Close Your Eyes (51 page)

She
smiled
her
first real smile in a week.
‘Dad, that’s wonderful. I would love to go there, really. How did you come up with this in the first place?’

‘Well, it was your mum really.’ He looked embarrassed
. He fiddled with
the coaster on the table. ‘I didn’t want to talk to her too much about your…
ehm
, your trip to London and all. You know she can get very involved.’

‘No kidding
,
’
Meg
said
, surprised to hear
the laughter in
her voice. It felt good to be with her dad
. H
is quiet air of calm
soothed
her more than she would
ever
have thought.

‘Well, we chatted about you just yesterday, love. I was planning to come up here and just see how you are, make sure you’re ok
ay
,
Maggie
.’ He looked up
. The
small gap between his front teeth
gave
him an almost boyish air of playfulness. ‘Mum figured it out right away. She felt bad for bugging you so much
about Ryan. So she mentioned this thing in Amsterdam and suggested I book you a place and drag you to the plane in case you resisted. She said you loved flowers so
much
,
they were bound to make you feel better.
Afterwards you
can
take your time exploring the city, if you’d like. The shop will be just fine with Jenna, and mum said if you needed her to do anything
,
she is ready at any time. You need some time away, she said.
’

‘She is right, of course.’ Suddenly her throat felt thick with tears. She did her best to swallow them back, knowing how uncomfortable her father was with this kind of display of emotions. In that
respect,
her
family
and the
Harper
s
weren’t so different after all. Her parents didn’t like showing
their
emotions
. O
ld
-
fashioned awkwardness
made it
impossible
for them
to be free and effusive. She remembered the way Elisa
Harper
would hug her children, oblivious to the rest of the world as she held them close and shared a kiss. Her mother wouldn’t
have done that
in
a million years, not even at home.

But
just because her mother didn’t show her affection that way
didn’t mean she didn’t love
Megan
. In her own stubborn way,
her worried mother
cared deep
ly
enough to orchestrate this trip
. And for that
,
Megan
was very grateful.

‘Tell mum I thanked her very much
. I
t’s a lovely idea.’ She smiled at her dad
.

H
is relief
was
obvious
as he hugged her tightly, probably overjoyed to
have
avoided
tears
and a meltdown he would not
have known
how to handle.

Two weeks later
,
she
was even
more grateful to her parents. While it was impossible to escape her memories and regrets, the trip to Amsterdam did help to put some distance between the
events back home and her
newfound
state
of mind. She had time to walk around and think,
and
the flower fair and a bit of sightseeing
was
doing wonders to improve her mood. She did her best to
stay
busy
by
tirelessly walking up and down the streets
that ran
in a tight net along and across the canals that
had
earned the city the name
‘
Venice of the North.
’
It worked
,
for most part. Only at night, as she lay
in her bed, tossing and turning,
did
the memories return, haunting her into a state of insomnia.

She missed them all. That was the first realization, surprising in its potency. She missed Ry
an
and his family, more so than was appropriate.
She e
specially
missed
Matt
. She missed him horribly
. She couldn’t go even an hour without being reminded
of him in this or that way.

She’d found
a story online about
a
charity event his family
had
attended
. T
he pictures that accompanied the
short notice
stirred
emotions
that
she would
have preferred to leave
buried deep under layers of forced indifference.
The picture showed
Ry
an
, Rupert
,
and Henry
,
who
was
looking
very
dashing in his pale grey suit and with only a slim, silver cane to support him as he stood and shook hands with some local hotshot. Everyone
was smiling
and
looking
pretty happy
;
her heart
tightened
momentarily as she
looked at
their faces.
In another photo,
Ry
an
and
Matt
, their heads bent in unison,
were
reading the program for the evening
.
A little smile playing around his mouth,
Ry
an
looked as handsome and calm as ever. She didn’t want to think
about what his thoughts could be
. T
he obvious
answer stood
in the back
ground
of the picture.
She could just make out the silhouette of a slim, dark
-
haired girl with a smile she would recognize anywhere in the world. Alice was there, with both of them
. Meg’s
heart contract
ed
painfully as she felt left out.

It was
Matt
,
though
,
who
drew
her attention,
and
her heart warm
ed
at the sight of his face. He looked rather tense
. His
eyebrows
were
drawn together in concentration.
His expression
reminded her
how much he hated those public events, especially when they involved speeches or attention of any kind. When he was little
,
Matt
had been
diagnosed with a mild form of dyslexia
. Only Meg and Ryan knew his
fear of having to read anything
aloud
in front of people. She could see
the anxiety
present
in the photograph
in
the way his fingers
tightly gripped
the brochure.
She knew he hated being there, and her heart went out to him.
She wished she could be at his side, if only to offer him some kind of support
or m
aybe make him laugh, the way they used to when
they were
together
.

When she thought of the way they used to laugh together
, her chest
ached
with pain that had nothing to do with her physical wellbeing. She read the few short sentences that went with the pictures over and over again. There was nothing specific about
Matt
there
, j
ust a brief mention of Elisa
,
who
had
left town to join her husband
on the set of his newest movie
in California.
Megan
scrolled to the comments
. S
he
cringed as she
read some of them, bashing Elisa and dragging back out her divorce with
Rupert
. Some
well-meaning
person kept talking about the pain they
had
caused their kids, joking about how great
they had turned
out after all.

She needed to get back home. The decision came to her instantly and without any conscious period of mulling it over.
S
he
simply
felt
the overpowering
urge to start packing and run to the airport
. E
ach passi
ng minute she spent in the
elegant hotel her father
had
booked
, was
wast
ing
time. She wanted to see
Matt
before he left for the States. He needed to know that she
hadn’t meant to
just dump him without explanation
by
cutting him off and ignoring his plentiful attempts to get in touch.
She
didn’t
want to discard
him without
giving him
the chance to explain what he wanted to tell her.