Coco Chanel Saved My Life (26 page)

*

I woke up at dawn. After my last French coffee and a shower, I called for a taxi to the airport. As soon as I arrived at Charles de Gaulle, I went straight to the check-in dragging my huge suitcases. When I finally finished there, I dropped off my luggage with great relief! I looked for a café to have my last French croissant.

While I sat at the counter, drowning in my sorrows with a delicious butter croissant, I heard a voice calling me. A voice I knew very well. Coming towards me in his dark coat was Etienne, with a bouquet of camellias.

“Why are you here?” My voice was tense.

“I'm here for you,” he answered, handing me the bouquet. They were white camellias tied together with a delicate silk ribbon.

“I don't have anything more to add,” I said, without taking the flowers and avoiding looking at him. I didn't want to get lost again in those deep blue eyes. I couldn't take any risks.

“I need to talk to you,” he insisted, almost begging me.

“About what? You and me? We don't have any future together. I live in Italy… you have a fiancée, Juliette, that you're going to marry…” my voice was trembling.

“What! How do you know? Who told you about Juliette and the wedding? How could you know?”

Now he was staring at me, totally confused, and I was ready to cry.

“I… I… I know…”

“Nobody knew about the wedding…”

“I'm sorry… so sorry. I… didn't want… I didn't want to read it, but…”

“You what? You read what?”

I took the crumpled thin paper out of my wallet, Juliette's letter that I had kept for all this time, and handed it to him.

“Here, I read it… this letter. Juliette's declaration of love and her proposal to marry you.”

His face turned incredibly pale and he glared at me with ice cold eyes.

“You don't know what you're talking about.” Now he seemed desperate.

I needed to run away before bursting into tears, but he grabbed my wrist.

“Don't leave!”

“I have to leave and there is nothing keeping me here.”

“You have me.”

“You belong to another woman, Etienne.”

“Look, at least give me some time to understand…”

I took a deep breath, and with a weak voice, broken by all the emotion, I began to speak:

“Etienne, I'm not like a DVD that you can pause, while you try to understand what you want in your life. I do not have the time, nor the desire, to wait for your decision. I cannot wait while you decide which one of us you want to let go and which one to keep. I've suffered too much. Now I want someone who loves me, only me. I want to be his number one.”

He shook his head. “I just need time, Coco – please.”

“Take all the time you need, but I won't be here or there waiting for you.”

I could see his sincere despair. Then he looked down and dropped the bouquet on the floor.

“Goodbye, Etienne.”

He didn't answer, he just stared at the floor.

I turned and started walking towards the gate. A part of me desperately hoped that he would run after me and stop me from leaving. But he didn't.

Once again, I had lost a chance at love and again my heart was broken.

My trip back was sad. Very sad. I was in tears for most of the flight. In Milan I found only grey sky to welcome me.

As soon as I got home, I left my luggage near the door, and with my eyes still red and swollen, I knocked on Claudio's door. I needed a friend.

His girlfriend opened the door.

“I'm sorry, am I disturbing you?” I felt awkward…

“Not at all! Welcome back. Come on in, Claudio is making coffee.”

I immediately noticed that something had changed in the apartment. There were some more photographs on the walls, and here and there some candles, colourful pillows, a vase with flowers… Lucrezia had something to do with it, I was sure.

Cat was having a luxurious nap on a chair.

“Hi, Coco!” Claudio hugged me. “We were waiting for you. I'm sure you have a lot to tell us… and we want all the details!”

“I don't know where or how to begin… I'm exhausted. It seems so strange to be in Milan.”

“I can imagine. Do you want a coffee?”

I was dying for a coffee. One of the things I missed most in Paris was Claudio's coffee.

“So, why don't we start from the beginning. How are you?” Claudio handed me a hot cup, “you don't look like you're in great shape.”

“God, I am a wreck! I may look all in one piece to you, but inside I'm shattered into bits.”

I had to let it all out.

“Let me guess… love problems?” Together, we sat down.

“Right. The same old damn story: love problems! Obviously, not much has changed since the first time I knocked on your door, Claudio.”

“You've set a record, Coco! You're able to get your heart broken in every city around the world. You should compete in the Olympics in the
broken-hearts
category!”

“I know, I know it… I'm a disaster. I guess the only positive thing here is that now you get to listen to my whining again… every single day!” I wanted to keep it light and funny…

“If Claudio gets tired, you can count on me.” Lucrezia added with a smile.

“Thanks guys, you are real friends. Just give me a couple of days and everything will be rosy again…”

“Everything will be all right.” Claudio encouraged me.

Everything will be all right
, I repeated to myself.

Later that evening I went to Emma's for dinner. Elena was a great cook and she would be making her masterpiece dish,
tagliatelle
with ragout.

“At last! My little Coco is back!” Emma gave me a big hug. “I couldn't manage much longer without you.”

“I missed you too – lots!” I took off my coat and hat and sat down on her comfortable sofa.

“Emma talked about you constantly and shared your Parisian adventures. You really have become her favourite soap opera!” Elena was opening the bottle of red wine I brought.

“Well, these have been intense days to say the least; both wonderful and cruel.” I admitted looking at the girls. “I think I am definitely going to need some time to recover from all the emotions I've gone through.”

“But how do you feel now?” Emma was filling our glasses.

“More or less as I did when I left for Paris: confused, sad, enthusiastic, all at the same time!” I took my glass of wine. “Ah! And I am still single, naturally.”

“Etienne, right?” Emma had already understood.

“Of course. The worst possible ending: he remained in Paris with his beautiful fiancée, and I came back home, lonely and desperate.”

“Come on, Coco! You know how to be brave. Just get over it, girl! Time to look ahead. It was only an exciting blip on your screen… look at it from this perspective. You'll see, things are going to change. Look at me. Would you have ever imagined seeing me settling down and sharing my life with another person?”

