Authors: Pet TorreS
“You're telling me that guy has never had sex?” Denise asked in awe. She reached up and placed her hand over her lips obviously finding some humor in it. “That's bizarre!”
She looked at me as I was sitting on the bed and went on to say, “There are no virgin boys in the present day! My God! This is legendary!”
“Denise! No jokes today! I'm feeling bad! I am feeling like the worst person in the world! Where is my value as a woman in an hour like this?”
I sighed and looked up.
“I'm so sorry friend.” Denise looked chastised.
“The worst of it is that I am completely taken by him. I like him; really I do, a lot. I like his knack. Half shy, you know?”
“You like his naive knack!” Denise came over and sat on the bed as well. “The perfect virgin!”
“Stop it, Denise! You're making me feel really bad again!” I mumbled and lay back. My head met the soft pillow behind me. I looked up at the ceiling and began to imagine Natan's attractive face, his gaze and his shy smile. I sighed putting my hand on my chest. It hurt so much inside me.
“I do not know what will become of me with our separation. I miss him so much! But I have to forget him, the same way I forgot some other passions that have passed through my life.”
Denise lay down beside me and kissed my forehead.
“It's that, my friend! As the popular proverbs go,
such is life and there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
On the Sunday, I returned home from Mass in the company of my parents. I got to the living room but decided not to stay. I went quickly to my bedroom. I just wanted to be locked in it. I wanted to try to forget that there was a pain inside me. It was intolerable.
I opened my notebook and started listening to
Kings of Leon’s song, called 'Closer'.
Still standing, I took off my shirt. I was feeling very hot so I threw it on the bed.
I put my hands on my waist and I remained motionless for a time. At that moment my mind brought to me the beautiful images of Peta. Flashes of memories that brought her picture with her back to me when she danced in front of me and my eyes ran down her body as her butterflies danced in unison with her movements.
My hand began to scratch my nape incessantly as I recalled our hot kisses, full of affection and passion for each other.
Finally her voice would not leave my head. I could hear her saying things like,
One thing is certain. You will have to look for another girl to date and marry ...
Because I'm not the perfect woman for you.
I’m no longer pure ...
I did not see Natanael for quite a few days. He had disappeared. I didn’t see him at all around the college. For a moment I believed that he was avoiding me. It seemed he didn’t want to bump into me at any point in time.
I was suffering so much with our separation, but I remained firm in my study routines. I kept attending classes normally. Not always did I understand the explanations of my teachers but I did try.
At the end of classes on Wednesday, I decided to go to the college library. I needed to resume other work that had to be delivered the next week. My fingers turned over some pages as my thoughts were far away. They had grown wings and decided to travel away from the reality that I was living in at the time.
Again some flashes invaded my mind and brought Natan’s image, his look, his smile, his unexpected appearance in my life.
I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I did not want to cry, I just wanted to focus on that crap summary. I just needed to concentrate.
A few seconds later, my ears were attentive to the noise of a chair being dragged around a table behind me. Someone had sat in it.
My heart beat strongly inside me. Dare I hope?
“It is him.”
After that, I heard noises of books being placed on the table and then later I smelled peppermint drops being opened from their packaging.
Immediately I looked over my shoulder, already imagining that Natan was there, right behind me. My eyes stopped on the image of a young man trying to open some books all at once. He was with his head bowed.
I was left completely disappointed. That guy was not Natan. He had fair skin and light hair. They might have been about the same age however their appearances were very different. They were quite different from each other.
I held my pen with my fingers and started playing with it without even realizing it. I circled it in my fingers over and over, as if it were the hand of a clock that was counting my damn hours of agony and suffering.
I never realized that Natan’s absence could make such chaos in my life.
With a lot of persistence and determination, I finally managed to finish my summary. I got up and took the books and my backpack. I walked to the counter and returned the book to the employee in the library.
Dejectedly I started walking towards the library’s main entrance. It was night and outside it was dark.
Idly I looked ahead and saw a dark shadow stopped in the middle of the library passageway. It was a young man in a navy blue shirt, dark jeans and sneakers. He was holding some books under his left arm.
He seemed to wait for my approach. Standing in the same place, his eyes watched as I made my way toward him, my soft footsteps tapping lightly on the floor. That day I was wearing a black dress with pink flowers.
“Hello,” Natanael said when I finally came closer.
I stopped before him. Hearing his voice, automatically I looked at the floor.
He looked around, looking a little lost.
“I came to see how you are.”
I raised my head and looked to one side.
“As you can see, I'm ... well.”
My voice sounded unconvincing. Natan looked at me suspiciously and said nothing for a moment.
“That’s good,” he finally said.
“I'm going home now,” I informed him. “Good night.”
Quickly I passed by him and Natan turned to the side to look at my back. He saw me going down the outside stairs of the library hastily. He decided to come after me, quickening his pace to catch up to me.
Even though I could hear him calling me I kept walking forward. I did not want to face his gaze, look at his face again. This only distressed me, it just caused more pain. What I felt for him was too strong.
Finally, he stopped in the middle of the courtyard and called out loudly, “I cannot stand being away from you!”
Immediately I stopped. Still keeping my back to him I moved the back of my right hand below my nose and started to sob.
Natan ran towards me and stopped behind my back. His right hand gently touched my right shoulder. He looked down at my shoulder. He would have been able to see the butterflies on my skin.
“Look at me.” His voice pleaded softly.
After a small pause he turned my body by my shoulders and he looked down at my eyes which were by now wet with tears. They were so blue and around them I had black pencil smudges. The makeup of my eyes had been ruined by my salty tears.
“I think it is unnecessary that we stay away from each other and suffer for something that is less important than our love.”
He was looking down at my face. His right arm rose in the air and his eyes looked all around.
“Fuck everything! Fuck our differences! Fuck the moral ethics!”
His eyes looked down at me again. “I do not care if you are no longer pure and I will not be your first man in bed ...”
He held my arm and brought me to him slowly. He stared into my blue eyes. I felt so sad.
“I love you.”
His chin lay on top of my head and his nose absorbed the pleasant scent from my hair.
“Despite out differences I want you as my girlfriend.”
I smiled. He smiled too.
“And you will meet my parents tomorrow night.”
Natan looked at me up and down when I opened my front door. His brow furrowed. I wasn’t sure if he liked what he saw or not. I was wearing a thin, red dress and gold colored sandals. The lipstick on my lips screamed red.
“Peta, do not you think you have exaggerated the red! You are going to meet my parents,” he muttered almost dizzily.
“I will not go then!” I said and tried to close the door in his face, but Natan was faster and pushed the door back. He entered the house and came after me. I stopped with my arms crossed on my chest next to the wall of the living room.
“This will not work,” I mumbled gazing past him. “I will not change the way I dress myself to try to satisfy your parents.”
“All right,” he said after some time and reached out and held my arms. His lips kissed my red hair.
“You look beautiful even in so much red!”
I remained serious even though I knew he was trying to lighten the mood. I knew Natan was thinking I was attractive in that red dress, but he did not think I was in appropriate clothes to meet his parents.
They were very conservative and all that exaggerated red could shock them.