“He can come too, I’ve always wanted a butler.” His fingers threaded through mine. “Just… don’t say no right away. Promise me you’ll think about it.”
I could promise I’d pretty much think of nothing else.
* * *
I showed up at Daphne’s apartment, ultrasound DVD in hand. “Feel like an impromptu movie night?”
“Aw, is that what I think it is?” She practically pulled me inside. “Of course I want to watch it, but come on, tell me, did you find out?”
“No spoilers, you have to watch it and see for yourself.” I shook my head, heading straight for her TV. Cuing up the right chapter, since the same DVD had my previous three ultrasounds on it too, I sat back to watch her reaction as the machine picked up the sound in the room as well.
“Wow, you really are having a baby,” she said in wonder as the baby’s head became visible. “A baby girl! Oh, Mercy, that’s so great!” We traded a hug, my grin a mile wide. “Have you thought about a name?”
“I have a list, but none of them are jumping out at me yet. Parker’s still pushing for Parker of course.” I didn’t want to say more yet, as the audio track continued once the doctor left the room. If anyone could give me an informed opinion on Parker’s proposal, it was Daphne.
“Wait… did he just ask you to marry him?”
I let our conversation do the talking, watching Daphne’s eyes grow bigger and bigger until I paused the DVD.
“So, what should I do?”
Daphne stared at me in stunned silence for a full thirty seconds before she replied. “Do you love him?”
“Sure I do, just like I love you. Just not… like that.”
“Well, isn’t that important?”
“I don’t know, Daph. I used to think it was. But look at what happened with me and Adam? He claimed to love me, but did he stick around once he found out about the baby? Maybe it’s better if I skip the love for now.”
“But you can’t raise a baby with a loveless marriage.”
“It’s not like I’m marrying a stranger to get a green card, it’s Parker. It won’t be a loveless household, we just won’t have a traditional home life. It’d be like marrying you and raising the baby together. We’d make a great team and we’d both love the baby.”
“It would
not
be like marrying me, trust me. Parker loves you, even if you don’t love him back like that.”
“I know, that’s the only part I’m not sure about.” Parker could say he didn’t have expectations in that area, but I knew he did. What if he was patient, but I never developed the same depth of feelings for him that he had for me? “I’m not saying I don’t feel something for him,
like that
, but marriage? It’s such a big commitment.”
“What about Adam?”
The big question, one I’d resolved to think about later, but I couldn’t put it off any longer. I knew the answer even if it hurt to say it out loud. “I can’t keep waiting around for something that might never happen. I don’t even know if I want him back anymore after the way he abandoned us. Starting now, I have to make smart choices for me and my girl. I can’t spend my time pining away over the great love of my life. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure Parker and I would make a good team. I’m just not convinced marrying him is the answer. But I can see how he’d want certain rights too if he’s rearranging his whole life to make a commitment to the baby.”
“It’s a big step,” Daphne agreed, and we sat in silence for a few minutes. “Okay, so say you went ahead and married him. What will you tell the baby when she grows up? That Parker’s her father? Or will you tell her about Adam and angels and all that stuff?”
That was a whole other can of worms, one I’d have to deal with eventually, but not for a few years I hoped. “I honestly don’t know. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. It’s impossible to know what the future will bring.”
“You could always ask Oriana,” she said, dimpling into a smile. It wasn’t a bad idea at that…
“You know, that’s not half bad? Then again, she always says the future is shifting and changing.”
“That’s right, she said I’d be happy and…” Daphne looked down at her hands and my heart went out to her.
“You’ll be happy again someday, Daphne, I promise.” From the look in her eyes, I could tell she wasn’t so sure.
* * *
I hadn’t tried to call Adam’s number in a while, but I still remembered it. Maybe I always will. The numbers were seared into my brain from the first time I dialed them and got nothing but open air.
“Adam?” I said into the void. “It’s been so long, I hardly know if this is still your number. I don’t know if you’re even still keeping tabs on us, but I thought you should know… Parker asked me to marry him.”
