She spread out a beach towel by his shoes and shirt. She picked up his shirt, brushed the sand off, and laid it folded on top of his bag. She slipped off her sandals, shook them clean and brushed off her feet.
Sitting on the towel with arms wrapped around her knees and her head tipped back, she stared into the night sky, putting names to the constellations in an unsuccessful effort to distract herself from their argument and her memories. The Big Dipper was easy, then the Little Dipper, and then the North Star. Finding her way north was easy. Now she just needed some directions around in her heart.
The splashing from Nate’s swimming stopped.
Kay looked out to where he stood in the waist-deep dark water, surrounded by silvered ripples, his back to her, hands on his hips, shoulders slumped and head hanging.
Guilt crawled through her.
He exhaled hard and turned slowly to face her. “Are you coming in?”
The current tumult of emotion let the old stuff boil up as well. Kay gave a squeamish shudder against the old, old childish fear of dark creatures in dark waters. Lloyd teasing Margie the other night was surely responsible for that ridiculous, distracting anxiety popping to the surface when she had so many real issues to deal with now.
“I don’t feel like swimming.”
He waded out and stood dripping in front of her. “Kay, babe, come swimming. You’ll feel better.”
She kept her gaze fixed on her folded arms and her knees. “I don’t want to swim.”
He crouched down. “What do you want to do?” He stroked a finger over her cheek, coaxing her to tip her face to him.
“Nothing.” She wanted things back to simple and clear. He loved her and now everything was a mess. See, she was right. Love was too crazy, too dangerous. Love ruined everything.
If you loved me, you’d come home…Why the hell do you have to argue all the time…If you loved me…Just do as I say…Would you just listen for a change?
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead lightly. His wet hair and beard randomly scattered cool droplets to drip and slip over her warm skin. She shivered from the drips, from frustration, and her traitorous body raised her lips to his. He kissed her again, and she opened her mouth to his. Kissing was safer than talking, but gave little comfort in her turmoil.
Things were changing, had changed. He had changed. He’d changed her.
He stroked her hands, delicately tracing her fingers, something her mother had done when Kay was little. One of her good memories of her mother, even if Mother only had done it to soothe her own self after yet another blowout fight with Dad. She sighed. No matter the motivation, she would keep it claimed as a good memory, being held and being close.
What Kay wanted to say stuck in her throat. Yes. No. I’m sorry. All of it. She brushed the curl of wet hair off his forehead.
He fiddled with her shirt cuffs while nuzzling her ear, filling in the awkward quiet. He finally unbuttoned the cuffs and reached for the fastener at the front of her bikini top.
She caught his hand.
He twisted his hand, capturing hers. Kay couldn’t look at his eyes, only at his hand, and her hand, where his ring lay. Silence could be deafening, after all.
He let go.
A rush of abandonment frightened her and Kay caught his hand back, cupping him to her breast. She wanted to feel, not think.
Problem was, he was surely feeling her heartbeat’s anxious race.
She was so tired of being afraid. She wanted to be strong again. She wanted to bury her face against his chest and forget the past screaming in her head.
“I promise,” he said quietly, his gaze firm and face solemn. “Never to hurt you.”
Unable to bear the look in his eyes, she shut hers and touched her mouth to his. How could he promise that, even if he meant it? No matter what they promised, people always hurt each other.
I promise, I’m coming home…I promise I’m not seeing her anymore…I promise I’ll be there…I promise we won’t move again…I promise, this job’s different…I promise…
Desperate to escape her thoughts, she focused on sensations: his lips, soft and wind chapped, the tickle of his beard, his strong hand massaging so sweetly over her breast, thumb coaxing and teasing, the keen electric jolt of pleasure and answering ripple of need. The zinging whine of a mosquito shot a reflexive shiver through her.
