Class Is Not Dismissed! (15 page)

“Maddie’s right,” Garrison said. “Whoever is behind this has the power to ruin the school and us. I don’t want to spend my
life as a pretend surfer. I don’t want my whole identity to be based on a lie, you know?”

“I know how you feel; I’m getting pretty tired of all the fake trips to the bathroom when I go out with my family,” Lulu admitted.
“School of Fear is the only thing that’s ever helped me. Hypnosis, therapy, bribery… nothing else has worked.”

“I hate to admit it, but it’s only a matter of time before my brothers and sisters catch me spying on them… and then they’ll
pelt me with pickled eggs from the Korean deli… and I don’t even like eggs… and frankly, I’m more than a little tired of worrying
about them twenty-four–seven. If this keeps up I’ll need Botox by high school,” Theo said dramatically as he shook his head.

“Celery says this is better than
Oprah
. Besties having emotional breakthroughs! It’s bonding at its finest,” Hyacinth said proudly.

“And now it’s been ruined,” Lulu snapped at her.

“With Mrs. Wellington in her current state,” Madeleine said as she looked at the elderly woman pushing through the crowd with
Macaroni on her shoulders, “finding the burglar falls to us. We must move quickly and efficiently, so I suggest we break up
into groups and do our best to find this burglar. Seeing as this person has intimate knowledge of the school, I wouldn’t be
surprised if they found us. Plus, we are rather conspicuous, being the only people not dressed as canines.”

“I’ll go with Maddie, since Theo and Garrison seem rather attached to Hyacinth,” Lulu said with a smirk.

“Oh my gosh! Celery and I are going on a double friend date with Theo and Garrison!”

“Celery better not be
my
date,” Theo huffed. “This isn’t the first time someone has tried to set me up with a ferret.”

“Schmidty, are you all right on your own?”

“Of course, Miss Madeleine,” Schmidty said honestly.
“Working for Madame has prepared me to handle almost anything pageant-related.”

Ahead of the group was a literal maze of rooms. Unsure where to start, Garrison decided to go with the closest. The young
boy pulled on Hyacinth, who in turn pulled on Theo, and with that the train of kids and one ferret was off. Past barrels,
hay bushels, and under a twinkling arch the three did go, never once looking back to see which direction their friends had
gone.

The next room was vastly more crowded, causing enormous navigational problems for the three. While Garrison, Hyacinth, and
Theo were pushed and batted by humans and dogs alike, the audience erupted in a chorus of oohs and ahhs.

“I can’t see the stage. What’s happening?” Garrison asked Hyacinth and Theo.

“My guess is a dog making a sandwich, or maybe some sort of pasta dish. Yes, a dog cooking show! Why hasn’t someone thought
of this before? It’s genius!”

“Celery doesn’t think that is even remotely possible. Actually, Celery never agrees with anything you say, Theo.”

“Well, isn’t that charming—a judgmental ferret,”
Theo said gruffly as the crowd erupted in a storm of clapping.

“For all we know, Mrs. Wellington is up there applying makeup to Macaroni,” Garrison said as he scanned the crowd for anyone
suspicious. This was no simple feat; after all, the crowd did consist of eccentrics dressed as canines.

“Celery thinks that sounds more likely than the dog cooking show,” Hyacinth said smugly.

Theo gave Celery a distasteful look. He was fed up with the rodent’s insults. After all, he hadn’t even mentioned that the
ferret had crooked yellow teeth and a nail situation almost as questionable as Schmidty’s.

Garrison led the threesome to the edge of the room, where they pushed and prodded their way along the tent’s walls. After
more than a few bumps and bruises, they were able to catch a glimpse of the stage. A nimble-footed golden retriever pranced
from side to side, tossing a long white bone in the air, only to catch it seconds later. The dog was costumed in a small red-and-gold
cap that reminded Theo of a bellhop’s, with red bands around each paw. It really was rather spectacular how much the dog could
accomplish while the bone was up
in the air, and then manage to catch it. There was simply no denying it; this dog was exceptionally talented. He could roll
over, walk on his hind legs, and leap like a ballerina, all before catching the bone from a seated position.

For a moment Theo, Hyacinth, and Garrison were entirely absorbed by the show and completely forgot the task at hand. It wasn’t
until Finca appeared that they were reminded of their purpose. The woman’s belt of bells jangled as she shuffled across the
stage, her octopus arms dangling by her side.

“Barclay the Bone Baton Boy,” Finca said in a raspy voice. “A talented dog if I do say so myself. And now for the next contestant—Pierre
the Pug!”

“OK, we need to keep moving,” Garrison whispered. “We have a lot of ground to cover.”

“Fine,” Theo lamented, “although I am a little curious about this pug.”

With a quick shake of the head, Garrison continued leading Hyacinth and Theo through the crowd, often getting pushed and kicked
along the way. Just as the threesome neared the perimeter of the large mass of people, Pierre released a high-pitched howl
that frightened
Celery. The small ferret’s gray fur stood on end as her beady little eyes raced around the room. Clearly in an extreme state
of panic, the ferret leapt from Hyacinth’s shoulder and instantly disappeared into the swarm of people.

“Celery!” Hyacinth screamed, causing a murmur to run through the crowd. “Don’t leave me! You’re my number one bestie! Please!”