I don’t know what I expected to hear, really. Maybe some kind of reaction, good or bad, but all I got was silence. “Adam, are you there? I need to know if you can give me any reason why I shouldn’t marry Parker.”
Nothing.
I had to try one last time before I put any foolish notions of Adam coming for me to rest. “Did you hear me, Adam? I want to know if you have anything to say about me marrying Parker. Anything at all.”
The silence stretched between us, and then I heard the soft click as he dropped the call.
“Goodbye, Adam,” I said into the stillness, fingers tugging at the ring in my finger. I’d left it on so long, partly as a symbol of my love for Adam and partly as a badge of legitimacy given my pregnant belly. People didn’t give me the same ‘poor girl’ look they gave other unwed mothers with a rock that size on my finger. The ring didn’t want to come off right away and I couldn’t help but think - was that an omen or just swollen fingers thanks to my pregnancy?
“Nelo?” I called out softly.
“Yes, Mistress.”
“You like Parker, don’t you?”
“Oh yes, Mistress, he makes you happy.”
Interesting observation. I suppose I tended to be in a better mood when Parker was around. “Is that the only reason you like him?”
“Isn’t it enough?”
“Yes, I think it is,” I considered aloud.
I had my answer.
Chapter Seventeen
There was no chance of me sleeping that night until I talked to Parker. I knew he’d be up late with work, but I didn’t want to talk to him at the club. Instead I waited like a stalker outside his house for him to get home… and for another half hour while I worked up the nerve to knock on his front door.
Parker’s surprise quickly gave way to an invitation to enter, but almost immediately, he held his hands up. “Wait, before you say anything…” He kissed me slowly, tenderly, his thumbs brushing along my jaw as he pulled me close. Have I said before that Parker is an amazing kisser? He is. In that kiss, I got the hints of what a physical relationship with him would be like. Desire definitely wouldn’t be a problem.
“I wanted to do that before it got weird,” he grinned.
Like that didn’t make it weird…
“Come on in. I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight, is everything alright?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” Once I stood there before him, I had no idea how to talk about why I’d come over. Should I come right out with it, or wait for him to bring it up? “I just needed to see you. It’s not too late, is it?”
“Nothing wrong with that,” his smile stretched wider. “And no, it’s never too late for you, darlin’.”
My hands were all clammy and I wiped them on the side of my faux jeans.
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”
“No, it’s not wrong, it’s…” How to blurt it out? “Man, this is harder than I thought it would be.”
“Oh.” Disappointment flickered across his face as he jumped to the wrong conclusion. “That’s okay, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it, I got the message loud and clear. Hey, you can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”
“What? No, that’s not why I’m here.”
“It’s not…”
“I came to say yes.”
“Yes,” he blinked. “You mean yes, yes? As in…”
“Let’s do it, let’s get married.” There, it was done, and I immediately felt the burden lift from my shoulders. There was freedom in making that choice, freedom to take control of my future and freedom to be happy again.
Parker pulled me into a tight hug, burying his face in my hair and I relaxed into his solid embrace. “It’s gonna be great, Merce, I promise.”
“I know it is.”
“Shit, I don’t have a ring for you.” Parker pulled back, his brow creased with worry. “I didn’t think you’d give me your answer so quick.”
“I don’t need one.”
“Don’t be silly, every girl needs a ring. Hey, this way you can pick it out yourself. Otherwise I’d probably end up giving you something you didn’t like anyway.”
I tried not to think about the perfect ring in the top drawer of my jewelry box back home. “Maybe later, after I have the baby. Right now my fingers are as fat as sausages.”
“You are not fat.”
“Have you
seen
me from behind?” I raised a single brow and his grin spread wider.
“I like a girl with a little junk in her trunk.”
“Ugh, you’re disgusting, you know that?” I smacked him in the shoulder and Parker laughed, in too good of a mood to care.
“Come here,” he pulled me close. “You’re gorgeous, you know that, right? You’re practically glowing with good health.”
“It’s the Grace, it’s not me. I look like a big, fat milk cow.”
