Authors: Mika Fox
It's
when Dominic gets to a certain photo at the end that he stops. It's the one of
Killian, the accidental one. It's in profile, from a slight downward angle,
Killian's eyes focused on the paper in front of him, sunlight filtering through
the window and accentuating his features in the best way. His left arm is
muscled and bare, supporting his weight as he leans against the floor. The
loose tank top shows part of his chest, reveals the tattoo on his rib
cage―it's some kind of writing Dominic can't identify, and he reminds
himself to actually ask what it says at some point―his torso tilted
forward as his right hand sweeps across the paper, charcoal clutched between
black-dusted fingers. There is the smallest frown on his face, and for several
seconds, Dominic just stares. Killian is gorgeous, that much he knows, but
there's just something about his expression here, something so focused and
determined,
raw
, and Dominic can't
stop looking. It's the same expression he hasn't been able to stop staring at
in real life, on what is probably a few too many occasions at this point.
Heart.
The one word comes to mind, and it
honestly takes him slightly by surprise. It's not what he was looking for, not
what he intended when he took the photo, but it's all he can think of as he
sees it.
Dominic
leans back in his seat, taps the laptop with his fingers, eyes still on the
screen. It seems that he has finally found his subject.
Chapter 9
Tattoo
Dominic doesn't
know what to tell Killian, but immediately decides that he probably shouldn't
mention how he spent the better part of an hour last night just gazing at that
photo and simultaneously trying his best not to. For starters, at least.
He
freaked out a little, after a while, when it hit him that Killian would most
likely not be happy about this turn of events. How could he be? With his
determination to keep their relationship purely physical and at a very pleasant
friends-with-benefits stage, Dominic can't imagine he would react too well to
this newfound fascination with him as a subject. It doesn't matter that Dominic
keeps telling himself that it's Killian's expression in the photo that fits the
theme, not how Dominic sees him―he knows it wouldn't make much of a
difference.
So he
tried finding something good in the rest of the batch, spent hours going
through other photos, over and over again, but to no avail. He just kept coming
back to the one of Killian, simply couldn't find the same essence in the
others.
Today,
he has realized that no matter what, no other subject will stand a chance
against the raw emotion that he saw in that photo.
He
should be overjoyed; he has been stuck for the better part of a month, after
all. But he can't be happy. Instead, he's pissed off and frustrated, because he
can't exactly use the photo without Killian's permission. Not to mention, he
wants to take more of them, wants several photos like it, wants to make an
entire series of exactly what he caught on camera in that first one. Which, of
course, Killian would never agree to, and which Dominic is honestly too scared
to ask for anyway. The last thing he needs is for the best, casual, not to
mention regular lay he's had in ages to think Dominic has developed a crush on
him―that would screw things up rather royally, since Killian would most
likely freak out and run.
Alina's
warning echoes in his mind, an almost mocking edge to
the disembodied voice as he realizes just how right she probably was.
"So,
you're seriously trying to tell me that there's nothing else going on
here?" Annie says, sounding more than a little doubtful as she sits across
from Dominic. "I mean, you're spending time together, banging like crazy,
hanging out and actually talking, but it's just about sex?"
Dominic
sighs, and Annie just raises her eyebrows in response as she meets his gaze.
"It's
just about sex," he confirms, the words sounding barely half-true even to
his own ears.
"Oh
please," Annie says. "Even I switch guys after a couple of weeks.
Just admit it. You're into him."
They're
interrupted by Shanti, who makes her way over to their table, carrying three
little cups of frozen yogurt in her hands. The sky is a little cloudier than
usual today, but the weather is still more than warm enough to justify sitting
outside. Annie convinced Dominic to come by the college to hang out; she
complained that she never sees him there anymore, and Dominic couldn't exactly
resist the invitation. The two of them met up with Shanti outside a café on
campus. With more summer classes having started up by now, more students have
begun showing up around the place, in turn causing more food places to open up,
and Dominic must admit that he rather does like the atmosphere.
"What
are we talking about?" Shanti asks as she hands Annie and Dominic one
dessert each, and Annie opens her mouth to reply.
