Color Blind (15 page)

Chapter
16

Pain

I stumble, but only once.

Then I turn around and walk steadily back
into the school building.

Turning at that moment causes me to miss
Cooper’s infuriated expression as he pushes Lilly away and turns toward me.

“Cam!” he shouts. “Camryn!”

I keep walking. I barely hear him,
really. His voice could have been straining to reach me through a long pipe or
a vast ocean or a dark tunnel.

I try to slam the door behind me only to
have it blocked before it can shut. Luka is right on my heels, and Brandon and
Dara rush in behind him. Brandon stands with his back to the door and one hand
reaches up to scrub his face.

“Did I really just see that?” he wonders.

“Yeah, you definitely did,” I answer him
calmly.

Why
am I calm?

I am pretty sure I’m in shock, and I will
crumble to the floor at any moment. My legs betray my strong voice as my knees
knocked together.

“Cam,” Dara begins. “I was coming to tell
you that I saw Lilly coming over to talk to Cooper while I was sitting in
Brandon’s car. I didn’t know…I didn’t realize they…” She can’t finish her
thought.

“What the
fuck?
” Luka’s face is twisted with fury.

Behind Brandon, Cooper bangs on the door.
“Let me in!” he shouts. “Cam!”

I shake my head numbly, and Brandon
repeats the motion so Cooper can see.

“Uh-uh, dude,” he says. “You ain’t
getting in here. Go home.”

“No!” Cooper yells. “Cam! Let me explain!”

I turn my back and walk up the hallway,
until it twists to the left and I am out of sight and earshot of Cooper Goode and
his excuses. Luka follows behind me.

I slide down the wall until I’m sitting
on the floor and place my head in my hands.

“I knew,” I whisper. “I knew as soon as I
saw her.”

Luka squats in front of me, and presses
his forehead against mine.

“Cam,” he says softly. The pleading in
his voice gives way to pain, and his voice breaks. “What can I do?”

I peek at him through my fingers. “You
can take me home.”

***

I burst through the front door of my
apartment, not caring how noisy I am since my mom is at work. My shock and
anguish have given way to fury.

“So go ahead, Luka! Say it!”

He closes the door quietly behind us.
“Say what, Cam?”

“I told you so! I know you want to!”

“Whoa, Cam. Do you think I enjoy seeing
you like this?” He approaches me warily, with his arms spread wide apart.
“Yeah. I had a feeling something like this would happen with Cooper. But God,
Cam…I didn’t want it to.”

I hadn’t said a word in the car, and Luka
kept glancing over at me like he was afraid to say anything. I could tell he
didn’t know whether to speak against Cooper, or try and comfort me.

It doesn’t matter. Nothing is going to
make this pain go away.

“I never expected him to do this, Luka,”
I sink down on the couch and stare at the blank T.V. screen. I shake my head,
trying to force the image of Cooper and Lilly’s kiss out of my mangled mind.

He sits next to me. “You’re too good for
him, Cam. You always were. You just needed to see it for yourself. And now you
know. Please don’t waste another tear on that loser.”

I look at Luka. The way he’s looking at
me, his eyes fierce and full of…what?

He must see the question in my expression,
because he places both palms on either side of my face.

“I know that now isn’t the time for this,
Cam…but you need to know. Cooper isn’t the only guy that cares for you. The way
he acted tonight, I don’t even know if he really does. But I do, Cam. I’m crazy
about you. Everything about you draws me in. The way you move, the way you care
about people. The way your nose crinkles when you smile. The feisty way your eyes
catch fire when you’re passionate about something. I see all of that in you,
and more.”

I stare at him, stunned. Luka Caliper,
one of the most popular, smart, and athletic guys at Oceanview High School is
sitting on my old, faded couch saying these things about
me.
The pain of Cooper’s betrayal is still throbbing in my chest,
my head, almost every part of me. I can’t focus on Luka right now.

Or…maybe I need to focus on Luka now.

Maybe I can. He still wants me. He’s
obviously been right the whole time, and I chose the wrong guy. Can I take a
chance with Luka now?

I slowly lean forward, closing my eyes. I
mentally prepare myself for the kiss, and my emotional wall is built up again.
Just like that. A finger on my lips stops me, and my eyes pop open.

Luka leans in close. “Cam. More than
anything, I want to take advantage of this situation right now. But I can’t.
You’re hurt. I won’t know if you really want me, or if you’re on the rebound. You’re
not ready.”

His voice is so low I almost can’t hear
him. “But when you are…I’ll be right here.”

