“Thanks,” I murmured, but he didn’t look up at me, staring straight ahead at the dark television set.
“This never would have happened I hadn’t left you.”
I’d already had that thought, but let it go. There was no use in crying over what couldn’t be changed. Still, it was surprising to hear that bit of introspection from him. “You don’t know that.”
“We’ll never know, will we?” His head came up and I felt my heart twist at the anguish I saw in his clear, blue eyes.
“Adam…” I pulled him into a hug, offering the comforting shoulder that time. He clung to me fiercely, burying his face in my neck.
“I’m sorry, Mercy, so sorry…” he breathed. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought… I wanted you to be safe. Both of you.”
“I know.” I smoothed my fingers through his hair, but I couldn’t tell him it was okay… no matter how much I wanted him to stop suffering, because it wasn’t. It might not be his fault Bunny was missing, but I couldn’t tell him he’d made the right decision. He was right about one thing - we’d never know how it would have turned out if he’d never left. With Adam present in the delivery room would I have our baby safe and sound in my arms? It was useless to speculate.
We sat like that for a long time, soaking in each other’s comfort and misery until he pulled back to look at me.
“I hate to be the one to say this, but have you thought about the possibility that we won’t be able to get her back?” he said gravely and I shoved him away a little harder than I intended to.
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m saying what needs to be said. I’ll keep looking with you while we have leads to follow up on, but eventually we might have to accept…”
“No, there is no eventually. I’m getting her back.” I rose to pace the small room, the inactivity suddenly unacceptable. “Parker will help me if you don’t want to anymore.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to help. Damn it Mercy, I’m trying to get you to accept certain realities.”
“Realities change all the time, this is proof of that.”
“Speaking of which, I’m done running away from my problems. I’m ready to try this again.”
“Try what again?”
“You and me.”
Did Adam figure I could pretend we’d never had a baby and things would go back to the way they were before he left? I stared at him in a combination of horror and self loathing at the tiny piece of me that wanted to take him up on his offer. “You’re too late, I’m not available.”
“I don’t see a ring on your finger and you know there’s no excuse for you to be with Parker anymore now that the baby’s gone.”
All of a sudden it got a lot easier to say no. “I don’t need an excuse to be with Parker. I choose to be with him.”
“I thought you said you didn’t love him.”
“A lot has changed since you left.”
“I still love you. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Not when you made the decision to abandon us.” I held up my hand when he started to say more. “No, I don’t want to hear your reasons. I understand they seemed like good reasons to you, but the truth is, you’ve never been there when I needed you. Parker has. He’s earned the right to my love and I’m not going to dump him now because you decide it’s safe to risk being in my life again.”
“So that’s it? I’m supposed to step aside and let him have you?”
“It’s not up to you. You lost the right to be a part of my life like that. If…
when
we get Bunny back, that’s a different story. If you want to be involved with her upbringing, we’ll figure something out. But you and I…”
“You can’t tell me he gives you everything you need…”
Before I could say another word he pulled me into his arms, his lips covering mine. I wish I could say I shoved him away or delivered a dramatic slap across the face like they do in the movies, but I’m weak. I kissed him back. It was a wonderful, awful, thrilling, heart-pounding, magical, gut-wrenching kiss, because I knew in the back of my mind it was also a form of goodbye. Because as much as I loved the passion in his kiss, it wasn’t enough.
“Neither do you,” I whispered when the kiss drew to a close.
Adam’s thumb brushed across my cheek as he took in my words, and I saw defeat in his eyes for the first time. With a nod, he let go of me, long strides carrying him to the door.
“You’re leaving?” I don’t know why it surprised me, but I still felt disappointment.
“Relax, I’ll be back later. I have to take care of some things.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Adam was right. My body didn’t need the rest but my mind needed some time to clear, and I fell asleep on the couch after he left. I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but it was still dark out when a knock sounded on the door, rousing me from my nap.
