Close to Heart (12 page)

He took both plates and moved to the table, setting them down. She found herself hoping, fantasizing, of a time when she wouldn’t worry about the consequences of her connection to this man, a time when she could be open about acknowledging her feelings for him. She wanted him to ask her to stay, to want her the way she did him, to tell her that he needed her. Alyssa sighed, wondering if this yearning was one-sided. If she wasn’t just seeing what she hoped to see in his eyes. Other than a few earth-shattering kisses, he’d been nothing more than a good friend. And, while she needed that, she wanted more. Oh, so much more, from him.

The best thing for everyone would be if she left and found a place where she could start to rebuild her life, just her and her child, but being with Justin was too tempting to turn away.

J
USTIN WAS CERTAIN
he was going to die if he kept ignoring this ache. His body was going to up and explode. He was already throbbing with need, and when she looked up at him with those emerald eyes, every part of him questioned why he didn’t just kiss her, bury his hands into her long, thick hair, and see where this desire led them.

And, damn if this woman didn’t have the sexiest legs, even pregnant. His eyes slid over her as she walked toward the table. How in the hell did Lyssa manage to make a maternity dress and boots look sexy?

It had nearly killed him to not kiss her when she was in his arms, to pretend he wasn’t aching for her. It was a physical pain to keep from touching her the past few days, to keep pretending that his body wasn’t straining against this barrier he’d put up to keep his distance. It had been far better to stay busy working, making ranch calls where he wouldn’t be constantly tempted.

He’d promised himself he would be what she needed right now—a friend to support her decision—not another complication. She didn’t need another man pressuring her, demanding things from her. If he wanted any chance at ever having her look at him as more than just another mistake, he needed to walk this fine line. He needed to earn her trust. That meant giving her time and space to come to terms with the situation she found herself in now.

“How’s Rocky today?” He took a bite of the sandwich. Justin saw the flicker of confusion in her eyes, but it was gone quickly and he wondered if he should question it.

“Good. He’s getting a belly on him.” She picked at her food.

“Is Lucky letting him nurse?”

“Only when the others aren’t.” She took a bite of the sandwich. “But she’s letting him sleep with them now,” she added.

He gave her a patronizing grin. “You mean when you aren’t holding him?” They should continue the feedings for now, but it was important for him to spend as much time with his siblings as possible.

She looked away guiltily, a smile curving her lips. “He likes to cuddle.”

“Of course he does. He’s a puppy. That’s what they do.” He glanced around the kitchen as the scent of lemon hung heavily in the air, noticing the gleaming cupboards that looked recently oiled. “Nesting again?” He gave her a critical look. “You cleaned my cupboards?”

She avoided his gaze and finished off her half a sandwich before rising to throw her paper plate in the trash. “Maybe.”

“Lyssa.”

Alyssa turned and stuck her tongue out at him playfully as she reached for his empty plate. Justin fought the urge to lean forward and capture her in a kiss, trying desperately to keep his mind focused on anything but the seductive way her eyes shone. He shifted in the chair, trying to remedy the erection he was now sporting. Her gaze jumped back to his, curious and questioning, and he realized he’d just groaned aloud.

Aw, hell.

Justin grasped her wrist and dragged her into his lap. What good was it to try to pretend that she didn’t affect him, that his body wasn’t raging with need right now, that he didn’t want to bury himself within her? She gasped in surprise as the solid wall of his chest pressed against her back. His hands slid up her bared arms and he felt goose bumps break out over her skin. He loved the way his touch made her body respond immediately. His lips found the side of her neck, moving to her ear, and he heard her sigh as she dropped her head backward, against his shoulder. She fit him perfectly. Her rear tucked against him made him ache. His fingers trailed over the inside of her arm, and she shivered against him.

His pledge to keep his distance was forgotten when she turned her face toward him, twisting in his lap to kiss him. Her mouth was hot, searching and demanding, asking everything from him and offering even more in return. Justin’s hand slid over the curve of her belly to cup her breast, his thumb teasing the peak through her clothing. She moaned into his mouth, and every part of him jerked to attention. His free hand moved around to hold her to him. His entire body throbbed with desire, fierce and hot. Desperation beat against his chest, making him forget that he’d known her only a week, forget that it would be months before her divorce was final, forget wanting to do the right thing.

“Lyssa, you’re killing me. I can’t be this close to you and not touch you,” he whispered against the back of her shoulder, moving his hand to wrap his fingers around the gentle curve of her hips, trying to hold back his desire. “I’m trying to give you what you need.”

“I need
you
, Justin.” Her voice was quiet but confident.

