Chosen by Desire (34 page)

“Because it’s where I belong.” He stared straight into her soul. “I meant it when I said I want you.”

A thrill shot through her, but reality tempered it. “You may feel that way now, but what if you change your mind? Time changes things.”

His thumb caressed her jaw. “Time won’t change the way I feel about you. I tried to fight it, I tried to deny it, but I’m still here.”

“You say that now, but—”

“I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but I know you’re brave enough to fight your fear and take a chance with me.” He lifted her chin and forced her to meet his solemn gaze. “I’m not going to leave you. I would go insane without you. You’re all I think about. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the first time I saw you.”

“Because you were supposed to follow me to get back the texts,” she said, fighting the hope clawing her chest.

“Because you’re unforgettable.” He kissed the corner of her eye. “Because I love your mind and how you aren’t afraid to show your passion.” His lips trailed over her cheekbone. “Because you’re so sexy but don’t realize it.” He lowered his mouth to hers. “Because you were destined to be mine.”

His lips claimed hers, gentle and reverent. His hands roamed, snaking under her shirt, holding and touching her as if he needed reassurance that she was whole and healthy.

She sank into his embrace. He felt right—like she was finally home, safe and sound and beyond any of the troubles that plagued her. Anything seemed possible.

But then she remembered that last scroll, tucked away in her bag, and she cringed with guilt. They weren’t supposed to have lies between them, but here she was keeping secrets. What would he say if he knew she still had a scroll? One that named him as a Guardian.

He’d change his mind about wanting her. He’d walk away from her, once and for all.

Hands on his biceps, she pushed herself away. Keeping her eyes lowered, she slipped out of his arms. “Now isn’t a good time. I have to get to work.”

His confusion was tangible. She could feel him studying her, trying to figure out what was going on. Feeling like a coward, she tried not to notice the awkward silence as she straightened her clothes.

Hair. Focus on your hair.
She gathered her curls in a haphazard ponytail, looking around for her elastic.

“Here.” Max took it out of his pocket and held it out to her.

“Thanks.” She subdued her locks, watching him rake his own hair back. “I—”

Max enfolded her in his arms, pressing a gentle kiss on top of her head. “I’ll pick you up after your shift tonight and bring you home.”

“That’s not necessary. I can stay at Gabe’s again.”

“You’ll stay with me. Until we figure out who’s behind the attacks.” He held her close, his grip firm without being restrictive. “You know that the fire wasn’t an accident. Not with the way the dock was tampered. And you said you were mugged.”

“But—”

“Were you supposed to meet anyone when you were in Santa Monica?” he asked, interrupting her. “Tell me the truth, regardless of what it is.”

His seriousness puzzled her. “Who would I meet? I didn’t know anyone in LA except you and your employees. Why do you ask?”

He searched her eyes. “I found someone crawling up the side of the house to your balcony.”

Her blood chilled. “What?”

“I chased away someone trying to get to your room. Twice.”

Oh, God. She would have doubled over if he hadn’t been holding her. “I didn’t believe him when he called.”

“Who?” Max’s grip tightened, his voice low and insistent.

“I don’t know. His voice was masked by an electronic voice changer. He didn’t say anything, he just threatened me. He said he knew I had what didn’t belong to me and that I needed to give it up.”

By the way his eyes went cold, she could tell Max knew what
it
was. “Who else knew you had the Book of Water?” he asked.

“No one. I didn’t tell anyone.” She winced. “But my thesis wasn’t a secret. The whole Asian History Department at Cal probably heard I’d made a discovery to tie the Yongle Emperor to the Scrolls of Destiny.”

Carrie tried to read what he was thinking as he studied her, but his gaze was impenetrable and distant. Finally, he said, “What else has happened?”

“Don’t freak out.”

He went still and predatory, every bit the white tiger. “What happened?”

Sigh. “My apartment had been ransacked while I was away.”

“That settles it. You’re staying with me.” He kissed her, slow and soft, belying the anger she felt seething under the surface. He let her go and turned to leave. “I’ll see you at closing.”

She watched, a little dumbfounded and a lot confused. There was one more thing she hadn’t told him.

It was all for her thesis, she reminded herself. She couldn’t give up everything she worked for. She just couldn’t.

But could she for Max?

Without thought, she did what she always did when she was unsure about something. She called her mom.

The phone rang four times before her mom picked up, sounding breathless. “Hello?”

“Did I catch you at a bad time, Mom?”

“Honey, of course not. I was just doing the homework for a Tantra class I’m taking.”

“Perfect timing, then,” she said in a mix of amusement and sarcasm.

“You should try it. You lie down naked and—”

“Mom, how do you know if the person you’ve fallen in love with is worth the risk?” she blurted, picking up her now ashy bag and clutching it to her chest.

