Close Your Eyes (43 page)

‘
We
have been together for so long that it seems impossible to imagine my life without you in it
.
’
His voice was unsteady.
‘
You
are the first
girl I ever made love to and
the only one who stuck with me through thick and thin over those years. You are the best friend I ever had,
Meg
. You know what I think before I even open my mouth, for
G
od’s sake.’ He smiled, his features soft.
‘I will always love you,
Meg
. You know that. But…’

There
is
a ‘but
,
’ of course.
She
took
in his features as if she
were seeing
him for the very first time. And in a way she was, really. Ever since casting a glance at him when they were children,
she hadn’t
ever
really
stopped and looked to make sure that her dream was still alive
.
She knew they belonged
together
. That
knowledge
had been
enough to keep her going without ever having to
second
-
guess
her choice. And she thought
her certainty
would be
enough.

‘We can’t spend our lives
together
,
settling for this comfy familiarity,
Meg
.’

S
he made an effort to listen without interrupting. She wanted to yell that he was wrong and that they were so much more than just a comfortable couple of friends.

‘I don’t know if Alice and I have a real shot at being happy together
.
’ Ry
an
looked at her
and stroked
her cheek. ‘I really don’t.
Still
, she moves my heart in a way I have already forgotten. Or maybe
I
never really
experienced it at all
.’

Too much information.
Too much and too painful.
She could live without knowing
that
he found their relationship lacking.

‘Are you sure about all that?’
L
istening to her own voice, pleading and weak
, she thought she sounded pathetic
. ‘
Isn’t
it just a phase,
Ry
? If you gave it time
—
’

‘If I gave it time, we’d be back to square one,
Megs
.’ He shook his head in refusal. ‘
We
might
get
back on track,
moving on and settling for our life together. Still, deep down
,
I would always know
that
it’s not enough
,
and you’d hate me for knowing how I feel. I can’t stand the thought of you hating me,
Meg
.’

Then why are you doing
this
?
She wanted to yell,
but
her throat
burned
as if she
were
inhaling flames.
She couldn’t believe he would
trample her heart with
the
elegant ease that had been his trademark ever since she
’d known
him.

‘I want to go back, Ry
.
’
She was suddenly
unable to stand the beauty of
this
place anymore. It was a place for lovers and dreamers, not
broken-
hearted
empty
shells such as
her
. ‘Take me to my shop, please.
I have some work to do.
’

She couldn’t go home. She just couldn’t. If her mother
was
waiting up,
bubbling with excitement and expecting good news, she’d never stop screaming. She needed someplace safe and alone, away from everyone else
, her
own little
hidey-hole
to lick her wounds and regroup her fighting spirit.
Because it wasn’t over
, n
ot yet
.
A
nd if she had anything to say about it,
it wouldn’t be over
anytime soon. She just had to find a way.

Two hours later
,
she wasn’t so sure anymore
if she could save her relationship with Ryan
.

Coming to the store had definitely
been
a good idea
. T
he empty
,
calm space welcom
ed
her with soothing darkness and complete silence.
She managed to persuade him she’d be okay, even talking about the few loose ends she planned on tying to solidify the end of their relationship. The role reversal was almost perverse. She was trying to console him by making sure he didn’t feel too guilty to leave her here, in her personal kingdom. But he knew how much her shop meant to her. Those two rooms summarized her success as a businesswoman. And maybe deep down, he understood that this was the only place she’d pick for her refuge when she was hurt.

So he left. His steps echoed down the pavement to his waiting car. She didn’t want to think about where he would go next
, she thought as she
watched Ry
an
walk
away. He turned
back twice to look at her lonely silhouette in the dark doorway. He would have stayed longer if she
had
asked
.
A
sudden influx of
self-pity
hit Meg
as she weighted her options
. If she sobbed and begged him, his decency would not allow him to leave.

But
do I
really want
him to stay
?
Things
had
changed, whether she
had
wanted
them to
or not.

She
’d
rather stay alone,
a
single bottle of whisky her only companion.
Insisting that it was important for them to have some drinks to offer to their customers as they poured over arrangement options,
Jenna
had
brought
the bottle
just
yesterday.
Jenna thought the men
, usually dragged along and desperately bored while their fiancées took their time
going
through their options
, would especially appreciate a drink
. So she brought some wine, cognac
,
and whisky, the
‘
unholy trinity
,
’
as she
’d
called it with a sparkle in her eyes.

S
ipping
slowly and listening to the sound of the ice grating against the wall of her glass
, Meg thought it was a brilliant idea
, a
bsolutely perfect.
Meg
hated whisky in normal circumstances, but
nothing
was
normal about tonight
.
An
Adele
song
blared in the background
and
the
haunting lyrics
were
very fitting for
her
state of mind. She hummed along, her voice rising in sync with the singer as she told off her
flighty
lover.
The striking song
could have been written for her and her alone
.
Meg
felt yet another tear escape her eyelid and roll down her cheek.

With her third drink
perched precariously at the edge of her desk
, s
he was composing
an e
-
mail to Ry
an
and
trying to write exactly
what
she felt without being silly. It was insane
,
in a way, but she felt less exposed
sending
an e
-mail. Her
tear-blurred
eyes
clung
to her few lines.

‘
You
can’t mean
this
,
Ry
,
’
it began
. A longer
tirade
, full of errors and empty spaces
where
she
’d
let her finger hesitate
on the space key for too long
, followed
.
I’ll
run a spellcheck on it later,
she thought carelessly.

When the doorbell rang, she looked up, momentarily confused, from her computer screen.
Getting to her feet was much harder than she anticipated,
because
her center of balance
was
seriously compromised.
She was annoyed when the doorbell rang again, longer this time.
Why would anyone bother her at such ungodly hour, was beyond her understanding.
She wobbled her way to the entrance door
to peer
through the glass at the unwanted visitor.