I saw the naked emotion behind his eyes, how much he wanted to be a part of our lives and I felt my resolve crumble. “So, we’d skip the wedding and I just move in here with you. Like roommates.”
“More than roommates, I’m hoping.” His smile returned as he sensed I wasn’t completely rejecting his offer. “But I can wait until you’re ready.”
“With separate bedrooms.”
“For as long as you want.” He tugged me closer and I couldn’t help but notice how well the unshaven look suited him.
“Friends…”
“Friends,” he repeated, fingers brushing along the tops of my arms, “with benefits.”
“What kind of benefits?” My imagination was already running wild, involving the breakfast bar.
His gaze dropped to my lips. “I can kiss you whenever I want, not just when angry policewomen are present.”
The corner of my mouth twitched before I forced myself not to smile. “Not at work though, that wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“Whenever I want,” he repeated, our breath mingling as he stopped a hair’s breadth away from my mouth.
“Kissing is definitely negotiable,” I murmured against his lips, the last of my self-discipline falling away.
“
Whenever
I want.” Parker’s mouth took possession of mine, wooing me with a slow, deliberate kiss until I would have promised him anything. Instead, he pulled back with a satisfied grin. “Until you tell me not to.”
“Deal,” I breathed, taking a moment to collect myself. “But if it gets weird, I’m leaving.”
“Deal.” His grin stretched wider. “Now, how about some eggs?”
Chapter Nineteen
I moved in the next day. Or at least, I started to. It took a lot of little trips to haul my stuff over there, so it ended up being over a week later by the time I had everything out of the apartment. It turned out Matty didn’t take my furniture after all since he was on the Vegas kick, but the Veterans’ charity organization came to pick it all up for me. I was sad to see the fake leather sofa go, I’d spent many a happy hour on it, but it was nice to think about it going to a good cause. Ditto with my bed (the bed in Parker’s spare room had a much nicer mattress), and most of my other furniture. Besides my boxes of stuff, the only real furniture I brought with me was my dining set. Even though it was far too small for his formal dining room, it was better than nothing.
Parker insisted I could put my stuff anywhere I liked because he wanted me to make myself at home. I loved, loved,
loved
the big kitchen, using every inch of counter space when the baking bug hit me. I never realized how sucky my old kitchen was until I got spoiled by the modern appliances. Like the ice maker. Anytime you want it, ice at the press of a button. I get that most people have been hip to that convenience for a while, but for those of us who lived in older apartment buildings, it was like stepping into the future.
For the most part it was just like when we hung out before, only I didn’t go home at night, instead I went upstairs to bed. Parker didn’t try to put the moves on me anymore than he had before, despite his ability to ‘kiss me whenever he wanted’. All in all, I have to say it was kinda nice to have someone share things with. Someone to cook for and watch TV with.
And Nelo, he loved the new place. Parker gave him the entire basement as his own demon pad, which suited Nelo fine. Parker promised to fix it up with drywall and carpet eventually after the common spaces were done. Nelo was in no hurry. He didn’t mind the unfinished floors or the concrete walls. With blackout curtains on the windows and a big fluffy dog bed on the floor, he was in demon heaven.
I could tell Parker wasn’t used to having the little guy around all the time, but he didn’t appear uncomfortable at all. I figured it was good practice for him for when Bunny got older, fielding Nelo’s random questions. After a few days we settled into a fairly normal routine. Nelo took up his usual chores around the house and even assisted Parker with some of the easier tasks, like sanding and painting. Let me tell you, you haven’t lived until you’ve walked in on your boss/boyfriend and his trusty demon helper whistling along with cartoons on the television while they painted window casings.
Mimsy was another story. She set one foot in the place and hissed, retreating to the safety of the cat carrier. No amount of coaxing or tuna could get her to come out and explore the house. In the end, we put her down in Nelo’s space until she got used to the place and they both seemed happy with the arrangement.
For the first Totally Awesome Tuesday, my usual day off, Parker was at work when Daphne came over. After giving her the fifty cent tour, we settled into the cozy living room to watch a movie about killer robots from outer space.