On her hands and knees, the petite girl dove after Celery. As Hyacinth crawled at warp speed, calling the ferret’s name incessantly,
people attempted to hush her for Pierre’s sake, but she simply couldn’t be stopped. By now Theo and Garrison had completely
lost sight of the girl in the dense crowd and could hear her voice only faintly over the cheers and hollers of the pageant.
Both boys massaged their hands as they looked at each other, unsure what to do next.

In a nearby room Madeleine and Lulu moved stealthily through the crowd, scanning each person carefully. If it hadn’t been
such a serious situation, Lulu would have quite enjoyed playing detective for the afternoon. After all, she had always fancied
the notion of a career in the intelligence field.

“I simply don’t understand why the people are dressed as dogs,” Madeleine whispered to Lulu as the two scoured the room with
their eyes. “The pageant is for the dogs, not the people.”

“They’re probably humiliated that this is their idea of a good time. Think about it. What kinds of people enjoy dressing their
dogs in formal wear?”

“Formal wear?” Madeleine asked, prompting Lulu to nod her head toward the back of the tent. On a small stage in the corner,
under a red-lettered banner proclaiming D
ACHSHUND
D
IVAS
, were three dogs in wigs, lipstick, and multiple pearl necklaces.

“You know the sick thing? I bet those are real pearls,” Lulu said as she continued through the room.

Poor Schmidty really shouldn’t have been left on his own, as his vision in the faint lighting was quite diminished. It had
taken him an entire ten minutes to realize that the man looking at him was actually his own shadow.

Following the shadow incident, Schmidty headed
into the next room, bumping into quite a few men, women, and dogs along the way. He had never been very fond of crowds, but
the current situation made him even more nervous. The scene was far too chaotic for the burglar to be able to find them. In
addition, Schmidty worried about what sort of burglar would choose such a location for a meeting. He had watched enough films
to know that this should have taken place in a deserted parking garage or a dark alley.

Oh, the whole thing was simply ludicrous, Schmidty thought as he shimmied toward a stage filled with miniature pinschers.
Schmidty had never been fond of min pins, as they are known. Their bossy nature reminded him far too much of Mrs. Wellington.

As the min pins’ martial marching came to a close, Finca stepped onto the stage and began assessing each of the dogs. The
strange woman’s spindly arms were so long that she could pet the dogs from a standing position.

“Based on form, fierceness, and fur, I declare Charles the winner,” Finca proclaimed hoarsely. “And remember, in a few short
minutes, Bulldog Ballerinas will begin in the main tent.”

If ever a lightbulb were to appear above Schmidty’s head, it would most certainly have happened now. If this burglar knew
as much about Madame as Schmidty believed, there would be no better place to find him.

T
heo and Garrison had stood still without uttering a word for over three minutes. On the edge of a bustling crowd of people
and dogs, the two boys looked at each other, unsure what to do next.

“Hyacinth didn’t want us to follow her, did she?” Garrison asked, pretending not to know the unbelievably obvious answer to
his question.

“I doubt it,” Theo played along. “I actually think Celery wanted some alone time with Hyacinth and that’s
why she ran off. It would have been rude if we had gone after them, kind of like crashing a date.”

“Totally. Plus, she wouldn’t want us to forget about Mrs. Wellington and the burglar. I mean, someone needs to stay on track,
right?”

“Right,” Theo agreed as he continued to massage his hand. “Now, what do you think the likelihood is of finding a snack cart
or food court in here?”

“Theo, has anyone ever checked to make sure you don’t have a worm in your stomach?”

“Tons of times,” Theo responded casually. “I’d say a minimum of twice a year.”

Garrison trailed Theo into the next room, all the while wondering if it were possible for this chubby boy ever to feel full.
Fortunately, Lulu and Madeleine entered the main tent at the same time the boys did. As the girls were the only other noncostumed
people, they were rather easy to spot.

“Where’s Hyacinth?” Lulu blurted out as the boys approached.

“Um, she and Celery wanted some alone time to catch up, or something like that. You know ferrets; they are so secretive,”
Theo explained.

“Yeah, right,” Lulu said with a laugh. “I’ve got to hand it to you, Theo. I didn’t think you had it in you to ditch the little
bugger.”

“There was no ditching, Lulu. Don’t try to besmirch my good name!”

“That sounds like a line you stole from a movie.”

“That doesn’t make it any less true.”

“All right, enough,” Madeleine said firmly. “Did either of you see anything suspicious? Or perhaps Mrs. Wellington and Macaroni?”

“Nope,” Garrison responded.

“I think the burglar will most likely approach only Mrs. Wellington, so we ought to locate her, then keep a very keen eye
on her.”

“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem,” Lulu said as she pointed to the main stage, where Finca stood beneath a B
ALLERINA
B
ULLDOGS
sign.

“Hello, everyone. As most of you already know, I am Finca, master of ceremonies, and it is my great honor to announce Ballerina
Bulldogs, my favorite event of the night.”

As the woman spoke, Madeleine spotted Schmidty across the stage, squinting at the crowd. While the old
man could clearly not see them, Madeleine was grateful to have located at least one of the missing members of the party.

“This is just wrong—those dogs are humiliated,” Garrison said as owners led their tutu-clad English bulldogs onstage.

“What kind of name is Finca?” Theo asked no one in particular. “It has a real star quality to it, kind of like Cher or Madonna.
I could definitely see myself naming my daughter that.”

“You are worse than Hyacinth, talking about your kids. Um, wake-up call? You haven’t even hit puberty,” Lulu said, rolling
her eyes.

“Well, you don’t have to rub it in. And why are you mentioning Hyacinth? Just to torment me? The guilt is suffocating me!”