“Carrie,” her mom said in her soft, unconditionally loving voice, “you of all people could never fall in love with someone who wasn’t worth it.”

She bit her lip. Was Max worth the risk?

Yes.
The answer reverberated inside her, strong and clear.

“Honey? You still there?”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I guess I know the answer to that question.”

“You don’t sound happy.”

“It complicates things, and I’m just not sure how much I’m willing to give up.”

“Carrie, you shouldn’t have to give up anything for love. Compromise, yes. Give up, no.”

Really? She thought of her mom’s life and wondered how she could believe that.

“It was a compromise, honey, not a sacrifice,” her mom said with her motherly sixth sense. “I never saw moving to Iowa as giving anything up. It didn’t work out the way I would have liked, that’s true. But it revealed new paths to me that I never would have found. I can’t regret any of it, not when I’m so happy now.”

“But—”

“No buts. I wouldn’t change
anything.
I got to have you, and that’s been the greatest joy of my life. No regrets, honey. But that doesn’t mean my choices would be right for you. Whatever you do, you should do with the same conviction and passion that you’ve shown your career. Otherwise, no, it’s not worth it.”

Tears stung her eyes, and she had to swallow a couple times before she could speak. “But how do you know it’s the right choice? How do you know it’ll last?”

“Carrie, nothing lasts. It could all end tomorrow. It’s how happy you are in this moment that counts. Grab your nuts and take the plunge, honey. If you’re thinking about it, he’s worth the risk. I didn’t raise you to be a coward. Or clueless.”

She laughed through her tears. “I love you, Mom.”

“Love you too, honey.” There was a pause. “How’s the condom supply? Should I send more?”

C
arrie decided to give back the scroll. Tonight—when she saw Max.

Wiping the counter after a customer who just left, she glanced at the time. Ten after midnight. He was due at one, when she closed.

Just thinking about seeing him made her stomach churn with anxiety. The
what ifs
kept running through her mind, the biggest one being what if he walked away and she was left with nothing—no love and no career.

No, she wouldn’t think about that. She dropped an empty beer bottle into the recycling bin and began cleaning up the well area. She’d just have to believe it would all work out. The alternative wasn’t worth dwelling on.

The slightly queasy feeling stayed with her, though. If she didn’t know better, she’d think it was foreboding.

Half an hour later, the last of the customers left. Because it was slow she let Manuel, the busboy, head home, too.

But as soon as he left, Carrie wished she’d asked him to stay. She looked around the bar, shuddering at the stark emptiness. It was creepy.

“Get a grip,” she told herself as she stocked the refrigerator. What she was feeling was just nerves about Max, because she wasn’t only surrendering the genealogy, she was surrendering her heart.

Her gut twisted with gigantic butterflies.

Plus, she wasn’t sure how he was going to take it. So it was natural that she’d be jittery.

As she stood up, she was hit by another wave of uneasiness—like someone was watching her. She looked around, expecting to find another customer lurking in a dark corner.

No one.

“This is ridiculous.” Shaking her head, she ducked under the bar. She’d just lock up. Johnny wouldn’t mind, and by closing early, she’d be ready to go when Max arrived, too.

She heaved a sigh of relief the moment she twisted the front door’s lock shut. Silly, but small wonder she’d feel that way, given the past few weeks.

Since she’d spent most of the evening prepping the bar area for the next day, it took her only about half an hour to finish up. She glanced at the clock and fished out her cell phone from her bag under the register.

Max answered on the first ring. “Carrie?”

Crazy how just one word from him set her heart racing. “Hey. I closed early. I just have to take out the trash and I’m done for the night.”

“I’m five minutes away. Wait for me and I’ll take care of the trash for you.”

She tried to picture Maximillian Prescott—the legendary Bái H
—taking out the garbage. The picture wouldn’t gel. “It’s just a couple of bags and some recycling.”

“Which means it’ll be no problem for me to help you with it,” he replied with cool reason. “Wait for me.”

She rolled her eyes. “See you soon.”

Closing her phone and dropping it on her bag, she studied the trash. She never said she’d wait for him, and the sooner she was done, the sooner they could have their chat. Now that she’d decided to give him the scroll, she wanted it out of her hands.

Picking up the two bags of recycling, she walked through the bar, down the hallway, and out the back door.

The Dumpster was about ten feet away from the door, flush against the stuccoed outer wall. She paused in the doorway and checked out the alley. She took the trash out every night she worked, and usually it was no big deal.

Tonight, something was wrong. Eerie. Even the air felt too still. But when she looked up and down the alley she didn’t see anything.

There was nowhere for a person to hide, except maybe on the other side of the Dumpster. “You’re letting your imagination carry you away,” she reassured herself.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped away from the door. She jumped as the door clanged shut, hurrying to the recycling bin to dispose of her loads.