It was so much easier to let him tug the shirt from her, to let him free her breasts from the bikini top. Easier even to fall back under him, to let him lie over her, to cradle him between her legs and dissolve under his kiss. The sand below her towel still held the day’s heat. His arousal jutted hard against her, his wet swim trunks soaking her. If she was in love, why couldn’t she feel certain for more than five minutes at a time? Wasn’t it the guy who was supposed to be gun-shy? Was this thing between them just lust, loneliness, and habit? Why couldn’t she figure this out?
It was easier to slide her hands over the defined muscle and bones of his back down to his hips, to hold him close and rise against him, easier to rely on her body being clear about wanting to love him. Just feel.
Yes, her body wanted him now.
But did she want him forever?
Thinking, oh, stop thinking. Feeling was safer, easier as he untied her pareu and slid his hand beneath the flimsy barrier of her bikini bottoms and stroked a long, strong finger in gentle demand. Losing herself in the sensation of his mouth on her breasts, the weight of him and demanding rock of his body against hers, the thrill of his touch stroking her up high and higher was easier. He drew her bottoms away and off. She sank her fingers into the curls covering his head, ringlets almost now that they were wet, savoring the softness of those blond locks.
She was being an idiot. It wasn’t as if he was asking her to drop everything and run off first thing in the morning. Not once had he—She gasped. Oh, that felt…so good.
“Yeah, let it go, babe, just feel. Let me love you,” he murmured against her breast, nipping lightly, sending delicious tremors through her nerves. “No worries. Just us. Everything’s fine. Just me loving you.”
Just let him love her…that wasn’t so hard…not hard at all with the lovely electric pleasure of his fingers, stroking, sliding and teasing, and the demanding wet heat of his mouth.
“Yeah, there, come on, babe.”
Her breaths shortened, her hips lifted, flexing, opening for him. Her body begged him, her fingers biting into his shoulders, chasing the release dancing beyond her grasp.
“So close, almost there, right, babe. You’re so beautiful.” With a pleased chuckle he nipped, as he stroked her just so—
And she came hard with a crying gasp.
Kissing her, stroking and petting her down, he stretched over and blindly dug around in his bag. With an urgent, groaned, “Thank you!” he pulled out a condom package. He shucked down his trunks and sheathed himself.
He covered her, supporting his weight on his arms, and studied her with an expression of quiet sorrow. “Kay, I love you.” His eyes brimmed with a pain she was responsible for putting there. “Do you at least believe I love you?”
“Yes.” That much was true. She believed him. He knew how to show his feelings.
He nodded. “I love you, Kay. I love your independence, your talent. I love your quietness and your laughter. You amaze me.” He caught her hand and tugged her to cup him. “See how my body’s hard for you? That’s how I feel in my soul for you. Only one thing can satisfy that need. You. I don’t know how else to say it to convince you. If I could take a photo, one, a hundred, to prove it, I would. All I can give you is my words and my self.”
She ached at his sweet promises. She wanted…wanted…She felt as if something was broken in her, something chaining her back from crossing the gap between them, choking her feelings off before she could speak them or even understand them. She would burst from the confusion.
He brushed a kiss over her mouth and settled his body between her legs, rocking his hips, nudging, gliding and teasing. She arched to welcome him in, but he simply continued that slow stroking, shooting heat through her. “Both of us are better with pictures than talking, so how about you just let me show you.” His wry smile struck a vibrant chord in her, hammering away at her careful defenses. Her body flooded with heat.
He filled her until he was seated deep. She tightened around him, her breath catching. His caught, too, and his words came rough and sensual. “Yeah, there you go. Hold on to me.”
Even as she knew he meant those words to mean far more than simple physical connection, her hands fluttered up, skimmed over his shoulders, and gripped his upper arms. He flexed, rocking deeper. Her inner muscles tightened on him, bliss rippling along her nerves.
Oh, yes, oh, yes…Pleasure blanked her mind. Right…think later. Worry later. He felt so good…Holding on felt so…right.
“Oh, yeah.” Nate set up a mesmerizing slow rhythm, rolling and rocking. Time melted away.
