Close Your Eyes (49 page)

She snapped out of her thoughts as
Matt
moved, his fingers snapping
closed
the phone.

‘It
’s
G
randpa
,
’
h
e said tonelessly. ‘He suffered a stroke, it seems. Dad found him in his bedroom when he didn’t show up for dinner. They managed to revive him, thank goodness, but he can’t really talk
,
and his right side is paralyzed.’

‘Oh,
Matt
.’ She felt absolutely helpless and
then
guilty
about her
relief that
Ry
an
hadn’t been
in trouble
. ‘What can I do to
help?’
Seeing
him so sad
broke her heart. His energy
drained as he stared into space
with empty blue eyes
.

‘I’ll go and see him right away. He is conscious now
,
and my dad will drive over to the hospital again.’ He looked at her
. H
is brows
were
drawn together in concentration. ‘I guess, in the last month
,
we have made plenty of use of the hospital
G
randdad funded. At least now nobody from my more frugal relatives can complain that he wasted his money.
He can call it a strategic investment.’ His attempt to
make
a joke succeeded only partially
.
Meg
’s lips stretch
ed
into an obedient smile to make him feel better.

‘I’d ask you to come with me
,
but it would be very selfish of me,
Meg
.’ He shook his head
in
determined. ‘I can imagine that my family is the last group of people you’d like to see right now. Both
Ry
and me have made sure of that,
haven’t
we?’

Meg was glad
not to have offered to accompany him to the hospital. His rejection would hurt even more if he knew that she was ready to come with him if he needed her to.

But she knew she wasn’t kidding anyone.
Matt
didn’t need her at all. One quick lovemaking session didn’t give her any rights to consider their relationship anything more than it was, namely just a friendship
, a
wonderful and close friendship that fulfilled her and made her happy. Still, it was just a friendship
,
and
she needed to make some clear boundaries before he panicked and considered her a dramatic, desperate girl that used to be his brother’s
girlfriend. He
didn’t need her. It hurt
,
but it was true
. T
he sooner she faced it
,
the better.

‘
You’re
right
,
of course
,
’
she
stammered
,
hating how weak she sounded. She cleared her throat
and tried
again. ‘
You
should go,
Matt
. Let me know how he is when you can, please. I can imagine how devastating
this
must be for Ry.’

He seemed ready to answer something,
but
his face
was
torn
as he looked at her
. Megan’s
skin tingl
ed
under his gaze. She must have looked
like a
total mess
.
H
er clothes and her hair
were certainly
miles away from the sophisticated
,
smooth waves she
had
prepared for this evening. But then again, nothing
had gone
the way she
had expected
tonight
.

‘I will,’ he said finally
. He
reach
ed
out hesitantly to trace the soft curve of her cheek.
His fingertips felt warm and reassuring, the touch thistledown
faint
and barely there. She didn’t flinch or step back
. H
er whole heart
went
out to him as he tried to appear strong. She knew how much he loved his grandfather
,
and
the thought of his stroke
had
undoubtedly
shaken
him
to the core. She sensed
that
he wanted to take her into his arms, but didn’t dare
, n
ot after what
had
happened
. H
e was
probably worried about her response. She should have stepped forward
to
hold him
. E
very cell of her body yearn
ed
to feel him close one more time.
She didn’t
do it
,
though
. She was a
fraid of what it would
mean
to her. She had to protect her heart
and
impose a steely
control over her defiant body.
They
had
slipped off the path once, and she would do her best not to repeat the mistake. It was important to
lay
out the boundaries, clear and visible
,
to both of them, however hard it was to do. In the end
,
Matt
would move away and forget the whole thing, while she would be still here, broken beyond repair. Keeping her distance was a sheer survival instinct
that
she knew she shouldn’t
repress.

He must have understood. After a second or two
,
he stepped back
in a
definite and clear
gesture
. She sent out the message
,
and he got it.

‘Take care tonight,
Megs
. I’ll be in touch.’

Before she could
respond
, he was gone.
H
is footsteps fad
ed
into the distance as he
left through the front of the shop
.

The clicking sound of the closing door snapped her
out of
the
paralyzing stupor that kept her feet firmly planted in place.
Her innermost desire was
to run after him
. I
nstead,
she
went
to the window and
watched
him get into his car and drive away
. The
taillights
burned
red in the darkness of the night. He left
probably
believing that what
had
happened
hadn’t matter
to her in the least
and
that it
was just a mistake
caused
by her drinking and
her
miserable break
-
up
with
Ry
an
.
He no doubt thought that
he was nothing but a replacement for his brother, pleasant but forgettable, never meant to
mean anything more
.

She should have told him
that
it was
all different
, t
hat he
m
att
ered a lot.
I
t was exactly this reason that kept her silent when he waited for the smallest sign of reassurance
of her feelings for him
.
H
e
m
att
ered too much.

Meg
remembered the first week after
what happened between her and Ry
an
— or,
even more importantly
, between
her and
Matt
—
with brilliant clarity
. She only had to close her eyes to bring herself back to the moment
. C
olors, scents, and sensations assault
ed
her with painful accuracy that knocked the air from her lungs.

Henry
Harper
’s stroke dominated the local news
and took
away the scrutiny that would
have
otherwise follow
ed
Ry
an
’s new love life. Because he didn’t make it a secret that he
’d fallen
for Alice Cooper.
Meg
had to wonder if after all those years of being careful and keeping their own relationship under wraps
,
he had finally realized that it wasn’t the way to go at all
and t
hat he should be out in the open, holding his girlfriend’s hand and kissing her whenever he felt like it, no
m
att
er how many curious eyes watched. She didn’t want to think about the other possibility
,
that maybe he was truly in love now with this other girl
and that
his newfound exuberance
was
nothing but a testament to how lacking their own relationship had been.
I
f only to survive the dull pain that still tightened her chest every time she thought of her failed romance
, she preferred to think it was the former option
.