"Nothing,"
Dominic says, cutting her off before she can speak, but it's pointless.
"Dominic
and his adorable crush," Annie says, as Shanti sits down beside her.
"The one which he is in complete denial about, by the way."
"It's
not a crush," Dominic says tiredly, acutely aware of the lie, this time.
"Oh
yeah?" Annie says. "Tell that to those dreamy, brown eyes of yours
and that smiley face. Seriously, you don't get that just from a steady diet of
orgasms, no matter how good they are."
"In
my defense," Dominic says, accepting a red plastic spoon from Shanti and
digging it into his frozen yogurt, "they are
really
good orgasms."
"I
don't doubt it," Annie says. "But you're crushing, and you need to
own up to it."
"Not
happening."
"Maybe
he likes you, too," Shanti suggests with a shrug, stirring around some
strawberry sauce into her dessert. "Sure sounds like it."
Dominic
sighs, momentarily at a loss for words. He did tell them earlier about his and
Killian's recent interactions, but it was only once he had finished that that
he realized how much he had revealed. To anyone else's ears, he probably
sounded like a lovesick teenager, prompting this conviction from his friends
that that's essentially what he is. And he hasn't even told them about the
photo.
"Can
we not talk about this, right now?" Dominic says, but the lack of
annoyance in his tone doesn't exactly help his case. It's not that he doesn't
want to talk about it―it's just that the whole thing is easier to ignore,
and therefore postpone dealing with, if he doesn't.
"No
way," Annie says resolutely. "My uterus is clawing itself to pieces
right now, and I'm gonna need more than a painkiller and some
chocolate-flavored fro-
yo
to distract myself. Shanti
won't tell me anything about her thing with your BFF―"
"Because
it's personal," Shanti cuts in with a slightly indignant expression.
"―and
my project is already halfway done," Annie continues, undeterred. "So
your sort-of not-really relationship is all I've got to focus on, at the
moment."
Dominic
raises his eyebrows in surprise at the sudden tirade, and Annie deflates with
what looks like annoyed exhaustion.
"You
okay?" Dominic asks, tilting his head and leaping at the chance to change
the subject. Annie groans in response.
"No,"
she says, a pathetic edge to her voice, and Shanti pats her back in support.
"Periods are bullshit, man. I swear to god, I'm either about to give
birth, or puke my guts out. Maybe both."
Dominic
sees out of the corner of his eye how the guy behind Annie, at the other table,
fidgets uncomfortably, eyes trained on a book he's reading.
"I
mean," Annie continues, "it just sucks, you know? And it's not just
blood down there, it's like... organic debris. I don't know what ladies ever
did to deserve this kind of treatment
every
fucking month
, while still being expected to skip along and work and stuff,
like there isn't a blunt knife twisting into our guts, but it's bullshit."
Her
words kind of blur together at the end, voice rising in pitch as she gestures
violently with her hands, and Dominic huffs an amused laugh when he sees the
downright disgusted look the guy at the other table throws in their direction.
"Well,
that's explicit," he says, making Annie turn to him.
"Oh,
does it bother you?" she says in a slightly offended tone, and Dominic
raises his eyebrows.
"As
someone who shared a bathroom with his sister growing up, no," he says in
a slightly lower voice. "But he looks like he's about to have a
coronary."
He
points with his spoon at the guy sitting at the other table, and Annie looks
over her shoulder. The guy makes sure to keep his eyes on the book in front of
him, feigning ignorance and innocence, and Annie turns back to her friend,
mouth half-open in an expression of disbelief.
"What,
so I should just shut up about my lady problems because some sensitive man ears
might hear them?" she practically hisses, this time definitely annoyed,
but Dominic shakes his head quickly.
"No,"
he says. "I'm saying, keep going. His stink-eye is bothering me, and if
we're lucky, he might get up and leave."
Annie
narrows her eyes, but seems to approve. She turns to Shanti, an exaggeratedly
casual expression on her face as she puts her chin in her hand and leans her
elbow against the table.
"So,
Shanti," she says, in a voice that is perhaps just a little louder than
necessary. "What kind of tampons do you prefer?"