It was like trying to hold back the tide, and his desire for this woman crashed over him, overtaking him. Justin was certain he was dreaming. She’d haunted every moment of his sleep over the past week, visions of her reaching out to him, her lips begging him to worship her body. He couldn’t take the chance that this was nothing more than another dream. Soon, she’d be gone and he would be left with nothing more than a memory of the woman he hadn’t been enough to hold on to. Justin turned her in his lap, his lips tasting the heated curve of her neck as she arched her body into his touch. Justin caressed her body, grasping the hem of her dress, before letting his hand slowly glide over the sensitive flesh of her thigh. His fingers found her core, warm, wet and ready for him. It was too much.

Her body trembled as he stroked her. Lyssa whimpered and his body answered with an explosion of longing, bursting within him, hot and bright. Her hips bucked against his hand and he fought for control of his own body, wanting nothing more than to feel her surrounding him, her skin against his. With painstaking slowness, Justin slid a finger into her and she cried out, dropping her head back on his shoulder. With her back against his chest, he could use both of his hands on her, caressing her, teasing her body, bringing her the pleasure he wanted so desperately to give. Justin wanted to give her this moment of ecstasy, allow her to focus on her pleasure, her needs. And she was close. His fingers stroked her, his thumb finding her most sensitive nub. Alyssa whispered his name, her nails biting into the muscles of his forearms as her body shuddered against his hand, and she arched into him as she found the pinnacle her body instinctively sought.

Justin pressed his lips against her shoulder as she came down from the height of her orgasm, her body still trembling against him. Her breath came in shaky, shallow pants as she tried to regain control of her emotions. He could feel it in the way her back stiffened against his chest. She was fighting some sort of battle in her mind, and he was going to make sure his Lyssa, the exciting, confident woman he’d come to admire, won out over the fearful, apprehensive woman who’d arrived a few days ago, scared and helpless.

“D
ON
’
T
, L
YSSA
.”

The husky rasp of his voice at her neck sent shivers down her spine, making her body melt against his again. What had they just done? The worst part was that she didn’t want it to stop. She wanted to touch him, to feel his body against hers, pressing into hers, and to ride with him to the bliss that still had her body humming.

But she feared what Elijah would do when he found out.

And fear was the only thing that had sustained her for the past few years of her marriage, when Elijah grew more vicious with his words, more demeaning with his accusations, more detrimental with his lies. She’d retreated behind the wall of her fear, pretending that life would go on, and happiness was a fantasy.

“Don’t hide from me, Lyssa.” Justin’s words were like a sledgehammer to the wall she was trying to quickly rebuild between them. “I feel you doing it.”

Her chin fell forward against her chest as she tried to find the strength in herself to fight her heart that so desperately wanted this moment with him, to stop the fear rising to the surface. Justin ran his hands over her body—gentle, teasing, coaxing, yet without demanding anything, only offering himself. His lips against her skin ignited a spreading wildfire over her flesh, growing more urgent by the second.

“But—”

“It’s just you and me right now,” he finished, as if reading her thoughts. Justin shifted so that she sat sideways in his lap, able to see his face as he cupped her jaw. “The past is gone, Lyssa. You have the opportunity now to be the woman who’s been hiding for years. I can see her.”

His words released a sudden flood of tears. In spite of every effort to keep him at a distance, he’d still seen past the facade she’d portrayed so convincingly. Alyssa stood and held her hand out to him, not even bothering to wipe away her tears. They were washing away the past, the fear and lies that covered the true woman she’d buried inside.

Without a word, she walked to his bedroom, turning toward him as she reached the foot of his bed. “I don’t know what my ex-husband is capable of.”

He took a step toward her, his hand curling around the back of her neck, and she could feel his breath on her skin, could see the fierce protective instinct rise up in him. “He can’t do anything to me. I wouldn’t care if he could. All I care about is how
you
feel, Lyssa, what you want.”

“I want . . . ” She shook her head, knowing what she wanted to say but unsure how much she should. She wanted someone to see her for who she was, flaws and all, and love her. She wanted someone honest and good, who made her heart race with just a look. “I want you.”

With three simple words, she felt the last remnants of fear slip away. The truth was that Justin would protect her, had even before he realized what he was doing. She pulled her dress over her head with one quick movement, casting it aside.

She heard his sharp intake of breath, could feel his heated gaze move over her body. Her fingers moved to slide her bra strap over her shoulder and he stopped her.

“Let me.”