A loud knock breaks the spell between us,
and we both look at the front door.

“Who…“ I begin, starting to get up.

“It’s late,” Luka says, placing his hand
on my arm. “Let me get it, please.”

I sit back down on the couch, but peer
over the back so that I can see who is at the door.

Luka opens the door, and Cooper stands
outside. His eyes are rimmed with red, and his shoulders are hunched. When he
saw Luka, he straightens, and his russet eyes narrow.

“Move,” he says rudely.

“Not tonight, dude,” Luka stands barring
the door. “She doesn’t want to see you. If it were up to me, she would never
have to see you.”

I shoot off the couch. The last thing I
want is for them to get into it now.

“What do you want, Cooper?” I ask
tiredly.

“To talk, Cam. Now,” he answers.

My voice breaks. “I don’t want to talk to
you.”

He manages to squirm around Luka’s huge
frame, and walk over to me. Luka stands by the door, leaving it open.

Cooper reaches for my face, and I flinch.
He dropped his hands back down by his sides and the look of anguish in his eyes
is almost too much for me. A sob rips from my throat.

Why is
he
in pain? He’s the one who did this, not me.

“Cam, I—“

The sound of him beginning to explain
away something I had seen clearly with my own eyes sends a red-hot fire of fury
through all the places that were previously coated with pain. The flames burst
from my mouth, in the form of words.

“Cooper, I’m clearly busy right now. I’m
not interested in hearing anything you have to say. You can leave. I want to be
alone.”

His eyes flash with anger and hurt.
“Yeah, but you’re not alone, are you? Luka’s here.”

I shrug, looking away.

Cooper puts his hands on his head and
lets out an exasperated sigh. “Cam, you’ve got to see what he’s doing. He’s
taking advantage of you. You’re hurt. You need to let me explain,
before—“

“Before what? Before my lips fall onto
another guy’s, the way yours must have just fallen onto Lilly’s? No thanks,
Cooper. I don’t want to have that talk today. Maybe tomorrow.”

“You heard her,” Luka says, advancing.
“Get out. Now.”

Cooper keeps his eyes trained on me, and
the look in them shatters my anger into a million tiny pieces. Luka sees it,
and he moves quickly between me and Cooper.

“I’m not going to ask you again, man,” he
warns.

Cooper stares at me for another second,
then moves his eyes to Luka. “If you touch her, I’ll kill you.”

“Yeah. I’m real scared. Get moving.”

Cooper doesn’t look at me again as he
walks out the door.

That’s when the sobs wrack my body, and
my legs will no longer support my weight.

Chapter
17

Lilly
Brewer Strikes Again

“I just don’t even understand how this
happened, Dara,” I say. “The girl just came out of nowhere, and dive-bombed my
life.”

“She’s a sneaky one, that’s for sure,”
Dara agrees.

I made it through what I now called Black
Friday and the rest of the weekend without dying of heartbreak. I don’t know
how, but I did. Now I’m riding to school on Monday in Dara’s Civic, lamenting
for the hundredth time about what happened on Friday night.

Luka stayed with me that night until my
mom arrived home. He’d just sat and held me while I cried. I couldn’t have been
more embarrassed when I woke up the next morning with swollen eyes and puffy
cheeks, but he texted me to let me know he was thinking of me and that he was
there for me if I needed his shoulder again.

“What I don’t understand is why she
zeroed in on Cooper so intensely,” I wonder aloud. “I mean, practically every
senior girl in school and half the juniors have a crush on him, I understand
that. But she made it her mission to distract him enough to steal him away from
me, in the couple of days she was even at our school.”

“Maybe she already had her eye on him,
though,” Dara suggests. “Remember when we saw her at the club? The Spot? I
noticed her focusing on him while he sang onstage, but I didn’t think anything
of it that night because you can’t
not
focus on Cooper while he’s onstage. I didn’t think of her again at all until I
saw her again at school.”

I think back to that night. Lilly had run
into me in the club, almost knocking me down. When I apologized, she ignored
me. Had she been eyeing Cooper then? Waiting for her chance to make her move on
him?

“No,” I answer. “It still doesn’t make
sense. Something isn’t right about that girl. I have a bad feeling about her.”

“Why don’t you just try and forget about
Cooper?” Dara asks. “I know a perfectly good guy who’s willing to make your
broken heart
all
better.”

I shoot her a Look. “I’m going to figure this
out, Dara. With or without you.”

Her hand covers mine as we drive into the
Oceanview parking lot. “I’m always with you, Cam. You know that.”