The
sound of a book slamming shut is incredibly distinct, and Dominic tries not to
laugh as the guy at the other table quickly gathers up his things and leaves,
an unsettled look on his face. Shanti giggles at the obvious display, and Annie
sighs with a slightly patronizing smile, as she glances after the retreating
bystander.
"God,
boys are simple," she says, before turning to Dominic. "No
offense."
"None
taken," he says truthfully, agreeing with her despite the fact that
Killian, and this whole semi-relationship with him, strikes him as anything but
simple.
He digs into his frozen
yoghurt with his spoon, trying not to think about it.
It
seems that so far, nothing about this summer has turned out as simple as he
hoped.
♦
Dominic feels
like he should give himself some credit for his apparent natural talent for subterfuge.
He still hasn't told Killian about the project idea, and he's still working on
how and when to tell him―he would prefer it if it never came up, at
all―but in the meantime, he still manages to get more photos for it.
Somehow,
their mutual work session at Killian's place is repeated, and more than once,
too. Dominic must admit that he feels a little privileged to be allowed in the
apartment for longer than it takes to get off, Killian not immediately throwing
him out and instead just going about his business after they're done. He tries
to be casual about it, Dominic can tell, and after a few days, he actually
really seems to be. They'll sometimes lie around in bed and talk, but Killian
will most often cut the conversation short and get up, getting half-dressed and
putting some time into his work instead. But it's more than they used to do; he
doesn't immediately ask Dominic to leave, and Dominic tries not to read too
much into that.
He'll
bring his camera, sometimes his tablet or his laptop, to edit and sift through
photos. It's mostly a ruse, however. While Killian is working, he'll snap a
picture or two, which Killian will act annoyed about for a second, before
giving in and letting him do it. It makes Dominic smile, because the easy look
on Killian's face makes him all warm inside, like Killian is trusting him.
That's
when the guilt kicks in, reminding Dominic that he isn't actually telling
Killian the whole truth as to why he's taking the photos in the first place.
All
the same, he finds himself looking forward to their time spent together, more
so and in a different way than before. Even when they're not even touching each
other, they have a good time, and Dominic notices how he has seen Killian smile
more in the past week than during the entire month since he first saw him. He
wonders if―hopes that―he himself has something to do with that.
Not
that he doesn't like touching him, too. If it were up to Dominic, he would
never stop touching him, and as the two of them lie in Killian's bed one late
afternoon, sated and exhausted from a particularly good fuck, he can't seem to
pull his hands away from Killian's skin. Especially not the tattoo on his
ribcage, which Dominic traces with his fingers. It depicts a series of letters,
although he has no idea what they mean.
"What
is this, anyway?" he asks, at this point bursting with curiosity.
"Some
Lord of the Rings
shit?"
He
says it jokingly, and Killian's expression is fondly bored, rather than
offended, when he turns to him.
"Fuck
you, it's Irish," he says. "As in, Gaelic."
Dominic
nods slowly, turning his attention back to the tattoo. He supposes that makes
sense.
"What's
it say?" he says.
"
May the saddest day of your future be no
worse than the happiest day of your past
," Killian recites.
"Always kind of liked that idea."
"Can
you say it in Irish?" Dominic asks teasingly, and Killian scoffs, smiling.
"Fuck,
no," he says. "My grandma used to say it, but I never actually
learned the language. Looks pretty, though."
Dominic
watches his profile as he turns his gaze back up to the ceiling. Something soft
and thoughtful crosses his face, and it occurs to Dominic that this is only the
third time ever Killian has so much as mentioned his family―and two of
those times have involved his grandmother.
"What
was she like?" Dominic asks, hiding the tentativeness in his voice with
casual interest. He hopes he got the tense right―he remembers Killian
saying that his grandma
was
Irish,
way back during their first proper conversation. He can't believe he remembers
such a tiny, trivial detail.
The
question seems to take Killian by surprise; he blinks, swallows, but that's it.
In a matter of moments, his expression smoothes over, once again.
"Old,"
he says flatly. "What's it to you?"
Dominic
shrugs, not surprised at the response, but a little disappointed nonetheless.
He rolls over onto his back with a heavy exhale.