“It’s never been the Grace, Mercy.” Parker let me see his true feelings for once instead of hiding behind the shield of humor, and my lips parted with a swift intake of breath at the depth of emotion I saw there. That time when he leaned in I met him half way, eager to feel something spark between us again. That time I knew the flare in my heartbeat had nothing to do with adrenaline or danger, it was all Parker. That time I wasn’t blindsided, I was right where I wanted to be.
“I do have something for you.” Parker remembered as the kiss drew to a close. “Come with me.” Grabbing my hand, he tugged me upstairs, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I should worry that the
something
he had for me lay in the general direction of his bedroom. Sure, I felt things when he kissed me, but marriage proposal aside, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to kick our physical relationship up that notch yet. I’d only just gotten used to the idea of kissing him, let alone…
“Um, Parker? Don’t you think this is a little sudden?”
“Sudden?” He stopped at the top of the stairs, brows drawing together in puzzlement. “Why would… oh.” The easy grin returned as he caught the direction of my eyes. “Relax, darlin’, I had something else in mind.” He turned in the opposite direction of his bedroom, leading me to the room on the other end of the hallway. “So… what do you think?”
As I stepped inside, my skepticism melted into stunned awe as I beheld the transformation from ratty spare room into a dream nursery. The walls were painted a soothing blue, the white trim brightening the room even in the dim light. Parker snapped on the lights, revealing a matching crib and changing table tucked into one corner of the room and a large wooden rocker by the window with a fat, stuffed penguin pillow. There were cartoon penguins on the bedding too and on the mobile arcing over the crib.
“Penguins?”
“Yeah, why… you don’t like penguins?” Worry clouded his features and he let go of my hand to wind up the mobile which started to play a song about jolly holidays from Mary Poppins. “I got the idea from the movie… we can change it out if you don’t like it though. It’s just an idea.”
“It’s… perfect,” I breathed, stumbling over the words as my emotions got the better of me. “I can’t believe you did all this for me.” It was so much more than a bank account, Parker had gone out of his way to make a place for us in his home without even knowing if I’d accept his proposal. It was overwhelming, and I could feel tears gathering at the corners of my eyes.
“I did it for us.” He pulled me close, hand resting on the swell of my abdomen between us. “For all of us.”
For the first time in months, I started to think things might be alright.
God, I’m an idiot…
* * *
“OMG, look at this one!” Daphne’s eyes got all soft and dreamy as she showed me another frothy confection from the stack of bridal magazines on her lap. Even though I’d look ridiculous in a get up like that given my advanced pregnancy and I couldn’t afford those prices to boot. When I’d told her the good news, she’d shown up on my doorstep with an armload of
inspiration material
. Every day since she found another new bit of inspiration she
had
to share with me.
Gently, I shook my head, not wanting to insult her taste. “I don’t know why you even bought those magazines, Daphne. I told you, I don’t want to make a big fuss over this wedding.” I believe my exact words were more like “small and tasteful”, a direct contradiction to the flounce of ruffles on the picture she wagged under my nose.
“How can you not want to make a fuss? We’ve been planning our weddings since junior high.”
“
You
have. I’ve never been into a giant wedding with tons of people I don’t even know.” Maybe it was to avoid a big family get together, but I’d never shared those dreams with other little girls. Such a huge waste of money by my way of thinking, all for one big party and then what would you have to show for it? A dress you could never wear again and a bunch of embarrassing pictures.
“Your mom’s going to want a big wedding for you though,” she reminded, and I had to admit, she had a point. My mother’s frustration over Matty’s lack of frills wedding would translate into an even bigger furor over mine.
“Which is exactly why I’m not going to tell her anything about it until it’s over and she comes up to visit to see the baby.”
“She’ll be disappointed.”
“No she won’t, she’ll be glad I’m not an unwed mother anymore.” She did seem to like Parker too, at least when she’d thought he was my boyfriend. “Plus, she’ll be thrilled to hold her granddaughter in her arms for the first time.” I counted on that as a major distraction in my master plan.