Justin’s eyes were hot as his fingertip traced the lace at the cup of her bra, and Alyssa felt desire move through her again, languid and warm, as it eased through her limbs, making her weak. He slid one strap over her shoulder before moving to the other. She wanted him to continue to move as slowly as possible, to savor every second. She also wanted him to hurry up and touch her, to end this agonizing yearning.

Unclasping her bra, Justin cupped her breasts as she let the garment slide down her arms. “You’re perfect,” he breathed, his lips just above her collarbone.

Alyssa’s chest heaved, craving his touch. Her breasts, full and round, were only inches from his lips. His hands found where her waist still dipped in, just before one hand cradled where her child lay.

How could he think she was perfect?

After so many years of hearing how she fell short, how she wasn’t the woman Elijah expected her to be, she almost doubted the validity of Justin’s words. But she wanted to believe him.

As if he could feel the specter of Elijah rising between them again, he met her gaze, cupping her face between his hands. “Lyssa, I won’t lie to you, and I won’t hurt you, ever.”

She could see the honest promise in his deep blue eyes. Her fingers dug into his arms as she held on to him. This was the man she’d been looking for so long ago, a man who was kind and honorable and sought to protect the people he cared for.

He knelt in front of her, his hands cradling her stomach, and he pressed a kiss to it. “Lyssa, don’t you realize what a gift you are?”

Alyssa’s heart stopped beating as his words, the emotion she could hear choking his voice, swelled in her chest, making any response lodge in her throat. She’d never had any man touch her with such tender sincerity. No man had ever reached into her soul and said exactly what she needed to hear the way Justin just had. She’d spent the past six years with a man who continually criticized her until she had become a shell of the woman she’d once been. In only a few days, Justin had drawn her out, renewing the confidence she’d once had. And he didn’t have the slightest clue that he’d just rocked her entire world from its foundation.

Her fingers tugged at his shirt and he stood, jerking it over his head, tossing it aside. He groaned as her hands slid over his chest. They trailed over the hard wall of muscles at his chest, feeling every bump and ridge, savoring his matching ardor. It was the first time she’d touched him, and she sighed at the feeling of his body under her fingers. He walked her back a step, her hips pressing at the edge of the bed. Justin leaned forward, his mouth finding the peak of her breast, toying with the nipple, letting his tongue lazily swirl around it. She clung to his shoulders, feeling yearning burst within her again, and reached for his belt buckle, tugging at the hard metal plate.

“Lyssa, wait.” He stood and let his hands cup the swell of her stomach, looking into her eyes. “Honey, how can we . . . I’ve never made love to a pregnant woman. We need to slow down. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t know. I haven’t done . . . this since I found out I was pregnant.” She saw the hesitation in his eyes and waited for him to tell her he’d changed his mind. She looked down at her stomach protruding between them and ran a hand over her quiet child before she rose from the edge of the bed. She couldn’t do this to him. She’d make it easy for him. Alyssa laid her hand against his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Justin. I don’t expect you to . . . ”

She shrugged and started to move away from him. She’d known this was far too good to be true.

J
USTIN WANTED TO
kill her bastard of an ex-husband, even as he wanted to thank the man for being such a fool. How could he have looked at Lyssa and not wanted to make love to her? He could clearly see the scars the constant rejection had caused her, heard the pain in her voice as she said his name. There was no way he was letting her misunderstand and think he didn’t want to make love to her.

“Where are you going?” He held her wrist and pulled her back into his arms. “I’ve waited forever to be with you. I’m not letting something like semantics get in the way.”

Justin couldn’t help himself; he
had
to kiss her, the way he needed oxygen to breathe, the way the sun needed to rise in the morning. She was a part of him he’d never realized was missing. He cupped her face in his hands and found her lips. His tongue swept into her mouth, tasting her, branding her as his. Alyssa’s fingers dug into his shoulders. He wanted her to feel his desire, his desperate need for her, even without words.

He put her hands at his belt buckle, and she looked up at him through her thick lashes. “Lyssa, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman.” He saw the doubt fade from her eyes as understanding dawned, and they glimmered with her own hunger. He gave her a lopsided smile. “Please, tell me that between the two of us, we can figure out a way to do this.”

Her fingers fumbled with the button of his pants, trailing over his straining arousal as her eyes glinted with wicked humor. “I’m sure we can come up with something.”

Justin brushed her hands aside, kicked off his boots, and dropped his pants to the floor. He moved to the nightstand and pulled a condom from inside, walking back to Lyssa. He smiled down at her as he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her as close as he could, his hand smoothing her stomach. “I’m not sure there’s a point in using this, but I will if you want. I’m clean.”