Looking through the peephole, I found a man and a woman I’d never seen before standing outside. Her light brown hair spilled loose around her shoulders almost to her waist, and she wore a pale blue sundress with flipflops that had little flowers glued to the straps. The man had on jeans and a blue button up shirt, a brown leather jacket a little out of place in the warm summer night. From their auras I knew they weren’t drug dealers or kidnappers, but I studied them a few moments longer, wondering if they’d go away when I didn’t answer. Odds were they had the wrong door.
“How do you even know she’s awake?” I heard him ask her through the door.
“Because this is the right room. I wrote it down, see?”
“Maybe he meant the one in Tigard?” He laid his ear to the door and I went completely still. “Does that mean we have to schlep ourselves all the way out there now?”
“You could have stayed home, you’re the one who insisted on coming with me.” The woman knocked again politely, a confident set to her shoulders.
“Oh right, like I’m gonna let you go off in the middle of the night to some seedy motel. That’ll happen… never.”
“It’s not a seedy…”
“Can I help you?” I swung the door open, willing to give them a few minutes to set them on the right path.
“Hi, you must be Mercy, right?” The woman’s smile broadened the instant she saw me. “Adam described you perfectly.”
“Adam sent you here?” My brows drew together in confusion.
“He thought you could use our help. I’m Annaliese and this is Nick.” She held out her hand and I shook it, then Nick’s.
“Help?” They looked so… normal. Then again, there was something about her… “I’m sorry, he didn’t tell me he was sending anyone over. What did he say you could help me with?” Anyone could drop Adam’s name, I wasn’t sure it was such a good idea to let them in, even if their auras were clean.
“He said you have a friend who’s had a special run of bad luck lately,” she said carefully, looking over her shoulder. “He thinks we might be able to help get him back on track.”
“Bat shit crazy is what he said, actually,” Nick supplied, throwing her a “what?” expression when she shot him a dirty look. “Well, he did…”
“Do you think maybe we could come in to talk about it?”
“If it helps I
am
a cop.” Nick produced an ID badge. “So, we’re not trying to lure our way into your motel room to have our wicked way with you.” He waggled his eyebrows playfully.
I’m not sure why, but that made me feel better, despite my hit and miss experience with the police. Besides, I was pretty sure I could handle them if they weren’t who they said they were, and I had a hunch Ben might feel better with a cop around too.
“Sure, come on in, Detective.” I stepped away from the door, holding it open wide.
“Actually, it’s Sergeant,” he corrected me, and I caught Annaliese tell him to drop it under her breath with an elbow to his ribs.
“What is it you can do for Ben?” I asked once we were all inside. Not entirely sure what Adam told them, I didn’t want to volunteer anything.
“Basically he said your friend used to be a cop…”
“A very noble profession,” Nick, interjected.
“But he’s been off the force since he had a mental breakdown following prolonged contact with… dark forces.”
“It’s never the light forces,” Nick sighed, taking a seat on the low couch.
“Right, that part I already know.” My head ping ponged between them as they spoke. “Where do you two come in?”
“Adam said the two of you were in the middle of something big.”
Talk about an understatement.
“We’re here to make sure Ben gets the help he needs.”
“You can help with something like that? Are you a shrink?”
“No, but my coven might be able to help him.”
“She means witches, not vampires,” Nick interrupted again. “I know, it sounds a little cuckoo, but they really can help. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.”
Adam had called in the local reinforcements. “Oh, you’re a witch.” That made me feel a
lot
better. “Okay, great. He’s in the bedroom resting. I have to say, he’s pretty far gone, but I’m hoping if we keep him away from Azazael, he’ll start to recover.” I started to lead the way to the bedroom before I noticed she hadn’t moved.
“Azazael’s involved?” she replied in surprise.
“Yeah, why?”
“Interesting that Adam didn’t happen to mention that fact.”
“Who’s Azazael?” Nick asked, his brow furrowed in puzzlement.
“Another one of those things you don’t believe in, sweetie,” she said, patting his arm. “That could change things quite a bit. He’s not a good one to tangle with.”
“Oh, he’s not here. We’ve got him bound and out of the way.” I didn’t share where though.
“Azazael’s been bound?” Her smile returned. “That changes things back again. Show me your friend.”