She’d taken the news about calling the wedding off harder than I thought she would, but we hadn’t had much of a chance to talk about it since. I hadn’t told her about my visit from Adam yet.
“Isn’t it weird, living here with Parker after cancelling the wedding and everything?” she asked after we had the popcorn between us.
“You’d think it would be, but so far it’s not. Parker’s been… just like normal.” I had zero complaints.
“Except that he loves you.”
“But he’s not being all googly eyed and lovey, that’s the difference. He’s giving me space, which is exactly what I need right now. And we’re definitely getting closer,” I admitted, telling her about his kissing clause in our agreement, sensing it would appeal to her sense of the romantic.
“Then you are starting to have those kinds of feelings for him, I knew it!” She grinned in vindication.
“I’m not made of stone, Daph. He’s a very good kisser.” I allowed myself a dreamy sigh.
“So why not marry him and do the family thing?”
“Because I only want to get married once and I want it to be for love, not necessity.”
Daphne was silent for a few minutes as we watched the movie. “You’re still holding out on Adam returning, is that it?”
I had to tell her. “Actually, I saw Adam last week.”
Daphne grabbed for the remote, pausing the movie. “Spill,” she demanded.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell her about it, I just didn’t like talking about the conversation at all. It was heartbreaking to relive it all in detail, so I summed it up the best I could. “Adam showed up to say we should get back together again.”
“Oh Mercy, that’s wonderful!”
I held my hand up before she picked up too much steam. “In the Ether only. He still doesn’t want to risk being together in the real world.”
“What did you say? Is that why you called off the wedding? Because you’re seeing Adam in the Ether?”
“No, of course not. I couldn’t do that to Parker.” Not that he’d ever know about it. All he’d realize was that I spent too much time sleeping, but
I’d
know, and I wasn’t the type to keep an angel on the side.
“Couldn’t do that to Parker… what about Adam? How could you say no to him?”
I realized if Sam made her the same offer she would’ve jumped at the chance. Maybe he should have, they could’ve been somewhat happy I suppose, but it wasn’t for me. “I can’t do that, Daphne. I have our baby to think about. I can’t spend all my time in another reality. I laid it all out on the line. I told him he had to either make a commitment to me and the baby or leave and never come back.”
“What did he say?” Her eyes grew wide and I shook my head.
“He left.”
“Oh Mercy, I’m so sorry.” Her pretty blue eyes filled with tears, and I think it had to do a little more with her own abandonment issues than my situation.
“It’s alright, I’ll be fine. I told you, it’s better to make a clean break and move on. All that pining, waiting for him to show… that was the worst part, I’m glad it’s over. Who says I need a man to be happy anyway?”
“What are you going to tell Bunny about him?”
“I have no idea. I guess it’ll depend on whether or not she turns out to be a normal little girl or if there’s something… different about her.” I couldn’t say monstrous, not about my own child, not anymore. “For all I know she’ll be born
knowing
what she is and where she comes from.”
“I never thought of that before,” Daphne murmured, deep in thought.
“I’ve had plenty of time to explore theories.” I patted my hand against my middle. In the end I’d had to leave it all behind and hope for the best.
“Hey, speaking of time, you’re running out of it to pick a name. Have you made any decisions yet, or are you sticking with Bunny?”
“No, I’m not mean enough to do that to her,” I laughed, reaching for the pad of paper I kept on the little table by my side of the couch. Whenever I saw a name I liked from movies or whatever, I jotted it down. “Here’s the short list.”
We restarted the movie, and I added to the list a bit, nothing I was really serious about though, unless I wanted to name my daughter after a slutty robot or a dumb bimbo. Daphne begged off watching the third movie, opting to head for home, and I admit, I wasn’t in a lather to watch it either.
When Parker came home, he joined me on the couch, and it was my turn to treat him to a shoulder massage since he’d been the one to work all night. He might have magic fingers, but I had the benefit of my Grace to heal the aches and pains from a long day at the club.