I squeeze her hand.

 
“Something’s not right,” I repeat. “I want
to know what this Lilly Brewer has to do with it. It’s not just because Cooper
hurt me. I love him, Dara. If something’s up with this girl, I want to know
what it is.”

When we get out of the car, we’re greeted
by Brandon, who high-fives me and squeezes my shoulder, and Luka, who hugs me.
My feet leave the ground, and I squeal.

“I was worried about you this weekend,”
he whispers in my ear. “Are you okay?”

“No,” I admit. “But I’m working on it.”

His face clouds over. “Please let me kill
him.”

“Whoa, man,” says Brandon. “The dude was
wrong. But let’s not go overboard. The man made a mistake. I think Cam should
talk to him and let him explain.”

Luka looks so pissed I think he’s going
to leap over me to get to Brandon.

“Are you serious? You didn’t see her
Friday night, man. She shouldn’t give him the chance to stomp on her heart all
over again. In fact, if he comes near her today, I’m going to make his face
look different. Mark my words, man.”

Brandon rolls his eyes, but he’s smart
enough not to defend Cooper again. Luka is his best friend, and he has to show
his loyalty. But I can tell from the look in his eyes that he was serious about
me needing to give Cooper a chance to explain.

Should I have let him explain? I saw he
and Lilly’s kiss with my own eyes. Could I have missed something?

No. I can’t do this to myself. I’ve spent
my whole life avoiding this for a reason. Loving someone isn’t worth the pain
it inevitably causes. I found that out the hard way. And I’m not about to make
the same mistake twice. I don’t want to spend my life jaded. But wasn’t I
brought into the world that way? I have a mom who loves me, and works hard
every day to make my life better. But I have a father somewhere, too, don’t I?
And I wasn’t enough for him to stay. He’s nowhere to be found. And now I wasn’t
been enough to make Cooper stay, either.

I walk into the building with my friends,
and stop. I just remembered I’m going to have to go to first period and face
them both. I don’t have it in me. The thought of seeing them right now makes my
stomach roll with nausea.

“What’s wrong?” Luka asks.

“Um,” I stammer. “I forgot…I have to stop
in the dance room before school starts.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” he
asks.

“Or me?” Dara offers.

I smile reassuringly at them, even though
my heart is pounding in my chest. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you guys at lunch.”

I spend first period in the dance room,
wondering when I had become a coward, and then go to second period with a pass
right after the bell rings. Thank goodness Mrs. Bartos honored my request
without question, reminding me of why she is my favorite teacher. And by
lunchtime, I’m ready to face down any demon that comes my way. Even if he has a
perfect chiseled face and tattoos, or long dark hair and a red leather jacket.

Luka meets me at the cafeteria door. I
smile at him gratefully. He knows I need support, even at my bravest.

“Uh-oh,” he says. “I know that face.”

“What face?” I ask, mystified.

“The face that says ‘I dare someone to screw
with me today’. That’s my girl.”

I’m surprised he can read that on my
face, but I shouldn’t be. Luka has always read me well.

“You are strong, Cam, and I wish you knew
how sexy that is. But I want to be here for you. And that means you don’t have
to be so strong. You can afford to lean on me. I promise you that.”

I know he’s being sincere, and he really feels
that way. But I don’t need to lean on anyone right now. I can handle this. It’s
just a high school romance. It’s over. I can fix my face, put on some makeup,
and get over it.

I can.

Then my eyes connect with Cooper, and my
resolve crumbles in pieces all around me.

He sits at a table with his band mates,
but he doesn’t have a tray of food and he doesn’t seem to be a part of their
conversation. His eyes are on the cafeteria doors, and when he sees me, he sits
up straighter and his eyes lock on mine like they will never let go.

I feel around blindly for the wall that I
spent the weekend building around myself, but it’s was gone. I
 
am defenseless. Or I would have been, if
it weren’t for Luka.

He guides me firmly to our table with
Dara and Brandon, and pull out a chair that sits me facing away from Cooper. He
earns another grateful smile.

Dara looks at me with understanding in
her smile.

“Halfway through the day, Cam,” she
reminds me. I nod. Then Dara’s eyes widen at something she sees behind me.
Please, don’t let Cooper be coming over to
our table.
My heart can’t take it, and I’m sure what Luka would do.

“What?” I demand.

“Nothing,” she replies, sliding her eyes
back to my face. She would be the worst poker player on the planet.

I look at Brandon, because I know he
doesn’t know how to do anything but tell the complete truth. “What’s she
looking at?”

