’t Adam’s baby at all? What if there’s something else in there?”
“Come here, darlin’.” Parker gathered me into his arms and for once I didn’t care if the other employees got the wrong idea about us. I needed that hug more than anything else. “Occam’s razor, the easiest explanation is usually the correct one. Technology screws things up all the time. The doc said it looked normal, right? So, that’s what we go with.”
“Occam’s razor?” I pulled back to raise a brow at him.
“What? I watch TV.” Parker sniffed self-consciously, making me laugh for the first time all afternoon.
“You’re right, I’ve got to stop freaking myself out like this. It’s gonna be fine.”
“That’s right. Better than fine because you are gonna be one dynamite mother.” He tucked the hair back behind my ear with an encouraging smile. “That is one lucky bun in your oven.”
That was the second time that day someone used the expression. “Well, I’d better take this baby bun and get to work or I’m going to be one
unemployed
mother,” I replied with a half smile as our first customers of the night came in.
“That’s right, back to work, you.” Parker snapped a towel at my behind, and I caught it, deftly tossing it back in his own face.
Suddenly, I felt like I could face the world.
* * *
I couldn’t face my mother.
Too many nagging phone conversations with bits of unsolicited advice had me dodging her calls not two weeks after I’d pledged to look after her. I even made myself imperceptible once when I saw her on my street until she passed. Don’t judge me, I panicked. Haven’t you ever wished you could be invisible to avoid someone you don’t want to talk to? Well, I can, so I did. I felt terrible about it afterwards.
After all that stuff with my Dad, I was ready to put a little distance between me and family for a while, but he left town as abruptly as he arrived without trying to contact me at all. I think on some level he realized I wouldn’t put up with his crap anymore and might have even been a little afraid of me, but I didn’t care enough to ask him about it. I was just glad he’d gone without a fight.
I’d been putting Mom off for too long though, wanting to avoid her questions. I decided to bite the bullet and meet her for lunch the next day. My morning sickness definitely started to fade, and I was ravenous as I slid into the booth at the Edgewater’s dining room.
Everything looked good, and for once I decided to splurge, even though normally I’m more of a quick meal on the go kind of girl with my budget. I urged my mom to order whatever she wanted too, but she stuck to the cheaper side of the menu.
“We should save our money with the baby coming anyway,” she replied after we’d placed our order.
“Our money?” My brows lifted as I caught her use of that particular pronoun.
“Of course. You don’t think I’d let my baby shoulder all the burden on her own do you?” She patted my hand with a smile.
“Um, Mom… what money do you have? You haven’t had a job for how long now?” In fact, I wasn’t sure how she paid for her day to day expenses, Adam only footed the bill for her hotel room.
“I’ll find one.” She waved it away as if it was a given. “You’ll need my help after the baby comes.”
“I’ll be fine. I get maternity leave benefits for a few months and then I’ll figure something out. It shouldn’t be too hard to get some help with babysitting since I don’t work usual hours.” I figured if Daphne took a night, maybe Sam with a bit of training, Parker… between them, I could keep my childcare costs to a minimum.
“Don’t be silly, I’ll be around to watch the baby when you’re at work. It’ll save some money with me moving in with you, but we’ll need to get a bigger apartment. I was thinking…”
“Whoa, hold on a sec… you’re not moving in with me and I’m not getting a bigger apartment.” That needed saying right off the bat. My place might be small, but there was room for a crib in my bedroom.
“But you don’t have enough room for a newborn in your apartment,” she insisted.
“I’ll make do. Besides, I thought you liked staying here at the hotel?”
“It’s so impersonal here.” Her nose wrinkled with distaste. “And I thought you didn’t want to use
his
money.”
She had me there, but for some reason it didn’t bother me as much when it was her doing the using. Maybe it was because he’d made the arrangements himself before he left. “I don’t, but that doesn’t mean
you
can’t. I appreciate the offer of help, I really do. And I can use the babysitting, I’m sure, but I need my own space, Mom.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m very sure.” I laid my hand over hers, sending a pulse of soothing Grace until the pinched look went out of her eyes.
“Alright then, baby. Maybe I’ll go back home until the baby comes then? Then I can come up for another long visit?”
“Really?” I blinked, trying to keep the relief from my face. “If you think that’s best, then maybe you should.”
Otherwise it’d be a long six months…
“Marie’s been asking me when I’m coming home, you know she can’t get along without me for long.” She launched into a one sided discussion about the role she played in Marie’s household (which sounded far fetched to me) until the food came to the table.
“Be sure to thank Adam for letting me stay here for so long, if you talk to him.”
I’d have plenty of other things to address first if Adam showed his face, but I smiled and nodded as we said our goodbyes after making arrangements for me to take her to the airport.
I wondered if Adam still thought about me as much as I thought about him. The pregnancy pretty much never let me forget about him from day to day, but was he out there somewhere moving on?
If I concentrated, I could feel him out there - far away, but still in the world. Still alive, doing God knew what with his days. Farther still I could sense Raziel, but it was very faint with him in Midian.
As I said goodbye to my mother at the airport, I thought about calling Adam to fill him in on the latest news. To give him a report on my life and the baby the way I had the last time he disappeared, but I put my phone away without dialing his number. I was tired of putting myself out there into the void on the hopes that he’d throw a few crumbs of attention my way. If he wanted to know how the baby and I were doing, he could damn well ask me himself.
Chapter Nine
Have you ever gone to sleep one night and woken up and it’s two months later? Okay, not literally, but I swear it felt like two months went by in the blink of an eye. Still no word from Adam, but each day got easier to accept his absence, and I started to believe he might never come home. I started to think… maybe I didn’t want him to anymore.
The regular monthly check ups with Dr. Hathaway set my fears to rest. The baby wasn’t growing at crazy exponential speeds, and after I could see more detail in the ultrasound I started to relax a bit. The only thing I hadn’t been able to see was the sex of the baby, as he or she kept its behind aimed at the instruments no matter how hard we tried to get it to change position. I took to calling the baby Bunny for my little bun in the oven for the time being, but my list of prospective names grew almost daily.
It was hard to pretend I was anything but pregnant anymore. At a little over five months along, I definitely showed, but wasn’t so big I needed help getting up out of chairs or anything. I could still wear some of my more stretchy tops, but I had to say goodbye to all my jeans and hope I could fit into them once I came though the other side.