Class Is Not Dismissed! (13 page)

“Theo, Celery doesn’t want you to mention getting arrested in the wedding toast. I don’t care, of course, but you know Celery…
so conservative,” Hyacinth babbled nervously. “Although if I were ever going to be arrested, I would want it to be with my
besties! Oh my gosh, we’re besties behind bars!”

Ignoring Hyacinth’s comments, Theo started walking around the small room. “All I can say is thank heavens I caught that
Law & Order
marathon, or I’d be pretty freaked out.”

“We almost crashed a hundred times on the highway, we’re in a police station waiting to be questioned, and we’re late for
a beauty pageant where one of Mrs. Wellington’s rivals may out the school. How is this my life?” Garrison asked, throwing
his hands up in the air.

“I feel the answer to that question may take longer than we really have time for here. Do you mind if we come back to that?”
Theo asked earnestly.

As Garrison shook his head at Theo, a large and intimidating female police officer entered the room with a tray of candy and
a really big smile.

“Hi, guys. How’s everyone doing today?” she asked as she pulled out a chair. “I’m Officer Patty, and I’m going to ask you
a few questions. But first, does anyone want any candy?”

“I do!” Theo said quickly.

“Didn’t your mother teach you not to take candy from strangers?” Lulu asked severely.

“Weren’t you listening? Her name’s Officer Patty, so she’s hardly a stranger.”

“A stranger is someone you don’t know, and we don’t know Officer Patty, so put down the chocolate bar.”

Theo’s face was racked with misery and torment as he dropped the chocolate bar back on the tray. After all the shenanigans
and near-death experiences on the road, he could really have used a sugar rush.

“I’m a police officer. You can trust me,” Officer Patty said with a smile toward Theo. “Now, who wants to tell me what happened?”

“Hello, Officer Patty,” Theo began. “My name is… Th—Hank… yes, my name is Thank… like Thank you… my parents are big on politeness.
I would really appreciate it if we could not do the whole fingerprinting thing or mug shot… I really want to keep this out
of the
school paper if possible… could make reelection pretty tough…”

“Thank,” Lulu said, “she’s not arresting you, so you can relax. Your hall monitor status is safe.”

“It’s true, Officer Patty, I’m one of yours… a fellow badge-carrying… well, actually, mine is more of a sash, but—”

“Thank? Maybe you could stop talking for a second?” Lulu interrupted. “Officer Patty, we need to be released and so does Mrs.
Wellington.”

“About this Mrs. Wellington,” Officer Patty said as she pulled out a notebook. “Who exactly is she?”

“She’s our—”

“Don’t say it!” Madeleine interrupted.

“She’s our camp counselor,” Lulu finished.

“Yes, she’s our camp counselor!” Madeleine seconded enthusiastically.

“What’s the name of this camp?” Officer Patty asked doubtfully.

“Camp Theo,” Theo said with a huge smile.

“Camp Theo? I’ve never heard of it.”

“Oh, yes, it’s a small little place in the woods where everyone hugs hello, the kitchen never closes,” Theo said
with a reflective expression, “and there’s always a chocolate on your pillow.”

“That sounds like
sooo
much fun!” Hyacinth added.

Nearby Mrs. Wellington and Schmidty sat in a small and dingy holding cell. Mrs. Wellington held her nose as Schmidty attempted
to fan the area in front of her face. Two officers sat on the other side of the bars staring at the odd pair, much as one
would watch animals at the zoo.

“Excuse me, young men, but I must get out of here. There is something extremely important happening today, and I haven’t the
time to be arrested. Couldn’t we reschedule this whole thing for a later date? I could even bring tea sandwiches and pastries.”

“Lady, you are a real piece of work,” one officer said, shaking his head in disbelief. In all his years as a cop, he had never
dealt with a woman in a tutu, let alone one accompanied by a man with the most elaborate comb-over in New England.

“Fine, I’ll bring donuts,” Mrs. Wellington said huffily. “Now can we postpone this incarceration nonsense?”

“If I may interrupt, officer, aren’t we entitled to a phone call?” Schmidty asked calmly.

“Yeah, the law says you get one phone call,” the officer answered, bringing the phone to the bars. “You better hope they’re
home, because I’m not feeling too generous today.”

“Thank heavens, you’ve watched enough movies to know our rights,” Mrs. Wellington said to Schmidty as she dialed.

Mrs. Wellington removed her pink rhinestone clip-on earring and pressed the old black phone to her ear. With a tight chest,
she looked at the clock and saw that time was running out. As the old woman’s blood pressure skyrocketed, she closed her eyes
and said a silent prayer for the situation to be remedied.