“I guess there’s a silver lining to the fact that I haven’t . . . ” She let her words trail off. “I am, too. I was tested when I first found out I was pregnant.”

Justin dipped his head, searing her with a kiss, feeling his body respond instantly to the touch. He let his hands explore her body, worshiping her without words, his mouth following his hands over her heated flesh, her skin like warm satin under his fingers. Her hands found him, hard and ready. She cupped him, stroking until he could take no more. He quickly realized this was going to require some creativity on his part.

He turned her so that her back was flush against the front of him and backed toward the edge of the bed. He sank onto the edge and curled his fingers around her slim hips, urging her into his lap. She eased herself backward slowly, sheathing him within her heat, and Justin bit back a groan of pleasure. One hand cupped her breast, his fingers teasing it to a tight peak as her soft sighs tantalized him. He let her find a rhythm that satisfied her but wondered if he would be able to withstand this torment. Lyssa reached for his thighs, her nails digging into the muscles as she balanced herself.

She rode him, her back arching as ecstasy found her again, taking her higher. She cried out as she let the wave of pleasure carry her. Justin let go, his arms wrapping around her body, holding her to him, molding them into one. He felt every part of him go rigid as his body found the release it had craved since he’d first seen her.

Justin pressed his lips against the back of her bare shoulder, biting slightly as she quivered against him, her body still clutching his. He couldn’t help feeling as if he’d just made the best mistake of his life.

J
USTIN LAY WITH
one arm wrapped around Lyssa, listening to her even breathing as she slept. His arm under her head was a bit uncomfortable, but he wasn’t about to disturb her. She looked far too peaceful. His free hand traced the length of her arm to the curve of her hip.

He’d never experienced anything like what they’d shared. Sex between them had been mind-blowing, better than his wildest fantasies. Lyssa made him feel so much more.

Contrary to what Bailey and his sisters believed, he wasn’t a player. He just wasn’t a commitment kind of guy, so he dated women who wanted the same from the beginning. But this thing with Lyssa had begun on an emotional note, like a roller coaster with nothing but dips and turns, before quickly picking up speed straight into a realm he’d never even considered before. For the first time in his life, he was contemplating the future. Justin was contemplating the desire to be a husband and father, to have a family of his own. He laid his hand over the rounded curve of her belly and felt her son press against his palm.

No, he didn’t just want to be a husband—he wanted to be Lyssa’s husband. Not just a father,
this
child’s father. The knowledge that she would be going back to LA, if only to finalize her divorce, was enough to make him physically ache. He’d known her less than a week, but she’d already filled a hollow in his life he’d never realized existed. If she left—
when
she left, he corrected—it was going to leave a gaping hole large enough for him to drown in.

The thought of her being subjected to that bastard again made rage curl in his chest, tensing every muscle in his body. Especially after finding out the extent of the emotional abuse she’d been through. Unfortunately, there really wasn’t a damn thing he could say or do to stop it. Unless he could convince her to stay here, with him.

Why would she? This was just a hole-in-the-wall stop she’d made because of an accident. She was so completely out of his league. She’d forget about this place, and him, as soon as she left. As much as Alyssa seemed to care, he was probably nothing more than her rebound, the man who helped her find her way back to independence. He’d better savor every moment because it wouldn’t last. Women like Alyssa, with champagne dreams, didn’t want to settle for a country vet with a beer budget.

Now he understood how difficult he’d made things for Julia when she’d started falling in love with Dylan. He’d been the first person to give her a hard time for letting it happen as fast as she had, but he realized now, as unexplainable as it was, there was nothing to be done to stop it. Justin just knew Lyssa was the woman he’d been waiting for.

He should have listened to his sister when she tried to tell him that instinct would guide him, that he wouldn’t have to think about it, that love would just be a fact his heart understood without any help from his brain. Jessie must have sensed it as well because she’d made enough comments while he was at her ranch. How could either of them have realized it could come to this even before he had?

Because you don’t want to admit it.

Because he’d been trying to do the right thing, the
honorable
thing—still wanted to—but if it meant letting Lyssa go, he’d just have to accept being wrong.

Lyssa stirred against him, reawakening the longing that should have been sated. He moved closer, wanting to feel every part of her pressed against him again, warming his skin, filling him with her scent.

“Hmm.” She sighed and stretched. “I thought you were going to sleep.” She glanced backward at him over her shoulder, pressing herself snugly into his chest.

His lips found the curve of her ear. Pressing a kiss to the tender spot behind it, he felt her shiver against him, arching her back slightly and tucking her perfect rear more fully against his hips. “I was, but I’m enjoying you in my arms too much. You’re so beautiful.”