He slid his hands under her hips, raising her. “Touch yourself, babe, show me the way you like me to touch those pretty breasts of yours.” His voice was hoarse, his face determined. His eyes held hers with a grip more unshakeable than his hands and more unrelenting than the sensual, leisurely pace he set for them.
She dropped her hands away from his arms and obeyed him, stroking her fingertips over her breasts, her nipples already tight and sensitive from his mouth and the arousal winding tighter and tighter within. Still caught in his gaze, she teased and cupped herself, reveling in how his eyes heated.
He licked his lips and smiled, shifting their bodies so he sank ever so deeper and she soared ever higher. His jaw clenched, the cords of his neck and shoulder caught with moonlight. His eyes fixed on hers. All passion. Taking. Giving.
She rolled her thumbs over her nipples, the pleasure arcing down to where they were joined. His steady, drugging pace shortening, strokes tighter. The energy of pleasure gathered in her like a thunderstorm, holding off on the horizon, but coming dead on, soon.
His gray eyes held her in their deep sensual pools. “Yeah, touch yourself, you’re so beautiful. Wish you could see how I see you. Yeah, ahh, babe, hell, yeah!” He shifted that littlest degree and the orgasm crashed through her. Heat and light and intoxicating, burning relief.
“Yes!” He drove hard and flung his head back, his fingers biting into her, and he shot after her over the edge.
They collapsed together, gasping and sweaty, and trembling here and there from pleasure’s sweet aftermath. Kay’s heart banged out a racing beat in time with the echoing race of Nate’s against her chest. The release left her boneless, emptied and relaxed as if a flashflood had ripped her anxieties away.
“Shit!” He slapped at his hip and jerked off her with an irritated laugh.
“What?”
“A skeeter bit a chunk out of my ass.” He rolled back and kissed her. “Let’s get cleaned up and back to camp.”
****
So much for trying to talk it out.
Nate’s body and mind were all worked out with that loose-jointed, post-sex mellow buzz that should have felt so good, but was no help when he needed to think. And God help him, he needed to start using his smarts instead of his heart. Or anything lower.
Women were supposed to want to talk, right? Of course, Kay had to be different. He hadn’t meant to go all Neanderthal and ultimatum her. He was pathetic. Letting his mouth and frustration run loose had so nearly blown up in his face.
Kay strolled alongside him, her hand relaxed in his. That gave him hope she wasn’t too pissed at him. Why did being in love have to be so great, and yet so confusing and damn miserable…
What more could he do? What else could he promise her? She said she believed he loved her. She hadn’t said no. She hadn’t thrown his ring back in his face. It was still on her finger. She hadn’t told him to go to hell. He was making progress, yeah?
She still hadn’t said yes.
What now? Thank heaven for sex. And no argument, he was completely guilty on pushing Kay there, but seeing that numb despair in her face, well, he’d been more desperate than sensible. Why couldn’t he have fallen for someone easy? Apparently, he liked a challenge. Maybe he could just make love to her constantly for the next week, until neither of them could see or think straight. Just keep on showing her and telling her.
Well, he was good, but not that good. He chuckled gloomily.
“What’s funny?” She paused their walk.
“Life, the universe, and everything.” He winced at his glib answer.
Kay laughed softly and slipped her arm around his waist, sending his heart into a relieved lurch. “You’re not kidding.” She sighed, squeezed a hug around him, and her body softened against his.
They stayed embraced in companionable quiet, looking out at the dark lake and star-filled night sky.
Kay took a long breath, and her voice came hesitantly, soft and vulnerable. “Lloyd and JoAnn are really good together, aren’t they?”
“Absolutely.”
“I can’t believe they’re having a baby. I mean, I can’t believe it in a good way. JoAnn wanted one for so long, and now…It’s so good to see her happy.”
“She deserves it.” JoAnn frankly awed Nate with what she had survived in her first marriage. That woman deserved everything good. And Lloyd, well, any old youthful doubts about Lloyd’s backbone and guts had been well put to rest.