Scarcely a few minutes later, I felt a whole lot more comfortable around the pair. The witch had a sweet, caring personality and genuinely wanted to help. I could see Ben would be in good hands with her. The cop was there as a somewhat skeptical bodyguard, injecting his silly brand of humor whenever the opportunity presented itself. It was easy to see he was nuts about Annaliese, even if he didn’t completely accept everything we talked about in the little bedroom.
Unfortunately, curing Ben wasn’t as simple as a wave of the fingers and a few flowery words, she informed me. They were prepared to take Ben with them to meet with her coven, or if needed, to set Ben up at a private psychiatric facility on Adam’s dime if all efforts to restore him failed.
“It sounds like you’ve got all the bases covered.” I had to admit once she finished explaining the plan. “I don’t suppose you know when Adam planned to come back, do you?”
Annaliese turned to Nick. “Why don’t you help Ben to the car and I’ll be there in a minute?” The detective agreed after a moment’s hesitation, easily steering Ben towards the door. Annaliese waited until we were alone before she spoke again. “Some things he knows, but there’s still a lot he won’t accept,” she said by way of explanation.
“He seems like a good guy.”
“He’s a great guy,” her smile dimpled wider before she sobered. “I sort of got the impression Adam wasn’t coming back until he took care of some errands.”
“What kind of errands?”
“I’m not sure what he’s up to entirely, but he mentioned going to Hell and back to get what was stolen from you. If it was anyone else I’d assume it was a figure of speech, but with Adam…”
* * *
I spent the next twenty minutes yelling myself hoarse for Adamiel to show his sorry face. Fortunately, all it took was a few minutes of quiet for my vocal cords to repair themselves, and I was back at it again. I spared a moment’s worry I might bother the neighbors, but then again, considering the type of motel I was in, it was probably the least objectionable thing going on in it that night.
When the front door opened, my heart stopped, but instead of Adam’s dark good looks, I saw something almost as comforting.
“Sam!” Gone was the cute faux-hawk he’d been sporting since my makeover. His hair a mop of unruly blonde curls, but he hadn’t gone back to dressing like a hobo yet. He looked neat and clean in a black turtleneck and dressy pants.
“Mercy, you’re a sight for sore eyes.” He hugged me fiercely and I felt the desperation of loneliness in his embrace.
“They didn’t have to be so sore, you know. You could’ve come to visit me,” I chided him lightly, unable to keep from smiling to see him again.
“I’m truly sorry, but it couldn’t be helped.”
It could, but I didn’t want to get into it with him. “What took you so long to get here?”
“I got here as soon as I could. I went to Seattle first before I checked my voicemail and realized you’d come here.”
“Where were you that it took so long?”
“I’ve been living in the land Down Under. Though, it’s not really under anything, I’ve found.”
“Australia?” I blinked. “How did you end up down there?”
“It seemed to make sense to pick the ass end of the world, as Adam put it. He said the distance would make it easier not to break my resolve.”
“Adam’s advice, I see.” No wonder it was so stellar.
I half expected him to ask me about Daphne, but when he didn’t, I filled him in on our efforts to get Bunny back and Adam’s sudden departure for Hell if Annaliese could be believed. Sam didn’t question it for a moment.
“It does make sense from the message he left me.”
“What did he say?” I stopped myself from asking if I could listen to the message myself.
“Merely that he had to prove himself and put your child safely back in your arms.”
Typical, as if that one heroic act could somehow negate the months of abandonment… “You know, I’m kinda worried about Adam’s safety in going to Hell alone. Or is that something you angels do all the time?” Lucifer was their brother, after all.
“No, I would not willingly go there,” Sam assured me with an emphatic shake of the head. “Nor, do I think, does Adam take it lightly.”
That didn’t sound so good. “What could happen to him there? Could he get stuck in Hell?” I wasn’t sure how Hell worked. Was it another dimension like Midian you had to get to through a portal? I’d never had occasion to ask anyone and the one time I’d met Lucifer, I’d been too distracted to ask him about his homeland.