He answers promptly. “Lilly just walked
in.”

Dara curses and elbows him. He shrugs.

“I wasn’t going to lie to the girl,” he says.

I start to turn around, and Luka places
his hand on my arm.

“Don’t, Cam.” His eyes plead with mine.

My mind knows he’s right, but my body
continues to turn in spite of it. A body will betray a girl every time. I catch
sight of that luxurious dark hair leaning over Cooper’s chair. I quickly turn
back around and stare straight ahead, my breath coming fast and hard.

A few months ago, Cooper Goode and Lilly
Brewer weren’t even here. I just need to channel those days and pretend they don’t
exist.

“You know what, Cam?” Luka asks. “I have
an idea.”

“What?” I reply, trying to will my body
to continue facing straight ahead.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“You mean ditch?”

“Yeah. You need a mental health day, and
I’m going to give it to you.”

I look questioningly at Dara.

She nods enthusiastically. “Go. Get out
of here.”

Luka stands and holds out his hand. I think
about Lilly and Cooper having lunch together behind me, and the decision is
made. I stand up and put my hand in Luka’s. He squeezes it and leads me toward
the cafeteria doors.

As I pass Cooper’s table, our eyes meet
briefly. I’m relieved to see that Lilly isn’t sitting with him.

Why
isn’t she?

Has she gone to get her lunch? He starts
to get up, but I keep walking with my hand firmly grasped in Luka’s.

I tell myself I don’t want him to come
after me, and
 
I’m able to embrace
the lie as I leave the building with Luka.

Cooper

No,
no, o.

I watch her leave with him, and a red
haze settles comfortably over my vision. I don’t care what sport he plays or
how big he is. She’s
mine
. I start to
get up, but my band mate, Hunter, forcefully pushes me back down.

“Now’s not the time, man,” he says
through his teeth. “We don’t want to have to fight the whole basketball team
with you.”

I pound my fist on the table. “Dude. I
can’t do this. I can’t just sit and watch her slip away into his waiting arms.
I texted her all weekend, and she didn’t return a single one. I have to talk to
her.”

“I know how you feel,” he answers. “It
would be driving me crazy if it were me. But you can’t do it while she’s with
Luka Caliper. Trust me, he’ll block every move you make.”

He’s right. I pull out my phone and text
Cam. Again.

Cooper:
 
don’t do this, Cam. you have to talk to
me.

I stare at my phone, willing it to buzz.

It does.

Camryn:
 
No.

My sunken heart rises a couple of inches.
She answered me! It was a no, but she answered. If she’s answering me, there’s
a chance.

Cooper:
 
please Cam. don’t go with him.
i
need to explain.

I wait.

Camryn:
 
I can’t do this Cooper. I need space.
Please leave me alone.

Those words almost break me. I slammed my
fist into the table again. Then I type back furiously. Because the second I
give up on her is the moment I lose her. And that’s not going to happen

Cooper:
 
after
i
explain, if you still want me to leave you alone I will.

I don’t know if I can keep that promise
to her, but I need to get her to talk to me alone.

Camryn:
 
I am going out with Luka now. Will text
you later.

I hate the thought that she’s going
anywhere with Luka. It tears my insides apart. What was she thinking, anyway?
It’s only halfway through the school day. But she gave me a yes. That’s all I
need.

Damn
Lilly Brewer. When I’d pushed her away
after the pep rally, I’d told her never to touch me again. The memory flooded
back into my head.

“What the hell are you doing?” I’d
shouted at her.

“What I’m meant to do,” she’d answered
mysteriously.

“I don’t know what the hell you think is
going on here, but I’m not interested.
 
Like, at all. I’m taken!”

“By that black girl who’s running back
into the school? Cam, right?” She pointed behind me, and giggled.

I’d whirled around just in time to see
Cam disappear into the building. I’d cursed and launched myself after her,
forgetting Lilly even existed.

She laughed behind me. “Too late, Cooper.
You’re on your way to me. You just don’t know it yet!”

What had she meant? I didn’t want her.
Not even close. And then she’d decided to stop by my table on her way into the
cafeteria, like I wanted her anywhere near me. Especially with Cam in the
vicinity.

I heave a frustrated sigh and sit back in
my chair. I’m not going to be able to make it through the rest of the day here
without her. Time to blow school off for the day. I push back my chair and bid
goodbye to my band mates.

“You
gonna
be at
practice later?” Hunter asks.

“Don’t count on it,” I toss over my
shoulder as I walk away.