“Am I allowed to tell you how awesome you are?” he sighed contentedly.
“Me or my hands?”
“All of you, but your hands are exceptionally awesome.” He kissed the back of one of my hands, and then the other before craning his neck to steal a quick kiss.
“You’re in a good mood tonight.”
“Why shouldn’t I be? I’ve got my two best girls here,” he said, rubbing my belly gently. Then he raised his bottle and set it on the table. “I’ve got a beer in hand, and business is good. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this.”
“I can think of one way.” I leaned closer for a brief kiss, but Parker didn’t let me get away so easily. He did a much more thorough job of it before he released me.
“I stand corrected. You can make my day better anytime you want, darlin’.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret.” My hands slipped lower, brushing across the solid planes of his chest. “I think you’re pretty awesome yourself.”
“Really…” He quirked a brow, turning this body into my touch, his hand sliding across my belly to rest against my hip as he positioned himself for another kiss. “Let me ask you this,” he said against my lips, but it was long seconds before he stopped kissing long enough to pose the question. “If you’re awesome… and I’m awesome…” Barely aware of whatever point he was making, I was far more interested in what his hands were doing. “Doesn’t it make sense we would be awesome together?”
“Very awesome,” I nodded, my head falling to one side as he nibbled down the side of my jaw to my ear.
“Let me know if I’m out of line here, I don’t want to pressure you.” Despite the words, he kept up his tender assault, teeth catching hold of my earlobe as his hands continued to explore.
“No, you’re fine.” I sucked in a breath as his thumb brushed over my sensitive breasts. I felt pressure alright. Not from him, but rather building between us as I let my hands roam as well.
“You know,” he continued a path down the side of my neck, pausing to lave his tongue over the hollow at my collar bone. “There are all kinds of awesome. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
“You don’t say.” I let my fingers graze lower, a thrill going through me as I felt his sharp intake of breath against my throat. We were heading towards dangerous territory, but I didn’t want to stop, not yet.
“Mmm, I do, I definitely do. How about we settle for some PG-13 awesome?”
“How awesome is that?”
“Touching only, clothes are optional, either here or upstairs.”
I could still think clearly enough to realize that if we went upstairs we’d end up doing a hell of a lot more than touching. “The clothes stay on, we stay here,” I insisted.
“Deal, just don’t stop doing that.”
“What if I do this instead?”
“Awesome…” he groaned, capturing my mouth with his.
It was a little like dating in high school, feverishly hoping no one walked in before you got there, and we were both breathing hard by the time we collapsed against each other on the couch. I felt warm and tingly all over and very, very relaxed. I listened to Parker’s heart beat against mine until we both calmed, neither one of us making a move to get up for the time being. Parts of me ached for something more, but it was enough.
“It just doesn’t get any better than this,” Parker murmured into my hair drowsily, and I sighed contentedly, snuggling deeper into his side on the couch.
Chapter Twenty
I don’t know when it happened exactly, but somewhere along the line I forgot to be self conscious around Parker.
Did my pregnant stomach get in the way between us sometimes?
Yep.
Did it feel weird?
Not so much.
It probably helped that he obviously didn’t have an issue with it at all. Not only did he seem to like the way I looked at the end of my third trimester, he went out of his way to touch me in some small way every time we were together.
I don’t know when it stopped bothering me if he kissed me at work, and when I started to think of Parker not as a friend or even a friend with benefits, but as
my
guy. It was as if canceling the wedding took off some kind of pressure to act a certain way and all of a sudden… I didn’t feel pressure, I could just
feel
. And what I felt was real and good, and the best part of all was that he showed no signs of bolting every time he got a piece of news he didn’t like.
As things between us grew more and more… awesome, I started sleeping in the master bedroom with him, even though we hadn’t taken that final big step into NC-17 awesomeness yet. He didn’t seem to be in too much of a hurry to reach that level of intimacy, but I did catch him giving Dr. Hathaway a wink when the doc okayed sex to help induce contractions at my last check up.