“All true! Even if I'd seen you with my own eyes, I still wouldn't believe it! But I am so happy for you both. Let's toast to your happiness.”

We spent a pleasant evening together. I let them spoil me with food, wine and tenderness. I enjoyed the warmth of being back home – they were my family – but I still missed Paris and Etienne like crazy.

Even though I had been away only for three weeks, many things had changed. Both Emma and Claudio were living now with their partners, and they were seeing each other much less. Our little group of three cynical, wild singles had broken up. We were still very good friends, but obviously Emma and Claudio spent more time at home with Elena and Lucrezia. They seemed to have found true love, while I was still single. I'd failed another time. For a moment I felt like Coco Chanel, a mademoiselle forever, but I pushed away my pessimistic thoughts and poured myself another glass of wine. Niccolò, Cristian, Etienne, every one and each of them had taken away a piece of me. Yet I was still standing. I'd definitely become stronger. I was able to overcome my heart's earthquakes, without losing hope. Not much remained of my past, but I still had a future. Having a future is the most incredible thing that can happen to us.

When I got home I went to bed straight away, without even unpacking, and I fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I woke up unexpectedly cheerful. I had finally slept on my very own, very comfortable mattress. After weeks of sleeping on the sofa-bed in Paris, I felt wonderfully rested.

I made a huge, delicious breakfast, then unpacked my stuff, and started the first of several loads of laundry.

It was a warm March and that morning the sun was shining. I walked up to the Duomo, stopping twice to have espresso at my favourite bars. I must confess, I missed Italian espresso in Paris. Then I got lost in the centre of Milan's morning crowd.

When I arrived in Piazza San Babila, I noticed a man leaving a store with a very large box. I would recognize him among millions, Niccolò! I hid myself under the arcades and watched him. He seemed less elegant and neat than usual, in fact, he appeared rather shabby. He had two days' growth of beard and messy hair. He wore dark glasses, and his way of walking was less bold than I remembered. I didn't feel anything. Time had healed my wounds. He was out of my life. I looked at him getting into a taxi and I peacefully resumed my walk.

On Monday morning, as usual, I came to the office early. I wore a black pant suit and loafers. I was happy to see my co-workers again and to get back to work. I left my handbag on my desk and headed to the coffee vending machine. The hallway was deserted. I recalled that morning when Etienne and I had shared our
secret breakfast
. Everything now seemed so far away.

A few minutes later everyone started to arrive. They welcomed me back warmly with many questions, they all seemed curious and eager to know about my experience in Paris. I felt like a rock star, happy to tell them about my adventure, down the smallest detail.

I was joking with two girls about differences between French and Italian men, when Valentina came over to one of the vending machines. She flashed a blazing gaze at me, and without even saying hello, she focused on the list of drinks – that of course she knew by heart. If this was her game, I would make the first move. I was sick of her behaviour.

“Hi, Valentina!”

She didn't answer, but I didn't give up. “How are you?”

She turned, and looking at me with her evil eyes, answered, “I'm fine, I've never been better. I have had three fantastic weeks without you.”

“Well, I'm back now, like it or not. I learned a lot in those weeks and intend to demonstrate my newly acquired experience. If you have a problem with me, you should try to solve it. I already have my own troubles and I don't need you to add any more complications.” I said this all at once, with an energy I didn't realize I had!

She looked at me for a moment, without knowing what to say. Our co-workers were staring at us.

Then finally, without looking me in the eye, she said: “I don't have any problem with you. I just want to get a coffee and go back to work.”

I took a deep breath to ease my tension.

Before leaving she added, “Welcome back.”

I was proud of myself. I'd found the courage to be direct with Valentina, letting her know what I thought, overcoming my fear. Paris had changed me.

*

Back at my desk, I went through all the events I missed when I was away. Apparently the weddings went full speed ahead. There hadn't been problems during my absence.

While I was checking my e-mails, I got a call from the head of department: Paolo wanted to see me to talk about Paris.

I went to see him, feeling very relaxed. I was happy about the warm way my co-workers welcomed me, and I felt very satisfied that I was able to shut up Valentina, that witch!

Paolo's door was open and he was standing, checking some documents.

“May I come in?”

“Rebecca! Welcome back! I was waiting for you.”

I closed the door and took a seat.

“So, how was Paris?”

“Fantastic! It really was an unforgettable experience.”

“I'm glad… I've just received a report from Etienne…”

I practically started to choke!

“and I have to tell you, his report has left me quite perplexed…”

My hands began to shake. Was it possible that Etienne wanted some kind of revenge and wrote a negative report about my performance? Could he be so mean?

“I can explain…” I was trying to articulate some sort of justification.

“There is nothing to explain! I sent you there to learn and instead…”

“Hmm… instead?”

“Instead it looks like you made a vital contribution to the Paris office!”

Really? Yes, I'd had a couple of good ideas for some events, and I'd succeeded in solving a few problems with suppliers, but other than that I felt I'd just done my job.

“I'm very proud of you!” Paolo shook my hand. “When you first arrived here, I didn't know what to think. You seemed out of place and with a very negative attitude. I wasn't sure you would be able to organize weddings. On the contrary, you showed a lot of determination and you've become one of the best wedding planners here. My first impression was wrong.”

I was happy, but also embarrassed. I wasn't accustomed to compliments, and didn't know what to say besides “thank you”. Etienne must have sent a very good report, in spite of the fact I had abandoned him like a fool in the middle of Charles de Gaulle airport.

“You honoured our agency, Rebecca. For this reason, I've decided to promote you. From today you will be vice-director of the weddings department and you'll get a raise.” He smiled at me. “Congratulations!”