“Hello? Munchauser?” Mrs. Wellington spat into the phone. “I’ve been arrested and I’m late for a pageant to meet the burglar…
oh, it’s a long story… call the governor and remind him where he would be without me… no, that was the president… the governor
was afraid of being abducted by UFOs… who is Dawn Delight… are you at the track… you have five minutes to fix this or you’re
fired… oh, and I’ll take twenty on Dawn Delight.”

Exactly four minutes and twenty-eight seconds later,
the phone rang. The first officer rubbed his head as he listened. Then he passed the phone to another officer, who listened
and nodded before passing the phone to yet another officer. The third and final officer mumbled something into the phone before
slamming it down.

The clank of the receiver on its plastic frame brought Mrs. Wellington to her knees—quite literally. The old woman’s knees
actually gave out from shock as she slumped onto the sullied concrete floor.

“We’re finished,” Mrs. Wellington muttered as she lowered her head. “We’ll never make the pageant in time.”

T
he air had grown stale and thick in the office since Officer Patty had finished her inquisition. Hyacinth had dozed off with
Celery neatly tucked away in her shirt. Next to her, Lulu played with her hair in between shooting hostile looks at Officer
Patty. While at first irritated by Lulu’s harsh stares, Officer Patty soon found solace in a decadent chocolate bar.

Watching Officer Patty slowly savor the candy bar was nearly more than Theo could handle. The young boy was
in absolute agony as he debated whether or not to give in to his intense sugar cravings. A full tray of sweets and chocolates
was mere inches away, taunting him mercilessly. Theo had never been one for self-control where candy was concerned, which
made this all the more painful. If only Lulu and the others would look away for ten, maybe twenty seconds. That was all the
time he needed to swallow a chocolate bar whole. Theo was more than willing to forgo chewing.

As Theo’s hand moved slowly toward the tray of goodies, Lulu cocked her head in his direction. With a steely glare she shook
her head meaningfully. It was clear: accepting the sweets was akin to betrayal. Theo thought Lulu was taking her loyalty a
bit far, but what choice did he have?

Theo’s sweet tooth silently raged as Garrison paced back and forth in front of the one-way mirror. He wasn’t sure if anyone
was even behind it, but the mere possibility of it irked him. This wasn’t some sort of reality show where children paraded
their fears on camera, Garrison thought while running his fingers through his messy blond locks.

For once Madeleine was utterly uninterested in Garrison.
Her entire focus belonged to the cracked clock on the wall. The speed with which the second hand moved absolutely astounded
Madeleine. Never did a second seem quite so fast. Was time always passing
this fast?
Channeling her inner Theo, Madeleine looked down at her hands, half expecting to see liver spots and wrinkles. Oh, dear,
the young girl thought, jail was really getting to her.

Just as Madeleine prepared to ask for a glass of water and perhaps a doctor, the heavy metal door creaked open. The small
gust of cool air was a welcome relief to the room’s occupants. An older, white-haired officer with a stomach almost as big
as Schmidty’s waltzed in slowly.

“Patty, you can take off. We’re releasing the kids back to the old people.”

“Old
er
people,” Mrs. Wellington corrected the man from down the hall. “Just because we’re older than these prepubescent mutts does
not mean we are
old.
Why, we’re barely middle-aged… or at least I am…”

“Pipe down, tutu,” the white-haired officer responded before turning back to Officer Patty. “So, like I was saying, we’re
letting the crazy lady leave with the kids.”

“It’s your call,” Officer Patty said with a mouthful of chocolate.

“Actually, Patty, this was the governor’s call,” the white-haired officer explained before departing.

Madeleine, Lulu, Theo, and Garrison exchanged looks on hearing mention of the governor. Perhaps Mrs. Wellington was better
connected than they thought. Theo felt both reassured and frightened by this information. While it was nice that Mrs. Wellington
knew such a powerful man, it also reinforced just how little he knew about his tutu-wearing teacher.

“I suppose we ought to wake Hyacinth before we leave,” Madeleine said unconvincingly.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Lulu reluctantly agreed, knocking Hyacinth lightly across the head.

“Don’t leave me!” Hyacinth yelped before she even opened her eyes, clearly afraid of being left behind.

“Honestly, Lulu, that’s the only way you could think to wake her?” Theo asked disdainfully. “A fist bump to the head?”

“It was a
tap,
and if it was so important to you to wake Hyacinth with a serenade or with a handful of rose petals, then you should have
stepped in.”

U
pon returning to the van, the group made a terribly distressing discovery. In the haste of their arrest, they had not only
left their windows open, but they had all forgotten Macaroni. Thankfully, English bulldogs enjoy sleeping almost as much as
eating, which was exactly how Macaroni passed the time.